A/N: So finally somehow I got this written mostly while on a trip. Thanks to all the people who are following this fic and if you've commented then for your reviews that have been quite a motivator. It was hard to continue this chapter beyond its initial stages, especially after the finale. But I guess my need to rewrite things just got stronger. Like I've said before I didn't mind season 4 but I found some devices very unnecessary and in hindsight its the fixation with those things that just overshadowed everything and it got lost. If things work out, I can get to rewriting season 5 - eventually when I've done my share for things before. My first act in this fic is a one day timeline spans 4 chapters because I'm laying basis and following the show sequence but manipulating it and from which I will deviate a lot more once I cross that point set, as I mentioned previously. Hence the "Part 2". This chapter expands the POVs a bit as you'll find beyond Damon and Elena. I just found it as a useful and interesting way to 1)enhance the "show, not tell" 2)add a dynamic quality to the main two characters in my fic where the other points of views aren't cheerleaders of them and in disagree with them in different shades and also multiple points of views add more. I hope it flows and doesn't seem clipped together because there are 4 povs in one chapter. You might be put off by the idea of certain other povs but I suggest you keep reading because I've tried to maintain Elena as the protagonist and Damon & Elena as the mains even with an ensemble approach.
Hope you enjoy it!
Stefan put a slice of bread onto the rest of the Bologna sandwich and handed it to Elena on the kitchen island. She hadn't eaten all day and her stomach was twisting in knots. Snatching the sandwich, she bit into it eagerly only to spit it out, "Eugh!"
It tasted like dirt.
"That's probably your body rejecting human food and pushing you to feed", Stefan said pursing his lips.
Nausea made her stomach twist tighter. She forced herself to swallow and when the feeling didn't subside she said, "It tastes disgusting."
"Yeah," he said.
To Elena's knowledge, vampires could eat food. She'd seen Stefan, Damon and Caroline eat food. They even cooked, so if it tasted this bad it didn't make sense why they'd ever want to. She tried to think back on her memory of Stefan eating. Stefan always nibbled. Damon, on the other hand, ate quite a lot without flinching and quite enjoying it - even his stupid obsession with pickles.
"Does it always taste this awful? Because I remember Dam-" She caught herself for a moment being self conscious. Stefan, from what she saw, knew what she was about to say but he wasn't trying to make a deal of it, even as he looked down. She hesitated but finished sheepishly, "Damon seems to eat a lot of food."
Things had to go back to the way they were.
"Well," Stefan said, "It's not always as awful. But without blood human food tastes like…"
"Garbage?" she said.
"Yeah," Stefan smiled. "And anyway once you taste blood in transition and beyond, food just doesn't compare to the taste of human blood."
Jeremy walked in, and seeing them, he stopped in his tracks. "I just- I just wanted to drink some coffee," Jeremy said, nervously.
"Sure, go ahead." Once Stefan waved his hand, Jeremy rushed towards the coffee maker. Elena held her breath.
Stefan tried to distract her by talking her through what Bonnie would do once she arrived but Elena couldn't help but observe her little brother's fearful timidity from the corner of her eye. His back that was facing her was tense. Then he was tapping on the counter, waiting for the coffee which he never did. He was fidgeting and folding and unfolding his arms about 3 times every 10 seconds. He opened drawers, searching for spoons that he didn't need when the spoons were placed right on the counter - which Jeremy knew and first of all, Jeremy never stirred his coffee. He dropped one spoon down and cursed to himself under his breath. He, then bent down to pick it up and quickly deposited it in the sink and moved back to the coffee maker with the same pace and then carefully took out another spoon from the drawer.
Every morning for the past two and a half years she had been drinking coffee. Jeremy had been for the last year and a half since their parents died. They could skip breakfast but they never skipped coffee. It helped them both make up for their lack of cooking skills and it kept them awake for school. Eventually it became a habit, the unspoken Gilbert breakfast necessity. It became their normal.
Elena wondered what was normal now. Her own brother was afraid of her.
Once the machine finished brewing, Jeremy poured some in a mug. He didn't even use the spoon that he had carefully taken out from the drawer. Turning around, he pushed an awkward smile on his face and was about to walk out when Elena stopped him.
"Hey!" When she called out, Jeremy turned around. "Could you...pour me some too?"
She just wanted to know that she and Jeremy could hold onto their dysfunctional functionality before yesterday happened, no matter what.
Jeremy looked surprised but with a little stuttering he obliged, pouring her some and taking it to her. Hesitantly, he stretched his arm out so she could take it. His hands were shaking. Seeing his movements, Elena hesitated to take the mug from him too and when she circled her fingers around it, he jerked his hand away so fast that the liquid spilled down, even a little touching her hand and temporarily burning it. She yelped from the heat on her skin. She looking up shocked to find Jeremy staring back at her with the same horror.
It took her a few moments to compose herself, before she smiled and pointed to the spill, "You better clean that up."
Elena brought the mug closer to examine it, tracing her finger around its rim, even around the spilled area. The coffee didn't burn this time.
Jeremy and Elena liked their coffee black. For her, it started as a small "rebellion", if you could call it that, demanding to be treated like an adult by her parents at the age of sixteen. Then her parents died, and left her alone with Jeremy to grow up faster than they were supposed to. She wondered why she ever wanted to be an adult so much. What she would do to take it all back and just have a glass of milk handed to her by her coddling mother every morning. But that day would never come. She grew up and she had her coffee to make her stay awake when all she wanted to do was fall asleep and never wake up again. Later she realized things were even worse, and coffee was the reality - dark and bitter like the world - and she needed it to get through everyday, sober.
Still staring down at the mug, she wondered if it would taste like the sandwich did. She'd seen Stefan and Damon drink bourbon almost everyday. Damon was practically drinking it like water. Maybe it didn't affect drink the way it affected it like food. Maybe it burned down her throat like it burnt her hand slightly. She took a hesitant sip.
It didn't burn but she grimaced in disgust. It still tasted like dirt, but different from the sandwich.
Jeremy, who seemed to have his eyes on her all this time, asked, "Anything wrong with it?" He then looked down at his mug, questioningly. Elena noticed his fingers were awkwardly circling around it.
She shook her head and put on her practised smile, "No. It's fine."
Jeremy tensed for a moment. He probably did the math. He gave back a sad smile and this time when he tried to walk out she didn't stop him.
The coffee was fine. It was she who was not.
She thought back on her last meal as a human and realized she hadn't had one. She'd only had Caroline's vodka spiked tea (and Matt's drug spiked tea). She'd taken such a simple thing for granted, and now she didn't actually need it.
She looked Stefan's way, "How does animal blood taste?"
"It tastes….satisfying," Stefan replied.
"But something is missing," she pressed for him to elaborate.
He nodded, "Yes, something is missing." His gaze shifted from amiable to having a hint of regret in it, "But it's a small price to avoid more guilt."
Elena wondered if a vampire's life was just that. A life of more compromises. Pleasure, guilt and penance. It sounded so Old Testament Biblical.
It sounded like her life after her parents died. Only worse.
She remembered Stefan wasn't the ideal vampire nor was Damon. Caroline came the closest to it. So she pointed out, "Caroline drinks from blood bags and there's no crippling guilt on her end."
"Caroline also has an enormous amount of control, which I lack. Most people lack it and they're not like me," Stefan said, his tone heavy with regret.
Elena looked sympathetically towards Stefan and then at her hands and fiddled with her fingers. Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face and she had to bite back sobs. Who was she kidding? She was no Caroline. Caroline made everything a project to overcome. It worked well for her. But that wasn't Elena. Turning inward, she berated herself for the fact that she couldn't control her tears.
"Hey," Stefan's voice broke her out of her thoughts."Hey," he cupped her face and his cool fingers soothed her skin from the burning tears. "You won't be like this for long. I called Bonnie. She'll be over here any time soon."
She nodded and tried to wipe away her tears that wouldn't stop. Stefan wrapped his arms around her and made her lean on him. She kept sobbing and she didn't even clearly know why she was crying. Only that she felt like it and she clung onto Stefan's shirt burying herself into his chest. Stefan smelled of pine-cones and cologne. She had forgotten this distinct fact about him until now. It felt familiar like it hadn't in a long time, but this familiarity felt stranger at this point. She cried more at the thought of it, and held on tighter to him.
Gradually, she stopped but she didn't pull away immediately. It had been a while since Stefan had made her feel safe but since the 20s dance, Stefan had been a stable ground - once again. She held onto his hand for more than a few moments, trying to measure how much of it all felt the same. It almost felt like before.
Almost.
She started to pull away, "Thank you."
"No problem." She stared at him for a beat before she decided the sink was a good diversion. As Stefan went on to explain to her how her emotions were intensified, she went over to the sink and splashed a handful of water on her face, and wiped it with a towel.
Why was it hard? Maybe it was the fact that he was looking at her, trying to get the Elena he knew back and as easy as it would be to just tell him that she chose him, it wasn't because what if she wasn't that Elena anymore - even if she turned back human? He told her he'd take her back without any questions. But she hadn't just kissed Damon once as a mistake. She did it again and went further. Did she have an excuse? She brushed aside the thought. She wasn't thinking straight, back then.
"I should have saved you on that bridge," Stefan blurted out. Elena shifted to see him. He was glancing down, bearing a worry ridden face.
"No, no. It's not your fault!" Elena shook her head. Here, Stefan was beating himself up for doing something that he wasn't to blame for when she was thinking about her own fateful decision and if she and his brother meant something. She didn't deserve Stefan.
"None of this would have happened if I had," Stefan's words came out clipped and hoarse.
"And then Matt would be dead," Elena curtly said. Stefan tried to argue against her, but he couldn't manage to and instead fell silent.
"You respected my choice, Stefan. You did nothing wrong. You saved my friend and I wouldn't choose differently, even now." Squeezing his arm, she added, "So don't beat yourself up over it, okay?"
Of all the choices she was unsure of, that was not among them. She would choose to save Matt, no matter what. Somehow it felt wrong telling Stefan what else she'd chosen last night even though Stefan proved that she was right in the choice she had made. She had asked for a sign or something yesterday and now she had it. Damon would never do what Stefan had done. The last time Damon forced his blood on her because he couldn't stand losing her, Elena had told Stefan that Damon didn't know what love was and neither did she because even with having to grow up fast, she knew she didn't know what it meant. But through the last six months she pondered upon that question more and more. Didn't love just happen when you met someone at first and you just knew? It happened with her and Stefan, even when she didn't know what love was. How else was someone supposed to know?
Love was not supposed to be so messy and complicated to the point where she had begun to question if she truly knew what kind of person she was. Everyone knew who she was. Then how come it all became so unclear around one person? And so, her choice was made.
All she had to do was tell Stefan.
The sunlight from the window was starting to strain her eyes. She squeezed them shut wincing in pain and raising her hand out to shield herself.
"It's noon. You should go upstairs and stay away from the light," Stefan suggested.
"Okay." She started making her way to her bedroom. She thought one last time if she should tell him about her choice and turned back around and called out softly, "Stefan?"
Stefan looked at her in surprise, "Yeah?"
"Nothing," she answered, covering up her worry with a smile yet again - too tired to even count how many times she had done that today - and turned around to walk towards her room as she had intended, sneaking a glance to see if she was now certain. Once she climbed halfway up the the stairs, she wondered what else was she waiting for. It was enough, wasn't it?
She flopped down on her bed and let out a breath. The entire room was sheathed by her faded patterned scarlet curtains. This was starting to remind her a lot of the time when she was put under house arrest. Except this time she was afraid too. She looked up to see her empty ceiling. She manouvered to her side to check the bedside clock. She only had a couple of hours before she started to "fade" as Stefan called it. She shifted up the bed resting her back on the headboard and squeezed her eyes shut in exhaustion but the sound of the clock ticking on the opposite side of the wall wouldn't leave her be. So she opened her eyes and stared straight ahead at it intently. In a few moments she could probably tell the count of time exactly without looking.
Eventually from observing all the the ticking - rhythmic that it was - she didn't know how and when the darkness enveloped her, clouding her vision and making her tumble down into a lightless space that she did not know.
It was just a dream, she told herself. But when she tried to close her eyes and say those words so she could wake up, she didn't. Then she tried to yell but her voice wouldn't come out. She tried to run but she couldn't move. She couldn't even see her own body.
"Katherine?" Damon's voice came out of nowhere. Suddenly the space around her bled into the color of night on a road and Damon stood in front of her, staring at her in awe.
"Umm...No, I'm Elena," Elena thought out these words feeling betrayed and was surprised to find her own voice saying them. But she intended the words to come out a lot less calm than they came out here, even if confused.
"Oh, you just look...Sorry, you just really remind me of someone. I'm Damon."
Confused, she questioned why Damon was acting like a stranger and why he thought she was Katherine. No words came out.
"Not to be rude, Damon. But it's kind of creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere," her voice spoke but they weren't her words. This wasn't her.
She felt herself take a step back. Her other version was probably a bit afraid of him.
Why didn't she recognize him? She couldn't gather why she didn't recognize him when she could.
"You're one to talk. You're out here by yourself."
She heard herself - not herself but this other version of herself - smile in reaction to that.
Where was this place, she asked herself.
"It's Mystic Falls. Nothing bad happens here,"
Where was she? Everything bad happened in Mystic Falls and she knew it. There was a time she didn't though, but that felt long ago. Maybe she was asking the wrong questions. She knew it was Mystic Falls but when was this happening?
Damon didn't make a joke or mock her comment. He still held that awe and surprise in his eyes. He wasn't calling her Katherine or trying to convince her that she was her. She wondered if he believed her. Either way, he was trying to wrap his head around Katherine having a doppelganger. She wasn't Elena to him here. She was just Katherine's doppelganger.
Her other version got more serious and continued,"Got into a fight with my boyfriend."
Boyfriend? So Stefan was a part of it too? But she didn't know Damon and she was walking on the road after fighting with Stefan. Elena never went out on strolls after fighting with Stefan, which was rare. She'd drive home and stayed holed up there. She felt a bit suffocated being stuck in a strange dream where Damon and she were strangers and of not understanding why.
"About what? May I ask?" Holding up his hands, Damon seemed as if he was trying not to be rude.
"Life, future. He's got it all mapped out"
A change marked the air and she felt it. Even though she and Damon didn't know each other in this dream, they weren't as uncomfortable anymore. The slight hesitance on her other version's part was replaced by her being honest with him about her personal problems, and Damon looked genuinely interested in knowing her. He wasn't looking at her with a different agenda trying to seduce her, like he did the actual first time they met. Is this what they would look like if Damon didn't feel the need to rile up Stefan in the beginning of their relationship?
"And you don't want it?"
It was a bold statement for someone who was merely a stranger to this version of her. But then again when wasn't Damon a bit too bold. This version of herself hadn't told Damon about the details of their fight even if she was telling him more than she should. She didn't know how this world's version of Stefan and Elena were, but in this moment she didn't seem happy. She seemed almost tired of their relationship. Maybe Damon was right. But if he was, then why didn't she?
"I don't know what I want."
The more this conversation carried on, it began feeling more and more familiar. Almost too familiar to her present situation. The words "I don't know" had become her answer to everyone who asked her what she felt for Damon and what it meant about Stefan and her. She wondered if this was her subconscious trying to make her face the reality of the situation in present day - even after she made her decision. But she hadn't become tired of Stefan and her relationship. Or had she? No, she hadn't.
"That's not true. You want what everybody wants."
How could he tell? He didn't know anything about this life of hers. She gave him generic issues and yet he was sure. He was throwing wild guesses. That's it.
But what if he was right?
"What? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers?" Elena sensed a teasing, candid tone to the other Elena's voice. It almost seemed like she was flirting. What if she was flirting? Did she do this often? Did she do this with Damon often? Suddenly, she felt more self-conscious.
Damon laughed, looking away. It wasn't uncontrollable laughter but what took Elena by surprise was how he was smiling a toothy smile. Damon didn't generally show his teeth and laugh or smile. When he did, mostly it was unconscious and he wasn't trying to control it. It was as if he was almost blushing, but not quite.
"Lets just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things." Damon generally had his charm on when talking to people but until now he wasn't actively flirting with her. Now, he was and doing his "eye thing" that she hated.
She couldn't help but smile inside. She was however startled when she heard her other version smile. People don't realize how much the sound of their smiles give them away. Usually, they don't think of smiling as being able to be heard. For them that's laughter. But smiles can be heard just as much as seen and right now, it seemed like the other Elena was grinning ear to ear, forgetting about the initial awkwardness and being upset over her boyfriend a few seconds ago. Was it that simple when Damon was around her in reality too? To forget everyone else and run along the fringe until they stepped too far?
"So...Damon, tell me. What is it that I want?" The other Elena kept up the banter. This time her voice teased him more than before. There was no doubt that she was flirting with him. She was flirting with him. She couldn't help but wonder how much of this reflected real life. How many times had she fallen into a lighter moment with him like this?
Elena watched Damon carefully, waiting for the answer he'd give. Maybe it wouldn't be what she wanted at all. Maybe this could finally end it. Or maybe he'd tell her exactly what she wanted and couldn't pin down. What would she do then?
Damon turned serious for a second and then walked closer keeping his eyes trained on hers, saying his words slowly, "You want a love that consumes you."
Elena gaped at Damon upon those words.
No. No. No.
This was just her confusion playing out in a dream.
Taking a step even closer, he stopped and let the words as they came out hang in the air for a moment longer, "You want passion, adventure. And even a little bit of danger."
Elena felt like she couldn't breathe. Why was he saying all these things? Why couldn't he just shut up?
Damon had invaded her personal space a lot more than he had right now, but for a stranger even so he was standing at a too familiar distance and the other Elena who had control over her body wasn't moving back, no matter how much closer he moved. The other Elena didn't move closer, but unlike before she didn't step back for even a second. She, however, needed to run out of this place. But she was at the mercy of her other version.
She was calling her the Other Elena for a reason. They weren't the same person. It wasn't really happening. Any moment she'd wake up and it'd be over. She kept telling herself over and over.
"So...what do you want?" The other Elena wasn't moving close enough to jump and make a move. She was asking his side of the story. But it wasn't just that. The undertones of this entire conversation were more forward.
Elena just wanted it to end. But it wouldn't.
Damon, who had mustered up his charm in the middle of this odd exchange, had recovered from the shock of her being the mirror image of his ex and now, suddenly found himself looking at her baffled again. He opened his mouth to say something only to falter, seemingly at a loss. Elena felt like she was a voyeur infringing on a private moment between another version of herself and Damon. She tried to glance away but she couldn't.
A honk snapped them all out of the moment. Her body turned so she was able to see her parents' car from afar.
She was just seeing things.
"That's my parents."
She attempted calming down by reminding herself that it was just a dream.
When she turned back around, Damon was right before her and she couldn't anticipate his next words.
He tenderly said,"I want you to get everything you're looking for." His eyes started dilating and every other sound started to fall into a haze, "But right now, I want you to forget that this happened."
The thought that hadn't occurred to Elena during this entire ordeal settled on her. It was so impossible that never once did she think of it.
"Can't have people knowing I'm in town." The haze of his pronounced voice ended when her eyes shut involuntarily, pushing her back into the darkness before she could ask what the hell Damon was saying. But she was more stunned and unable to process what had just happened. Before she knew it her eyes flew open to the sight of her bedroom and the loud ticking of the clock.
Elena wasn't so sure she knew what was real anymore.
Damon sat in his camaro at the side of the road and hit the steering wheel. He pushed back onto his seat, closing his eyes trying to contemplate what he was doing.
He was heading towards Rebekah, not really knowing what he was expecting. Blowing off steam the most through revenge, of course. But did he expect to make it out alive? Not really. But if Elena was so hell bent on risking her life and didn't want to listen to him, he didn't care if acting out or walking again into his own death picking a fight with someone else wasn't the way he should react. Maybe he had a death wish. But right now it didn't matter.
He wanted nothing more than to rush back to her house and drag her with him and keep her safe, tell her that reversing spells don't exist and if they do he couldn't risk losing her; tell her that it was hard but she'd get through it like everything else. He just needed her to live. He needed to go back. But she didn't want him or need him.
He opened his eyes, looking straight ahead. No matter what he chose to do, both sides had Elena written on them. He got out of the car and kicked it. When he accidentally stepped on a branch, he picked it up and hit a tree trunk with it. And again. It wasn't enough. So he punched the bark over and over, faster each time as it cut through his skin, only to heal again even if covered slightly in congealed blood. He ignored the pain. Eventually he stopped, blowing out short breaths.
He hated her so much for the power she had over him. He pulled out his phone and typed out:
If you kill her witchy...
He backspaced his own words and retyped his message and hit the send button but kept staring down at his words.
Don't let her die
Bonnie walked towards the Gilbert house with her grimoire, cellphone and bag in hand as loose papers kept slipping out of her hands and she tried to keep them from flying away. Her phone buzzed and she cursed under her breath. She knew it was Stefan. Last she checked there were 6 voicemails from him that she hadn't heard because she'd listened to the 3 before that already. It's not easy to come up with a vampire reversing spell in 2 hours and she couldn't fully do that for Elena if Stefan kept sending voicemails every five minutes asking her if she was done. She had called Jeremy in the meanwhile and told him to inform Elena that she was on her way.
Landing on the porch, she went forward to press the bell. She had just made a deal with the devil by saving Klaus to save all her friends and now she had to make a plea to her own coven's ghosts to help her reverse the vampirism of one of her friend's after that. None of them knew yet about it, and she'd rather it stayed that way until the spell at least. Elena wouldn't let her to go through with the spell if she knew she was going against the witches. But she had to. The witches hated vampires so they should be willing to help her. She hoped.
The door opened with Jeremy stood on the other side, springing her out of her inner thoughts. She and Jeremy hadn't discussed their situation since she took Jamie out to the dance. He didn't have a right to after what he'd done to her. She stared at him awkwardly not knowing what to say face to face when ironically Stefan came to her rescue rushing down the stairs.
"You're here. Finally," Stefan said.
"Where's Elena?" she asked looking from Jeremy to Stefan.
"Upstairs in her room," Stefan answered stretching out his arm guiding her.
Bonnie made her way upstairs while Stefan briefed her about what it was like in transition and how Elena was doing. She reached to open Elena's door but had a momentary fear for what she'd see inside. She sucked in a breath and then turned the knob. Bonnie found Elena looking out the window, sitting on the window settee, with her arms folded holding what seemed like a book from afar. She took slow steps making her way inside.
Stefan called out to Elena, "Elena, Bonnie is here"
Elena turned around gradually and smiled. She looked pale and exhausted. Bonnie wondered if that was just the vampirism transition effects or was it the whole emotional rollercoaster. She figured it could be both. She went on to sit on the edge of Elena's bed.
"Hey." Bonnie tried to smile
"Hey." Elena returned back a weak smile. Looking at her, Bonnie had one of those telepathic moments where she knew Elena would rather do this alone without anyone else around her. Anyway, she felt it was better if only Elena and she were in the room so it helped her with control.
Bonnie started, "Stefan? Could you-"
"Yeah, sure." He shifted to move out, gesturing Jeremy to follow. But he turned back again to look at Elena, seeming unsure.
Jeremy asked Bonnie, "You sure you gonna be okay? It's not-"
Bonnie nodded, "I'll be fine."
Jeremy and Stefan worried but they seemed to push it aside. Stefan said he'd wait outside. Jeremy glanced one last time at Elena, and, then, Bonnie before leaving the room with Stefan.
Once they were gone, Bonnie moved to sit on the settee beside Elena. Elena's shoulders seemed to sink more when she clutched her hand. Bonnie wasn't confident about the spell and Elena didn't seem ready. She'd rather not end up killing her friend or send her to purgatory as much as she didn't want her to be a vampire. There was still time.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked Elena.
"Not really," Elena replied.
Bonnie stared at her for a moment not knowing what to do. Then she picked up her phone trying to break the ice, "Stefan really has an obsession with voicemails. We talked about the spell and he sent me ten later." Elena returned a small smile.
"Look," Bonnie outstretched her arm to show her phone. "I was on your doorstep and I got one from him". Elena reached for it but her smile fell when she saw it.
"What's wrong?" Bonnie worriedly asked.
Elena said, "It's not from Stefan." Bonnie took the phone back. Elena continued, "Damon."
Bonnie glimpsed up to find Elena looking more distant and disturbed than before. "Speaking of the devil, where is he?"
"He…left," Elena replied, not even looking at her.
"Left as in…?" Bonnie asked. She had no interest in whether Damon stayed or left. But she knew Elena cared and right now she just wanted to make her feel better.
"I don't know!" Elena snapped at her. Then peered down at her bent knees, trying to calm herself.
"Do you want to talk about that?" Bonnie asked.
"No, I don't, Bonnie!" Elena snapped again. Realizing her behavior she composed herself immediately, "Sorry it's this whole-".
"It's okay."
Elena stayed silent and her silence made Bonnie feel awkward talking about this. Bonnie had only brought up the voicemails to cheer her up. She was about to say something when Elena spoke, "Can I see the message?"
"Sure." Bonnie held it out for her again.
Elena held onto the phone for about two minutes, glassy eyed and her brows more furrowed up than before. Bonnie expected a break down but it never came. Instead, Elena handed the phone back saying, "I'm ready for the spell."
Bonnie checked her screen for the message she hadn't seen it until now. She never quite understood Damon and Elena. One day they were fighting and avoiding each other. The next day they were another thing completely. But it seemed that something huge had happened. She checked the text.
Don't let her die
That sounded like everyday Damon talk. Like a warning order. But it pushed Elena enough to want to go through with it, when it should have probably had the opposite effect. Bonnie doubted Damon was in on the plan or he would have stayed and passed douche-y holier than thou comments.
"Are you sure?" Bonnie asked once again.
"As long as it doesn't threaten you," Elena said. "Plus the witches hate vampires so much, they should be on our side, right?"
Bonnie forced a smile. She got up and started to shift her bedside table.
"What are you doing?" Elena asked from behind.
"This spell requires a lot of energy and needs to connect you back to the forces of nature completely." Bonnie went on to push the bed over, when Elena came onto her side to help her. She seemed to do it with more ease than she should have that she didn't even need Bonnie's help. Transition meant the features of a vampire did show up. Elena stared confusedly back at her. Bonnie shook her head.
She pulled out two bowls, eight candles, and a can of salt from her bag. She had to invent this spell. Magic didn't always come planned in books. Sometimes one had to use their imagination. She started by sprinkling salt and drawing a circle on one end and a pentagram inside it.
Right beside it, she drew another circle when Elena asked, "Another one?"
"One for life and one for the undead," Bonnie answered, drawing an upside down pentagon inside it. It took up almost the entire room. Then Bonnie drew lines connecting the first two horizontal ends of the pentagram with the second two horizontal ends making larger triangles converging. Drawing a midpoint to both pentagrams, she drew another line connecting them both and drew a circle using those two points as its perimeter, conjoining the two other circles like a venn diagram.
"And the third is for the limbo?" Elena asked.
"Yeah, the other side. You're part of the living, the undead and the invisible other side –the place in between right now" Bonnie said reaching for the bowls and candles. "You're in the center of it all." She said, placing bowl on two pointy ends of the pentagrams and asked Elena to pass her the stands and the rest of her bag. Bonnie fixed the candles on the ground and the stands, while Elena took out the remaining stuff from Bonnie's bag – a bottle of water and a jar of mud.
"So am I none of them or all of them?"
"Both," Bonnie said, stopping in her activity for minute holding Elena's gaze. Elena looked back scared in that moment. She took the items from Elena's outstretched hands and sprinkled a little mud on two opposite points, then water on two opposite points. Next, she went to open the window and pushed the curtains aside to allow air to come in directly. Elena followed the same for the other curtain.
"Now what? The candles?"
"No, first I need you to sit in in the middle of the circles joining."
With an unreadable expression, Elena inspected the ritual site for a moment before she went to sit in between it. Bonnie placed a candle at each point and closed her eyes, thinking Incendia and opened it to find all the candles lit. Elena was frozen with fear for a moment.
"Now comes the tricky part," Bonnie said while taking out a knife.
Elena screamed, "No!"
"The fire will keep you from losing it. Don't worry," Bonnie reassured and the intensity of the flames increased. Elena flinched back, a bit scared. "A spell like this needs a sacrifice."Bonnie explained while cutting her palm and letting her blood fall onto the top point of the first pentagram. Elena's eyes widened on that mention. Bonnie tried to calm her down, "Nothing will happen to me. It's just to increase the force of magic."
Elena shook her head, "No, Bonnie this a bad idea. I don't want it!"
"Nothing will happen."
"No! No!"
Bonnie closed her eyes and invoked a space blocking spell so Elena couldn't speed out of the ritual frame inside the bedroom.
Grabbing Elena's hands, she shelved the pain from the cut aside and she closed her eyes. "Phasmatos Tribum Nas Ex Veras," she started. "Es Tas Sue Sasta Nanse, Transum Viso. Mas Tenas Quisa, Nas Metam" Magic built inside her as she spoke her incantations. Elena kept screaming for Bonnie to stop and trying to rid her hands off her. But she didn't listen. She went on, and added the second part of the spell invoking the other side. She heard the wind rushing through the windows, with the leaves touching her skin but the sound seemed dulled, and speed slowed down. It seemed to be working but the world suddenly made her feel weaker and the witches' ghosts hissed at her, sapping away her energy little by little. A voice so familiar broke her out of the moment, "Bonnie you have to stop!"
She opened her eyes to leaves rustling past her, a wide-eyed Elena and Grams.
"Grams?" The spell had worked and she was on the other side.
"Listen to me. You have to stop," Grams repeated.
"What - No! I can't," she yelled back.
"They'll take away your power!" Grams shouted angrily.
Elena intervened, "Bonnie, stop it! I don't need this!"
Ignoring Elena, Bonnie told Grams, "They hate vampires. I'm doing them a favor."
"It's not balancing nature! Elena's life was taken and there's no way to return it," Grams said.
"Then let them take me in return."
"Bonnie!" Elena looked back at her horrified. She shouted back, "I won't allow it. You don't get to die for me!"
"You'd do the same," Bonnie said once and continued chanting again.
Elena kept screaming and begging her to stop but Bonnie didn't listen.
She heard Grams voice pleading too, "The witches need them. They'll do everything to stop you." She didn't listen to any of them and kept chanting.
Grams started screeching in pain and Elena was shouting at Bonnie to stop when Bonnie opened her eyes to see red veins popping out of Grams' body and her skin shriveling.
"No!" Bonnie screamed in panic. Bonnie stopped chanting the spell in her mind or verbally but the leaves were still rustling around, the fire still ablaze and Grams' body was still shriveling.
"I take it back! I take it back!" Bonnie shouted to the spirits. But Grams started to get weaker and fall down.
"No!" She yelled, running towards Grams. But before she could get to her Grams disappeared. The wind had stopped rushing through the room and the candles were out. Time was no more slowed down but it still felt still.
Her knees buckled and she fell down on the place where Grams was supposed to be right now if the veil were down and brushed her hand on the floor. She heard a creak in the floorboard behind her.
"Bonnie?"
She stayed there bent as she was, when tears came streaming down her cheeks and she started to shake, and she felt two arms wrap around her and hold her close. She held onto Elena as she burst out wailing.
Elena sat in her room cleaning up the mess from the ritual. Stefan and Jeremy tried to help her but she drove them out telling them she needed to be on her own. Jeremy helping her was out of the question, anyway – the bloodlust but even more there was the disappointment and fear that would never leave Jeremy now. Would Jeremy prefer her dead, she wondered as she swept up the mud off the ground.
She couldn't face the disappointment and guilt in Stefan's eyes knowing the spell hadn't worked so she either had to turn or die, Bonnie had to lose her Grams the second time and the situation was irreversible. It reminded her of her own.
The way Bonnie had left her house shaken up and hollow had scared her. She wanted to run after her but she was still in transition and what she could do outside her house made her afraid. Elena also knew going after her now wasn't a good idea remembering the time when Damon turned Abby to save her. Bonnie didn't want to see her for a while after that. Sending Jeremy after Bonnie was a bad idea too. Caroline had her own grieving to do and Matt was there for her. So she settled on calling Jamie to check on Bonnie.
She was sweeping away the strewn salt along with the broken candles and bowl pieces, when she hit the area where the ritual symbol was drawn with salt. A part of the symbol had been erased, leaving only the upside down pentagon with a circle behind it around etched into the wooden floorboards. She knelt down and ran her fingers on a portion of it. She didn't need to look at Jeremy or Stefan to remind her of her own guilt. She had it staring right back at her in that very room.
She felt so dumb for thinking there was a chance to reverse this. There was a price for cheating death. She knew that well enough.
She should have been more careful and asked Bonnie what she was going to do, what it involved and grilled her until she told her the complete truth. She should have had Bonnie's life on her mind when she came to her, not some guy who she couldn't decide who the hell he was and shouldn't be thinking about in the first place and conjuring up figments about because of it.
No one needed her here. Not now.
She was taking the scattered ceramic bowls' pieces to the bathroom bin when everything turned black. The last thing she heard before darkness completely enveloped her again was the sound of something crashing onto the floor.
In Klaus' room, Rebekah held her brother's painting in her hands, running her fingers across the sketched lines, imagining him drawing the horse in it. Her brother was many things on top of being not a good person and he never even loved her enough but she did love him. It was always Nik and Rebekah amongst the siblings. A thousand years, more or less, was a lot of time together and now she had to start contemplating a life without someone who defined it so much by the good and bad.
She heard footsteps sneaking up to her and a shortness of breaths, and dimmed heartbeats. She figured it was Damon, coming to avenge Elena. They were both so pathetic.
Elena was a whiny little girl-next-door who would stab you in the back when it suited her. But she'd make sure to give you a lecture if you happened to do the same. Damon just used every woman that walked the earth except Elena, who would never return his feelings the way he wanted but he pined for her anyway. They were such self-righteous hypocrites. They almost deserved each other.
In a flash, Rebekah sped past Damon and before he could register her presence shoved him onto the ground. The white oak stake fell from his hand and bounced away from him.
"You're so predictable," Rebekah said, rolling her eyes.
Damon said, "I could say likewise"
He looked towards the stake indicating he was about to speed there when she smacked him across his chest and he fell backward with a loud thump. He moaned from the other side, muttering a curse. He looked up, narrowed and veined out eyes bearing as much loathing as the blood showing behind them. If he was angry, hell so was she.
Damon tried to maneuver himself to the stake when she tried a diversion.
"I kill your annoying little Elena and now you're in all obviousness here for revenge against me? How pathetic" she said, outrage pouring out of voice.
Damon's fangs tore through his gums. He bared his gnarly vampire face, getting up from the ground again and started charging at her, even without the stake. He grabbed a few pencils off Klaus' table and threw them her way. She couldn't fend all of them off in time and as they pierced through her skin with a burning sting, she yelped in pain.
"Isn't that what you did to Elena?" Damon grunted.
What did he understand about loss? Was he really comparing a millennia to a few years with Elena?
Ignoring the sting, she yanked a few out and threw them back towards him but he ducked away right in time, disappearing from sight. Rebekah looked around the room. She knew he was still there. The swish of wind from the side confirmed his presence. She was a thousand years old and she could tell his movements from the slightest evidence. The air split as he threw a painting knife at her which grazed past her cheek. He was determined. So was she, and cutting off his next attempt, she turned around and tossed a table at him, making him fall down.
"I bet Stefan's sitting by her body, holding her and mourning her while you're out here busy picking a fight with me, not even honoring her," she taunted slowly making her way towards him.
Damon jumped back to his feet and and broke a leg of the table. He was filled with rage, Rebekah noted. Well, so was she.
She tackled him and punched his face, and then his stomach, ripping through his insides for a moment. She gritted her teeth as the warm wet innards wrapped around her fingers. She found his heart and squeezed it, satisfied momentarily when he gasped in pain.
Though it wasn't enough. She thought of taking it up a notch, "Then again, maybe you know she wouldn't want you by her side" He seemed to forget the physical pain she was imposing on him compared to how much more overwhelmed he was by her words.
He was like an open book when it came to Elena. All his cool and uncaring attitude got butchered away on the simple mention of something bad related to her. So weak and vulnerable and no comebacks up his sleeve. She laughed at how easy it was to push his buttons but was cut short when she noticed he had caught hold of the white oak stake again and he was close enough to stake her. She should have run away in that moment or just killed him. But somehow, she froze.
Maybe it was the shock of coming close to it last night. Maybe it was the reminder that Nik died from it and it was so close to her. She stared at the weapon with which her mother wanted them all killed with, and had succeeded with the most invincible of them all.
Damon was about to attack her when his phone rang from beside him where it had fallen out, and it snapped her out of her thoughts. Gathering herself, she planted a smile and taunted him again, "Bet that's Stefan telling you he's planned her funeral and you just have to show up."
Damon's eyes bore only hate for her in this moment when they started to vein out. But fast enough they disappeared when he looked back at the phone. This time he was the one who froze. She took advantage of his present state and picked up his phone, pressed "answer" and turned on loudspeaker.
Stefan's voice chimed out of the phone, "Damon, I know you're mad at me and you don't want to listen to me. But you need to."
Stefan was so pathetic compared to who he was in the 20s. She cringed inwardly at his begging.
"The spell failed. She's still in transition." Rebekah looked Damon's way, confused. Elena was alive? He seemed to share her confusion, even though she was pretty sure he knew Elena was still alive but in transition. What spell was Stefan talking about?
"Damon? Are you there?" Stefan's voice full of emotion echoed from the phone. But Damon didn't say a word. He lifted himself slowly off the ground, looking at nothing in particular, a defeated expression on his face. He stared at the white oak stake in his hand like it was the only weapon he had in the world against everything. When his gaze lifted to face her, his expression changed to one of absolute loathing. She didn't understand why. Sure, she had killed Elena but if she was still alive and if she turned into a vampire it would be his dream come true.
He was about to speed towards her and attack her, when Stefan said the words that made him halt, "Listen to me! She's gone. I looked around the house. I called Bonnie, Caroline and Matt and she's... She's not there. Please..."
Rebekah couldn't fathom how Elena was still alive while she had lost her companion of a thousand years. How did Elena do it? She just never died. It seemed like somehow she was more immortal than all of them.
But not this time.
"So what's it gonna be, Damon? Go find Elena or waste your time pointlessly trying to kill me because you know she doesn't want you?" Rebekah said loud enough to interrupt Stefan's call, with a smirk on her face.
A/N: I know some point of views might have ticked you off upon first notice, but my attempt was to remind what the characters were like. That it's okay for them to dislike a few or all of the mains just as long as it makes sense and is done in a way that isn't superficial and just because. I hope I could capture that and if you have any suggestions, suggest away.