Cross

There had been a lot of suffering in Beth Greene's life, but there had been a lot of miracles too.

Yes, her father had struggled with alcoholism for years, but then, miraculously, he found the strength to go straight and never touch a drink again.

Yes, the world had ended and walkers ran rampant, but then, miraculously, Rick and his group had found them and helped them find their way in this new world.

Yes, they had lost the farm and spent weeks trying to survive, but then, miraculously, the prison had become their new home.

There was no miracle when her father died. He was just dead. Gone. Not even buried. And this had broken Beth. But she soldiered on.

And yes, she was separated from her family, from everyone she loved, and didn't know if they were alive. But then, miraculously, Daryl Dixon surprised her – helped her, befriended her, melted her in a way she didn't think possible anymore.

And yes, she had lost him – not once but twice. She had been taken from him, but he miraculously found her. And then she had been taken from him again, seemingly permanent this time, but then, miraculously, had survived a gunshot to the head.

Her final miracle – finding her way to Alexandria, had almost broken her again. She hadn't thought she would make it. She hadn't thought she would really ever see him again, see her family, find a real home again. She had almost given up – many times. But she pushed onward, always looking ahead, trying to plan her next move, tracking. But it hadn't felt like a miracle then. Surviving hadn't felt like a miracle at all, not until one day, unexpectedly, she arrived.

And suddenly she was sure it had been a miracle after all. She was sure the moment she saw his face in the shocked crowd. The moment he violently pushed past bodies to get to her. The moment he ran at her like a blind man. The moment he reached her and held on to her for dear life. She knew it was a miracle because she could breathe again, smile again, melt again.

Life was good now. She had found a home again, found her sister, found Daryl. Found her family. She was a survivor. She had changed, and everyone saw it in her (although Daryl had known it all along).

But some days, still, she would wake up and feel just a little bit broken. Just a little bit damaged. Some days she would wake up and forget that there were always miracles. Some days Beth Greene was so tragically human, she couldn't keep from crying out in anguish at the things she had lost.

It didn't happen often – but it was also unavoidable. Because even the toughest of warriors can feel the slow thud of melancholy wrapped up in their hearts.

The little things usually hit her the most.

Today, it was the loss of her cross bracelet. She woke up to find it missing – gone. She hadn't known how long it had been gone for, or even when she had stopped thinking about it. But she woke up and realized it was lost forever. Her father had given her that bracelet – it was a reminder of him. And losing it – well losing it hurt. It hurt a lot. It hurt so much that Beth couldn't stop thinking about it, and about him. Hershel. She couldn't stop watching his death, over and over again in the back of her mind.

She went through her day rather mindlessly. Daryl was out on a run with Aaron, so she couldn't talk to him – not yet. He usually made her feel better – he had opened up to her long ago, and now there was nothing but warmth between them.

But today, Beth didn't have his comforting arms to run into and let herself be wrapped up in. She didn't have the low rumble of his voice to soothe her. She would have to wait until he returned – and the waiting was always the hardest.

Even without her own troubles clouding her mind, waiting was the hardest. Beth had always been warned by her mother about falling in love with a soldier. That it would lead to immense torment of the mind and soul. That watching the one she loved go to battle would be the most difficult part of her life. Her mother had been married once, before, to a soldier. And she had lost him. But then she'd found Hershel, and life was okay again.

Beth thought she had understood her mother's pain when she was younger. She now realized how ignorant she had been. She hadn't understood it at all, not until the first day Daryl had come to her to tell her it was time he started going on runs again. Not until he had kissed her on the forehead and said "see you soon." Not until she had spent the entirety of the next day unable to eat, to speak, to think. Not until she felt an immense relief wash over her when he returned, and she was able to function again.

After that, she often went with him. It was easier on them both. But sometimes…sometimes other things got in the way.

And so today Beth was upset. She had lost her bracelet, she couldn't stop thinking about her father who was gone, and couldn't stop worrying about the man she loved. When would he be back? How far did they go this time? What would they find?

The day went by in a hazy gloom. She was watching over Judith, who was running a fever. Rick was with her, Carl and Michonne stopped by too. But Beth was the best at caring for sick babies. It was a natural born talent of hers. So she tried to focus on keeping Judith healthy. Feeding her, giving her water, trying to get her to sleep. At one point, while everyone was out of the room, Beth found herself crying along with Judith. She couldn't help it – sometimes it just had to happen.

Until Maggie knocked on the doorframe. "Beth, they're back. I'll stay here with Judy."

And then Beth was sprinting as fast as she could towards the gates, tears – happy and sad blinding her vision. And then he was in front of her again and the world stopped spinning. And then they were melded together as one, lips, arms, even Beth's legs. Everything locked together, as close as they could get. This happened every time he returned – yet every time felt like the very first.

When she finally lowered herself to the ground and took a steady breath, he looked down at her in concern.

"Somethin's wrong."

He said it as a statement because he knew. Daryl Dixon always knew. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes.

"I've been thinkin' about my dad a lot today."

So he hugged her again, and she let him stroke her hair. And then, with their arms around each other, they started to walk slowly back into the community.

"Hey," he said quietly, stopping as they reached the front of the house, "I made somethin' for you. Last night, I couldn't sleep so…"

And he pulled something out of his pocket.

It was a roughly carved wooden figure in the shape of a cross. He had bored a hole in the top of it and attached it to a white shoelace. As if he had read her mind. As if he had known all along what had been upsetting her all day.

"Last week I saw you didn't have that bracelet, figured maybe ya lost it. So I made a new one…"

And so she was reminded - little miracles kept happening – even when she thought she'd used them all up. And Daryl Dixon seemed to lead the miracle brigade.

She couldn't keep her eyes from welling up a little. She smiled widely for the first time all day.

"How did you notice," she said quietly, still shocked at how perceptive he was, "I didn't even realize it until today."

Daryl shrugged, and moved to tie the little cross around her wrist for her. "It's just my nature to notice stuff – s'why I'm good at trackin.'"

He looked up at her and wiped her happy tears away gently. "Besides, I notice everything about you, Beth Greene."

And as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, Beth Greene was reminded again of miracles. She had been blessed with so many in her life. But none greater than the miracle of Daryl Dixon, and all the love he so willingly had just for her.