I'm sorry it has been so long real life and distraction have once again pulled me away but I am going to be on vacation for a bit longer so I am hoping to get some chapters out!

Next order of business is one of my reviewers has pointed out that they feel Sesshomaru is being to lovey dovey and should be more passive. Obviously I don't think so because that's not how I'm writing him but I would like to hear what my other readers think about his personality in this story so please let me know! However I do have to say that in this next chapter Sesshomaru does show more emotion then any other point in the story so far just because of the little bit of back history I'm giving him; so I'm sorry if it feels he's being too OOC but I do think this is how he would be in such circumstances. Please enjoy!

Chapter 26 Old Memories and New Hope

The middle of the night…

Sesshomaru carried his sleeping mate into their den and placed her among the pile of soft pelts, tucking a bear skin with its thick black fur around her to keep back the chill of early spring. Normally he would stretch out next to her sharing his warmth but he needed to check the land around their den; they had been gone for over a week and he needed to make sure nothing undesirable had wondered onto the territory he and his mate inhabited.

And hunt. He needed to hunt, his instincts were itching at him to hunt, to provide, to protect. Sesshomaru did not deny his instincts, they called him to act on what he had yet to consciously acknowledge. Having settled Rin, he quickly built a fire to start warming the den and he left with a glance at his mate.

Sesshomaru walked into his den shortly after dawn to find his mate preparing tea and breakfast. He felt the call to keep her close, sheltered and protected.

As Rin stood to greet him, Sesshomaru pulled her into an embrace and tucked his nose into her hair just over her right ear. Taking exploratory sniffs to test that strange shift in her scent that he had noticed during the tournament, Sesshomaru realized it was stronger. He took a deep breath: concentrating. It wasn't sickness or her cycle; he wondered briefly if she could be pregnant, but he had had a pregnant mate before and although Kimi's scent had changed when she was with child it was not like this.

Rin was used to her mate examining her scent regularly but he was taking more time than normal. Pulling back slightly she eyed him. "Is something wrong, Love?"

"Your scent has changed, it is not unpleasant but I don't know what has caused it." Sesshomaru said his nose back in her hair.

"Well for now how about I finish breakfast. Did you hunt?"

"Hn." He replied pulling back. "Deer."

Rin smiled up at him, "Will you bring me some."

"Hn." He hummed again before licking her cheek and going back out to dress his kill.

A week after their return home, Rin woke to find Sesshomaru with his nose and cheek pressed slightly into her belly, and a deep rumble in his throat.

"Umm… Sesshomaru, Love… you are going to have to explain this one." Rin was used to most of the odd things her mate did but she usually woke with her mates fingers running through her hair, so this was distinctly different.

"I would do this with Raizen." Sesshomaru lifted his head to see Rin's lifted brow. He rested his cheek back on his mate's stomach and finished, "When Kimi was with child."

Rin froze she didn't know what to be more surprised about; that Sesshomaru had just told her that she was pregnant, or that he had mentioned his first mate by name. Rin didn't know anything about Raizen's mother except that he had one and she had died along time ago. She pushed some hair out of his face so she could see his eyes, "Will you tell me about her?"

Sesshomaru's eyes found his mate's with his ear still pressed to her belly and as he listened to the small hearts beating, he touched old memories. "I refused to take a mate, I was young and proud. I have always been very aware of my position but I hated the manipulation of the females to get what they wanted." Rin's fingers brushed through Sesshomaru's hair as he spoke. "My father insisted that if I would not choose for myself, he would. When he returned from a meeting with the northern lord, who was a wolf at the time, he brought news that I was to mate with the northern lord's youngest daughter. He also gave me a box that was a gift from my intended mate."

At his pause Rin asked, "What was inside the box?"

"A single yellow rose and a note that said 'If we cannot have love perhaps we can have friendship'. Kimi never asked anything of me except what was due her as a mate: loyalty, respect, and companionship. We spent the first ten years of our mating as friends and allies. In that time I saw that although she was beautiful she did not use it to manipulate; although she was strong, she demanded nothing but the respect she deserved. And Kimi was not shy about speaking her mind when she thought I was being stupid or foolish in my treatment of someone, although it was always behind closed doors." Sesshomaru stopped at the sound of Rin's giggle and looked up at her lifting his own eye brow this time.

"Stupid or foolish? Did she call it that?"

"Hn. I was proud and did not always handle things well." Sesshomaru closed his eyes and continued, "When Kimi became pregnant our instincts pulled us together even more then our mating. I began to see her as the mother she would be to the pups, my pups that were growing inside her."

"Pups? How many was she carrying?"

"Four. Litters are not common but they are not unheard of." Sesshomaru stopped again but this time Rin just waited, sensing that he was getting close to what were perhaps his most painful memories. "When the time came for the pups to be born… Raizen came first. Everything was fine until my second pup, a female, came; she wasn't breathing. Kimi was in more pain and bleeding to much as she tried to deliver the last two pups… They died with her; never being born."

Tears ran down Rin cheeks as she listened to Sesshomaru recount the loss of his mate and three pups. Until she felt fingers brushing them away and she looked to see her mate's sad smile.

"Sorry, Dear One. You should not be grieving on the day you find out you are carrying."

"Maybe but I'm still glad you told me." Rin smiled down at him. "So, how many?"

"I can hear three." Sesshomaru pressed a smiling kiss into his mate's belly right were he could hear his pups' tiny hearts.

Thanks for reading and please leave a review!

PS I finally found the dividing lines so I'll be going back and fixing the other chapters soonXD