This is from Alex's POV :) I promise it's not all angst from here on out. But for those of us who enjoy a little angst, read on !
While Olivia was in the bathroom, Alex lay in her bed, curled up under the blanket. She listened to the sounds of the woman getting ready for bed, her heart heavy in her chest. She had spent the entire day out of the house, hoping against hope that her feelings of hurt and betrayal would disappear, but they didn't. In fact, the hurt only doubled when she returned home to find Olivia laughing at the kitchen table with Hannah. It was like she didn't even care, like she wasn't crumbling inside the way Alex was. The blonde had spent most of the day doing anything she could to remain distracted. She had even gotten her hair cut, hoping it would help her feel different. And it did, in a way. She decided that this was how Valerie would wear her hair, and she was pleased about that, but Alex still felt incredibly sad.
Still though, she put on a brave face and she chatted with Kelly, the woman who had cut their hair just a few days ago. The hairdresser had been surprised to see her again so soon, but she was happy to cut her hair when Alex announced she had had a change of heart and wanted something different. The hairdresser had asked how they were settling in, how they liked their new home, and Alex told her they were settling in well and everyone was very nice. The former councillor was good at acting; she knew how to pretend, and she didn't know if she felt happy or sad that Kelly had bought her entire charade.
She had left the salon feeling at least a little better. Kelly had managed to pull a couple of genuine smiles from her with some of her stories. By the time Alex had arrived at the clothing store, she felt well enough to do some shopping. It was still too early to return home, and she did need clothing. So, she spent the next several hours poring through racks of clothing, eventually deciding that Valerie would be a black-bottoms-and-blouses type of girl. She bought four black skirts of various styles, along with several pairs of black pants. She decided to buy at least a couple of lighter coloured trousers just in case, as well as some jeans and yoga pants for home. She then went through the blouses, sticking mostly to ¾ length ones. The ones that buttoned at the wrist irritated her, but she was often cold with the short sleeved ones. She bought some of the latter anyway, along with a nice suit jacket that would match her skirts. The dresses she chose were practical, but nice, and she knew she'd be wearing those both at home and at work. She also bought a couple of purses, make-up, some underwear, a few bras, and some socks, knowing she'd need those too.
She had debated after loading up the SUV whether or not to buy some things for Olivia. She hadn't wanted to. She was still hurt and angry, but she knew she should. She still loved her, and she knew how much the woman hated clothes shopping. And Olivia did need them if she was starting work in a couple of days. Alex had sighed, debating internally. Her heart told her she should, while her head and her emotions told her to leave the woman to her own devices. Eventually, her heart won out and she drove to a nearby mall, one where she had seen some shops that looked promising. The boutique in which she had just shopped would have nothing for Olivia.
She ended up buying the woman just a few things, enough to tie her over for the next couple of weeks. She had bought things that seemed practical, refusing to imagine Olivia wearing them. It hurt too much. She did, however, allow herself to buy a single muscle shirt for the other woman. It was her favourite thing to see Olivia wearing, and she did indulge herself that one item.
Alex was brought back to the present by the sound of the brunette walking back to her room. There was a pause before she heard the bed dip under Olivia's weight… and then nothing.
Silence.
Alex could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes, the ones she had been fighting all day. She tried desperately to fight them off, but with Olivia so close, it was difficult. She tried not to think about the way the brunette had rejected her, the way she had pushed her away. She tried not to think about the fact that tomorrow she would have to put on her icy demeanour and pretend like Olivia hadn't crushed her heart into a million tiny pieces. She'd have to pretend like she didn't care, because she couldn't show just how badly Olivia had shattered her.
The part she hated most, the part that she wished she could just forget about, was the part of her that still ached for Olivia's comfort, for her love. That part of her would give anything to get up and go to her, slip into her bed and wrap Olivia's arms around her waist the way she used to when they were in New York. She wanted her comfort so much; she craved it because only Olivia could soothe this kind of hurt.
She turned her head into the pillow as her chest spasmed, finally let out the sob that she had been holding at bay. She couldn't fight it anymore. It hurt, so much. She hurt so much. She felt the pain flow through her entire body, and it burned. It overwhelmed her soul. She had been wanting, needing Olivia for over a year, and now she was here, so close, and she couldn't even have her. Olivia didn't want her.
Her body heaved as sobs ripped it apart. She cried even harder at the thought that the woman she wanted, needed, loved, craved, didn't want her. She was just in the other room, and Alex couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't curl into her side anymore, she couldn't stroke her cheek, she couldn't love her…She couldn't even say her name.
The anguish washed over her body. It hurt her so deeply that when she opened her mouth to cry harder, not a sound came out. It was a silent, soul crushing scream that radiated from within, tears pouring down her face. The pain hit her deep in her gut, causing her body to vibrate with the force of it. It hurt so bad, she couldn't even utter a sound. Her body shook, her stomach muscles tightened, and she buried her face into the pillow. She clutched her stomach with her left arm, the right one hanging on for dear life to the pillow. She let out everything she had suppressed, everything she was feeling, everything she had been holding onto for the past day, the past year. It came crashing out of her in waves, pouring from her burning eyes onto the dampened material of her pillowcase. It was cold and uncomfortable, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything except for the pain that she felt.
She cried until she was spent of all of her energy. She lay there, empty and alone, until she passed out. She dreamt of nothing, waking up several hours later still clutching her stomach. She cried again, but they were soft, silent tears. She fell asleep shortly thereafter, not waking again until her room was bathed in sunlight.