Thanks everyone for the reviews and favorites & follows. I love reading/getting them. There's only one thing I need to clear up before we get this chapter started. There was one person who reviewed that it was horrible what Deeks said to Kensi at the end of last chapter. That person said there was no coming back from that and that they should just break up. I'm not sure if there were more people that felt that way but that was certainly not my point of the conversation. Deeks meant that they weren't ready to get married YET. It's not that he said 'NO, NEVER' he said 'NO, NOT RIGHT NOW' because he felt that they weren't ready. She asked him to marry him right when they started to thread calmer waters after a VERY VERY emotional period in their lives.
Kensi and Deeks are both very emotionally closed but impulsive people. Kensi asking Deeks to marry her was an IMPULSE. That's how I meant to write it. Like she said, things had been going so well lately and she loves him. That's not a good enough reason to ask someone to marry you is it? It assumes she thinks that when they don't get married things will deteriorate and she won't love him anymore. That's unacceptable to Deeks.
You need to keep in mind that these people both have horrible communication skills and they often say things differently than they mean them (or interpret them differently than they are meant). Deeks didn't mean to hurt Kensi with his rejection of the proposal and you'll see in this next chapter that he had other reasons to actually say no AT THE TIME.
I hope you guys understand that whatever happens in this story is for a reason. I actually mapped out the entire story before I posted the first chapter and I won't change it now.
If you don't like where I'm taking it then there's nobody that's putting a gun to your head forcing you to keep reading. Actually, if you don't like it anymore I'd PREVER you just stop reading, why torture yourself with something you can't stomach? Just stop reading. No hard feelings.

I'm sorry for this long A/N beforehand but I felt like I needed to clear that up.

Anyway, enough of all that. Enjoy this new chapter.

It's one of those things that people say, you can't move on unless you let go of the past
Letting go is the easy part, it's the moving on that's painful
So sometimes we fight it, try and keep things the same
Things can't stay the same though
At some point, you just have to let go
Move on
Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow
- Meredith Grey

It's about five months later, on the eve of Kaylee's first anniversary that Deeks finally gathers the courage to ask Kensi to marry him. Five months ago she had asked him after a crazy night of love making and he had said no, claiming it was too soon. He knew that he loved her; he knew she loved him, but he couldn't say yes, not then, not when they just got a little bit of solid ground back under their feet. And it's not like he had said no, not ever. His answer was clear at the time, not right now. Kensi had relented to that fact quite easily, not bringing it up after that night, further proving his point that it was an impulse question on her part.

Deeks had been planning this proposal for a while now, knowing that tonight was the perfect night to finally pop the question. Some people would question as to why he would do it on such a grief stricken day but to him it felt perfect. That day would otherwise be painfully stained for the rest of their lives. Why not turn that day into something positive instead? It's not that they needed that day to think about Kaylee, she was with them in everything they did, every single day of the year, not just on that day. They had carried her in their hearts all year, and to only use that one day to mourn her in a special way he felt wouldn't do her justice. Deep down he knew Kensi would agree with him. He also knew without absolute certainty she would say yes. The past few months they've been growing closer than they've ever been before and they're more open about everything. Their shared past has made them stronger, solidified them even more as a couple and sealing it with a marriage would simply be the icing on the cake. There was no doubt in his mind that they belonged together and tonight he was going to make sure they'd take the first step towards that.

He has been home for hours planning everything into perfection. Everyone is in on his plan. Callen and Sam were more than happy to help just like Nell and Eric. The four of them quite possibly even more excited about this than Deeks himself and it only solidified the fact that he was doing the absolute right thing. Hetty and Granger were a whole other ballgame though. He would have expected Granger to give him so grief, since he was the one who kept hammering on the fact that it was very unprofessional and dangerous to enter into a relationship with someone you work with. Even after all these years and everything they've been through together he still was the only one not completely on board with team Kensi and Deeks. What he didn't expect was how hard Hetty was going to be on him. But, Hetty seemed to have known about Kensi's proposal a few months back (he doesn't even question how she found out, Henrietta Lang just knows everything) and she had no problem pointing out his rejection.

"You said no for a reason Mr. Deeks" Hetty says, sighing deeply. Deeks casts his eyes down and matches her sigh "Hetty," he breathes "I didn't say no explicitly. I said no because the timing was wrong. I always planned on marrying her Hetty. Always"
That was the absolute truth. Deeks had been thinking of marriage long before their lives went down the drain. If he was being completely honest he had the ring in the back of his closet, between his track bottoms (a place he knows Kensi would never come), ever since she promised him all in.
He knew right then that it was too early to propose, that they needed to get a little bit of solid ground in their relationship before they were ready to take the next step. Right now though, he knows the timing is as perfect as it's ever going to get. He loves her, she loves him, they are happy, they are solid, and they are sure. "I love her Hetty, I want to do this. I need to do this"

"Then who am I to stand in your way"

Deeks looks around the room one last time before pulling out his phone and sending a text to Nell. Nell had been the perfect accomplish in this, whisking Kensi away for the day so that he could arrange for everything to get ready. He's happy with how things turned out. The entire living room is filled with picture balloons, hanging from the ceiling. The balloons form a row which represents their relationship timeline. The first picture contains Deeks in his boxing gear in front of the place they first met, the second balloon is the very first picture they took together on their first joined case, there's their failed date, Afghanistan, a picture of them on the ice rink (he has to thank Michelle for sneakily taking that picture), one of Kensi with her bags on Deeks' front door, the day she moved in. There's also a picture of Kaylee's first sonogram, and one of the house they bought when they found out they were going to be parents. The second to last picture is from this Thanksgiving Deeks' arms wrapped tightly around Kensi, securely tucked in his side, looking up at him lovingly. The very last picture balloon is that of the ring he bought more than two year ago, with the words "marry me" written under it.

His phone vibrates and he picks it up tentatively. It's Nell telling them they're on their way back and she's dropping Kensi of in ten minutes.

The slower the minutes tick by, the more nervous he gets. What if she's happy the way she is? What if she says no to get back at him? He quickly shakes his head to get the negative thoughts away. She's not going to say no just out of spite, that's not Kensi. And he knows that she wants to marry him, or at least she did five months ago, he can't think of anything changing between then and now for her to suddenly say no. He just needs to chill, take a couple breaths, and steady himself.

When he finally hears the key in the lock he knows it's the moment of truth. He's standing there in the pitch black room, waiting for her to turn on the lights and ask her the one thing he's been dying to ask her for as long as he can remember. The door opens tentatively and he can hear her breath hitch, she's nervous. It's not normal for them to have all of their lights turned off because of Monty (that damn dog just can't stop barking if it's dark. He needs sound and sight for him to be happy) and even though he can't really see her he knows her senses are in overdrive. "Deeks," she whispers quietly into the night "Monty?"

It stays eerily quiet. Largely to the fact that the mutt that usually greets her at the door enthusiastically, wagging his tail, pressing his head between her legs, is nowhere to be found. He hears her feel for the light switch and before he can talk himself out of this and run, the room is lit and the thousand of little lights he set up light up like a Christmas tree and illuminate her face with the most beautiful glow.

"Deeks," Kensi starts, eyes large, fixed on him "what's-," she doesn't finish her sentence because her eyes fall on the row of balloons behind him. He turns around giving her the warmest smile "what is this?" she asks quietly.

Deeks stretches his hands in front of him and she slides hers between his fingers willingly "Kens, there's no doubt in my mind that this is what life had in store for me all along," he starts "all of the destruction, pain and heartbreak brought us to where I am today. And where I am is ready and willing to start a new life with you"

"Kensi Mary Blye, will you make me the happiest man alive and do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Silent tears roll down her cheeks. A million questions run through her mind. Why is he doing this? Why now? Why like this? What changed? "No," she says resolute. She doesn't want a pity proposal. He didn't want to marry her five months ago and she had come to accept that. She was perfectly content simply being with him. Marriage or no marriage, that wasn't going to change.

"What," Deeks asks confused, his voice shaky. "No?" That wasn't the answer he was expecting. He had been so sure of this when he planned all of it. He was sure she'd be happy, run into his arms and would say yes with full conviction.

"I don't need to marry you" Kensi wipes away the tears that keep falling; things had been going so well between them. She should've known it wouldn't last.

Deeks swallows the lump that accumulated in his throat "That's not what this is about Kens. I want to marry you. I really do" His eyes search hers timidly. Is she really questioning his motive and reasoning here? "Why now? Why not five months ago when I asked you? Did you know how much it hurt when you said no?" she asks, walking away from him slowly. He can feel the distance between them growing by the minute and he doesn't know what to do "You said you understood"

"I lied," Kensi admits, wringing her hands together nervously "I didn't. I still don't"

Deeks takes two steps towards her and places a hand on her shoulder "Kens, please. Sit." He pushes her towards the couch slowly and sits himself down next to her "You know I love you"

"Your love was never in question" Kensi gives him a half smile. It was never love that was a problem between them.

He realizes he might have underestimated the affect his rejection had on her and he knows he owes her a real explanation. "Five months ago we just got our bearing back and you wanted to solidify that with a marriage. If I would have said yes then it wouldn't have been fair to you, or me. You asked me because you where worried that if you didn't we wouldn't make it. Guess what Kens, we didn't and we made it anyway"

Kensi tries her hardest to keep the rest of her tears at bay. It's not that she really doesn't want to marry him. Hell, she was the one to ask him first. She just can't understand what changed his mind. "But why now? Why ask me now then. If it's not marriage we need to make things work"

"It's not about needing to make it work Kens. It's about wanting you to be my wife. I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with you for as long as I can remember. I planned on asking you long before you ever brought it up. I had the ring in my closet for over a year because I love you and there's absolutely nothing that I want more than to be your husband" Things come tumbling out of his mouth quicker than he can think about them "I want to marry you because you make me a better person. You bring out the best in me; you challenge me to be the best version of myself. You taught me the meaning of sacrifice and compromise and I want the world to know that. I want the world to know that I, Marty Deeks, am the luckiest person on the planet because I get to have you as my wife"

It's quiet for a couple minutes and he can see the wheels turning in Kensi's mind. Her eyes roam through the room, taking in every single detail of her surroundings. She can tell he really put a lot of effort into this. And if she's being honest with herself she's a traditional girl. She would have married him before she got pregnant if he had asked her, but she didn't want to push him into marriage. Deep down she knew that Deeks didn't have the best reference when it comes down to happy marriages. Not like she had anyway. And, she wasn't going to push him into something he didn't value or believe in. Hearing him say that he values and believes in it just as much as she does makes her heart flutter. It's the final piece of the puzzle she needs "Ask me again"

Deeks eyes her wearily. He sees the resolution in her eyes and she gives him the brightest smile "Kensi, will you-"

"Yes" she cuts him off, wrapping her arms around her in a soul crushing hug.

Deeks laugh breathlessly "You didn't let me finish"

"Shut up and kiss me"

The engagement ring is warm under his touch when they walk into OSP hand in hand that following morning. The entire team is waiting for them in the bullpen and the hugs and congratulations follow each other quickly. Granger just stands on the side shaking his head before eventually gathering the courage to go over and mumble a timid "Congratulations". Deeks gives him a quiet nod. Granger probably won't be his best man any time soon but at least he accepts the fact that it's happening and that's more than he ever could've asked for.

"Let me see" Kensi had been watching Deeks from a far, goofing off with the boys, undoubtedly talking about something funny. She turns around to face Nell. "As if you didn't see it before" she smiles wickedly. Kensi knows full well that Deeks had shown Nell the ring for approval.

Nell chuckles "Touché," she takes Kensi's hand and examines the ring sitting neatly at her finger "but I haven't seen it on you before"

The laughing in the distance guides Kensi's attention back to the boys. Eric seems to be rolling over laughing from something Deeks said and Callen and Sam just watch amusedly from the sideline. Sam catches Kensi's eye and winks at her knowingly. She can't help but smile herself "You seem happy" Nell observes. "I am," Kensi says, focusing her attention back on Nell "I really am"

"It's been a while," Nell suddenly sniffles "I can't think of two people more deserving of happiness than you two. I'm really happy for you Kens". Before she can comprehend what is happening she feels the tiny body wrapped around her.

"Thanks Nell" Kensi says, letting her own emotions settle over her.

She loses herself in the embrace for a little while until a smooth silky voice pulls her out of her trance "Are you ready to get some work done today fiancée?"

Kensi steps out of Nell's embrace and smiles up at Deeks "Yes I am my future husband"

"I love when you call me that"

"I love that I can call you that" Kensi admits.

Five months ago she thought she'd never get to marry the man of her dreams. That she was going to have to accept the fact that marriage just wasn't something that was meant for her.
Today had proven differently and for once she didn't mind being wrong.

A/N. Just a quick reminder that in this story Julia and Donald Blye where happily married when he died and Kensi grew up in a somewhat stable house environment (as stable as it can get when your dad is a marine) unlike Deeks which's back story I haven't changed much (abusive father, nearly nonexistent mother). It hopefully explained how much value Kensi has for marriage opposed to Deeks.

Just an extra heads up for my faithful readers, I want to warn you that this story is drawing to a near end. I just feel there isn't much more places I can take it without feeling like I drag the inevitable ending out. There are probably about 2 or 3 more chapters in this.

Don't forget to review. Love to know what you think.

Til next week