It hadn't taken long for the women to go through the closets and realise that there really wasn't much of anything. They had a few tops between them and only two pairs of pants, besides the ones they were currently wearing.

The hallway closet had a few towels, face cloths, shampoo, conditioner, and a couple other items they would need, but for the most part, the women had to start from scratch.

"Is this how it was for you the first time?" Olivia asked as they returned downstairs, joining Alex on the couch. "Needing to buy everything?"

Alex shook her head.

"No. They had bought everything for me, right down to my underwear. I hated it. I was already away from everyone I loved, from everything I knew, and then I didn't even get to choose my own clothing, my own shampoo. This time, I told them to get the basic necessities and that I would get the rest. At least they chose decent furniture this time," she said, running her fingers over the soft material of the couch. "Last time I had this God awful burnt orange couch. I have no idea who the hell chose it, but they should be fired."

Olivia laughed.

"How are you doing with all of this?" Alex asked, looking at her.

"It's…kind of surreal? I don't really believe this is happening. I…I can't believe I'm sitting next to you."

"I know what you mean," she said, looking over at her. She hesitated before reaching out. Olivia smiled widely and took her hand, fiddling with it in her lap. The brunette had dreamed of having Alex with her again for so long, and now that she was here, she was at a loss as to how to proceed. They needed to talk, she knew that, but she didn't feel ready for that just yet. She was still too busy simply enjoying being with Alex, in her presence. Even if she wasn't holding her as she so deeply wanted, she was happy to just be with the other woman.

She intertwined their fingers, giving Alex's hand an affectionate squeeze. It felt so good to be holding the woman's hand again.

"How do you feel about what lies ahead? With work, living here…"

"It feels like a dream still. It hasn't sunk in."

"I understand that. That's how it felt the first time around. It took me months to finally realise that this new place, new job, was my life."

"What about this time around?"

Alex reflected.

"It feels kind of like before and yet vastly different. I can't really explain it. It feels awful that I have to restart all over again in a new house, new job, trying to fit into a life that I don't really want, but at the same time, it's completely different because I had some choice this time. I had some control and I know what to expect. I'm not as blind as I was last time."

She hesitated momentarily.

"…And this time, I have something I longed for so bad the first time around," she added, looking directly at Olivia.

The brunette smiled and gave her hand another affectionate squeeze.

"It feels like a dream, your being here. I fully expected to be by myself when I returned to the WPP. I never would have dreamed you'd come with me. I feel guilty and I'm scared that you're going to resent me, that you're going to see that this was a terrible idea and that you never should have come."

Alex looked away after finally voicing the worries that had been eating away at her. She was afraid to look into Olivia's eyes for fear of seeing something she so desperately feared: Olivia's regret. Alex was so scared to hope, scared to let herself be happy that the brunette had come with her, because she had had stupid hopes before and they had done nothing but blow up in her face. She never let herself get her hopes up about anything anymore. She had complete control over her emotions and that's how she liked it. That is, until it came to Olivia. She struggled fiercely to hide her emotions regarding the brunette, but it was useless. Olivia could almost always see through her. She was therefore not surprised when she felt Olivia tug on her hand and pull her closer.

"I'm really worried about it," Alex confessed in a whisper. "I missed you so much. I can't believe you're here. I want you here so bad…but I feel so selfish, knowing what you're going to go through. Knowing how you'll struggle and miss life back home. I'm so afraid you'll regret this," she finished, her voice cracking.

Olivia wrapped her arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head. She remained silent for a minute, collecting her thoughts before responding.

"I have missed you every single day since the moment you left, Alex. Every single day, I regretted not coming with you, not insisting that I join you. It will be the single biggest regret of my life, but I was in shock that night. I was overwhelmed by my emotions when I finally saw you. I had been given the single most devastating news of my life: my best friend, my girlfriend, my life had been taken away from me," Olivia fought the tears that threatened to fall when she remembered that moment.

"I had barely processed the news, barely really understood what had happened, when there you were: alive. I couldn't believe it. Then I find out you're being placed in the WPP and before I could even register what was happening, you were gone. I just let you leave," she said, her voice full of disgust for her inaction, "and that's something I will never forgive myself for.

Every day after that I thought, is she okay? What is she doing? Is she scared? I wish I could call her. I want to hold her. I need to be with her. I was drowning in regret and hurt, and it was hell just trying to get up in the morning. The more that time passed, the more I began to think that maybe you were settling into your new life and that you were happy, that you wouldn't need me. I hoped that you were doing better, that you were happy, because I couldn't bear the thought that you were alone and unhappy like I was. It got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore, so I pushed back everything I thought, everything I felt. I went through the motions every day, just trying to…survive until the day I could see you again.

Then this case started, and it just brought back all the old memories. I was reminded of how much I missed you, how much I needed you. I never really forgot, but I hadn't allowed myself to think about it in so long that it was almost like forgetting, if that makes sense. And then one day, you were suddenly before me, in Casey's office, and I was so shocked I could barely breathe. When it finally hit me that you were standing next to me, once I smelled you… God, had I ever missed that smell… it took every single ounce of restraint I had not to throw myself at you and never let go. But I didn't know how you felt…you seemed distant."

Olivia paused as she reflected. Alex had been very distant with her. She could read the blonde like a book and she had been able to tell immediately that the blonde had all her guards up. It had hurt, and she had kept her distance.

"I was confused too," Alex said, interrupting her thoughts. "I didn't know where I stood with you anymore. I had prepared myself to see you, you know. Well, or so I thought. I thought I had fooled myself into believing I could see you and not react. I was so wrong. Everything came flooding back…You made my heart stop," she paused, smiling sadly, "but I couldn't show how I felt because we weren't alone and because I didn't know how you felt.

In the hotel room, with Elliot, I kept thinking, I love you, El, but you're not the one I want to see right now. I was so scared and nervous that you were coming, but I wanted to see you. While he and I were playing backgammon, honestly, I was hardly present and I wasn't very enthusiastic. I was so distracted that I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking of you and how I was going to tell you how much I missed, how much I needed you. I thought about all the things I wanted to say to you. And then you showed up and…I lost my nerve. I didn't want you to know how much I missed you. I didn't let myself give into the hope that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you. I needed you, and that left me so vulnerable. I was scared. I was afraid you'd reject me. So I made it seem like I was moving on with my life. I lied to you. It killed me to lie to you, to make you believe such an ugly lie, but I was scared. I was a coward."

Alex shifted so that she was looking at Olivia.

"I'm sorry I did that, Olivia, I should have known better. I shouldn't have let my fear get to me, but I did. And I know we can't just pick up where we left off, but I want you to know that there was no one else. Not even a hint of anything else. I honestly didn't even really have any friends."

Olivia gave her a small smile.

"I understand why you did it, Alex. I know it's hard for you to be vulnerable like that. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't really hurt, but I'm really glad it was a lie and that you missed me too. I'm not glad to hear you weren't able to make friends though," she said softly, stroking the blonde's cheek.

"I missed you every day," Alex answered, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

The brunette shifted and took Alex's hand, intertwining their fingers once again.

"What I felt about not coming with you, Alex, it went beyond regret. It overwhelmed my life; it consumed me. I wouldn't have been able to overcome it this time if I hadn't joined you. When they told me you were leaving, I panicked. I knew I had to see you. And when you confirmed that it was true, that you were going back into the WPP, there was no decision to be made. I was coming with you come hell or high water.

I can't live another day with the "what ifs" or wondering if you're okay. I needed to be here with you. I'll never have to wonder now. I'll know. I know I can keep you safe and if I want to see you, I can. You're right here. And that… I have no words to describe how incredibly elated and relieved that makes me feel."

Alex paused as she absorbed Olivia's words.

"It's just so hard for me to accept that you would give up your entire life…How could you not regret this?"

"You were my entire life, Alex. You had been my entire life for over a year before you got taken away. I saw you every day either at work or at night when we hung out, and then we were together every single weekend. You were the first person I called when something happened at work, the first person I texted in the morning, and the last person I spoke to before I went to sleep. When we weren't together, I was thinking about what we could do together. And then when we started seeing each other, my life was complete. It could not have gotten any better. The feelings I'd been hiding for so long, I could now be honest about them. I could show you affection like I wanted to. And the best part was that you felt the same way. I was on Cloud 9 with you in my life."

Alex was still smiling after Olivia finished talking.

"I was so happy. You made me feel so giddy. It was the first time in a long time that I felt comfortable enough with someone to let them get that close," the blonde confessed. "You were so patient with me and that's exactly what I needed."

"I know it's not easy for you to open up, Alex. I treasure every time that you do."

Alex didn't say anything else. She simply rested against Olivia's shoulder and closed her eyes, enjoying the contact with the other woman. She had missed this… They sat in silence for a long while, simply enjoying their closeness. It had been far too long since they had done this.

"Did you want to do anything else today?"

Alex shook her head.

"I honestly just want to sit with you."

Olivia felt her insides warm.

"Okay," she said softly.

Olivia held Alex close, only pulling away to grab the remote and turn on a tv show. It didn't take long for Alex to fall asleep, her head resting against Olivia's chest. She had been listening to the sound of the woman's heart beating, and the gentle, soothing sound had lulled her into a peaceful sleep.

Olivia looked down and watched Alex sleeping peacefully against her, a wave of affection washing over her. She had missed her so much. She had ached for her so badly and now she was here, in her arms, where she belonged. She had missed saying her name, touching her skin, seeing her face. She had missed the way she would walk in a room and instantly know that Alex had just been there because she could still faintly smell her perfume. She missed the way the blonde fussed over her, cleaning Olivia's apartment and insisting that she get some sleep after a long shift. Alex took care of her, in a way that Olivia had never allowed anyone else to.

She kissed Alex's temple and stroked her hair out of her face, loving the way her stomach tightened with affection every time she saw the blonde. This woman brought out every gentle, loving, nurturing bone in her body. She wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms and love her, protect her. She could never regret coming here. Not when here meant being with Alex.

Olivia snuggled down into the couch, deciding to give into her body's desire for sleep. She shifted and wrapped her arm more snugly around Alex's waist before leaning her cheek against the top of the blonde's head and drifting off.