These chapters will be all about the angst. I hope you will stick with me through it :) I love angst!

Olivia watched as Alex sped out of the driveway, pain radiating through her body. The hurt she felt cut like a knife, and she wanted nothing more than to chase after the blonde and apologise. But, she knew she couldn't, and that's what hurt the most. It was impossible not to hurt Alex with this decision, even though she knew it was the right one. It had to be like this. The Agent was right, and Olivia had no choice but to change the way things were going, because she couldn't allow herself to become distracted.

She had been selfish. She wanted to have Alex to herself again. She wanted to act like a couple, let herself be lost in love once again. It had been so long since she had been able to be with the woman that she gave into her desires. She had been ignoring her thoughts, the ones that told her that maybe it was a bad idea, maybe she should take a step back in order to be objective. She had pushed those thoughts away because damn it, she wanted Alex and Alex wanted her. They had waited sixteen months to be together. They had a right to be together.

But right or no right, Alex was in danger. Alex needed protecting. How could she protect her if she was so blinded by her feelings for the other woman that she couldn't remain focused, remain alert? She felt that she had to cut things off between them before they got too serious again, she felt she had done the right thing for the two of them, but then why did it hurt so fucking much?

Olivia sighed and made her way to the fridge, grabbing the small piece of paper with the telephone number Agent Thomas had left her. She then made her way outside, walking to the dock and sitting on the edge of it. She lifted her pant legs and let her feet dip into the water, swirling her toes in the cool liquid. She made small patterns with her feet, watching them disappear as she tried to calm the thoughts in her head. She couldn't stop replaying the words Alex had spat at her before she left. They had hurt, as Alex had intended them to, even though she knew the blonde had said them in anger. It still hurt.

But then, Alex hurt too. She had rejected her. She really hadn't given Alex a choice in the matter; she had decided for the two of them. But she had no other option. She did what needed to be done and one day Alex would understand. Wouldn't she?

Olivia unfolded the crumpled piece of paper in her hand and began memorising the numbers, repeating them over and over again, ingraining them into her mind. She repeated the number backwards and forward, writing it out with her finger against the dock. She was so focused on her task that she didn't hear the teenager slowly approaching on her bike.

"Hey, Russell Crowe, you about done mumbling numbers over there?"

Olivia whipped her head up as Hannah dropped her bike on the grass at the edge of the dock. The girl slowly made her way over, a small smile on her lips. Olivia smiled back, genuinely grateful for the distraction.

Hannah shoved her hands in her pockets before dropping down next to her.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Just trying to memorise my new number."

Hannah nodded.

"I saw Val drive by when I was on my bike. She looked kind of upset."

Olivia paused, carefully weighing her words. She decided to be honest but brief.

"We had a disagreement, that's all."

"Ah," Hannah nodded in understanding. "You wanna talk about it?"

Olivia smiled at her.

"Nah, we'll figure it out. Thanks though."

A small silence fell between them until Hannah finally broke it.

"My mom and her husband argue a lot."

"That doesn't sound very pleasant," Olivia responded.

"Not my problem."

"No, I guess it isn't. Do they know you're here?"

"No, but they know I'm around. I don't go far."

"Do you want to call them so they know where you are?"

"No. It wouldn't matter anyway. I'm never home."

"Why not?"

"I would just rather be out, that's all. They have their own life, and I just try to keep out of it."

The detective in Olivia surfaced, her earlier argument with Alex pushed from her mind. Hannah's comment, while said nonchalantly, was concerning.

"Do you like her husband?"

"He's okay. He mostly ignores me, but that's fine. Better than him being a jerk to me like my own dad."

"Do you see him much?" Olivia asked gently.

"Who?" Hannah asked, looking at her. "My dad?"

"Yes."

"Not really. I mean, he sends me money at Christmas and calls when he feels like it, but mostly I avoid him. He's nice for like a day and then he starts being an asshole, so I just avoid him. It's better that way."

"He doesn't sound like a very nice man," Olivia responded, keeping all judgement from her voice. She knew from experience that if she said too much, it would make the girl clam up.

"He's not," she said quietly. "Anyway, how did we get onto this subject? I came here to see if things were okay between you guys, not for you to go all therapist on me."

Olivia smiled.

"It can be nice to talk to someone once in a while."

"Yeah, but you're not here to listen to some whiny teenager's home problems."

"You're not a whiny teenager," she responded. "And for the record, I like listening. You're interesting."

"You don't even know me," she said, not unkindly. "Maybe I'm the most boring person ever."

Olivia chuckled.

"I doubt that. Tell me about yourself then, Hannah. So that I do know you."

"Well…" the girl trailed off, thinking. "I was born and raised here most of my life, but I moved around a lot for a while. I eventually ended up back in my home town though. I'm decent in school I guess, but my best subject is Math. I hate English. I don't see the point in analysing poems or finding out "the author's meaning" in whatever story we happen to be studying. It's boring as all hell. I swear a lot, but I'm trying to stop 'cause I have two younger siblings at home. They annoy the shit out of me, but I'm nice to them anyway. It's not their fault they're annoying."

"What are their names?"

"Hailey and Hunter. My mom named them with H's because she thought it'd be cute. I begged her not to be one of those moms, but she didn't listen," she said, rolling her eyes.

Olivia laughed.

"I think it's cute."

"It's not. It's lame," she answered. "Trust me."

"Alright. How old are they?"

"Hailey is five and Hunter just turned two. I have a picture of them on my phone if you want to see."

"Sure."

Hannah dug her phone out of her pocket and swiped her finger across the screen. She then handed it to Olivia.

"They're adorable," Olivia said, glancing down at the picture. Two blonde-haired, green eyed children were grinning wildly at the camera. "It's sweet that you have them as your home screen," she added, handing her the phone back.

"Yeah, well, I do love them even though they bug the shit out of me. They don't leave me alone when I'm home. Another reason I try to stay away. Sometimes I just want some "me" time."

Olivia nodded in understanding.

"It's important at your age to get that. I imagine it's not that easy with two little kids at home."

"It's not," she said.

"So where do you go when you need to get away?"

"Wherever. I go to the library or I stay at the school. I ride my bike a lot and just find a place to hang out. Sometimes I go to a friend's."

Olivia couldn't help but feel some concern at the girl's mention of just "hanging out" at a random place. It wasn't safe to do that, no matter how small a city they were in.

"You know, you can always come here if you need a place to get away. You can come and sit on the dock if you want to be alone, or you can come inside with Al-" Olivia's voice caught in her throat so quickly that she began coughing. Damn it. She was going to have to work on that.

Hannah chuckled, oblivious to the woman's misspoken word.

"Valerie? Can't even say her name without having a coughing fit? Man. That must have been some fight."

"It wasn't a fight," Olivia responded, grateful that she hadn't noticed her slip. "We just had a disagreement."

"Yeah, well, whatever the disagreement was, it must have been a pretty good one."

Olivia nodded.

"It was."

"Are you okay?" Hannah asked, noticing the woman's mood falter.

"I'm fine," she said with a sigh. "I just hate when things aren't good, you know?"

"Yeah," she said, pausing. "Did you fuck up?" she asked, a hint of humour in her voice.

Olivia felt her lips break into a smile at the teasing tone.

"No, I did not fuck up," she said, gently nudging the girl with her shoulder. "Maybe I did," she sighed. "I don't know. I hope I didn't," she added, a little more seriously. She wondered briefly if Alex was right, if Hannah knew that they were more than just housemates.

"Will she forgive you?"

"She usually does, but this one was a pretty good argument. I'm not so sure this time."

"You didn't cheat on her, did you? Because I'm gonna have to side with her on that one."

"No! No. Nothing like that. I'd never do that."

"Good."

They fell silent again, Olivia fighting the smile playing on her lips. She bit her bottom lip in an effort to stop it, but she was fighting a losing battle.

"Why are you smiling? We're discussing the fight you just had with your girlfriend. How is that funny?"

As great as it felt to hear someone announce the type of relationship she so desperately wanted with Alex, she also couldn't allow the girl to believe something that wasn't true.

"We're not… she's not my girlfriend. And I wasn't smiling because we fought. I was smiling because," she paused, smiling again. "I was smiling because she was right."

"About your argument?"

"No, not this one. We were having a debate the other day and she was right. I'm never gonna hear the end of it."

"A debate about what?"

"You actually."

"Me?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes."

"What was the debate?" she asked, a little uneasy. She wasn't sure if it was because they had argued about her presence. Maybe she shouldn't be coming by here anymore.

Olivia noticed the girl's expression and smiled gently at her.

"It was nothing bad. We were just debating over whether or not you knew we were…" she trailed off.

"Gay?"

"Yeah. And Val was frustratingly sure of herself when she declared that you did know. I said that there was no way you could just tell. Now she's gonna be smug about it when she finds out she was right."

Hannah grinned at her.

"She was right. I did know."

"I don't see how you can just know."

"Don't you have a gaydar? You just pick it up on some people."

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh.

"That's what she tells me. I guess mine is just broken. It's very inconvenient."

Hannah chuckled.

"Anyway, kiddo. You hungry? I have some pizza pockets in the freezer waiting for us."

"Oh, sweet. I love those," she responded, quickly getting up.

"Me too. Do you have any allergies?"

"No. Thank God. It seems everyone is allergic to something nowadays."

"I know," the brunette agreed, leading the way to the kitchen. When they arrived, Olivia immediately went to the freezer and pulled out their frozen snacks, placing two on a plate and throwing it in the microwave. They chatted about Hannah's school as Olivia set the table, listening as the girl described her favourite and least favourite teachers. The brunette enjoyed the girl's chatter. She had always enjoyed talking to teenagers; she found them very interesting. It was nice to have Hannah open up to her, especially since it seemed the girl didn't really have anyone to talk to in the first place. She again reiterated that she was more than welcome to stop by any time, wanting the girl to feel she had a safe place to go to in case she needed it. Hannah simply thanked her.

"I mean it," she said, handing the girl the first two pizza pockets before placing the next two in the microwave for herself. "Here. You can have the first one."

She sat at the table across from Hannah, smiling when the girl quickly dug into her meal.

"Thanks. My mom never buys this stuff. She says it's nothing but junk."

"She's right. Val doesn't let me eat them often either. But, I snuck by the grocery store earlier and stocked up."

Hannah raised her eyebrows.

"Well thanks for sharing your stash."

Olivia laughed.

"You're welcome. I can always buy more."

"That's the great thing about being an adult. You can just buy whatever you want and eat as much of it as you want."

"Yeah, but at the same time, there's that voice in your head that was never there before telling you that you shouldn't."

"Ignore it."

"Sometimes I do," Olivia said with a wink.

She got up and grabbed her plate when she heard the microwave, taking a bite of the nearest pizza pocket before she even sat down.

"Oh! Hot, hot," she said, gulping in breaths of air in an attempt to cool down the food in her mouth.

Hannah laughed loudly, greatly enjoying Olivia's display.

"Forty years old and still doesn't know how to eat a pizza pocket."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up as she plopped down in her chair.

"Forty?! I am not forty! I should beat you for that one."

The girl giggled.

"Okay, like, thirty nine."

"You're lucky you're not my kid. I'd beat you," she said teasingly.

"It'd be worth it as long as you did it after I finished my pizza pockets," she replied, grinning.

Before Olivia could respond, she heard the front door open. She quickly turned in her seat, calling out to "Valerie".

"It's me," came a curt voice.

"We have a guest," Olivia called back. She knew Alex wouldn't appreciate not being warned of the fact that someone was present if she started going off on Olivia about earlier.

Alex, confused, made her way to the kitchen.

"Who-"

She stopped her question when she saw the familiar face sitting at the kitchen table, half a pizza pocket in her hand.

"Oh. Hi, Hannah. It's nice to see you again."

"Hey. Nice haircut."

Olivia, who had turned away after calling to Alex, quickly turned back around. Her eyebrows rose slightly in surprise. Alex had indeed gotten a haircut. A much shorter haircut. Her hair now fell at her shoulders, in layers, curling out slightly at the bottom. She looked great, as always, but Olivia couldn't help but feel slightly hurt that the blonde had chopped of the hair she loved so much. She supposed that's why she did it though.

"Thanks. I needed a change."

The room fell silent, and Hannah could feel the tension in the air. She decided to leave since it was obvious the two women needed to talk. Besides, if she wanted to stay in a tension-filled environment, she could just go home.

"Well, I'll go now," Hannah said, getting up. She finished the last of her pizza pocket and brought her plate to the sink.

"No, Hannah. You don't have to go. I'm going to go upstairs anyways. You guys can enjoy your visit."

"Nah, it's good. I know you guys need to talk and besides, I've been bugging Cam long enough." She turned to Olivia. "Thanks for sharing your stash. I won't tell the wife," she joked, jerking her thumb in Alex's direction.

Olivia forced a smile, but didn't look over at Alex. She didn't want to see her expression after Hannah made the comment. Instead, she followed the girl outside, bidding her goodnight after she left on her bike.

Olivia took a deep breath of fresh air before returning back inside. She didn't know how the evening would progress, considering there were still quite a few hours before bedtime. She stepped into the kitchen, stopping when she noticed it was empty. She made her way to the living room, but Alex wasn't there either. She heard rummaging upstairs, so she cautiously made her way up, walking to the woman's bedroom. The door was still open, so Olivia knocked against the doorframe before leaning up against it.

Alex glanced in her direction before turning back to the bags on her bed.

"You went shopping."

"Good observation, D.A." she said coldly. "I needed clothing."

"Listen…I wanted to talk-"

"No. There is nothing to talk about," she said, cutting her off. "We've discussed enough already. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to try these things on."

Alex all but slammed the door in Olivia's face, clearly indicating that her anger had not dissipated in the hours since she'd left. Olivia sighed, making her way downstairs. It had only been a few hours since their argument, but to the brunette, it felt like years. She hated when they fought, and she knew things would be strained between them for a while. Alex was hurt, understandably, and it would take her a long time to finally talk.

Olivia sighed and sat on the couch, turning on the television but not really watching it. She was alone with her thoughts now that Hannah had gone, and the argument from earlier was playing over in her mind. She couldn't rid herself of the image of Alex's hurt expression from her mind. It killed her to upset her like that, but she didn't do it on purpose. She wasn't actively trying to, but she knew it was an inevitable consequence of the choice she had made. Not that she really felt she had one to begin with.

She ran her fingers roughly through her hair, flicking through the channels with the other hand. She settled on The Simpsons, hoping that the cartoon would at least distract her enough to keep her mind from taking over. She kept glancing at the staircase, hoping the blonde would come down, but she didn't. Olivia heard the washing machine start up at some point that evening, but other than that, there was only silence from upstairs.

The brunette finally turned off the television at nine that evening, turning in early. She couldn't stand anymore mindless television. She would have to go shopping tomorrow, if Alex didn't take the SUV, because she currently didn't have any work clothes. What she had in her closet would definitely not cut it. And she needed to get a laptop and more ammunition for the gun she had stored in her drawer. She would also need to buy deadbolts for their doors and some tools to install them. She definitely wanted to get an alarm system for the house too. It would be a busy day tomorrow, but Olivia was grateful for it. She would need the distraction.

She made her way up the stairs, making a mental note of anything else she might need tomorrow. When she reached the top step, she was unable to stop herself from glancing over at Alex's door. It was shut and the light was off.

Olivia sighed and made her way to the bathroom, getting ready for bed. She stared in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, seeing the worry lines formed around her eyes. She rubbed at them, hoping they would disappear. She was disappointed to see that her attempts did nothing.

She brought her hand down and held the side of the sink as she spat into the drain, swishing some water around her mouth before spitting that out too. She put her toothbrush away and turned off the light before making her way to her bedroom. She stopped short as she crossed the threshold into her room, noticing for the first time the piles of folded clothing on her bed.

She slowly made her way over, reaching down and lifting the first piece of clothing. It was a navy blue blouse, in her size, and it was exactly her style. She gently put it down on the bed, staring in disbelief. She slowly sat, flipping through the stack of shirts, blouses, tank tops, black pants, and jeans. At the very bottom, Alex had neatly folded underwear and socks, as well as a new bra.

Olivia was at a loss for words. The thoughts in her mind were starting to overwhelm her. Alex, despite her hurt and anger, had bought her clothes. She had even washed them. The brunette reached out and pulled a tank top to her nose, taking a deep breath. She had even bought the laundry detergent that Alex used to use in New York, the one Olivia loved. The brunette looked away, trying to work through her emotions. Tears were brimming in her eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to stride over to Alex's room and engulf the woman in a hug, apologise for her hurting her and ask for her forgiveness. It would be pointless though, because she still felt like she was doing what she needed to do. They couldn't be together while she was trying to protect her. That knowledge did nothing to quell the overwhelming sadness that engulfed her though.

Olivia brought the tank top to her mouth to muffle the sob that escaped her lips, and when she took a deep breath to calm herself, the familiar scent of Alex's detergent caused her to cough out another sob. The smell instantly brought her back to cuddling on the couch with Alex under a freshly laundered blanket, to the time she had playfully scooped the woman in her arms after Alex had declared that she wasn't strong enough to lift her, and then to the times she had pulled the blonde into her arms when she broke down after losing a case. Alex had smelled the same in every one of those situations; she had smelled just like the tank top.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why did things have to turn out this way? Couldn't Alex see that Olivia missed them too, that she missed them being together? She missed New York back when Alex was there, she missed fighting with her in her office, she missed the way Alex came to her when she was excited, she missed their late night talks. She missed everything about the time when Alex was there with her. She missed it all, but if she wanted that back, she had to keep Alex safe. And keeping her safe meant making sacrifices so that they could have that again.

She looked over at Alex's door, tears streaming down her face. Can't you see that, Alex? I'm doing this for us.

She missed Elliot. She needed him. She needed to talk to him. He could tell her what to do. Olivia curled up in a ball on her bed, sobbing into her pillow. She felt so lost. She missed her old life with Alex, the one where things weren't so scary and confusing. She cried for the loss of that life. She cried for the loss of everything she had had with Alex. She cried for all the hurt and pain they had both experienced since Alex was ripped away from New York, and she cried for all the hurt they both felt now, in their new life. She cried until she could cry no more, until she was left with burning eyes staring out onto the lake, wondering how in the world she would overcome this overwhelming sadness.