Disclaimer: Still don't own anything Batman related.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
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Meanwhile in another part of town, Dick Grayson was braving the weekly ritual known as going to the grocery story with two children. Two screaming, argumentative children, who fought like they were years younger to be precise, and who unfortunately had the vocal chords and lung capacity of teenagers.
Damian loudly decided that he needed to go grocery shopping in order to ensure that plebeians like Grayson and Drake purchased sufficient quantities of chocolate milk.
"No matter how much we buy, it won't be enough because Dami will hog it all," Tim griped.
"That's enough, we're not even at the grocery store yet." Dick turned to both of them. "Bruce gave me his credit card, so you can buy as much food as you want. And if we run out of food we can make another trip and get more."
"When I lived with mother, the servants would always bring us quality food. There was never any of this "vacation" nonsense. I thought father was a billionaire, and yet I was forced to endure burnt Pop Tarts for breakfast this morning."
"Well, you live in America now, get used to it," Tim shot back.
"That might be okay for an uncultured bore like yourself, Drake, but I require-"
Tim cut off Damian's reply with an uppercut to the jaw. Then they started exchanging blows and Dick sighed. Bringing Damian along always had the potential to be a double-edged sword. On one hand, if left at home, there was no telling what kind of mayhem he could cause. On the other hand, he was certain to be difficult in the store, especially since he currently had his own sword strapped to his back. His katana was a single edged sword though. Not that it made much of a difference; it was still very sharp.
Dick turned up the music and ignored the threats and scuffling from the backseat until he pulled up at the grocery store. Damian looked like he had gotten into a fight with a leaf-blower, and Tim looked like he had been dragged behind the car inside of sitting inside it. Dick sighed, at least there wasn't any permanent damage. Then he pointed at Damian's katana, haphazardly hanging from his back. "You have to leave your sword in the car, Dami."
"Drake was just telling me that I need to adjust to this culture, therefore I will start by bringing a weapon with me to a grocery store in order to protect myself."
"But Damian, the other customers are civilians. You shouldn't bring a weapon, you might scare them."
"Don't be ridiculous. Grayson. People open carry assault rifles in grocery stores all the time. I saw it on the news."
Dick rubbed his forehead, and wondered if there was any way to explain. Probably not, and with how stubborn Damian could be, it was better just to humor him. Hopefully people will think the sword is fake, Dick thought.
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Tim and Damian raced to the cereal aisle, tripping each other on the way there. Dick rolled his eyes and started filling the cart with veggies and other healthy food. He hurried through the meat section when he heard crashing and screaming from the other side of the store.
The cereal aisle was a warzone of scattered and smashed boxes. Or at least, it'd be what a warzone would look like if Captain Crunch ever declared war on Count Chocula. Tim and Damian had created separate forts with the cereal boxes and were currently throwing cartons of chocolate milk at each other. Sometimes they missed and knocked more cereal boxes off the shelves.
Dick wanted to facepalm forever and curse Bruce for leaving him to deal with the two hellions.
"Just pile your stuff in the cart and let's go," Dick grit. Maybe later he could ask Bruce to give whatever unfortunate employees who happened to be working today an anonymous "clean-up" donation.
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While they were waiting in the checkout line, Damian kicked at Tim's feet until Tim had enough and started kicking back. Then Damian drew his katana and started chasing Tim all around the store.
"Oh, are you taking your younger brothers shopping?" Edith the cashier asked while scanning Dick's produce.
"Yes," Dick answered and wished he could disappear into the Batcave. Fighting supervillains was a piece of cake compared to taking Tim and Damian out in public.
Edith chuckled as she scanned a smashed cereal box. "Young boys are so energetic. My nephew is like that now; he loves swords, everything is King Arthur and his knights or Batman and Robin." She scanned a milk carton that looked like it had been restyled to resemble an accordion.
Dick laughed nervously. "Yes of course. Dami has a plastic sword." He winced as he heard more crashing from the direction of the canned food display. "And I couldn't convince him to part with it to go shopping."
"Jimmy is exactly the same," Edith laughed.
Dick continued to laugh nervously and wished the day would end.
Dick paid for the groceries, gathered the two hellions known as Tim and Damian, and stuffed them all in the car.
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Then they grumpily arrived home. Damian and Tim had a contest as to who could unload the groceries faster, and ended up putting the entire bags in the refrigerator, unpacked.
Dick facepalmed. And decided he was tired of dealing with Tim and Damian's shenanigans. Let them live with the mess if that's the way they wanted it.
Then he checked his text messages. "Hey you two, suit up, Bruce might need back-up against the Joker."
All fighting was suspended as Damian and Tim rushed to get ready.
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In the meantime, Batman had finally arrived at the Clock Tower and dramatically landed on the ledge with a heroic flourish of his cape.
"Batsy, you came!" The joker giggled and clapped his hands. "And here I was thinking you didn't care anymore." He turned and folded his arms. "Don't think I've forgiven you for last night though." Then he glanced to look up at Franklin Ross, who was rapidly approaching the twelve. "Tell him Frankie. Tell him how I prepared everything perfectly, just for him, and then I was stood up." The Joker gritted his teeth and began to pace. "Five hours. That how long I waited and no Bats."
"Joker, stop this nonsense," Batman said gruffly. "What do you want?"
"Hmmm." The Joker tapped his foot and pursed his lips. "What do I want? That's an excellent question Batsy. Can't tell you; it'll ruin the joke!"
"Fine. If you have no demands, then I'll just handcuff you and take you back to Arkham."
"Ooh, I love a man of action, don't you, Frankie?"
Batman had no comment and roughly grabbed the Joker. But before he could Batcuff him, the Joker turned and sunk his yellowed teeth into his arm, drawing blood. "Ah!" Batman yelled, as he recoiled, putting pressure on the wound.
"And that's the joke!" the Joker screeched as he jumped away. "Oh you won't get it right away, but just wait, in a few days you'll see. You'll see how you're just as depraved and shortsighted and MAD as me! Or at least, you'll be the same, you'll just be able to see it better!" Still cackling, the Joker jumped into a nearby helicopter that one of his minions had brought.