"Do you not wish to see me, Rin?"
It had been so long since I'd heard that voice. The sound of it was bittersweet, beautiful and painful all at once. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and cut my stare at kaede.
The old woman's eyes shifted from mine. "I'm sorry, child. This was out of my hands."
Of course it was. I scoffed because I knew no one would refuse a command from Sesshomaru, no one smart at least. Tears stung my eyes, and I blinked them away. Why was I crying? Hadn't I waited for this moment, dreamt of it? He was standing right behind me and all I could feel was a bubbling rage. I willed it to calm, but my hands continued to shake and my feet refused to face him.
"Lord Sesshomaru," his name left as a whisper from my lips. The pain in my chest grew.
I glanced at him from over my shoulder. He bore no change. My lord's hair was still just as long, just as silver, his amber eyes still impassive. Was he happy to see me? Did he miss me? Is that why he had come now after all this time? I couldn't tell by his features alone. Lord Sesshomaru was never one to express what he felt. Perhaps I should be content that he was here at all.
But I wasn't.
My brows furrowed as I continued to survey him. He met my stare levelly. "Why have you come here?"
His arrival was slowly destroying the peace I'd made in his absence. I'd come to terms with his abandonment, even if I didn't understand it. For eight years I pretended to feel okay until I truly believed so. However, when gifts from him sporadically came, everything fell apart, reopening the wound I had so neatly sewed. Seeing him now in person, not as some abstract present, made it all the worse and it took every ounce of strength to hold myself together.
"How dare you speak to Lord Sesshomaru like that?" I'd forgotten I'd have to deal with him, too. I hadn't missed Jaken nearly as much. "Where are your manners, girl? By the looks of it you've grown more disrespectful than when you were a child."
I turned my face away from them both, not in the mood to reply to the tiny demon's banter or my lord's silence. "Well," I stepped toward my bags. My chest felt tight. I could hardly breathe. "Whatever it is you're here for can go on without me, I'm sure. I'm supposed leave at noon, and the sun is nearly at its peak."
Kaede handed over my weapons when I reached for them. The small dagger and refined blade felt familiar in my hands. They were solid, constant. I knew I could rely on them, and I tucked them safely in their sheaths at my hip.
"Rin, you've anticipated his return for some time now." I felt the heat of her eyes as I placed my luggage over my shoulder. "Why not stay?"
"Kaede," My words were somber, and my throat burned as tears strung in my eyes again. "What I am to do now is important. You know that. All these years you and the others have helped me prepare. If Lord Sesshomaru has anything to say he can do so before I leave." More quietly I said, "I will not wait on him anymore."
When my statement met with more quiet, I sighed and straightened my shoulders. I had long since realized that I did not need Lord Sesshomaru to feel secure and steady. I had grown into my own woman, and I was most certainly not the little girl who used to cower and run in his memory.
But even so, I knew a part of me still desired for him to treat me as if I were vulnerable, precious.
My eyes flickered to him.
I saw nothing that I so dearly wished for.