Pretty Much Dead Already
Carol
Being as small as she was, it wasn't hard for Carol to slip inside the farmhouse and collect Juliet for breakfast, like she had done every morning that she cooked since she had begun sleeping in there. The others who cooked never bothered retrieving her, it was her prerogative to feed herself. Carol felt guilty leaving her.
It didn't bother her that her daughter was sleeping away from the group, in fact she thought it was probably a good thing. At first it had been something she did silently, out of obligation. Now it was the only time her daughter acknowledged she was there. She knew it was going to take more time to forgive how Carol had treated her in the first few days of Sophia's absence.
She was pretty sure it was a night where she was staying with Beth, so she slipped in to her room first. She shook her arm to wake her up and wordlessly, like it was programmed in to her brain, Juliet got up and tip-toed out.
"You sleep okay?" Juliet asked her quietly as they made their way down the hall. Carol shook her head. "Me neither. I'm gonna get Daryl up, he wants to eat and then get on his way this morning and I don't want to put Hershel out again."
Carol nodded and waited out in the hall as she went in. She was only in for about a minute before the pair emerged.
"Need a hand with the stairs?" Juliet offered him.
"Nah, I got it."
He clutched tight to the bannister as he went down, and Juliet watched like a hawk the whole time he did. Carol knew Hershel had made him walk around, stairs included, but that was mostly when Juliet was out. This was probably the first time she was seeing it for herself. She looked like she wanted to pick him up and carry him down herself. After the stairs he walked almost normally, a little wince here and there when it hurt, but neither of them had to help him as they made their way to camp. Carol wasn't sure how much help she might have been if she was needed.
Carol served Daryl breakfast first, given that he was still recovering and frankly she liked him better than the rest of the group. It earned her a cold look from Shane, who she deliberately gave the last plate, where the eggs were a little burnt. That earned her a colder look that she was almost proud to be on the receiving end of.
"I'm thinking today we should head back to the creek, in a safer manner this time, see if we've missed anything, travel further downstream." Juliet was saying to Daryl.
"Sounds good. Where'd you look with Beth yesterday?" Glenn's voice cut in, stopping her from replying.
"Uh.. guys?" Glenn said, sounding unsure if he wanted to speak or not. Nobody else was talking, there was no-one to quiet down, although no-one was paying full attention. "So… The barn is full of walkers." There wasn't a sound.
"That's not funny, kid." Shane said suddenly.
"It's not a joke." Glenn replied.
"Okay, so if we're humouring you here, why would there be a barn full of walkers on Hershel's land?" Rick asked him with an eyebrow raised. An amused look passed between he and Andrea. "Why would he have that?"
"They think they're people. That there's some magical cure." Glenn said. His voice was still quivering nervously, like he regretted telling them.
"Bullshit." Daryl said, shaking his head. "It's gotta be."
"It's not." Rick said decisively. "Hershel wouldn't let us move closer to the barn. He doesn't like us killing them."
"Man, that's what I'm telling you. There are walkers in the damn barn."
"How did you find out about this?" Lori quizzed him. Glenn looked down at the ground.
"I was going to meet Maggie in there. Passed her a note at that dinner you all cooked for us and went in through the top part. Next thing I knew, I was looking down at a barn full of walkers. She said I wasn't supposed to see it, begged me not to tell you."
"You waited until now?" Carol asked. Her voice was near hysterical. She hadn't even realised she was so affected by it. She felt Juliet put a hand over hers and realised that her daughter had moved closer at some point during the discussion. She'd been too busy watching everyone else to notice. Lori was looking over concerned, but she ignored it. "Why would you do that?"
"I thought… I don't know. Maybe I could deal with it?"
"We have to go down there now, see for ourselves how bad this is." Juliet said, biting her lip. There was quick agreement from everyone else, who got up and marched down like they were going to war with the barn.
Rick looked in first, and confirmed, like they all didn't already believe it, that there were walkers in there. Shane looked next, then Juliet and Andrea, Rick again, then Daryl and then Shane again. Everyone was silent as this was going on.
"You cannot tell me you're all right with this." Shane hissed as he strode away from the crack in the wood he had been looking through.
"No I'm not, but we're guests here. This isn't our land." As always, Rick was the far more reasonable of the pair.
"This is our lives!" Shane protested.
"Lower your voice." Glenn begged.
"We can't just sweep this under the rug." Andrea pointed out with pursed lips and folded arms, probably having already made up her mind what needed to be done. For once, Carol was on Shane's side. Those things in the barn needed to be dealt with, fast.
"It ain't right. Not remotely. Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go. Now we have been talking about fort Benning for a long time."
"You've been talking about Fort Benning for a long time." Juliet corrected him quickly. "None of the rest of us have ever thought that was a good idea, that was why we went to the CDC in the first place."
"Yeah, and look how that turned out."
"Probably a damn sight better than Fort Benning would have been."
"We can't go." Rick cut in, stopping their argument going any further.
"Why, Rick? Why?" Shane prompted, looking for a retort to shut down.
"Because my daughter is still out there." Carol said firmly. Juliet put her head in her hands and pushed her hair back out of her eyes. She looked exasperated that Carol had brought that in to this, though to Carol's mind it was something that needed to be discussed.
"Okay. Okay, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility." Shane said. He was trying, to his credit, to be gentle about it. Carol looked to Juliet to argue this, but she kept her eyes fixed to the ground. She was out there every day. She was probably beginning to think it was as hopeless as the rest of them did, sister or not.
"Shane!" Rick cut him off. "We're not leaving Sophia behind." Carol looked at him thankfully.
"I'm close to finding this girl."
"You've been resting the last few days, we haven't found a thing since her doll." Juliet pointed out. The young girl looked daggers at Shane when he looked like he might interject. "And that was just a doll, in a stream which could have carried it down. There's no trace of her in that forest."
"Might want to start listening to her, she's the only one of your little group talking sense." Shane said. Juliet looked like she wanted to punch him for speaking, and herself for having to be on his side in this discussion.
Neither of you know what the hell you're talking about!" Daryl yelled.
Juliet winced they way she used to when Ed came at her screaming.
"I'm just saying what needs to be said. You get a good lead, it's in the first forty-eight hours." He was shouting over Rick telling him to stop. Carol looked at Juliet, begging her silently to say something, ask for a couple more days looking, but she shook her head when she caught her eye and folded her arms over herself. She looked at Daryl for a second. He looked angrier with Shane than her. "Let me tell you something else, man. If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction." Daryl went for Shane. Rick pushed him out of the way. Juliet pulled him back, the only one he wouldn't immediately throw off.
"That's not going to do any good." Juliet hissed at him.
"Back off!" Rick yelled, though to who Carol was not entirely sure. She realised she had moved several paces back.
"Keep your hands off me." Shane said to Lori who had attempted to remove him from the situation.
"Now just let me talk to Hershel. Let me figure it out."
"What are you gonna figure out?!" Shane roared.
"If we're gonna stay, if we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land." Rick reasoned with him. It was the first time since the argument began that Shane had looked a little less like he wanted to grab a gun, open the door and run in there open firing.
"Hershel sees those things in there as people... Sick people... His wife, his stepson." Dale said. She was unconcerned with the fact Dale knew. What Carol couldn't imagine was looking at a walker, one of those things with flesh hanging off it, rotting, open wounds crusted up all along the skin, and thinking that there was anything left inside but the parasite they'd seen infecting the brain when then watched the tape of TS-19. Maybe if Hershel had seen that, seen anything apart from his perfect farm during the apocalypse, he might have realised that.
"You knew?" Shane asked him in disbelief.
"Yesterday I talked to Hershel." Dale said as though it didn't matter.
"And you waited the night?" Shane pushed.
"I thought we could survive one more night. We did. I was waiting till this morning to say something. But Glenn wanted to be the one."
"The barn is obviously secure, it doesn't matter. The point is, we know now, we can deal with it gently and easily." Juliet spoke like she didn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. "We don't have to leave, we just have to get Hershel to agree to clear the barn."
"The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershel thinks those things are alive or…" Shane was yelling again. Suddenly, the barn doors began to rattle, his voice obviously having stirred what was inside. The moans, the growls, somehow they were scarier when you couldn't see exactly where they were coming from, how many they were dealing with. Carol moved back, along with most of the others. For once even Juliet was unwilling to hold her ground, though Shane, Rick, and Daryl all stayed put, looking despite what they had agreed, like they were willing to take anything that came out of there down if they needed to.
The group remained silent until whatever was making the noise had moved away from the door.
"I will handle this." Rick assured them. "I will talk to Hershel, get him to come around. None of you are in any danger, we've survived this long with this threat, the difference is now we know about it, we can deal with it. Go about things as normal. Leave this up to me." He gathered Lori and Carl and the trio began walking back up to camp. The others dispersed quickly.
"We'll go on horses, okay?" Daryl asked Juliet. The conversation from earlier, Juliet's doubts, they were clearly being put to the side.
"What, because that worked out so well for you last time?" she chided as the pair began walking, most likely to the stables. Carol found herself following them and remembering how poor Juliet had been when she went to horse-riding classes. She wasn't like most of the little girls there who wanted a pony for a best friend, she was terrified of getting thrown off or kicked when she came to brushing it. She'd much preferred the little cat that she saw around the stables. "Or was that just because I wasn't there to hold your hand going through the scary forest?"
"Shut up. Horse got spooked, not my fault."
"Mhmm. Sure. Please tell me you at least asked Hershel if this is okay this time."
"Last night, he even told me which two we should be taking so they won't try and buck us off at the snap of a fucking twig." Daryl said. Juliet grinned as they arrived. "C'mon, I'll teach you how to put a saddle on one of them."
"I don't like horses much."
"You'll learn to." At this point Juliet turned around and realised Carol was still there. She nudged Daryl so he turned too. "You coming with us? I can send her off on her own and you come with me, if you wanna go out." Juliet didn't look bothered by the offer, in fact she looked like she'd probably prefer that to going on a horse.
"No… I just… Look, are you sure you should be going out?" Carol asked him. He looked irritated by the question.
"Can't waste any more time. Gotta find her before Shane puts us all in the RV and speeds off in the middle of the night." Daryl responded, picking up and saddle and putting it down to ready it. Juliet stood with her arms folded.
"Rick's going out later to follow the trail. Juliet's going out. Take another day, heal fully." Juliet looked resentful that her name had been brought up at all.
"I ain't gonna sit around and do nothing."
"No, you're gonna go out there and get yourself hurt even worse. We don't know if we're gonna find her, Daryl. We don't." Her voice became smaller. It was the way she used to talk to Ed when she was emotional, not wanting to let on how she felt, not wanting to provoke anything by making too much of a noise. "I don't."
"What?" It seemed instinctive that as Daryl came towards her, Juliet put herself in front of Carol. It took him a moment to correlate what was happening and what she was doing.
"Calm down." Juliet's voice held strong and firm. "You cannot look me in the eye and say you are not having the exact same doubts we are at this point. She's just worried about you. Stop being an asshole, saddle our damn horses, and let's get out there and prove everyone wrong by keeping on trying, okay?" He gritted his teeth but nodded and went in to one of the stalls. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Carol replied quietly.
"Why don't you go on back up to the house, get on with what you need to. I'll come and see you when we get back." Carol nodded and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead before she turned and started walking out. "Did you have to be that much of an asshole?"
"I'll apologise to her later."
"And to me?"
"Sorry. I wasn't going after her, you didn't have to put yourself between us like I was gonna hit her. That what you think of me? After all this?"
"No, of course not. It's instinct."
They both went quiet, and when the hum of talking started up again, Carol was too far away to hear what they were saying.
Most of the group were still reeling from what they had discovered that morning. Carol had managed to ground herself, accept it, and move on. She read for the remainder of the morning and then, after lunch she started up doing the laundry; there was nothing much else to do and she wanted to make herself useful. Andrea passed and said she was going to be watching the barn for a little while. Carol didn't really understand why – they'd been living on the farm for a couple of weeks now and nothing had gone seriously wrong, and besides, they had a pretty clear view of the barn from camp.
"Shane's orders." Andrea had said with a shrug of her shoulders. Carol rolled her eyes when she wasn't looking. Of course they were.
Dale offered to help her when she was about halfway done, and the pair got through it all in about twenty minutes. Nobody else was talking to Dale, they blamed him for keeping the secret about the barn. She was just emptying the bucket they had been using when Juliet came back.
"Horses are still horrible." she said when Dale asked her how her day had been. "Daryl's waiting for you in the stables, Carol."
"Why?"
"Because he was an asshole this morning and he's going to try and make it up to you. Is Beth in the house?"
"I don't know."
"Don't worry, I'll check. Go down soon, before he changes his mind and reverts back to being a total dick, would you?" Carol smiled and headed on her way, just as her daughter went into the house, calling for Beth.
Daryl wanted to take her out and with a raised eyebrow and a moment of hesitation she agreed and followed him. She asked where they were going only once. His 'you'll see' response was singularly unhelpful.
"You see it?" Daryl asked finally, voice full of hope. She saw nothing but stagnant water and overgrown grass. Nothing impressive.
"See what?"
Daryl pointed as they turned a corner into a shady little grove, and there she did see it, a Cherokee Rose bush in full bloom, flowers just like the one he had given her before his accident. It had touched her and renewed her hope then, and did the same now. She looked at him and saw just what Juliet did, what people like Lori and Andrea missed in him, that he was caring and good and deserved to be a part of their group. She resisted the urge to start crying or hug him, both seemed like things he would hate, but the urge was definitely there.
"I'll find her." There was a long pause. Carol considered everyone else who didn't think that he would, her daughter included, and decided they were not the ones who mattered. He was, because if anyone would find her it would be Daryl. She wouldn't care when Rick and Andrea came back empty handed that afternoon. Daryl would find her tomorrow, or the day after, or in a week. He would find her, not anyone else. "Hey, I'm sorry about what happened this morning." Carol smiled. The apology really hadn't been necessary, but she was glad to have it.
"You wanted to look for her." That was the same to both of them as her outright forgiving him, and it wouldn't make him feel as awkward as if she said those words. "Why? This whole time I've wanted to ask you."
"'Cause I think she's still out there." Him and no-one else. It meant a lot that he still held on to that hope, even when she hadn't. "Truth is, what else I got to do?" Carol stepped forward and gently touched the petal of one of the flowers. She'd take Sophia to see them when she came back, let her pick a few and give them to Daryl. He'd like the gesture more coming from her.
"We'll find her. We will. I'll see it." Daryl rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment. She thought he looked thankful that he wasn't the only one who believed that now. "Now, I hate to sound ungrateful, but why are you back so early?" She smiled to show she was just teasing, and Daryl looked relieved that she wasn't seriously annoyed by that. Of course she wasn't – she had no right to be. He could pick how long he was out looking.
"Because your daughter seriously understated how shitty she is on a horse."
Juliet
"Beth?" she called as she walked in to the house. "Beth, are you in here?" Patricia was outside, so were Hershel and Jimmy as far as she knew, so if anyone was inside it was just Beth. She moved towards the front room. "Are you in here?" She moved through the kitchen and headed for the stairs. "Beth!" She wasn't sure why the panic was rising inside her, but she rushed upstairs nonetheless and shoved her door open. Curled up like a little blonde kitten, Beth was lying on the bed. "Beth, why didn't you answer me?"
"I didn't hear you." Silence, then: "You hate me."
"Beth, what are you talking about?"
"I didn't tell you about the walkers in the barn."
"I don't care. I'm not angry."
"When he told me, I asked him not to. Him and Maggie, Jimmy and Patricia, they think they're people, they think that they can be put back to how they were. I don't, but it's not like I can stop them. They think killing them is the same as murder. I'm so sorry, I wanted to tell you as soon as I knew I could trust you, but they made me promise."
"It's okay, I don't blame you. Your father isn't stupid, whatever he thinks those thing are, I know he realises they're dangerous. I trust that he wouldn't put you or your sister in danger by having that barn as anything less than fully secure." Beth sat up against her headboard and pulled her knees up to her chest. Juliet sat on the edge of the bed close to her. "I don't hate you. You couldn't have done anything, and if you'd told me it just would have put me in a difficult position and we wouldn't have had all this time on the farm looking for Sophia." Beth looked at her quizzically. "Some of our group aren't as good with this as I am. Actually, just Shane, really. I think, if Rick can't convince your father to get rid of the walkers in there, he's going to raise hell. We'll get kicked out."
"You can't leave!" Beth shrieked immediately.
"It's your father's land, it's his choice. If he wants us gone, we'll have to go."
"You could stay."
"And leave my mother? My group?" Leave Daryl? There was no way.
"I could go with you."
"And leave your family? Your home? It's not that easy, Beth. You really want to never see them again?" She shook her head. "I didn't think so. I'm here now, so make the most of it in case I'm not soon. Now, come on, get up out of your bed, it's a nice day out there and I want to read my book on your front porch and I'm not leaving you upset." She spoke to her the way she would have spoken to Sophia if she was doing the same – gently, but also letting her know that she wasn't kidding around, she wasn't going to put up with her laying around there feeling sorry for herself. Unlike Sophia, Beth hadn't learnt what that tone meant.
"You go. I don't feel like getting up right now." Juliet said nothing but left anyway. She'd follow her out soon enough.
She found Patricia and Carl on the porch, Patricia helping him with some English work Lori had given him. She smiled. It was one thing Lori was doing well, trying to keep him stable through all this, giving him chores and school work like the world was going to go back tomorrow. Carl was answering questions on Animal Farm, which Juliet loved, and she was happy to join in and help rather than do her own thing. Carl liked her, and apart from the occasional question he would ask about Sophia, it was perfectly nice out there, especially when Beth brought them some lemonade out with a muttered apology to her for being childish earlier. She gave her a hug and all was forgiven. She liked to keep their friendship like it might have been if they'd met in school, which meant no holding grudges.
Maggie and Glenn, who seemed to have made up since Glenn told them about the walkers in the barn, sat on the steps talking to each other. They were cute together, Juliet kept thinking to herself. If she'd known the world was about to end, she might have indulged herself in a ridiculously adorable relationship.
"Do you know what's going on?" she heard T-Dog asking as he and Andrea marched over to the house. She looked up at them and Glenn rose to meet them.
"Where is everyone?" Andrea asked. By everyone, Juliet assumed she meant Shane, Rick, and Daryl rather than the everyone that was already out on the porch.
"I thought you and Rick were out looking for Sophia together." In all honesty, Juliet was a little pissed that this meant neither of them had been searching at all today. She'd been so freaked out by the horse she'd had to come back, and Daryl had wanted to come back too rather than keep going on his own, which she had agreed to being as he was still healing up.
"He went off with Hershel. We were supposed to leave a couple hours ago." Andrea said with a frown beginning to form on her face.
"Yeah you were. What the hell?" said Daryl as he approached with Carol, bringing her back from showing her the rose bush that he'd decided would be a nice place to make his apology. Juliet had offered to go, but to his credit he had realised that it was something he needed to do alone.
"Rick told us he was going out." Carol didn't sound all that irritated by it.
"Damn it. Isn't anybody taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail." They definitely did not have a trail. They had a doll found days ago, but to Juliet's mind, that was not a trail. That was just an old piece of evidence which no longer meant anything. "Oh, here we go." Shane was approaching, and Daryl was clearly gearing up for a fight with him. All Juliet noticed was the bag of guns he was carrying on his shoulder. "What's all this?" Shane didn't answer.
"You with me man?" Juliet got up and rushed down to Andrea's side as Shane handed Daryl a gun. She felt like her blood was suddenly running cold.
"Yeah." Daryl answered. Sure, he didn't know what he was with Shane for, but there was going to be a fight and Daryl was all geared up for one. She refrained from physically taking the gun from him. She didn't even meet his eyes.
"Time to grow up. You two got yours?" Shane asked her and Andrea. She resisted the temptation to reach out and take Andrea's hand and just nodded. She didn't know why she needed it. She didn't want to need it.
"Yeah… Where's Dale?" Andrea asked. God knew they needed him around.
She saw the worried look Beth wore on her face. Just an hour ago she'd warned her about Shane waging war on things here, and now he'd showed up with a bag of guns and ammo. Juliet was as worried as she was. It showed on her face, and she wasn't proud enough to hide it. She looked worriedly over at Carol, who was moving with the rest of the group, if a little behind.
"He's on his way." Shane said, handing T-Dog a gun. T-Dog was more reluctant that Daryl to just take it and follow him blindly.
"Thought we couldn't carry?" he mused, looking as suspicious of Shane as everyone else was.
"We can and we have to." Shane said, positioning himself so they could all see him. Juliet thought he looked like those dictators in movies who commanded the attention of the people through fear and shouting. That was probably an apt description of the situation. "Look, it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it ain't." They all suddenly understood what this was. Purge the barn of the potential threat and hope that Hershel saw their side of things eventually.
"The barn is secure, Shane –" Juliet protested, being quickly cut off.
"Lemme ask you one question: are you sure enough about that barn that when you find Sophia, you'll risk bringing her back here and losing her again." She looked down at the ground. She could feel Beth's eyes burning into her back, begging her not to do this. She didn't turn to see the puppy dog look she knew she was wearing. Slowly, she shook her head. "I didn't think so. You with me?" She nodded. When she caught Carol's eye, she saw relief, not remorse like she was expecting. "How about you, man? You gonna protect yours?" Shane was talking to Glenn now, holding a gun out for him. This wasn't about majority, this was about getting the whole group apart from Rick to run down there and start shooting. Glenn took it. "That's it. Can you shoot?" he asked Maggie. She looked like she wanted to shoot him.
"Can you stop? You do this, you hand out these guns, my dad will make you leave tonight." Maggie warned him. That much was obvious, but for all she'd said to Beth about them not being able to stay if Hershel wanted them gone, she wondered how exactly he was planning on making them leave.
"We have to stay, Shane." Carl said, sounding a lot older than he was.
"What is this?" Lori said, walking around from the back. Nobody volunteered to fill her in.
"We ain't going anywhere, okay?" Shane promised Carl. "Now look, Hershel, he's just gotta understand. Okay? He... Well, he's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right?" He looked from her, to Carl, to Carol. He knelt down and held out a small pistol to Carl. That seemed like a poor idea, working up a ten year old and then giving him fire power. "Now I want you to take this. You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the gun and do it." Lori pushed him out of the way before he could take it.
"Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make."
"Oh shit." T-Dog spoke before Shane could answer her. The all looked around to the sight of Jimmy beckoning two walkers on the end of sticks, walkers being guided by Hershel and Rick. Shane rushed over first.
"Whatever happens, you stay by me." Daryl hissed at her as they were running with the rest of the group. She nodded in affirmation. "Keep a clear head, shoot straight if it comes to it, I got you covered." They all went through the gate and Shane started yelling at Rick immediately.
"Back off!" Rick shouted at him over the groans of the walkers. Juliet looked and made sure Carol was well away. Those sticks did not look secure.
"Why do your people have guns?" Hershel asked Rick. They could ask him the same about the walkers, but it was pretty clear that Rick had not brought him around to their way of thinking, rather he was trying to bring Rick around to his. Juliet was angry that Rick had given up so quickly, that he would so readily put their people in danger by bringing these walkers back. If Sophia was there she would have pushed her in to a car and driven off, away from the danger they were posing her.
"Are you kidding me? You see? You see what they're holding onto?" Shane asked everyone at full volume. For once, no-one could argue. They were walkers on sticks. No room for interpretation.
"I see who I'm holding onto." Hershel insisted. She wondered how he could think the walker in a nightgown on the end of his stick was anything other than a mindless monster. Hell, Carol was as religious as he was and even she saw that the walker couldn't be prayed away or cured or developed back in to a person. Once you turned, you were gone, there was nothing more to it. If Hershel had left the confines of his farm, he might have seen that.
"No, man, you don't." Shane yelled as the one Hershel held made a grab for Jimmy.
"Shane, just let us do this and then we can talk."
"What you want to talk about, Rick? These things ain't sick. They're not people. They're dead. Ain't gonna feel nothing for them 'cause all they do, they kill! These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy. They killed Otis. They're gonna kill all of us." Everyone hung on his every word. Like a dictator. They made sense too, Juliet reminded herself, that was how they got in to power. But right now, Shane was protecting them, and she could vouch for Rick being in charge when he stopped making stupid decisions and started caring for their wellbeing again. She didn't know how he could freely bring two of those things to where his son, his son who had nearly died not long before, would be. Even Shane would never endanger a child like that.
"Shane, shut up!" Rick yelled. He was the only one who wanted him to stop talking though.
"Hey, Hershel man, let me ask you something. Could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?" Shane pulled out his gun and shot the female walker three times. He missed the head, which was purposeful. Juliet winced when she heard the shots, thinking of the other nearby walkers who might do the same. The female walker seemed at most irked by being shot, but she was most definitely still alive. Any human would have been dead. "That's three rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?! Why is it still coming?" He shot twice more, aiming carefully at specific points on the chest. "That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?" Three more gunshots.
"Shane, enough!"
Juliet could feel it, like this was a crescendo in a piece of music. It hadn't finished yet, but it was about to. The grand finale.
"Yeah, you're right, man. That is enough." He walked and shot the female walker through the head, and Juliet was simply relieved it was gone. "Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone!" She looked over at Carol. She was shocked that he'd said it, but neither of them was stupid enough to be surprised. Daryl looked angrier than they were. "Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough. Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now."
Even after what he'd said about her sister, she did want to fight. She wanted to rid them of these walkers in the barn so she had a safe place to bring her sister if she was alive. She knew he was about to open the door, that much was obvious. Several people shouted at him but he ignored them, moving ever closer to the barn. Rick tried to get Hershel to take the pole he held. Carl screamed. T-Dog shouted for him to keep going. And Shane just kept hitting the door with a pickaxe, the first heavy thing he'd found. It didn't look like it would hold for long.
Do it, she thought. Get this over with now.
The lock was off suddenly. He took away the plank that held the door together and banged on the wood as though the shouting hadn't already risen what was inside. He backed away and held up his gun, and she realised with a second to spare that was what she needed to do too. She ran with Daryl so they were closer, forming a barrier between the walkers and those without guns.
"You've got this." he whispered to her a moment before the shooting started.
The first one she hit was the third out of the barn. She hit its neck before aiming again quickly and shooting it through the head. It fell down.
She lost count of how many there were, pouring out of the barn like woodlice from a lifted log. She ran out of bullets and simply picked up another gun from the bag close to her and started shooting again, a task which took all of four seconds. She kept having to resist the urge to look around, check on Carol, even though she knew nothing had passed them. She wasn't taking her eye off the ball for a minute, even if that meant watching the brains of people Beth knew go flying across the dirt.
It seemed very sudden that there were no more. The silence truly shocked her. Looking at them dead, quiet, there were less of them than there had seemed. She realised she'd been holding her breath and let herself breathe. Everyone was shaken, but unharmed.
"And the holocaust was complete." She found herself mouthing the words from a book she loved as though that might help. It had been a while since she'd done anything like it, and she hated herself for doing it now. She wasn't stupid enough to believe it actually would. She breathed no sound in to them, no life.
Beth was crying when she looked around, cradled by Jimmy. She didn't understand why until she remembered they were her family. She might not believe they were alive like the rest of her family had, but seeing them in front of her was no less shocking. Poor girl, she thought to herself. She was about to go to her, offer something akin to a comforting word, but the noise from inside the barn stopped her, froze the movement she might have made.
A scenario immediately formed in her head. What if this obviously remaining walker was Hershel's wife? She might not have come out yet. Hershel would see her, amid this destruction. He would take Rick's gun and he would shoot her in the head. She would fall as he accepted what they were, that she was dead, no coming back. They'd get to stay, Hershel would be upset but he would understand what they had done.
This was of course, a childish, idealistic daydream in a world where such things never came true. They never had.
It was the t-shirt she recognised. Nothing else looked like her, but she'd bought her that rainbow t-shirt for eight dollars on sale at Target the second Christmas she'd been away. She'd written a note apologising, it was all she could afford. It was too big for Sophia then, she'd only just grown in to it. She'd loved it even though it was a shitty gift from a sister who hadn't even bothered to show up to give it to her in person. Every photo she sent Juliet from then on, she was in that, like it was the only thing she had left to remind her that her older sister was still there, still thinking about her.
That t-shirt was on a walker now.
A walker that used to be her little sister.
She was silent.
She heard Carol talking, moving closer, and felt Daryl leave her side to catch Carol before . She wanted to scream for him to come back, or just to scream. She didn't. She stayed silent, resilient. She had to.
The walker moved towards them slowly at first. She refused to think of it as her sister. She couldn't. That wasn't her, it couldn't be. She couldn't have been in the barn all that time, not while they were looking for her.
She was supposed to be dead. Peacefully. Curled up in a little house somewhere. She wasn't supposed to be like this. This couldn't be how they found her.
The small whines she could hear coming from her mother didn't make her turn around. She kept her eyes locked on Sophia. She was too stunned to cry. Her finger played over the trigger of the gun in her hand, and she wondered if everyone was waiting for her to do it. She'd said once to Daryl she would want it to be her if it came to it. He'd told her she wouldn't be able to and she hadn't listened. He was right. She let the gun hit the ground, barely even noticing the absence of it.
She couldn't do that. Not to her.
She clocked the bite on her neck and felt herself getting dizzy. No, this had not been peaceful, or quick probably. Sophia had died in pain with one of those things tearing her neck out.
Please let me be dreaming. Please God.
Sophia stepped over all the others, coming closer to them. No-one took the shot. No-one could. Not even Shane who had been so adamant that they stop searching, that she was not coming back to them alive.
Juliet really didn't know who took the shot, only that someone did, and as it rang out, as the bullet passed through the head of her little sister, as she finally realised that this was over, there was no more searching, no more ounces of hope that she might still be alive out there, as she fell backwards to the ground silent, Juliet fell to her knees and buried her head in her hands.