AN/ Busy mornings taming worry-wart doctors and an overly concerned blonde (wo)MAN is not what Killua planned on to start his day in the process of getting himself patched up. But a run in with a bad character might just make him regret waking up and getting out of bed for a change.

Killua-eccentric

Partly inspired by HiatusxHiatus latest chapter b: So, you get assy Tonpa + small snippet of people's concerns about their war treatment all in one.

Mostly focused on Killua this time around and it's about to get even uglier.

Enjoy. Thanks again for the support lol. Warning for more graphic language then usual. Plenty of cuss words.

Strip me of my Shame

5

Most mornings were considerably uneventful for Leorio, at least in the typical war-like lifestyle he had become accustomed to. Nothing really surprised him anymore; so used to random explosions going off and buildings blowing up before your eyes that he could easily sleep through them to pass the time. The addition of perilous screams and blood-curdling cries of bodies probably being torn apart violently just made the experience even more pleasant. He didn't need the mental imagery. But Leorio was pretty much 99.9% ignorant at this point, usually choosing the easiest way to avoid the pain and agony of lingering too long on reality by absorbing himself in his work whenever he could, however long he can.

That still didn't mean the doctor was remotely prepared to walk into his office the next morning and find a topless teenager (damn those buff muscles) picking at his bloody wounds and absolutely desecrating his once overly-obsessive clean office (because some dumb blonde FORCED HIM TO EVERY SINGLE DAY) with his filth and mess all over his cream tiled floor. The stains would never come out. He didn't even try to pay attention to his supplies scattered and so disorganized that it would take days to rearrange them back into their original places. That is, if he can even remember where they belonged to begin with. (A manly tear had been shed)

It took only ten seconds for his patience to snap and Leorio blew apart at the seams right then and there. But; on the contrary, being the 'nice' guy Leorio really was, he settled for more subdued roaring at the top of his lungs and trying to strangle the gaping idiot for being the world's biggest selfless moron on the planet. If one can even call that subdued, anyway. He didn't even give Killua a chance to respond, flailing limbs struggling to pry himself free from the tight-locked grip and choking gasps of incomprehensible words flying past stuttering pale lips. The two bickered and wrestled for a good five minutes before Killua finally managed to free himself, toppling Leorio's giant form to the floor and pinning him successfully against his will with hands held high above his head.

When Kurapika walked in on the two next; a half-naked Zoldyck straddling the older disheveled male who's own shirt appeared to be in shreds with this rare gleam in those sapphire eyes and both men drenched to the skin in sweat (and blood), the entire base might as well just exploded like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was only appropriate. This was the time of blood-shed and death and usually one would be more privy to walking in on watching someone get murdered or violently slaughtered like it was an everyday occurrence.

It wasn't normal to walk in on your best friend and a young highly trained assassin; who was best known for tearing throats open and kicking off their heads, laying in the most compromising of positions on the once immaculate floor now ruined. It was enough to bring a tear to even Kurapika's eye.

But instead of seeing his own tears, the Kurta was more then satisfied when his chains flew hard and that he could now stare at the tears in both those men's eyes as they sat on the floor whining and moaning at the pain in their skulls like a pair of big crybabies.

"Geez, old man. Are all the women you know this cranky?" Killua complaints had thoroughly been silenced since.

As Leorio tended to the adolescent's wounds without so much as a struggle or a peep (the threatening chains and leering red eyes behind them was enough to make anybody shit their pants in all honesty), he could only marvel at the handiwork that had been done to such a refined, toned torso. For someone who dove head first into the fray of battle, it was remarkably surprising to find nary a scar or hint of damage to disrupt that porcelain skin, the only obvious lasting impressions he could find were small, thin white lines that reflected their existence only when the light hit them in the right spot.

If he guessed right, they were marks brought on by either a whip-lash or deep cut wounds.

He figured the latter.

"You're lucky, boy." Leorio had said, tentative hands weaving his Nen over shivering skin refusing to calm from the touch, "Whatever you did to treat your wounds before coming here seem to have done the trick. The rods left barely any visible damage so you'll heal up like nothing ever happened. But, I can't say the same for your insides. Your lung will at least need a few months of recovery if not more and several broken ribs probably going on another month. Your muscle was torn but seems to be making a speedy recovery so you'll be able to have full function of your arm in at least a week top."

A small, incoherent scoffing noise was his response and the adult felt his brow twitch in irritation. The nerve of this brat!

"You know Killua, you're so bull-headed. Someone needs to give you a really good punch and wake up that dumb brain of yours or something because you're a completely irrational idiot. Getting yourself hurt like that without even letting anybody back you up. What were you thinking?"

The cold-shoulder of a shrug actually had Leorio grinding his teeth so hard the sound of them sliding together painfully was loud enough to discern. Killua seemed to shy away from the action, looking to the side to avoid making eye contact and any further interrogation from the medic.

"Killua." Kurapika butted in, stopping the words that were dancing on the tip of Leorio's tongue to speak. "Why didn't you come first thing after we came back from our mission to be healed? Everyone, even Hanzo, said you were avoiding everyone like they were something contagious. No one could find or catch you when they saw you. Is something going on we should know about?" He was taking a daring step forward to stand behind Leorio while he worked and it was obvious Killua became uncomfortable because of it. He was fidgeting in his seat ever so slightly, but Kurapika's curiosity had started to chew on him and his patience grew thin. He needed to know and he thought it be best to call him out on it now while Killua's margin of escape was reduced to a mere sliver, no matter how awkward the situation seemed.

Killua couldn't escape the pair now even if he tried. And the all three knew this too well. They had him cornered.

"Killua. Answer me. Why are you avoiding everyone? What's the issue? Why did you avoid me last night when I called out to you?"

Gray eyes watched pale bony wrists grip tighter on the edge of the patient cot, nails digging into the cushion and a noticeable tear starting to form. Even so, the teenager chose to remain quiet, his narrowed eyes avoiding their gazes as if his life depended on it. It wouldn't be easy to make this kid crack. If Kurapika could describe him at that moment, he resembled a frightened, caged animal huddled in the corner of his pen with a gaze undisturbed by the predicament it had been forced into. The dried blood crusting on his skin and taut, tensed muscles gave him that wounded appearance; an animal licking at its injuries but still able to remain defensive in the face of predators.

Those were the most dangerous because they never hesitated to lash out at a moments notice if threatened.

"You saw him last night, Kurapika?" Leorio suddenly asked, brain processing the blonde's words slowly in the midst of his work. He had a habit of becoming utterly absorbed in his patients, so it didn't come off as a surprise whenever he did something like that.

"Yeah, I did actually. But of course he ran off before I could even get near him." said Kurapika. In his approach to break the other or at least chip away at that hard exterior shell, he would tread carefully. If anything to get a peek at what lay underneath.

Killua Zoldyck was a mystery. A mystery that Kurapika intended to solve; if not just for himself but for everyone's sake, mainly Leorio's. If this boy posed a danger to his friend he would get to the bottom of it before it ever reared its ugly head. For now, he would play it safe and take his time. There was no rush.

Several stiff, uncomfortable minutes followed before Leorio's aura-encased hands accidentally ran over a tenderly bruised spot, eliciting a low hiss from the other. When it unintentionally pressed harder than necessary, a high-pitched yell emitted from tight-pressed lips.

"Ow, don't press so hard! That hurts!"

Leorio sent an apologetic glance Killua's way and slowed to a more gentler speed. "Oops, sorry." Ten more minutes and a few more odd hand movements to double-check he was thoroughly finished and Leorio finally pushed his chair back with a satisfied bob of his head. "There. I think I'm done. The rest your body will take care of as long as you don't do anything stupid in the next few weeks. But I know your not that dumb as to injure yourself further, right Killua?"

The barest of nods answered him, face shadowed by bangs and line of sight kept away from prying eyes. It was barely discernible, but he was chewing on his bottom lip while squeezing the remaining life out of the bed's edge in quiet thought. It was a good sign. He wasn't ignoring their words despite not responding. He had acknowledged them in the smallest of gestures.

Kurapika had to hand it to Leorio; his carefree and kind nature worked wonders on the nerves.

Leorio continued with his usual medical ramble once he had the teen paying moderate attention to him. It was both protocol and habitual by now so the words flew right off his tongue with practiced ease, making sure to watch his tone as to not set off a negative reaction he didn't want to bother with so early in the morning. Or be of witness to. "I'll prescribe you some pain killers since antibiotics won't do anything to help at this point. Whatever infections you were starting to get are gone now. Just make sure not to pop them like their candy, okay? They're for when you're REALLY in pain, not just because you're being a pussy about getting a tiny cut or someone touchingyour itty bitty bruise."

Even the hot, deathly sharp glare of darkened blue eyes didn't stop the medic from laughing triumphantly. Kurapika couldn't hold back his own quiet chuckles either, stifled by the back of his hand while Killua grit his teeth and shot harmless daggers with his stare their way. Those pale cheeks were faintly tinted pink up to his ears from what they only surmised to be real embarrassment.

The rising blush did little to curb his language however. Or his attitude.

"Screw you, stinky old fart. I'm not a pussy to pain!" Killua growled, reaching forward to pinch the adult hard on the shoulder. A loud girlish yelp followed and it was Killua's turn to laugh now in victory. "But I couldn't say the same for you who wimps out over a simple pinch. Haha."

"Why you conniving brat-"

"Well, thanks for the mediocre treatment, old man. Bye bye now!" The boy was on his feet, shirt in hand, and dashing for the door before Leorio's blood-thirsty hands could make a grab to strangle him with. Kurapika caught a handful of shaggy white locks without bothering to turn around and the string of curses and protests that came from those not-so-innocent lips wasn't surprising now that they had, had a taste of Killua's true personality.

"Not so fast, Killua. You need to be bandaged up and Leorio needs to give you your pills before you can just go waltzing away. And don't think your getting out of this so easily. You have a lot of explaining to do." Casually, his right hand was brought up, chains floating inches from his fingertips at the ready. It was more then enough warning to make the teenager ease in the head grip with a grimace. "Do I make myself clear?"

It still didn't stop Killua from retorting the least, because that seemed so like him to fight it out to the end no matter the consequences.

"Whatever you say, mother."

WHACK.

It was still worth it.

Some time later into the dawning afternoon, a knock on the door interrupted the blatant bickering of one overgrown man and the snot-nosed teenager that surprisingly could hold his own in an argument quite well. He had a tongue on him that could throw out retorts and counter quips as fast as his razor sharp claws flung through Chimera Ants in battle. If it weren't for his quick wittiness and humorous remarks to everything Leorio had to say, Kurapika might had thrown the kid out. He was just too amusing for his own good.

After another round of insistent knocking, the blonde finally opened the door to one of Leorio's assistant nurses; most of them polite and quiet women that held a lot of admiration for the doctor. This onyx-haired nurse bowed her head so low her messy black strands almost buried her entire head from view in a comical fashion. Her face was livid for a woman; dark droopy eyes and black lipstick smeared in a hasty make-up job. Judging by her awkward foot shuffling, she most likely heard all the obnoxious yelling through the walls and didn't want to pry. She spoke fast; Kurapika barely caught up with her words when they flew out of her mouth in a gargled mess.

"Mr. Leorio-sama and K-Kurapika, Hanzo requests your presence in his o-office as soon as you are able to. H-he also says he would like you to bring that s-special detainee along as well, p-please."

"Oh, hey Cherry! How have you been-" Leorio started only to find his mouth filled with a boot pressing firmly until he was successfully silent, Killua snickering at the muffled sounds the man made in an attempt to free himself.

The woman dubbed 'Cherry' by Leorio could only blink and gape in utter bewilderment, torn between the urge to help and the urge to flee from the craziness.

Kurapika took a peek at the nurse's name tag; noting her name 'Palm Siberia' for later in case it held some form of importance, and smiled gently as if to soothe the lady. "Thanks, Ms. Siberia. I'll take it from here and make sure we get to Hanzo's office on the double. We appreciate you coming to tell us."

He reaction came as a surprise when she started waving her hands erratically in front of her before hiding her immensely beet-red face from view (and with how dark it already was just made it ten shades more somber then before), muttering insensibly against her fingers about things Kurapika couldn't understand. She immediately stalked away, her entire body looking ready to fly through the ceiling any moment, and a loud squeal of 'Notice me!' came just as she disappeared out the door she came in, slamming it shut behind her.

The shortest male rounded back with hands resting on his hips and mouth ready to reprimand them about being a pair of obnoxiously loud morons when Leorio literally flung Killua's foot so hard and unexpectedly that the youngster actually back flipped on the floor. He slammed into the nearby shelf, effectively knocking it and all its contents off into a scattered mess even worse then earlier. Killua had eluded being buried in the remains sometime in the chaos, ending up on the nearby chair in a pose that resembled a cat just splashed by cold water. His hair stood on end rather humorously and body hunched tight on all fours on the little pad cushion, cerulean eyes wider than saucers. Even his nails had lodged themselves in the pillow, stuffing pushing past the broken seams. All he needed was a cat tail and ears to match and he would be the spitting image of a completely shocked-wet feline.

Despite the dreaded insuring hours of clean-up they would have to do in order to return the office back to its original state; the two men burst into gut-twisting laughter. Killua practically steamed from the heat flooding his face when they both pointed at him and laughed even harder.

But the once witty-minded teen could come up with nothing at that very moment, reduced to hissing in his defeat with eyes still trying to magically summon daggers to stab the bastards to a slow and painful death. They would so pay.

"Damn you all! I hate you! Stop laughing, it's not funny!"

"I hate you, too, brat! Hahaha! And it is! It really is." Leorio spoke thoughtlessly, laughs subsiding to uncontrollable chuckling. His fists twisted up in the fabric of his dress shirt while he tried to ease the pain in his gut from laughing, but he only smiled bigger at the feeling. "You look so stinking hilarious right now. You should see yourself! Like a cute little kitty that just got splashed by water!"

"WHAT THE HELL! I'M NOT A CAT!"

"You know, Leorio's right. You do portray a feline pretty accurately. The only thing you lack is the animal-like features." commented Kurapika, giggling against the back of his wrist.

Killua instantly threw 'the finger' their way and pulled himself out of the position he had been stuck in, careful not to slip on the chair since it had wheels on it and he did not need a humiliating accident to happen on those slippery back-stabbing fiends. Straightening his clothing, the pale-skinned boy growled and marched his way out the door without sparing a glance back. Fumes practically billowed around his head, a testament to his shameful trouncing from a pair of immature adults he was seconds from beating into a pulp.

And a pulp was considerate to what Killua really wanted to do.

"You guys can all rot in hell for all I care. I'm out of here!" His words echoed through the wide open door, throwing the pair into another fit of laughter they couldn't hold back. It was too funny.

"Haha.. Kurapika, shouldn't we stop him?" Leorio forced out after a moment, sitting up to eyeball the door Killua didn't bother to close.

"No, no. Leave him be." Kurapika sucked in a deep breath, giggles finally under control, "We've tortured him enough for one day. We'll corner Killua again for a proper interrogation later. He still owes us that much for letting you treat him."

Standing to his full height, Leorio patted the thin layer of dust from his clothes that had settled over in the aftermath of the shelf's demise. His focus wavered over the scary heap that lay at his feet and swallowed thickly, "Damn that little shit. It's going to take hours to pick all this up! And it took over an hour just to clean up the first mess he made!"

A gentle touch jolted Leorio out of his stupor and he looked down to find Kurapika smiling up at him reassuringly. "Relax. I promise to help you clean this up later. We should head to that meeting before it gets any later don't you think?"

"Yeah. You're right." The taller of the two men amended with a sigh and began to follow his friend out the door, only to pause for a second with his index finger waving in the air purposefully as he declared, "But Killua is so picking up more than half of the mess, I swear, or I will kill him myself!"

"Has anyone seen Gon?"

It had been more or less a question that was left unanswered for the past hour of searching for the missing boy. None of the remaining patrons that were still lingering around in their resting quarters could give them any hints or clues to the whereabouts of their lone escapist and several of the hunters could only shrug and point in the random direction they swear he had ran off to.

Leorio swore their comrades were sending them in circles after awhile like a sick joke.

Nothing made them anymore headway than just banging their own foreheads against the walls for an hour while waiting for him to miraculously pop up.

"Him and Killua both are going to drive me bonkers and I barely even know them!" bemoaned Leorio, sagging against the building's outer wall from exhausting his legs in all their panicked running to find Gon. "Where the heck could he have gone? Our base isn't that big!"

"I'm not sure, but I know he has to be around here somewhere." Kurapika spoke, eyes scanning the forest scenery. He wasn't in any of the infirmary rooms nor the cafeteria. They checked all the places that only the soldiers had access too just for precautionary measures and nothing. Pretty much every building had been scouted in just under half an hour and the pair were running out of steam in their useless hunt.

If they didn't find him soon, Kurapika knew Leorio would probably explode and take the whole complex with him. He was that on edge.

After another long moment of scavenging and listening to Leorio mumble complaints about 'spoiled rotten teens' under his breath, Kurapika spotted the small green form of someone perched high above an exceedingly large tree in the distance. He could barely recognize the pointy black hair poking out the top of the brush and a head following after as it rose to full height to look around with wide-eyed curiosity. The second his own gray orbs caught the attention of the opposing brown ones, he received a wave worth sighing in relief over.

"Finally found him. Thank heavens."

"Thank heavens? Thank hell! Thank everything! And he better be thanking me for not annihilating his skimpy butt when we drag him down from there too!"

And true to his word, Gon did, thanking him profusely for being so nice to him and Leorio couldn't had walked away with a more smug expression then he had then.

"See, what did I tell you, Kurapika? I have a way with kids!"

THWACK.

Okay, maybe it wasn't really worth it after all.

"Shit, it hurts."

The young Zoldyck strained to slide his body down the cold tile walls lining the shower stall he was currently preoccupying; alone, until his bare bottom was flush to the floor. He felt the icy droplets pounding against the top of his head but doing nothing to numb the pain as he hissed from the throbbing ache in his joints. He knew he had over exerted himself back there, trying to wrestle with the crusty old medic and then jump to avoid a falling shelf like he was physically still capable of doing such feats in his condition. His chest felt bruised, soft to the touch, and he knew even Nen wouldn't miraculously repair crushed brittle ribs. The blossoming purple splotches on his chest were more then enough of a reminder to this testament.

But, he could handle broken ribs and the insistent pounding in the back of his skull that would later be a ridiculously, annoying migraine. He could bear the burning from his muscles in his shoulder protesting every time he even inched his arm a millimeter from its lax position. He could take daggers and claws embedded in any of his limbs even when they hit to the bone and still be raring to do battle. Shoot him down with hundreds of bullets, drown his stomach with poisonous liquids until it came leaking out his throat and mouth, and hell, throw him into a raging fire or a field of explosive electric wires and Killua would pull himself out of it, marred but still alive.

He wouldn't be surprised if he survived a nuclear bomb dropping beside him, honestly.

However, what he couldn't handle was that it hurt the most trying to breathe, every ounce of air putting pressure on his torn lung, to the point Killua almost considered not breathing for a long while just to avoid the agony. If he remembered correctly his record for holding his breath was at best 3 minutes and 20 seconds, on a good day.

But he definitely was not having a good day.

"I shouldn't had reacted like that earlier. I'm such an idiot."

He shuddered unintentionally, wincing at his own actions, and cussed to himself in the quiet, solitary room he holed himself up in. Nobody would hear or reprimand him for speaking so crudely, not when everyone left him alone for pretty much every second of his damned life but when on the battlefield.

Not being able to breathe really sucked and Killua actually started to miss the ability to breathe like a normal person again.

"Damnit." He resigned to sighing, letting his arms go limp at his sides, head lolling back so it rested against the wall, eyes closed. Now, the shower head was dumping its frigid water onto his exposed face since his hair was sticking, plastered to the back of his neck and forehead. At the rate the it was pushing out liquid, it probably would make his skin flushed and tinted from the sub-zero temperatures he had placed the nozzle on. But Killua really couldn't care less about that right now. Let him turn blue from hypothermia if it came down to it.

Numb the pain. The colder the better. Don't ever use heat.

Never cry. Never mope. Never whine. Pain makes a man. And to admit to pain means you're weak.

Weakness leads to Death.

And to die in battle like a coward is-

"Fuck you." Killua made no hesitation to say out loud, challenging his own thoughts, his own grim reminder of what all those wasted years of his childhood was used for training, for torture he told himself, even if he didn't always realize it. He was in denial, yeah, that was it. But those persistent voices in his head wouldn't leave him be, wouldn't let him go by every day of his life without knowing the truth.

He was an assassin not just by name but by blood.

Monster.

Evil.

Vile.

Murderer.

Killer.

All those bothersome noises starting to build in his head, whispering into both ears with no where to exit, were now trapped in the middle of their own mental war. The meddlesome thoughts running a mile a minute had Killua's fist inches from burying itself into the nearest wall if they didn't stop. He knew his physical threat would go ignored; it was his mind after all, but he couldn't control the tremors traveling up and down his arm to prevent himself from raising a fist on instinct.

A trained habit he just couldn't break.

If it hadn't been for the abrupt slam of the shower room door opening and a loud, grating to the nerves laughter, he would have had his hand through the other side and then he'd be dealing with another painful dilemma he didn't need.

"Well, look who it is. The Zoldick brat."

Killua didn't mind the 'Killer' nickname so much now, actually...

A large bodied man with not much room for muscle as there was fatty bulk, waltzed in with a towel around his waist, thank god, so the only thing that was fairly noticeable was the forest of ugly chest hairs making a nest on his 'bubbly big fat man breasts.' Killua would never actually say it though, because he knew better then to get on Tonpa's bad side. His status as the infamous new-recruit crusher was well known through the other squads, even if he necessarily lacked the required tools to proceed with literally crushing any new recruits.

He wasn't much for Nen really; using traditional based weapons with a mastered skill, so the ZOLDYCK had little to fear from him in the getting his ass-handed to him department. He could take Tonpa down with only his pinky if he really bothered to spare the effort. But it wasn't his lack of physical prowess that set anyone on edge whenever the bastard showed his face in the vicinity.

It was his words that could kill.

Tonpa had a nasty snake bite, a tongue that could lash out and deal a lethal blow with a plethora of words that even the dictionary regretted making legalized. The man knew how to put someone down to the point of suicide, as if he was specially trained to do, even more so then Killua's extensive assassin family background. Killua remembered their first encounter in absolute clarity, Tonpa firing blanks only because of the snowy-haired teens perfected ignorance to what most anything people said to him, unless relevant like orders from the leader.

But every now and again, Killua had the rotten luck to be caught in a room with the devious tyrant, and every single time he would come out with another mental wound he swore he should be strong enough to fight against.

You're weak.

"Giving the silent treat like always aren't you, you little shit." Tonpa's annoying tone made the albino growl under his breath, rattle his thoughts, seething behind his bent knees that drew up to his chest for cover. Like he would ever be caught butt-naked in front of that fatso, he did not need word spreading about the size of his package to the other hunters. It was enough ridicule to be known as a cold-blooded mass murderer lacking any means of a human heart or emotion among his peers. If they all thought he had a small dick because of Tonpa's 'well-versed intellect' he'd sink even lower then he already was.

"Are you seriously ignoring me, snot head?"

He could feel that giant face peering over the wall into Killua's cramped shower stall, beady eyes narrowed and observant. The sapphire eyed youth refused to give him what he was asking for; any sign of emotion that he was being affected by those words, those names. Because showing him you were listening and paying attention to his verbal threats just made his life much more easier to torment you until you transferred out or killed yourself.

Picking either option wasn't in Killua's job description right now.

"Hey. I'm talking to you, you big coward." Tonpa grunted, reaching forward without the other boy's knowledge and turning the handle of the hot water onto full blast. The icy tundra switched to scalding lava in a matter of seconds, the steam filling the room in a hazy plume of fog the second it touched the air.

Thanks to Killua's training; torture; he was able to remain completely rooted to the spot, barely stifling his hiss of pain and surprise into the space between his knee caps. The skin on his shoulders and back were bubbling and his head felt like it was on fire, but he would live. The blisters and burns would be a bonus dealing with later, though, much to his regret. Venting out his frustration being rendered frozen in place; less he set Tonpa into an excited frenzy at seeing him affected by his stupid attempts to rattle Killua into a frenzy, his arms dragged his nails across the quickly heating floor, scraping the blunt points hard enough to make a low, deafening screech sound.

Tonpa still didn't care though. Killua's threats never surprised the ass hole.

"Geez. You're such a dumb prick. When are you ever just going to give up and go home to your rich ass mommy and daddy?" sighed the older man, the pitter patter of his giant feet tapping on the ground behind Killua as the guy made his way over to the other unoccupied stall. Killua never picked the bigger shower rooms, only the ones that had a max of 3 in them. Because that meant less people to deal with, after all.

And still, Killua remained silent, unwavering, curled up in his own stall that was probably boiling temperatures close to like a vat of acid by now, cursing his luck and his life to hell. He could hear the twisting of knobs and the second thunder of water hitting tile floor from right across him, alongside every single breath the fat man took in so greedily like a mockery to Killua's current predicament, in complete excruciating detail.

"Must be nice to be rich and a spoiled brat like every other Zoldick out there. I wish I could have been born rich. But no, I had to struggle through life just like every other hard-working hunter in our squad, working their asses off to make a living. Unlike you, who always has everything handed to him like a perfect princess."

Ignored.

"Getting your hunter license without even having to take the exam must have been great. I had to go through five fucking trials to get mine and that took me 36 tries. You didn't even have to do one single fucking thing and the association handed it to you like you were god's gift to mankind."

Keep ignoring.

"Even Hanzo gives you special privileges like letting you take up a whole damned bathing stall whenever you choose to wash your grimy ass and your own area to sleep in; since no one wants to get close to filth like you, which means you pretty much get 6 cots to yourself in a sense. They even give you all the food you can eat no matter how much you ask for, the cafeteria ladies always cave to your greedy face and you don't even have to stand in line. How fucked up is that? I have to sleep on a cramped ass bed with all my other fellow recruits and wait my turn to bathe and get food just like every other fucking person in this stupid base."

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

"You know, scum like you makes me sick. I can't stand things like you that get everything handed to them and don't even have to bat an eyelash. And just because you're from high and mighty assassin family. Sheesh. Must be nice. So very nice."

I. G. N. O. R. E.

The accompanying drizzle of water stopped suddenly, the squeak and squelch of heavily weighted footsteps making their way behind him again and to the door (Killua knew the approximate amount of steps it took to get to his stall and the doorway by heart). The screech of hinges opening and the thud of it hitting the wall when it opened made Killua cringe again, sinking further into his spot automatically.

He really wish he had the guts to absolutely slaughter the man to nothing but shredded pieces of skin and flesh, but he just couldn't bring the urge to surface. Couldn't tell himself, yes, it was okay to kill one of your 'comrades'. Killua just couldn't do it. He didn't have the capability to command that drive in him, bring forth that monster he was hailed as, and completely desecrate the fat tub of lard until he had nothing to bury in his grave, not even ash or dust.

Damn him. Damn him so much.

"Well. See you later, you heartless piece of shit. Thanks for ignoring me once again. Good luck drowning yourself. And please, don't hesitate to do it either."

Killua exhaled the breath he didn't even know he had been holding once he heard that heavenly sound of a door slam behind him, the sharp lack of air leaving spots dancing across his vision and pain lancing his chest like a spear. He bit his lip, eyes squeezing shut, and dropped his knees to the ground as he leaned back and grumbled, loud enough for his voice to echo across the quiet, empty shower room he was finally left alone in again. The scrape of his nails scratching the hard, unbreakable tile did little to ease him.

Nothing did.

So, he did what he always did in these kinds of situations.

"Shit. It hurts."

He ignored it.