"Shower's available!" someone called out and roused Alex Blake from a deep sleep. She opened her eyes and felt completely disoriented; where the hell was she? There were colourful furniture and fuzzy things everywhere. She groaned as she tried to roll over, but the couch she was currently laying on was so soft she was pretty much stuck in one position.

A blonde woman poked her head into the room and at the sight of her, everything fell into place. Oh. Right. She was staying with Garcia. The tech analyst had insisted that Blake took the bed, but Blake had been too embarrassed about the whole situation to accept that amount of kindness. She kind of regretted that now; her back was killing her. She somehow managed to pull herself up in a sitting position and winced. Garcia gave her a knowing grin.

"I warned ya."

"Back at the Academy I could sleep anywhere and still be fit for fight the next day," Blake complained and rubbed the back of her neck. "I guess age does catch up with you eventually."

"Oh no, that's not your age. It's the couch's age that's the problem. Also, I think Kevin and I broke some of its springs or something when we were fooling around…"

Blake jumped out of the couch as swift and agile as an elite gymnast.

"Oookay! Thank you for that piece of information that I didn't need!"

Garcia laughed out loud.

"Sorry. But shock force is the only way to get out of that butthugger," she said. "The shower is waiting for you. The towels are clean. Feel free to use any of the shampoos and conditioners."

She headed out for the kitchen. Blake frowned.

"Any? How many different kinds shampoos and conditioner does one person need?" she wondered out loud.

As it turned out, if that one person was Penelope Garcia, at least a dozen of each. Blake shook her head, smiling a little without being aware of it herself. Pretty much every single fruit, berry and flower known to mankind had a place among the hair products. Blake looked around for something a bit more neutral and eventually settled for a vanilla-scented one.

When she came back out Garcia had made breakfast - muffins and sandwiches; no bacon. She was a vegetarian. Blake supposed she should have known that, but she didn't. Garcia sniffed the air as the older woman entered the kitchen.

"I knew you were a vanilla-girl!"

Blake raised her eyebrows. Garcia replayed the sentence in her mind and groaned out loud.

"Oh my God, that came out wrong, sorry!"

Blake took a seat. "For the record, I am not vanilla. And that is all I have to say on that matter, so please don't ask."

Garcia eyed her curiously. Well, still water runs deep. Right now probably wasn't the best time to be nosy, though, so she decided to leave well alone.

"I have to go shopping after work," Blake said, completely dismissing the previous topic. "I can't go back home and pick up clothes - when he's at home, he's at home - and I only have the clothes I had in my overnight bag when we left for Kansas. I need at least something more to wear if this… arrangement… drags out."

Garcia tilted her head to the side.

"Did you even talk to the police about James yet?"

Blake bit her lip and looked away. "No."

"You told Hotch you did."

"I know."

"Alex…"

"I will. I promise. I will. We need to go to work now," she said and finished her last bite. "This was delicious, thank you. I'll make the breakfast tomorrow."

Garcia snorted.

"No you won't. You need me to say something shocking to even get you out of the couch, remember? Besides, you're sleepwalking before you've had your first cup of coffee, I really don't trust you to make something edible in that mental state."

Blake rolled her eyes, but she was grateful Garcia didn't push the matter of her not reporting James to the police yet. She couldn't explain why, not even to herself. She just felt like it was… too soon, somehow. Just two nights ago she had been determined to end her life; she hadn't gotten herself back together enough to make any decisions regarding anything just yet. She was just trying to hide, to take some time to make some sense of everything that whirled around in her head and her heart.

The rest of the team left for California on a case that morning, and for the first time Blake understood some of the anguish Garcia went through every time the rest of them left. To see them walk out into unknown danger and be aware that there was no way you could save them if anything happened, that was… painful.

"Be safe," she heard herself say as the elevator doors closed behind them. She had never even considered how this felt, and it made her feel a little bit ashamed of herself. She reached out a hand and touched Garcia's.

"How do you do this every time without falling apart?"

Garcia forced a smile.

"I don't know. And it doesn't get any easier, either."

Blake looked at her as if she had never seen her before.

"I really do admire you." she said in a matter-of-factly tone, and before Garcia could reply, she had already walked off.

A couple of hours later, she was sitting next to Garcia, reading through some related case files, when her cell phone began to ring. She took it up and glanced at the display, and her face visibly whitened.

"It's my husband," she said. Her mouth felt completely dry.

"Don't answer it."

"I have to."

But for a moment she was unable to do anything but stare at the display. Garcia saw her struggle and put a hand on her arm as if to anchor her. It wasn't until then that Blake found the strength to answer.

"Hi honey."

"Hi sweetheart, are you busy?"

"I'm just sorting through some old information on the case right now. How are you?"

"I'm missing you."

"Aww."

"I was thinking, as soon as you come back, what do you say we do something together, just you and I?

"Mm, anything particular you had in mind?" Her voice held just the right amount of feeling, but her eyes flickered from side to side in anxiety.

"Oh, I could think of something… a surprise. Let me know when you're coming back from Alabama and I'll set something up."

"You tease, you won't even give me a hint? I can't wait to find out… Look, I need to go now. I love you."

"I love you too, Alex."

She hung up and realised that she was trembling.

"Are you…?" Garcia began.

"I'm fine. Yeah, it's okay, I'm fine. I'm fine."

She kept repeating it like a mantra, trying to convince herself rather than Garcia, but she wasn't doing a very good job convincing either of them.

"Please, let's go talk to the police right now," Garcia pleaded. "I can't stand to see you on edge like this."

"Tomorrow, okay? Just, don't touch me, don't even talk to me right now, I need to… I need to think."

Garcia reluctantly let go of the older woman's arm and turned back to the computer. She knew her colleague was having a quiet panic attack but she also knew that messing with her at the moment would make matters even worse.

I could still go back to him, Blake thought. He doesn't know. I could start anew and maybe this time I'll know how to keep him in a good mood.

Part of her did believe in this fairytale. But the better part of her screamed in protest and desperation at the very thought, as if she watched herself slowly but steadily reaching out her hand to touch a hot stove.

A/N

Wow everyone, thank you for your reviews and messages, I'm so glad you like this story! And I'm especially glad I could make some of you view Alex in a different light - the most interesting part about this character I think is that she's so full of quirks that the writers never cared to explore.

I think I have a pretty good grip on what's going to happen now, and if you notice a certain inconsistency, it is deliberate… and if you do, don't point it out to anyone else, okay? It's going to make sense later, I promise. ^^

As always, reviews are very welcome. Thank you all for reading! :D