Chapter 2

I stared at Perry for a long time before swallowing. "Uh, okay… then who is Ell?"

She walked to the door, opened it and jerked her head towards the hallway. "Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone and then we can all tell you together, okay?"

I nodded slowly, taking shaky steps and following her into the TV room. "Everyone," Perry said lightly. One girl switched off the TV and everyone turned to face us. "I would like to introduce you to Laura Hollis."

She gestured to a girl with short, flippy fire colored hair. "This is LaFontaine. Or just LaF."

A girl who had to be at least six foot one with fiery red hair and… really, what was up with the red heads? "Danny Lawrence."

A shy girl with light brown hair and a pastel pink dress. "Sara Jane."

A blonde girl who had a white gown on and a cigarette hanging from her mouth. She wore a smirk like she was the queen, but I didn't question it, because maybe she was. "Elsie."

A Korean (maybe Asian?) girl with a sweet smile but wild eyes. "And last but not least, Natalie."

I waved timidly. "Hi."

"So, Laura," LaF began, trying to hide an obvious smirk. "I see you've already met Carmilla."

Danny smacked LaFontaine on the arm. "Yeah, so… she's kind of intense. Sorry you had to see all that. She's usually pretty chill it's just…" Danny looked at Perry pleadingly.

Perry sighed and gave me that smile. The one you see your parents give you when your dog or goldfish dies. "Carmilla broke out about three weeks ago and, really it's nothing because she does it all the time. But, Ell had really bad paranoia so when Carmilla left and didn't come back, she hung herself with a volleyball net."

It bothered me that she said that so easily, like that kind of stuff happens all the time. "So, then… Ell was her…?"

"One night stand."

"Study buddy."

"Girlfriend."

"Bitch."

"Best friend."

"Study buddy? More like fuck buddy," Natalie said, laughing after a beat. And seriously I was so uncomfortable that I laughed too, and then we were all laughing. I'm talking weezing, coughing, tear filled laughter. That is until we heard someone clear their throat.

"What the hell are you lackwits laughing about now?"

I turned around and was going to offer a nervous smile, but it pretty much fell from my thoughts when I saw her taking a drag of a cigarette through a smirk. "Um…hi?"

She blew smoke in my face and her smirk widened. "Hey, cutie."

She was just trying to kill me… now she's flirting with me? I've seen a lot of shit, but this was bat shit.

"The fuck, Carmilla?" Danny asked, standing up and walking to my side. "You were literally just trying to kill her, don't try that shit on her because she's new you -"

Carmilla flicked her cigarette in Danny's face. "Would you mind shutting the fuck up for once, fire crotch?"

"Woah," Perry said, coming in between the two girls and waving her hands. "Everyone calm down, okay? But… seriously Carmilla, how are you okay right now?"

She shrugged and a dopey smile appeared on her face. "Been saving up my valium for the past two months."

Valium? Why does that sound so familiar?

"Come on Carmilla we were supposed to all wait until we could go down into the tunnels," Elise whined. "Now we're going to have to wait."

Carmilla shrugged. "It's fine, by then we'll have enough to hopefully fry ourselves," she said. "See you guys later?" she said, specifically looking at me.

I nodded as a chorus of yeah sure, whatever and duh's rang through my ears.

As she walked back to her room, I lit a cigarette and sat next to Danny, LaF and Sara Jane on the couch. "What's wrong with her?" I asked, trying not to sound too rude.

"She's a sociopath."

Of course she is.

October 23rd, 1967

It's been two weeks now and all I've done is play cards and eat, literally.

"All in, boys," Carmilla said, smirking as she thrust the last of her chips into the pot.

I was about to do the same when I heard that dreaded sqeaky cart wheel chugging down the hall. It stopped in front of our table and the nurse looked down her sheet. "Laura Hollis."

She handed me my medicine in a plastic cup and I put it up to my mouth, tipping my head back.

"Open, dear," she said and I did as I was told.

Once she left, though, we got back to our game before Carmilla spoke. "Let's see em, you fuckers."

Everyone set their cards down and opened their mouths, pulling their nighttime pills from under their tongue. Carmilla smirked.

"Looks like fight night is closer than we thought."

Fight night?

"Well, I think we should still wait the two months, considering that the last time we went we almost got caught and -"

"Daddy's girl is right," Carmilla sighed and laid her cards down. "But not when it comes to how to play a game of texas hold em."

I stared at her, an amused smile on my face. I don't think I'll ever understand Carmilla, honestly. One moment she's here and then another she's more distant than the andromeda galaxy.

Valerie walked past the table and Elsie got to her feet. "I want my fucking clothes back!"

"Then I guess you'll just have to eat something, won't you?"

The table laughed and I sat in my own silence.

How am I supposed to fit in with a bunch of crazy people when I'm not crazy?

"Sweetie," my Dad said quietly. "I know it's been hard, but it's been a long time."

I didn't care. I only had one Mom, I refused to have another one. No one could ever replace her, ever. It didn't matter how hard they tried, they would never come close. "Dad, I don't care, okay? You do whatever you want and I'll be happy for you, but she's not my Mom, she never will be."

"I'm not saying she has to be, that's not what I want," he was shaking his head. "I just want you to give her a chance."

I was crying, but I didn't want him to see so I didn't look him in the eye. "Yeah, okay, Dad."

"Hey… cupcake, did you hear me?"

I shook my head. "Wait… sorry?"

"I asked if you've had your first Melvin yet."

Wait… what? "Wait… what?"

Carmilla shrugged. "Fat old guy, small pecker, fucks his wife like once a year when she actually gets drunk?"

I cleared my throat as Natalie went around to pick up the cards. "Um… no, why?"

She didn't answer, just pulled out a cigarette and Elsie ended up lighting it for her. That's the one thing I've noticed, she doesn't carry a lighter but she smokes at least a pack a day.

Maybe she really did run this place.

"Alright, that's enough for tonight, losers."

And like clockwork, we listened to her. Sara Jane went to bed without saying a word, Natalie did the same and the rest of them, well, they said everything but goodnight.

I got up, too, hoping I could get to my room without Carmilla bothering me about something else. But, apparently when you're the only two people in the TV room at 10:00, it's not that easy. "So, what's the deal with you?" she asked. By now she had another cigarette between her lips and like instinct, I lit it for her. "Why are you in this hell hole, hmm?"

What to do but answer honestly? "I don't know."

She laughed. "Bullshit, sweetheart."

"Excuse me?"

She took a long drag and laughed. "You heard me," she said. "I think you know exactly why you're in here, but you're too self absorbed to tell any of us about it because you think we'll think you're crazy correct?"

"No!"

She gave me a pointed look. "Sweetheart."

I sighed. "Well, I mean… I know there's something wrong with me but… I don't know what to call it, you know?"

She nodded as I lit my own cigarette. "Been there. But you wanna know something, cutie?"

"Hmm?"

"We're all crazy here, okay? We've seen it all."

I nodded slowly. Of course they have, they've been here for way longer than I have.

Carmilla jerked her head in the direction of my room. "You look like shit, go get some sleep okay?"

I narrowed my eyes at her and stood up. "Thanks," I mumbled. There was something about her that I didn't like, and yet there were many things about her that I did.

I grabbed my journal and I wrote until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

That night, I dreamed that things here wouldn't turn out so bad.

November 19th, 1967

Things are different now… in a good way. Perry told me, over a period of time of course, why everyone else was in here and how long their stay was supposed to be. Nobody ever gets out on schedule, though, according to what she said. So that's great, I guess. And… for once? I'm not being sarcastic.

It's really not as bad as I thought it was going to be in here. Perry's really nice and one of the best roommates I've ever had, Sara Jane's a little messed up, but still sweet. LaF's pretty interesting, considering they're non-binary, which is actually pretty cool. Elsie's finally been eating so she got her clothes back, which is totally amazing. Natalie's sweet, just a little hard to read at times. Danny though… pretty sure she has a crush on me, which is totally okay, just a little weird because no one's had a crush on me since my girlfriend, but it's whatever. And then… there's Carmilla.

I don't even know where to start when it comes to her. First, she wanted to kill me and now… it's like she wants me. But… I can't tell in which way. She flirts with everyone, including the nurses, but… when she does it with me I just… it feels different.

But that's fine, because now I like different and maybe I'm starting to like myself for who I am.

Crazy.

I lit a cigarette and stared blanky at the TV, finally closing my journal. It was 9:43 pm and I knew I only had seventeen minutes to finish watching a half an hour long show, but that didn't stop me from trying. That was until Carmilla stepped in front of the TV. "Hey… I was watching that," I pouted.

She shrugged and sat next to me, throwing her arm over my shoulder. She leant down and for a second I swore she was going to kiss me, but she didn't. "Tongue your meds tonight and then go to bed. After one o'clock checks, Jamie always goes out for a smoke and doesn't come back for a good fifteen minutes. Check the mirrors in the corners of the hallways. If they're clear, go to the art room, it'll be open," she whispered. She plucked the cigarette from between my fingers, stood up, took a drag, winked at me and then walked back to her room.

I laid awake in my bed for what seemed like forever until I heard the soft creak and the nurse's voice. "Checks," she whispered before slowly backing out of the room. I waited another five minutes before turning towards Perry.

"Ready?" I asked. She nodded and we both lifted the knob on our bed posts and popped a strong enough dose of Valium to keep us going for the rest of the night.

Perry went first, to make sure the coast was clear. And then I took a deep breath and made my way towards the art room. Carmilla was standing in the doorway, holding the door open and Perry saluted her before ducking into the room. I smiled at her and she smirked back at me.

"Ready for some real fun, cupcake?"

I bit my lip and shrugged. "We'll see, Karnstein."

She laughed a hearty laugh and dragged me into the room before latching the door. We walked to the back of the room where there was a locked door. Danny threw Natalie what looked like a paperclip and she delved it into the lock.

Fifteen seconds later, we were walking through a dim corridor. Another turn, another and one more until we got to a chained door. LaF held out their hand. "Keys, Karnstein."

Carmilla dug into her pocket and handed her keys over to them. Once those were open, we were in tunnels, it looked like. Carmilla was walking in front of me, but turned to face me while we walked. "These tunnels were built back in early twenties so that the crazies didn't have to walk all over town to get somewhere."

I laughed, starting to feel the effects of the Valium and what felt like pure happiness. "Must have missed that in the brochure."

Sara Jane laughed and threw over her shoulder: "Tell me about it, Laura!"

And I couldn't help but wonder, maybe I was just crazy or maybe… just maybe this is what happiness was. Being with people who make you fucking feel something other than pain or guilt for once. It was better than nice, it was better than the drugs that were coursing through my system, better than my old life. And, yeah, maybe it was the drugs talking a little bit but for once in a long time I'm happy.

"You alright, cupcake?" Carmilla smirked. "You got that dopey look on your face. What's up?"

I smiled and then laughed and then somehow, I was crying. I was a mess, but I'd never felt more alive in my life. "I feel home."

Carmilla smiled. Like a real genuine smile and it made me smile. "Temporary home, sweetheart. Remember that."

We walked in silence for the rest of the trek through the tunnels until we got to an old room with a single bowling lane and really old bowling pins. "Finally, been waiting to come back here for fucking ages, Carmilla!" Elsie said, exasperated.

We took turns bowling and setting up the pins. We talked and sang and smoked and dreamed that maybe this was the right place for us in some twisted world. Not this one though. "Maybe we're not the freaks," LaF suggested, leaning against the brick wall.

"Maybe everyone else is and we're just the minority of normal people," Danny interjected.

"That's something a crazy person would say," Natalie said, rolling her eyes.

Danny laughed, and then LaF and then the rest of us, because it so was something a crazy person would say.

Perry waved her hands. "We're crazy, but we see the world a different way than everyone else, and I think that's pretty cool."

I leaned further into Carmilla, Perry leaned further into LaFontaine and the rest leaned further away from their comfort of sanity because we didn't have that here. If we did, we'd been be home now. "Alright, boys," Carmilla said, sitting up a bit, pulling me with her. "Let's go check Dr. Dyke's office, shall we?"

Danny throw a roll of old paper towel at her. "Dude," she chuckled. "We're all dykes."

Carmilla cocked her head. "You're bisexual, so shut the fuck up," she said, throwing the roll of paper towels back at her, smile on her face. "And Sara Jane is grossly heterosexual. And Perry doesn't even have a sexuality!"

"Not true!" Perry interjected. "I do, I just… don't have a name for it yet."

"Whatever, Pinocchio," Carmilla said and then gestured toward me. "And no one knows what cupcake over here is, although I could guess…"

"Shut up," I blushed.

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "Let's move it out before it hits sunrise."

We took a different way through the tunnels that led us to a locked door which, Natalie unlocked effortlessly. We were in Dr. Wick's office.

I'd been in here multiple times since I got here, but not like this. Carmilla walked around her desk, sat in her chair and popped a cigarette in her mouth, which Danny ended up lighting for her.

She moved some papers on the desk and picked up a large stack of folders. And started handing them off to their rightful owner. "Danny Lawrence, step right up," she smiled. "Sara Jane However You Say Your Last Name, take your prize, please. Natalie Whatever Your Last Name Is."

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking the folder and sitting cross legged on the floor. "Elsie… seriously, why can't I pronounce your guys' last names?" she rolled her eyes before handing over the folder. "Susan LaFontaine, Lola Perry, pleased to be of service for you."

"Mhmm."

"The Cupcake," she said with a knowing smile. And then she looked down at her folder, the thickest of them all and let out a shallow sigh. "Carmilla Karnstein."

After a few minutes of reading through our files, Carmilla spoke.

"Read em' and weep, boys."

LaFontaine went first. "Most likely schizophrenia, delusions of oneself…" they trailed off.

Perry next. "Compulsive liar, doesn't enjoy sex, most likely nothing wrong, just self delusions."

Carmilla went next, surprisingly. "Is a sociopath -"

Natalie cut in with a shrug. "I'm a sociopath."

"No, you're a dyke," she said, rolling her eyes. "There's a difference, believe it or not."

Sara Jane. "Sexually abused but doesn't seem to notice that there's something wrong with that…" she frowned. "I'm not being sexually ab -"

We all stared at her. "Yes you are!" we all said together.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, assholes."

Danny and Elsie had the same diagnosis. "Enjoys sex with both genders, most likely just a nymphomaniac."

Carmilla stared at me. "What about you, sunshine?"

I glanced back down at my file and frowned. "Borderline Personality Disorder. Dyke. Indulges in self destructive activities such as... casual sex?"

That got a big laugh.

"I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?"

"Rape," Perry said with a shrug. "Just saying."

We all nodded. "True, Perr, very true," LaF said, giving Perry a smile.

Carmilla glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner. "Shit, we gotta go. Put everything back where it was before and turn off all the lights, lock the doors. You know what to do," she said, pulling her keys out of her pocket and throwing them at Danny, who caught them easily.

"Wait, where are you going Alice in Wonderland?"

"I gotta show cupcake here one more thing before morning checks."

They all nodded, smirks on their faces knowing something I didn't. I didn't question it, just let her drag me to her room where she locked the door and softly pressed me against it. "Carm?"

"Listen, sweetheart," she began, licking her lips that were maybe a little bit too close to mine. "I was an asshole to you when you first got here, and for that… I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I whispered, shocked that out of all people she was apologizing.

She brought her hand up and brushed some hair from my face, giving me a soft smile. "That's the thing… it's not okay and I really am sorry," she sighed. "I think you're an interesting person, and I don't want you to think that I don't care all the time because, for some reason that I can't figure out yet…" she trailed off, her lips impossibly close to mine, "... I care about you."

I was literally about to close the millimeter distance between us when I felt her lips pressed into my forehead.

And seriously, either Valium makes you feel like a carbonated drink or Carmilla's lips have magic in them because I couldn't stop feeling the tingly sensation even after I went back to my room. I wrote about it, about this night, about last night, about what'll happen tomorrow and my forehead still didn't stop tingling until I stared at the ceiling so long that I saw stars.