I'm sorry you had to wait for this so long. Real life got in the way and it took me a little longer to write this last piece (maybe because my OCD kicked in and I wanted it to be perfect, which it's obviously NEVER going to be) anyway, here it is, the final installment of Leap of faith.
I want to thank each and every one of you one last time for all the favorites, follows and/or reviews this story has gotten over the months. It was hard to write at times but I'm happy with the way it turned out.
Enjoy the epilogue
Someday, we'll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain.
We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time.
After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race.
So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and love all over again
- Author Unknown
5 years later
It's a beautiful autumn day when they celebrate the twins 5th birthday. There's no real theme to the party but both Jayden & Alyssa had agreed upon a dress code pretty quickly. They wanted their friends to dress up as their future self.
As Deeks looks around the garden, filled with most of the kids dressed up as cops, doctors or firefighters, there's an immense sense of pride that shots through him. There's this one girl though, one of Alyssa's newer friends, he believes her name is Maggie, that's dressed in this cute flowery dress with a huge balloon stuffed under it and he can't help but chuckle at the ridiculousness it portraits, this tiny human with the belly of a grown woman. He chuckles, because he knows exactly who she's trying to be.
He walks over to the side of the lemonade stand where Kensi currently leans against "You don't happen to have the convenient ability to freeze time, do you?" he asks, when he wraps his arms around her from behind.
Kensi sighs into his embrace and leans her head against his shoulder "No. And even if I did I wouldn't" she answers ruefully. Her hands find its way to her expanding belly "As much as I love it, I would not want to be eight months pregnant for the rest of my life"
As on queue the baby starts kicking up a storm inside her belly and she winches slightly. The pain it gives is still bearable but she's happy that the delivery is scheduled two weeks from now.
"Point made babe. Point made" Deeks says, turning his wife around to face him. "You're almost ready to come out, aren't you?" he says, crouching down to stomach level. Kensi winches again when there's another huge kick "I think that's a yes"
"Mommmmmyyyy," she feels Alyssa wrapped around her leg before she sees her. She gives a look at Deeks, letting him know she needs a little help here. Picking up a five year old with a very prudent belly is a huge challenge so she's happy that Deeks picks up their daughter and leads them to a bench on the far end of the backyard. "What's wrong sweetie?" she wipes away the hairs in her face and she sees those big blue orbs shining brightly with unshed tears.
"Jasper is following me. I told him to stop but he just keeps coming. Look mommy, he's coming here again" Alyssa says exasperated, letting out a sigh, putting her tiny hands on her hips.
Kensi has to chuckle a little and looks at Deeks for support "Do you know why Jasper is doing that Princess?" Deeks says, sitting himself down next to his wife and daughter.
Alyssa shakes her head and turns around to face her father "You see what Jasper's holding?" Deeks points to the huge square box in the little guys arms "that's your present. My guess is that he just wants to give it to you because it looks pretty heavy"
The little girl's eyes light up when she hears the words present and she claws of her mother's lap as fast as she can. "Jaaaaasper" she screams, running towards him as fast as her little legs will carry her.
"Deeks," her melodic voice comes from the other end of the bath they're currently having. He doesn't stop rubbing her feet but makes eye contact to show he's listening "Did you ever think we'd end up here when you first met me?"
Deeks chuckles, thinking back to the very beginning. How mesmerized he was by her and how annoyed she always seemed to be with him. It shouldn't have but somehow it worked "This might sound cheesy, but I did"
"You did?" Kensi asks surprised. She might have been a little intrigued by Deeks when they first met but never in a million years would she have predicted becoming his wife and the mother of his children. She just never thought he'd be that serious about any relationship.
Deeks nods "The moment I laid eyes on you in that gym I knew you were a very special woman and I wanted to do anything to make you mine" he answers truthfully.
"You just wanted to cross me of your must-have-sex-with list"
"No"
Kensi raises an eyebrow "Okay, maybe at first," he admits quietly "but the more we worked together the more I realized you were the real deal. That I wanted everything with you. I remember one night after that case with that little girl, I looked at you and said to myself this is the woman I want to spend my life with and I'm going to fight for her "and he did. Fight for her. There were tons of fights and lots of moments they both wanted to give up but somehow they always managed to crawl back out of the rabbit hole they threw themselves in. For Deeks, that was what true love was all about. There was no doubt in his mind that Kensi was his soul mate.
"Raisa"
"What?" Deeks asks, the name not ringing any current bells.
"The little girl we saved that night. Her name was Raisa" Kensi explains. She remembers that case all too clearly. It was their last real case right before she got shipped off to Afghanistan. It was before they even slept together.
Deeks thinks back to that case. The little girl was abducted by a marine. That same marine that later turned out to be her father. The man just wanted his family reunited, he just went about it the wrong way "Yes, Raisa. She was my catalyst"
Kensi swallows; it was before they went on their date, before they slept together, before both of them felt comfortable enough to say there was more between them than just simple friendship and close partnership "You knew you wanted me before all that?"
"Yes, I was really struggling with telling you or not and just when I told myself 'to hell with it' we had our last case together and you got shipped off and then the Jack thing happened and I just, I don't know. It really messed it up"
Tears threaten to spill when she hears him say that he was ready to start a life with her. Why did Hetty have to be the one to tear them apart before they got the chance to actually start? Kensi wonders if she'll ever be able to truly forgive Hetty for everything that happened "Oh Deeks, I'm sorry"
Deeks makes his way over to her side of the bath and cuddles her close to him cupping her head in his hands "Why are you sorry? It wasn't your choice" he says, kissing away her tears.
She puts her hand on his cheek "True," she says, rubbing her fingers over his stubble "but I didn't make things easier after I got back"
"Kens, we've been through so much but all off those things made us stronger and brought us to where we are today," he answers truthfully, dropping a soft kiss on her lips before rubbing her belly "and there's nowhere else I want to be"
Kensi sighs, looking at the beautiful, kind man in front of her. At one point in time she couldn't imagine having to live with him for more than eight hours a day, now she can't imagine living without him period "I love you"
"I love you too"
Carmen Daniela is born in Cedars- Sinai medical center on a lovely midsummer night in early August. With her beautiful blonde curls and hazel brown eyes she's another perfect mix of both mommy and daddy.
"There's the third musketeer" Deeks smiles while picking up Jayden and Alyssa one by one, putting them on Kensi's hospital bed.
"She's so tiny mommy" Jayden says, in awe of the little pink bundle wrapped in his mother's arms.
Alyssa snickers "she's like me, daddy. Right?" her blue orbs search his and he smiles every so brightly "She sure is, Lyss"
"Two men, three women. You're going to have it rough dad" Kensi says, winking at Deeks.
"I wouldn't want it any other way, my love"
She's forty when she decides that working full time just doesn't cut it anymore. Deeks became an agent over a decade ago and now with Carmen she knows she needs to make concessions. Work used to be her life but with their three perfect children and amazing husband Kensi realizes there is more to life. They work out a shared partnership with Nell. As a newly certified agent she wants to be out in the field more and Kensi doesn't mind a little more desk duty now that she has children.
Surprisingly enough Hetty and Granger both think it's a great idea and they even open up a little day care inside OSP so that Kensi can do what she loves and still have her children around at the same time. Eric and Nell got married two years after Kensi and Deeks did, and she knows that Eric isn't happy with their new arrangement because he worries about Nell in the field. Kensi knows she might be tiny, but they didn't nickname her the tiny terror for nothing, because Nell sure knows how to handle herself. She's been on the receiving end of her protectiveness and badass-ness over the years and if there's one thing Kensi knows for sure it's that 'bad ass' 'isn't just her middle name, its Nell's as well.
"How do you do it?"
She's sitting in OSP with Eric, watching the huge screen in front of them currently portraying both of their better halves dogging it out in a fight with a couple suspects "Do what, Eric?"
"Not go crazy with worry when they're out in the field" Eric sighs, seeing Nell doing what she does day in day out drives him up the wall most days.
Kensi squeezes his shoulder lightly "I have to trust they have each other's back," she explains. She remembers how extremely worried she was, and if she's honest still is sometimes, when Deeks first went out into the field without her. But through the years she'd managed to trust on her instincts, and on the partners ability to be there for each other, that was the only way she made it through
"I have to trust that at the end of the day they'd do anything to bring each other home safely"
"But how?" Eric questions, his eyes not leaving the screen. Kensi swallows, she knows this isn't easy for him, she knows exactly what he's going through and maybe that's why she knows what he needs to hear right now "Faith. They are both trained, very skilled professionals. They know what they're doing out there"
Eric quickly glances sideways at Kensi before focusing his eyes back on the screen "I guess"
"Eric, Hetty wouldn't send them out in the field if she didn't believe they could do it. And, even if she did I would never let my man walk into danger willingly without the proper back up. Nell is a terrific agent, I trust her with my husband's life. So should you. Trust her to come home to you"
Eric smiles sadly "I just hate that I can't protect her," he admits, "I'm up here all day and the only thing I can do is pray she'll walk through those doors safely at the end of the day"
And that is the root of the problem right there, Kensi thinks. Nell didn't think twice about becoming an agent, leaving Eric alone in OSP where he began. And she knows it's not because he hates his job, or that he doesn't love getting to do what he does every day. It's that complete sense of powerlessness that sometimes comes over you when the better half of you is out there doing good things, saving lives, and you're cooped up in here, watching the action from a giant screen when sometimes all you want to do is run to them, help, be there to protect. "That's the life of an agent's spouse. Got to learn to live with it, I guess"
"Do you miss it," Eric asks after a brief silence "being an agent?"
"Sometimes," Kensi admits "but then I see the smiles of my three beautiful children and I know I've made the right choice"
Eric swirls his chair around so that he now completely faces Kensi "How did you make that decision?" he asks, rightfully curious
She has to think about that for a minute. It wasn't the easiest decision she ever made in her life, but it wasn't the hardest either. She knew that she couldn't keep doing what she did before she had children, and thankfully there had been plenty of people willing to compromise to make the decision easier on her "We had the fortune that Hetty didn't want to lose both of us and she set up a daycare inside OSP. It was actually quite easy after that. I wanted to work less; Nell wanted to be a full time agent. We knew Deeks worked well with both of us so it all worked out"
"You don't regret it?"
She doesn't have to think twice before answering that one "Not for one second. I wouldn't change anything" she says truthfully. As much as it had pained her to see her husband go out into the field with anyone that wasn't here, she knew she made the right choice every single time they drove home together after a hard day at work and they laid eyes on their three beautiful children.
"Sometimes I wish Nell was a little more like you, Kens"
"Why?" she asks, curiosity getting the best of her.
"You found your paradise, your peace," Eric explains "I feel like Nell's still looking for that. I know she loves me, I don't doubt that. I just doubt that she knows what she wants out of life"
"You're both still so young. You don't have to have it all figured out by now" she admits.
Kensi had always seen Nell and Eric, or 'Neric' as Deeks so lovingly called them most of the time, as younger versions of herself and Deeks. And, knowing how well they turned out there was no doubt in her mind that this was a pair that was going places "Hang on Eric, she's worth it. Don't give up on her"
"Thanks Kens" Eric smiles, hugging her tightly.
She's 48 when her mother dies and she doesn't handle it well. For a while she even takes all of her grief and anger out on Deeks. Nothing he says or does appears to be good enough and as much as it drives him insane he takes it in stride. The death of her mother brings back all of the suppressed grief of losing Kaylee and he knows this is just another faze they have to get through.
Months later, when things have settled back into a somewhat quiet normal rhythm, she apologizes to him profusely. Deeks just brushes it off. There's nothing to be sorry about in his eyes, and he always knew they'd make it through this just as they made it through everything else in live. With patience, love, and understanding.
"She was an amazing woman, Kens. Just like you" he says when he lays flowers down on her grave.
Kensi squeezes his hand quickly "I wish we'd had more time together. I wish our children would have had more time with their grandmother" she admits. Having to have lived without her for so long, she wished she would have been given more time. But, apparently some things in live you just couldn't control.
"Cherish the time you did have together, babe. It was precious" Deeks says, dropping a kiss on her cheek
"She's with Kaylee now, right?" she whispers quietly into the wind, eyes focused on the one cloud drifting in an otherwise crispy blue sky.
"She is, Kensi. She is"
When the kids are old enough they decide to retire, sell the house and travel around the world. They start in Paris, France, the city of love and work their way to the Swish Alps before they finally settle down in San Piero a Ponti near Florence, Italy. They open up a little bed and breakfast and every year their children, alongside Sam, Callen, Eric, Nell and their children, visit for a week to simply have fun and catch up. They have all remained friends throughout the years and even their children became friends. Callen and Joelle's son Emerson even dating Nell & Eric's daughter Joanna.
Hetty and Granger had passed away decades ago but left their footprints on the little bed and breakfast Kensi and Deeks had called 'the garden gnome'
"Are you happy?" Kensi asks one night when they're lying down by the roaring fire in the quietness of their beautiful backyard, her head propped against his chest, their hands entwined tightly.
Deeks drops a kiss in her hair, twirling a piece of it around in his free hand. They're both old and grey but to him she's still as beautiful as the day he met her and he still loves her just as much, if not so much more, as he did the first time he laid eyes on her more than forty years ago "I have been since the day you walked into my life"
And as they lay there, entangled in each other's arms, their hearts and heads as entwined as grapevines they might not have known what the days ahead had in store for them, there was one thing they knew with an absolute certainty, whatever it was they'd handle it together. Because they knew as long as they had each other they could take on anything life threw at them.
That's it ladies and gentlemen. This is where it ends. I contemplated writing this epilogue all the way to their deaths but I wanted to end it on a happier note, giving you guys the chance to fantasize about how they eventually live the last years of their lives together. A little mystery never hurt anybody, right?
I will ask you guys one last time to review this chapter. Let me know what you think, it means the world to me that this story has received such positive feedback.
I'm not sure when I'll be back with another story. It might be a while, real life needs to be lived, and my muse might be in desperate need of a little vacation and I'm inclined to give it.
So I guess this is it for now, I say "until we meet again".
Love,
Sabine