It was hard to get a good view of the man when soldiers were constantly blocking her view as they shifted around the training yard.
Cullen had recovered, for the most part anyway. He'd been reduced to walking around with a crutch which he had initially complained about, but had returned to his commanding duties as soon as Cassandra and Leliana had permitted him, regardless. At the moment he stood in his usual spot near the soldiers' encampment, watching the recruits slash and block each other with a focused scowl on his face.
The day had been slow thus far, and Arian found herself standing near the stables watching the Commander as he coached his men, a distant look in her indigo eyes. So far as he'd been functioning once more, he hadn't brought up the little incident that had happened between them, which led her to believe he likely didn't remember any of it. It was probably for the best anyway, she didn't want to fuel the lingering thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone.
Yet here she was, watching him from afar like a fair maiden in some bullshit romance novel Varric might be responsible for. This wasn't a novel though, this was reality. The odds of him returning her affections, riding in on a valiant steed and sweeping her off her feet were a thousand to one.
But…there was always that one little possibility, right?
"I think this is the third time this week I've caught you out here," a gruff voice said from behind her. Arian quickly turned in alarm to find the Iron Bull standing there, looking down at her with an amused expression.
"Bull, I-I…" Arian uttered, then groaned. She'd been found out.
Bull just chuckled, leaning over and putting his arm around the elf's shoulder. "It's alright, Cupcake. We've all been in your situation before; fawning over someone from a distance, not really sure how they feel about you in turn."
Arian scoffed, shaking her head. "And how could you possibly know that that's what I'm doing?"
Bull shrugged. "I know people, Cupcake. You have to learn to read actions when people don't speak aloud under the Qun. It hasn't proven un-useful thus far. And I know for a fact that you wouldn't be standing out here looking in that direction everyday if there wasn't some deeper meaning behind it. You don't seem like the type to just watch soldiers spar."
The elf sighed, turning her head slightly to see Cullen hobbling over to a pair of recruits and fixing their hold on their shields. A small smile came to her lips. He was so helpful, even in his condition.
"Now to just figure out who it is you've got your eyes on…" she heard Bull say intriguingly, and froze. There weren't very many guesses as to who it could be.
"You don't pay much attention to any of the soldiers, even when they are sparring. You don't seem to be interested in Cassandra, in fact I think you're far more scared of her than anything. It's okay, I am too. That only leaves one person…" Bull smirked knowingly, tapping a finger to his chin.
Arian huffed, crossing her arms. "Yes, okay? I…I have affections for the Commander; what of it?" The Qunari laughed, a hearty guffaw that nearly shook the ground.
"Nothing's wrong with it! It's actually really cute. The question I have instead is why you haven't pursued it."
The woman hesitated, looking downward at her feet and shuffling them a bit. "It's…I mean just look at him, Bull. What would he want with someone like me?"
"Oh, c'mon now, Cupcake. You can't be serious. I think he'd be lucky to have you. Hell knows it'd probably take that stick out of his ass," Bull replied with a snort.
Arian rolled her eyes, before something interesting in her peripheral view caught her attention. Standing next to some of the tents about twenty feet away were a group of human women, about four of them, all whispering and giggling; all looking straight at Cullen, who was speaking with one of his lieutenants. Immediately the Herald felt her teeth clench.
Bull seemed to have noticed this as well. "Looks like you've got some competition," he stated obviously.
Arian grunted, turning her head in anger. "They can have him. He'd probably be better off with one of them, anyway," she spat.
"Why? Because they have bigger tits? C'mon now, Cupcake, don't talk like that. I guarantee Cullen isn't just looking for a pretty face to keep his bed warm-" this caused Arian to shoot him a deadly glare, "N-not that you're not pretty!" he countered, waving his hands nervously. "What I mean is: he's more than likely looking for someone he has a deeper connection with, not just a physical fling."
"Let me guess; you can read him," the elf drawled as she watched one of the women walk by Cullen flauntingly, hips swaying and everything. The Commander cast her a quick glance, but his attention swiftly returned to his lieutenant instead.
"Yes, I can." Bull responded. "Cullen seems to be the kind of man who's after something permanent; he wants stability in a relationship. You can offer that for him, whereas someone like that ditz over there that keeps trying to get his attention has no chance."
"You seem to keep overlooking a key difference between me and them, though," Arian stated frustratingly whilst gesturing to her ears. Bull cocked a brow at her, then sighed.
"Do you really think him so shallow?" he asked, almost disappointingly.
The Herald frowned, her eyes glancing once again to the Commander who was, surprisingly, looking in their direction. Her breath hitched, and she swore she saw a slight rise in the corner of his mouth. Flustered, she turned away quickly.
"I-I…" she whispered, then swallowed. "I suppose not."
"Well then, there should be nothing stopping you," the Qunari concluded. "Trust me when I say, Cullen would be an idiot if he didn't consider having you. I mean I'd love to have you for myself, honestly. But you're far too delicate for my, ahem, preferences."
Arian snorted, shaking her head hopelessly. "Thank you for this, Bull," she then said, gratefully.
With a wink, he replied, "Anytime, Cupcake."
Cassandra had approached her later that week, and they were to seal the Breach tomorrow.
This was probably the reason why Arian couldn't sleep, no matter what position her body contorted into. She hadn't really been thinking of the moment that she and the mages they had recruited would actually close the hole in the sky, her thoughts usually set on which areas of Thedas would be claimed for the Inquisition that week; as well as her personal situation that she had yet to resolve.
Letting out a grunt, the elf sat up in her bed and combed her fingers through her hair a few times. Quietly she stood to her feet, making sure not to make any prompting noises for Leliana – who slept in the bed opposite with a blade under her pillow, to have any reason to attack her suddenly. Wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, she exited the small house she and the other woman shared, stepping out into the dark, chilly night.
There wasn't a soul present, save for a few soldiers who were sitting around a campfire near one of the tents set up in the village. Arian took in a deep breath, letting the frosty air fill her nostrils, providing a sort of soothing for her inner anxiety. This wasn't the first time she had done this, it likely wouldn't be the last. With all the fuss about her being Herald, sometimes she just needed to slip away, have a moment for herself to situate her thoughts.
Looking up, she smiled when she noticed the stars twinkling overhead. Such was one thing she had come to appreciate about Haven, how clear the sky was. It reminded her of the spots her clan always chose to camp in - open forests with a breathtaking view of the constellations spread across the heavens at night.
"Out in the freezing cold of Haven in the middle of the night without even a cloak to shield you. You must have desire for a fever, Herald," she heard someone say. Arian looked to her right and saw Cullen standing nearby, one of his brows turned upward in curiosity. If people didn't like materializing out of nowhere to interact with her...
"Cullen!" she gasped, tugging more at the blanket to ensure her nightdress remained covered. "W-what are you doing out here so late?"
The Commander scoffed as he approached her further. "I could ask you the same thing. At least I'm not going to freeze to death. Shouldn't you be resting up for the big day tomorrow?"
She sighed, shaking her head. "I suppose nerves are preventing me from such."
"Can't blame you there," Cullen replied. "We have faith in you though. Even if you did decide to bring in the mages to help, I don't doubt your capability."
She laughed. "Still uptight about that decision, hm?"
The man shrugged, shifting his weight to one hip as he crossed his arms. "Not necessarily, I just hope it wasn't a mistake. I don't doubt the mages' abilities to get the job done, I just don't know what will happen if their magic happens to backfire."
Arian placed a hand on his arm confidently. "There's always a possibility for failure, Cullen," she said to him slowly, "We shouldn't just hold the mages to that blame automatically." He turned his eyes to where her hand rested, his eyelids lowering a bit.
"I know that. And I'm trying, I really am. It's just…hard, to think otherwise after, well, everything."
She could understand that. After all, the man had seen his fair share of the misuses of magic in his lifetime. Even so, the choice to allow the mages to join their cause seemed like the wiser decision in the long-run in comparison to the Templars.
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you with your hair down," Cullen stated out of nowhere.
Arian hummed a laugh, her hands tousling her wheat-colored locks subconsciously. "What of it?" she asked. "It's a bit hard to sleep with it all tied up and such."
"It's…lovely," he told her quietly, his hands fidgeting with the hilt of his sword. Arian could feel her cheeks burn as she looked at him in surprise. Hopefully he didn't notice in the poor lighting.
"I…" she breathed, then swallowed. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. He took a deep breath then, the exhale that followed leaving a visible white puff in the air. "We, um…w-we should probably turn in for the night. So we're not, you know, dragging tomorrow," he then stammered with a cough.
"Good idea," Arian replied in amusement, tucking some hair that fell over her shoulder behind her ear. "I feel like my feet might freeze to the ground soon if I don't move."
The Commander chuckled. "Well, we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we? You're the leading force in our strategy, after all," he joked, albeit reassuringly. "Sleep well, Arian."
She felt a particular warmth at the sound of her name from his lips; it was the first time she had ever heard him say it, and he spoke it so…tenderly.
"Goodnight, Cullen," Arian responded softly, turning away from him to head back to her bed.
Giddy, girlish laughter could be heard traveling throughout the silent air of Haven. The Herald wouldn't have been shocked in the slightest if it took magic itself to remove the wide grin she was sure was currently plastered to her cheeks.