Olivia woke up the next morning to the sound of someone pulling into the driveway. She quickly slipped out of bed, ensuring not to wake Alex, and raced to the lime green bedroom where she could look out onto the driveway. Her heart rate slowed considerably when she saw Agents Thomas and Wilson exit their vehicle.

She bolted to her room and yanked on her bra, pulling down her shirt as she raced down the steps. She didn't want them waking Alex. She pulled open the door just as Agent Thomas had his hand up, ready to knock.

"Hey."

"Cameron," he nodded, making his way inside. "How have you been? Nice haircut."

"Thanks," she answered, trying to hide the fact that she was out of breath. "We've been fine."

"Good," he said, walking to the kitchen.

Olivia closed the door and followed him and Agent Wilson to the kitchen.

"I have something for you." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a handgun in a holster, as well as the I.D. cards he hadn't been able to provide her with before. "These are your cards," he said, handing them to her. Then, grabbing the gun, he continued. "I figured you'd want one for the house," he explained, setting it on the table.

Olivia nodded.

"I do. I was actually going to ask you about it today."

"It's not a problem if you want a different one. I just figured I'd bring this to you for now."

"Thanks."

"So I take it you've taken a ride into town."

Olivia nodded.

"We went to a diner and then took a short trip to Little Current. Seems like a decent place. Friendly."

"Yeah. I got that impression too."

"Are you two settling in okay?"

"Yes. Not really anything to report."

"Okay. And you've been calling each other by your new names, not discussing your prior place of residence or work?"

Olivia hesitated.

"You need to start doing so, Miss Cooper. Otherwise, it will become harder and harder to adapt to your new life. You need to be discussing your new life together, going over the details, so that you can start creating a past that even you believe. It is important that you do everything you can to become Cameron Cooper."

Olivia looked up at the ceiling when she heard footsteps above her head.

"That'll be Al-" she stopped when she met the Agent's eye. "Val. That'll be Val."

Alex came down the steps and paused when she saw everyone in the kitchen.

"Hi," she said, approaching them.

"Good morning, Valerie. Did you sleep well?"

Alex nodded.

"Good. I've just been explaining to Cameron that you need to start calling each other by your new names. You need to start adopting your new identities immediately. You should have begun doing so already. You more than anyone else should know how important it is."

"Yes, Agent. I know." She said curtly, immediately on the defensive.

"Good. Next time I see you, I expect things to be different."

Alex heard him, but she didn't answer. Instead, her eyes fell to the gun on the table. She took a step back, not even realising that she had done so. Olivia, noticing Alex's reaction, stepped forward and broke the woman's stare, placing herself between the table and Alex. The blonde glanced up and into Olivia's eyes.

"It'll stay in my room. It won't be anywhere near you."

Alex nodded, hating that she reacted this way to the gun, but being unable to do anything about it. She had never liked guns to begin with, but now, as much as she hated to admit it, they really scared her. She could still hear the sound of the gunshot from that night…

"Do you have any other concerns?"

Alex looked over at Agent Wilson as she wrapped her arms around herself. She shook her head. He looked over at Olivia, who said she had none.

"Have you memorised the number on the fridge?"

Silence.

"Ladies. I left you with specific instructions. This isn't a game."

"I know," Olivia answered sharply.

"Then show me that you do," Thomas responded. "You may be far away from what's going on in New York, but rest assured, things are still very much in chaos over there. There are people actively searching for you and you need to take this seriously. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening. This isn't a vacation. It isn't time to play. You," he said pointing to Alex, "are still a target. There are people who would do anything, pay anything to get rid of you. You need to start thinking about that. You have done this once before. You know the rules. And you," he said, turning to Olivia, "you came here for a purpose, or have you forgotten? You're supposed to be here protecting her. You aren't here to play house."

"I know," she said, gritting her teeth. She was angry with him for assuming he knew anything about what they were going through, but she was also angry with herself for losing sight of her goal. He was right. She had lost track of why she was here. She had gotten swept up in her old emotions. Seeing Alex, being with Alex, it had brought her right back. It really had felt like they were back together, just in a new place. She had finally gotten the woman back, finally gotten to hold her in her arms again. She had lost sight of what was really going on because she had gotten so distracted by her own feelings. How could she be so stupid? Someone could be watching them and she wouldn't even know it. They could have been followed…

No, she would know, wouldn't she? She would have noticed if anyone had been observing them. But then again, she had been so distracted by Alex. Maybe she wouldn't have noticed. Her negligence could have gotten Alex killed.

Olivia's stomach dropped. She felt like she was going to be sick. Her lack of vigilance had nearly cost Alex her life once before. If she had observed their surroundings more carefully back in New York, Alex never would have gotten shot. Olivia had never forgiven herself for that. She had nearly repeated that same mistake.

Oh God-

"Then start acting like you know," the Agent continued, yanking Olivia from her thoughts. "You came here for a reason. Start acting like you remember what it is. Did you manage to get yourselves a cellphone?"

"Yes. We each got one," Alex responded, jumping in when she saw how white Olivia had suddenly become. She noticed the way the brunette leaned against the counter, her shaky fingers gripping the edge.

"Good." He pulled out his phone and put each of their numbers into his contacts, creating another false name for each of them. "I will be by after your workday, Valerie, on Monday. I'll see you both then."

Alex saw them out as Olivia quickly made her way upstairs and hid the gun in her nightstand. She came back downstairs and found Alex standing quietly by the door.

"You okay?" The brunette asked softly.

"I'm angry. How dare they imply that we aren't being careful, that we aren't paying attention? How dare they pretend like they know what it's like? They have no idea. So what if I want to pretend in the privacy of our home? So what if I call you Olivia? I missed you. I still miss you, and you're right here with me. I missed saying your name and I'll be damned if I'm going to let them take that away from me. He has no right."

Olivia stood by the staircase, listening. When she didn't say anything, Alex stopped and looked over at her.

"Well?" she asked, softening her voice a little. "Don't you agree?"

Olivia hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. The truth was, she didn't. Agent Thomas was right.

"Don't tell me you agree with him."

"I missed you too, Alex. A lot. More than I could ever explain. But I the truth is… I think he's right, at least in part. I lost sight of why I came here with you. Honestly, I haven't really thought much about what is going on in New York because I've been on a high since we arrived. I missed you so much it hurt, and when I finally got you back, I lost sight of everything else because all I could see was you.

Agent Thomas just gave us a huge reality check. We've been completely reckless, irresponsible. We can't…" Olivia started pacing as the overwhelming realisation of what they'd been doing, what could have happened, hit her once again. "This has to change. We didn't just up and move here because we felt like it, because we wanted 'a change of scenery'. We're here because there are people trying to…" she trailed off, unable to say the words. "I can't," she paused, fighting back the tears. "I can't lose you again. I can't become distracted. You could have been killed! It's too important- you're too important- for me to give into my desire to be with you and just forget the rest. I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I allowed myself to."

Olivia was pacing around, her energy levels rising the more she spoke. You're a fucking cop. Your job is to protect people. You already failed her once. You could have failed her again. How could you? How could you be so stupid?

Alex watched as the woman before her slowly worked herself into a frenzy. She could feel her pulse rising as her body filled with fear. The way Olivia was speaking…she wanted to end this between them? It had only just started!

"No one will know what we say in the privacy of our own home, Liv. Out there, fine. I'll call you Cam. I'll be a librarian. I'll be from Maine and have a dead mom and a deadbeat dad. I'll do whatever the hell I need to do. But here, I want to be us. I want to be me. I don't want to go back to faking it, being someone I'm not. I want to be with you. We can't just stop. I love you. I want to be with you."

Alex took a step forward, her eyes swimming with tears. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to lose her again. Olivia couldn't be serious. How could she want to stop this when it had barely even started? When they had gone so long without one another? It would be even more difficult now, having her right here but having to pretend like she didn't love her. Oh God, did she ever love her. Her heart hurt with how much she did, with how much she needed her. And now Olivia was pushing her away. She couldn't. Alex felt like she was suffocating.

"We can't, Lex," Olivia said, her voice breaking. "It'd be too hard. You know that and I know that. We can't be one thing out there and be another in here. At least, I can't. If people are going to buy our story, we have to believe it ourselves. I won't jeopardise this. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, but he's right. We aren't Olivia and Alex anymore. Velez is still alive and he wants you dead. I will not let that happen to you. I can't-"

"What? So I don't get a say? What I want doesn't matter?"

"Of course it matters."

"Then why aren't you listening to me? I don't want to stop what we have. I refuse to agree to what you're saying. I want to be with you, at the very least when we're alone. Out there, fine. I'll be Valerie Whatever and I'll be a god damn librarian and I'll do it with a smile on my face. But here, in the privacy of our home, I want to be Alex , and I want to love you."

"We can't-" Olivia said, her voice breaking.

Alex, unable to hear anymore, left the hallway. She made her way into the kitchen, looking around desperately. She didn't know what she was searching for, but she searched anyway. Her emotions threatened to overwhelm her and she had to get out. She was suffocating. She was drowning. She needed to get out. Olivia couldn't be serious. This couldn't be happening.

She let out a desperate sob of frustration before she found what she needed:

Car keys.

She yanked them from the counter and gripped them tight, finding relief in the way they dug painfully into her palm. She could deal with pain. What she couldn't deal with was this horrible, overwhelming hurt that threatened to bring her to her knees. She dug deep into herself, finding the anger that always saved her, that helped her survive, that helped her win so many cases back in New York. She found that anger and she latched onto it, because if she didn't, she would break down and lose herself completely.

She stormed down the hallway, ignoring Olivia until the woman said her name, her real name, followed by "honey". She whipped around, her anger quickly replacing the hurt she felt.

"No! You don't get to call me that anymore. If this is how you want it, Olivia Benson," she shook her head, "Cameron Whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is, then so be it. That's it. We'll become roommates or colleagues or whatever the hell you want to call us because apparently I don't get a choice anymore. What I want matters? Bullshit. It's what Olivia Benson and what Agent Thomas and what some fat jerk sitting behind a desk in the WPP want. But Alex?" she said, her voice turning venomous. "No. Alex doesn't get to choose her name, her house, her job, her anything. Everyone else is making decisions for her, telling her what's best for her. Well, guess what? If I can't control anything else in my life, I'll at least fucking control what you call me. And if I'm nothing more than Valerie, than some librarian you're living with, then you don't get to call me anything even close to a pet name. You get no say in my life. And while you're making all the decisions around here, why don't you decide what the fuck Valerie and Cameron are to each other because they sure as hell aren't lovers."

Alex slammed the door on her way out, taking pleasure in the way that Olivia was stunned into silence.

She turned and stormed off down the driveway to their vehicle. She whipped open the door and got in, driving off as soon as the ignition started. She knew she was being cruel; she knew she wasn't being fair, but she didn't care. She hated Olivia in that moment. She had to, because she couldn't acknowledge that Olivia's rejection had hurt her more than anything else in her life up to that point.

Alex wiped angrily at her eyes, hating that her heart was in so much pain when all she wanted to do was feel anger. She hated that Olivia affected her in this way. She felt betrayed. Didn't Olivia love her? Didn't she want to be with her? Why was she pushing her away like this?

It didn't matter, Alex decided. She pushed down all of the hurt she felt, bottling it deep down like she always did. She latched back onto the anger she felt and let it take over, filling her. Anger was safer; she could do anger. She did it very well. It was her go-to emotion when things got too difficult, and it had always served her well.

"Fine," she said aloud. If this is how Olivia wanted it, then this is how it would be. Damn her. Alex didn't need her. She had survived for over a year on her own and she had survived a hell of a lot longer than that in New York City. She could do this. She was a fool for thinking Olivia loved her that much. If she did, she wouldn't do this to her. She wouldn't break her heart into a million pieces. She wouldn't have lied and said she wanted to be with her. She wouldn't reject her the way she did. She would just love her.

"I hate you," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. But the words sounded hollow and empty even to her own ears.