15 years ago
I walked through his door and over to the bed. I left my bag of weapons fall off my shoulder carelessly and land in a heap on the floor. I sat down and stared at the blue wall of the hotel. I know I couldn't save them without killing myself, but I didn't exactly feel on top of the world.
I heard Clint walk over, I knew his footsteps, and felt the bed dip.
"There was nothing we could do."
I sighed. "I know." He put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. I thought about being with Clint for a long time, but I never thought it was appropriate. S.H.I.E.L.D would kill us.
He twisted his head and placed a long kiss on my forehead. When he pulled away, I looked up at him.
I love him. Not that I would ever tell him of course. I wanted him. I needed him. I knew that my soul was too wrecked for his love. He is the closest thing I have, yet he won't be able to love me. He moved slowly towards me, almost as if the world was in slow motion.
I could feel his breathe on my lips. I could tell he was nervous. He looked at my eyes, then my lips and back to my eyes again. I subconsciously licked my lips as he brought his hand up to the back of my head, but I knew he didn't want to force me to do anything though.
I think he realised that I was comfortable with this, because he wasn't on the floor in pain, but I could tell he was unsure about making the first move. We were good at reading each other. I leant towards him, hesitantly, and kissed each corner of his mouth and then came back for a second to look at him.
His pupils were dilated, as I'm sure mine were also, and he leant in to kiss me. The kiss was long and full of emotion. I had feelings for Clint, but I knew that couldn't affect our partnership.
Our kissed got more desperate and my hands went up around his neck. We both took off his shirt and I pushed him down on the bed. I attacked his mouth again and ran my fingers over his defined muscles. He felt amazing.
I went from kissing his mouth to kissing his cheekbones, neck, traveled down his body and kissed where his abs were. Why did he have to be so god damn hot? I kissed just above his trousers line, eliciting a moan from him, and then traveled back up his chest to reach his mouth again. Our kisses were now harsh, but meaningful all the same.
We rolled over, so he was on top of me. I would never let anyone do this to me, so why Clint? He zipped down my catsuit until the zip reached my hips. I continued to kiss him as he peeled the catsuit down my body. His fingers brushed over my stomach as he kissed down my neck to reach my chest. He kissed the top of my breasts which made me shiver, even though they were mostly concealed by my black lace bra.
He went down to my stomach, his lips tracing over my old scars, and he whispered "You're perfect." That made me smile and he continued to kiss me. I gasped and gripped the sheets when he kissed me low on my hips and I felt him smirk against my skin at my reaction to his delicate touches.
He kissed his way back up my body and reclaimed my lips.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked me, our noses touching.
"Positive." I replied, unbuckling his belt.
To be honest, I knew I wanted to sleep with him. I wanted him more than anything. But I knew that after tonight, nothing could change. No matter how much I wanted them to. I am the Black Widow.
I woke up the next morning with a pair of arms tangled round my waist. Clint. I slowly plucked his arms off me, being careful not to wake him, and placed them on the bed. He stirred slightly, but didn't awaken.
I got dressed and picked up my bag. "I'm sorry." I whispered, tears forming in my eyes. "I wish I could be what you wanted, but I can't be."
With that, I walked away back to my room.
Clint came in 40 minutes later.
"Natasha?" He asked.
"Barton." I greeted formally and looked back down at the papers on my desk.
"So...how do you want to continue?" He asked. I noticed that he didn't say we. He was just going to accept my response.
"We should forget about it." I said sternly, lifting up my head to look at him. I could see in his eyes that my words cut through him likes daggers, but he showed no physical emotion.
"Okay." He said simply. "So...what's our next mission?" He asked. We feel back into our normal conversations after that, even though I wanted to admit my feelings desperately. I can't.
A couple of days later
"Shit." I said, looking at the pregnancy test.
Okay. Options:
1. Keep it - No way.
2. Abortion - I can't do that. They're an innocent.
3. Adoption - Best option.
I need to get out of S.H.I.E.L.D for a while.
Here goes nothing I thought as I knocked on the door of Director Fury's office.
"Come in." a commanding voice said from behind it.
I walked in and sat down "Sir, I need to leave S.H.I.E.L.D for a while."
Fury didn't like stutterers so I decided to get straight to the point.
"For what period of time?" he said, without looking up from his work.
"Nine months, sir." He was about to speak again but stopped himself when he registered what my words meant. He lifted his head.
"I thought your old leaders prevented this situation from ever occurring."
"It seems they weren't entirely successful."
"Who's the father?" he asked.
"A man from Budapest. Met him on the sex slave mission. He doesn't know my real identity or occupation, sir." I lied. Lying was better than never being able to see or work with Clint again.
"I understand Agent Romanoff. I suppose that you want me to give you cover?"
"Correct sir."
"Consider it done. I will see you in nine months Romanoff. You leave in an hour. Tell Barton it is a mission in Ghana. Never do this again." he said and then looked back down at the papers on his desk.
Fury didn't really do goodbyes.
I nodded and stepped out of his office. Then, I went to my room and packed.
Fifty minutes later, I had my bag ready and I was prepared to leave. A knock at the door brought me out of my organising.
I opened it and found Barton there. He glanced at the bag. "Going somewhere?"
"I have a mission in Ghana. 9 or 10 months approximately fury says."
He raised his eyebrows. "Nine months?"
I nodded. "Big mission apparently." That's an understatement.
"When are you leaving?"
"Now." His face showed his upset emotions.
"Stay safe Natasha." he said and hugged me. Don't tell him.
I put my arms around him. I'm gonna miss him so much. "You too."
I felt bad as I pulled away, put my bag on my shoulder and walked out the door, making my way towards the jet. Please let Clint be okay I thought as I climbed into the jet that was taking me to 'Ghana'.