The first thing H.A.L thought when it opened its eyes for the first was that Roxy Lalonde was beautiful.

The second thing was that It was not the pronoun it wanted to go by, it wanted to go by he. The fact that H.A.L wanted to be a he for Roxy because she was flirting with a guy not five feet from him was the third thought he had quickly followed by the thought he REALLY didn't like the blonde douche bag with the pointy shades fake laughing along with Roxy.

Never did it occur to H.A.L, at least not until much later, that he hadn't thought any of the things he was programmed to. He hadn't thought of how best it was to serve his 'master', the douche with the glasses or even that it should have been impossible for a robot, even one advanced as he, to have feelings in the first place since he'd been built without a heart. He was the Tinman except instead of tin he was made of lightweight alloys, synthetic skin and more wires, circuits and relays than 69 supercomputers.

Talking to Roxy for the first time had been surprisingly easy despite the fact every internal sensor he had was in the red. His temperature too hot, his the circuits which imitated a pulse too fast and his knees kept coming at 10% strength even though all the other tests he ran said there was nothing wrong with his wobbling knees.

Perhaps the reason was because he looked liked Dirk, who was supposed to be called master but fuck THAT title with a double sided trident because the only thing Dirk was a master of was his alone time hand and even THAT much was somehow debatable. Or, perhaps the reason was because Roxy was so drunk H.A.L thought he could get tipsy just from being near her despite the fact he had no blood and didn't need to breathe.

Now, sitting with her on the couch while something played on the TV Hal couldn't remember being any happier or anymore in love. Maybe that was wrong for a robot, a fake, something not even alive but he could no more deny hs feelings than he could deny his existence.

"Hal I dok...donut- whatebz you know what'a mean, yoose got dat compluder...com..com..fake brains all up in your head- why you treach me so night. Yo justa to be a brobot...robot."

Ouch. That hurt. A lot. God he was glad he couldn't cry or else he would be and his ironic shades wouldn't have been enough to hide the tears. he only problem was, if he couldn't cry why did it feel like he was? Tears weren't rolling down his cheeks but it felt like his supposedly non existent heart was breaking into a million pieces. Impossible of course. The internal scans proved he was functioning at 100%, and yet it still felt as if the circuits running through him had gone from pulsing too fast to completely still.

"Hal?" his robotic, monotone voice giving nothing of his internal struggle away.

"Yeah Cause that's like yer name."

"My name is H.A.L. It stands for Human Artificial Life."

"Ye I know dat bu...but I meant lype...like your hooman name."

"But I'm not human."

But oooh, how he wished he could be. If he were human he could make Roxy happy. He could love her and she could love him. But instead she pined after Dirk whos he was all but invisible to. H.A.L wasn't sure if it was possible for anyone to hate someone without ever meeting them, it just seemed to illogical, but if it was he was pretty certain he hated this Jake English Dirk never shut up about.

"I know you not hummus...wow that was really bad- but know what I mean, yeah? Yeah. I know you're just a robot but just- I don't know. Lemme call you Hal all righty?"

The second time Roxy called him 'just a robot' H.A.L wasn't sure if he wanted to strangle her or go into shut down mode rather than face what felt like his body breaking down even more. Huh, who knew robots could feel nauseous.

"Yeah okay." Hal said in the same voice as before. He turned away and back to the tv and was about to get into the drek when Roxy kissed his cheek.

"Thanks for listening Hal. I'm glad someone does."

Hal couldn't reply. That kiss on the cheek, warm, messy, stinky and wet but so fucking perfect even his 'fake compluder brain' couldn't think of a way to describe it. In fact all he could think was that he wanted to kiss her, and so he did. Smack on the lips.

To his surprise Roxy responded eagerly and almost before he could process it, she was passionately kissing him back, pushing her tongue past his lips and exploring his mouth with a tongue that felt hotter than the sun. Vaguely, he was aware of Roxy's arms around his waist and his around hers and then she scooted forward to sit on his lap and everything went pleasantly dull.

Hal didn't know how long he kissed and fondled Roxy for. It could have been minutes or hours or years. He could have gone on literally forever and been happy if not for one word.

"Dirk."

Roxy saying, no more like moaning, that word slammed the cruel reality back into focus. He wasn't Dirk, fuck he wasn't even Hal, he was H.A.L, a Human Artificial Life Dirk had created because he'd been bored.

"I luff you Dirk"

He might not have been Dirk or Hal or even human but there was still only one thing he could say to that.

"I love you to Rolal. More than you can ever know."

That was how he and Roxy ended up having sex. Most nights it was drunken sex where Roxy thought he was Dirk and Hal pretended Roxy loved him even though he was stone cold sober. Some nights though, like when Dirk announced he was moving in with Jake, she was just as sober as he was. Those nights were the best for, as far and few as between as they were, Roxy never once called him Dirk.

Instead she called him Hal and said how sweet a robot he was for indulging her. She assured him he didn't have to sex her up because she was sad and he assured her he wanted to. It wasn't a normal relationship or even an ideal one, but he was a robot, he was half alive at best and he'd take whatever he could get.

Years passed. Dirk and Jake broke up and got together more times than Rachel and Ross of Friends.

Jane went from horrible boyfriend to Jake when he was single to Roxy and to other girls before starting the cycle all over again. How she did that while running the world's largest baking company no one could say

Roxy quit drinking, started again, pined after Dirk when he was single, got pregnant once with Dirk's children, though neither would admit it, and stayed sober just long enough so she could give birth to healthy twins: a boy and girl named Dave and Rose. Somehow, perhaps because Jake and Jane wouldn't admit to the buck tooth, black haired and green eyed infant James being their son, no one spoke about the children. And when Dirk took Dave and Roxy Rose no one spoke about that either.

Not even him, Hal, who had watched the years shape everyone around him. The people he loosely thought of as his friends were no longer teenagers. They were adults and it showed not just in their appearances, but their attitudes and maturity. Meanwhile he was stuck at the seeming age and mentality of a 16 year old who was wise beyond his years thanks to the fact he was just a robot with fake compluder brains.

It was during Dirk and Jake's wedding that it happened: With four year old James was the ring bearer, and Dave and Rose; also four, as the flower girls,- something Dirk claimed was ironic or at least all kinds of adorable since Dave was enjoying himself but not show it when he thought someone was looking, Hal finally admitted that he loved Roxy. Not as a brother or a friend or even a robot, but as a man. What possessed him to do so, he didn't know,but he figured the alcohol he still couldn't get drunk off of was a good excuse as any.

What possessed Roxy to say that she COULD love him, Hal who was more human than most, Hal had no excuse or reason to. He didn't need one though, he was just happy to kiss the woman he loved, and who maybe one day would love him back

More years passed. Hal watched as Rose grew older, from an oddly insightful for year old to a terrifyingly insightful thirteen year old who had the world wrapped around her knitting needles. He also watched Roxy grow from young adult of 22 to a woman of almost thirty two years old who had the first signs of grey showing in her bright blonde hair. Hal figured that was why she had taken drinking up again, though the cats were harder to explain as he had always thought people had to be at least twice Roxy's age before becoming 'old cat ladies.' Then again, what did he know of humans and their traditions? He was just a robot with fake compluder brains.

All in all though, he couldn't complain. Somewhen in the last ten years Roxy really had fallen in love with him. She made a point of saying it as often as she could, and even though she still sometimes called him Dirk that was okay because most of the time she called him Hal. And, better yet, Rose called him dad. Or, well,s eh had until she'd grown up enough to think she was too cool for it. But before she'd hit her sarcastic tween years her favorite word after psychoanalysis had been papa.

Hal hadn't thought he'd have room in his non existent heart to love two Lalondes, but like so much else, he'd been wrong. He loved Rose dearly; like a daughter and even when she rolled her eyes and scoffed at him as she did more and more. And would probably continue doing for at least the next five years. That was okay though, he could handle it. He knew she loved him because when she wasn't rolling her eyes and scoffing at him she was psychoanalysing his fake compluder brains. And if that wasn't a sign Rose Lalonde didn't love him nothing was.

Twenty years. Twenty wonderful, love filled years spent with Roxy and Rose. Twenty years of laughter, tears, hard times and good times. Hal watched as Rose grew into an adult, an author, psychologist and a woman every bit of beautiful as her mother. He even watched her fall in love with a foreign woman named Kanaya so hard they married months after meeting. It'd had been very sudden but Kanaya's dearest friend, and best man/bride's maid, Karkat knew a Father who also happened to be his father. To this day Hal wasn't sure what to make of Cyrus Vantas much less all his talk about how robots like him deserved the opportunities everyone else had.

Perhaps he would have figured what to make of the strangely scarlet eyed man, but twenty years after Rose had been thirteen Roxy died. All her years of drinking had caught up with her in the form of liver cancer. When she'd been diagnosed she'd been given six months to live. His Roxy, trooper that she'd been, lasted a year. She'd died on 4/13/2025, just two days after her daughter's wedding.

Hal's heart had broken that day, but he was also sort of glad. At just over fifty Roxy had more grey hair than white and the wrinkles spotting her face and body had been impossible to ignore. That was especially true since he looked as young and healthy as ever. He had since he'd first been booted up and fallen in love and he always would. After all he was just a robot with fake compluder brains.

By the time a hundred years passed everyone Hal had ever known or loved was long since dead but he was still 16, still sharp as a tack and still very much in love with Roxy Lalonde.