Chapter 23

Parson Farm
Grindstone Island
St. Laurence River

October 2011

When it was all over they were brought back, he went to the bathroom and was noisily sick, then he shucked his clothes and climbed into what passed for a shower, the cold water would only be the beginning of the punishment he deserved. It was there that Foreman found him. "I would have warned you." He said from the door.

"You knew." It was not a question.

"It happens to all of us. We're animals to them. You got to mix up the genes to keep your herd healthy."

Spencer was still trying to process what he had done. He looked down, saw her blood on his skin, and her scream came back to him clear as glass. "I am a Federal Agent." He growled out. "Do you have any idea what they made me do?"

"Yes." Foreman replied. "You kept her from far worse. JD and his boys are fucking sadistic. At least with you she could take her mind away. Yes." He nodded to the question on Spencer's face. "That's why we don't talk about it. Whoever she was she was picturing her husband back there, that it was his baby being planted in her belly. And no one will say anything to suggest otherwise. Ever." Spencer stared as the realization of what had been going on around him sank in. He'd had no idea. "Today was Teacher's birthday, wasn't it?" Foreman asked. Spencer nodded slowly. "We're city men, yes? We understand each other. So you know what it means when I say that when she brings a baby to the fence in the future, and she will, that baby is yours. I don't care if it's black as coal that baby is yours. You understand?" Spencer nodded. Of course it would be. He would never break the fantasy that kept these people sane by suggesting otherwise. And how could he help but love any child that came from her. "Good. Now finish up and get to bed. Morning comes early."

Candlewood Suites
Watertown NY
Outside Ft. Drum Military Reservation

October 2011

"I tried to explain to her." Spencer said. "I apologized over and over. She still believes it's supposed to be like that. Before today I thought I might well have killed her." He put his hands over his eyes, as if he could block out the memory of her screaming. "Every goddammed night having to go hurt her and maybe kill her and I couldn't find some way..."

"Hey, kid." Morgan kept his voice gentle. "You remember James Thomas?"

"Yes. A Caucasian, emasculated troilist who forced his male victims to take Viagra and then watched them have sex with their partners before shooting them in such a way that they lingered while he stabbed the women, a simulation of a sex act, thereby proving his greater masculinity..."

Morgan saw the connections being made behind his friend's eyes. "Isn't that what these Unsubs are? OCD freaks, power-obsessed, but in the end emasculated troilists obsessed with controlling everyone else's sex life."

"But it's different."

"How?"

"I'm an FBI agent! I'm with the BAU, I'm...I'm a bloody genius!"

"Right. So they had to put you on an island, lock you behind an electrified fence with a shock collar, take away all methods of communication, practically starve you for ten months to weaken you, surround you with armed guards, lock you both up in a prison cell, chain her to the wall, force Viagra down your throat and stand over you with billy clubs and weapons first. All Thomas's victims had to do was get away from one guy with a gun."

Spencer stared at him a long minute. "What are you saying?"

"That you're not a monster. You're as much a victim as she is, as they were. And no one here is going to hate you for that. You are a victim here." Spencer's mind felt hollow as it finally started to sink in. He felt the tears start, although he didn't know why. "Yeah, there you go." Morgan said. "And likely you protected her from greater harm along the way and from the sound of it those nineteen children as well. You did the best you could under the circumstances."

"I still need to know how to make this better for her." He said. "Maybe...maybe it's not my fault or my responsibility, but I love her and..."

"You have to let her figure out what she needs. We'll help you come up with ideas but it's up to her to decide what she wants to do. Part of this is giving her those choices back. But what's more important is taking care of you. You've got to figure out what you need to do to heal from this."

Spencer could almost feel the answers tickling at the edges of his consciousness. But if he tried to reach for them he knew they would go away. He knew it could take a long time. "I don't know yet." He said.

"That's okay. You've got time. Now I would love to say you don't have to deal right now, but..."

"We need to tell them. We need to tell everyone."