Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing that you would recognise as the fantastic work of J.K. Rowling. I only take credit for those OC characters that appear here.
March 15th, 1979
Sirius was snoring next to her, lying on his belly, mouth slightly open. His black hair was longer than it had been a month ago and it was falling across his face and into his eyes. Eileen closed her eyes and snuggled in closer to him, the heat radiating off of him was like having her own personal furnace. He slept without a shirt, the chilly air of the bedroom not bothering him in the least as he snored on peacefully.
Over a month had passed since the first night she spent in Sirius's bed and her own appearance reflected it. Her hair had grown out slightly and the bruises and cuts had all but faded and healed. The mark left on her face had stayed the same, the thin pink line a constant reminder of that night. They had spent time talking about it, it hadn't been easy at first, the memories hurt and the hate had grown behind Sirius's eyes. She had cried, spent hours in his arms letting him bring her back from the depths of her anger and misery and in turn comforted him with her presence and her body at night when she knew the hate was bubbling over. In the nights they found each other, were made whole by their love and the marks of the war were washed clean from their bodies and souls. In the nights they belonged to each other and no war existed outside, no one could touch them. The mornings were always so peaceful as they hung between sleep and wake, both refusing for as long as possibly to leave the safety of their room and their house.
They had been left to themselves for a while, and although neither of them said it they knew James and Lily were to thank for the small peace they were finding together. Dumbledore had told her to lay low, avoid going out for as long as possible, the longer Voldemort thought her dead the better. Remus was still living with them but he too seemed to be making himself scarce, although he was now working with the Werewolves, actively trying to turn them away from Voldemort and Greyback. She had grown increasingly fond of Remus over the past month, she didn't care that he was a werewolf, he was incredibly kind and intelligent and his love for tea, muggle music and chocolate were not only endearing but charming and lovable. She had openly wondered to Sirius why Remus wasn't involved with anyone and Sirius had laughed his barking laugh and said 'Because he's Moony'.
She could hear him now, shuffling around in the kitchen, probably making tea and thought that maybe she should go join him. She opened her eyes again and looked into Sirius's sleeping face. In the short time she had spent with him she had grown to love the way he looked so peaceful as he slept, a slight smile curled his lips. She smiled and placed a light kiss on his shoulder, sliding out of bed. He continued to snore on as she dressed, wrapping a dressing gown around herself and slipping quietly out of the bedroom.
'Morning Remus.' She said, taking a seat at the kitchen table and yawning.
Remus turned, surprised to see her. 'Eileen, – Would you care for a cup of tea?' he asked, thoughtful as always.
'I'd love one, thank you.'
In no time Remus had a cup of tea in her hand and sat down next to her, pulling the Daily Prophet towards him. 'Padfoot is still sleeping?' he asked.
'Yes. I hope you don't mind I thought I'd join you this morning.'
Remus looked surprised but pleased. 'I don't mind at all Eileen.'
She smiled at him and sipped her tea. 'How is everything with the Order? '
Remus frowned. 'You mean the other werewolves?'
She shrugged. 'Either way.'
He sighed and laid the paper back on the table. 'Bad at best. They are resistant, which isn't surprising. They think Voldemort can give them better opportunities than the Ministry can and frankly they aren't entirely wrong.'
'What do you mean?'
'The Ministry isn't kind to us, finding work is nearly impossible to start, and the current policies don't look favourably on that ever changing. Many of my kind see Voldemort as a change, and any change must be better than the current system.'
'What do you think?' she asked and Remus smiled at her.
'I can't say I really blame them for wanting change, but Voldemort is definitely not the answer they're looking for.' He said.
'No I don't think he is.' She agreed but didn't continue as Remus returned to his paper.
They sat together for a while in comfortable silence until Remus finished the paper and offered it to her.
'No thanks, I don't think I'll find anything in there to my taste.' She said, and her stomach grumbled comically.
Remus chuckled. 'Hungry?'
She grinned at him. 'I suppose so.'
'I'll make some breakfast then.' He said, pushing his chair back.
'I'll help, I really am a decent cook, unlike Sirius.'
'Did I hear my good name being insulted out here?' said Sirius, as he appeared from behind the bedroom doors.
'She wasn't saying anything that wasn't true Padfoot.' Said Remus, sharing a grin with Eileen.
'You're a biased opinion Moony.' He said, reaching the kitchen and taking a drink out of Eileen's mug. 'You do make the best cup of tea though Moony, I'll never drink anyone else's.'
Remus nudged Eileen, 'Suck up.'
She laughed and Sirius pretended to look abashed. 'I did warn you that I was a terrible cook so you can't pretend you didn't know now.' He said to her, sitting at the table and finishing her tea.
She looked back at him over her shoulder before turning to Remus. 'It's true he did warn me.'
'And you still stayed? Well Padfoot I'm impressed.'
'Har har Moony. She couldn't resist my good looks and charming personality.'
'Oh yes I absolutely fell for you from the moment you dropped that dungbomb into my potion in third year, so charming of you.' She said, as Remus snorted with laughter.
'You remember that?' Said Sirius, a grin threatening to spread across his face.
'I remember having eyes the size of saucers and a nose that touched my chin Sirius Black!' she said, turning and raising her brows at him.
Remus and Sirius erupted into a fit of laughter, a bit of egg jumping out of the frying pan prematurely as Remus accidentally japed the pan with his wand.
A knock on the door didn't stop them from roaring with laughter so Eileen went to answer it, shaking her head at the men behind her. James and Lily stood outside as she opened the door, smiling at them she ushering them in.
'What did I miss?' said James, looking amused. Sirius and Remus recounted the story from third year and soon James was joining in the hilarity.
Lily rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen to help Eileen salvage Remus's forgotten cooking. 'How're you?' she asked, giving Eileen a side look.
'Good Lily, what about you and James?' She cracked another egg and let it fall into the pan, tapping the side with her wand.
'We're great, I can hardly believe the wedding is so soon!' said Lily, her eyes sparkling as she turned to look at James, who was now bent around the table with Remus and Sirius with their heads close together in discussion. 'Hey! What are you three up to now?' she asked and the three men looked up at them with guilty faces.
'Caught planning something dangerous no doubt.' Said Eileen, wiping her hands with a towel and enjoying Sirius's sly smile.
'When have we ever done anything dangerous?' said Sirius in mock outrage.
'Oh let me think-,' started Lily.
'Don't try too hard Red, that head of yours is already close to popping off.' Said Sirius, pushing his chair back slightly in case he needed to run.
Lily glared at him but turned to Eileen. 'How do you put up with him?' she asked as Sirius laughed loudly.
'It's a struggle every day I assure you.' She said and grinned at her.
'Hey – is that your owl Sirius?' said Remus and they all looked in the direction of his gaze.
A brown screech owl was looking curiously at them from behind the window and Sirius popped out of his chair and was at the window in an instant, letting the owl in. It soared across the window and landed on the chair in front of Eileen, sticking its leg out to her.
'That owl belongs to Re-,' Sirius started but she interrupted him, slowly reaching out to take the letter from the owls leg.
'Regulus.' She detached the letter and the owl took off again, through the open window Sirius was still standing next to.
'What the hell?' he said and they all stared at her as she flipped the letter open and slowly pulled out the folded paper.
'They know you're alive.' Said Lily, eyes wide.
'How?' said James.
'I don't know.' She said absently, gazing down at the fine print that she knew to be Regulus's.
Eileen,
Words fail me. I thought you dead this past month but today they said you were still alive. I need to see you Eileen – please. Please Eileen, meet me. I don't know where you are but you know you can trust me. Hogsmeade Village, next Saturday at nightfall.
Yours,
Regulus Black
'Well?' Sirius was still standing near the window, the humour so recently on his face gone and replaced with a look she did not like.
'He wants to meet me.' She said, knowing how he would react.
'Absolutely not!' Three voices said together and she looked around surprised at Remus and James.
Sirius finally strode back to the table and held his hand out for the letter. She handed it over and he scanned it quickly, his frown deepening.
'No. No way Eileen.'
She took the letter out of his hands, frowning back at him. 'I want to go.'
'There is a good chance that it's a set up.' Said Remus calmly, as Sirius and James gave each other identical looks of incredulity.
'It's not.' She said, folding the letter again and slipping it into her pocket.
Sirius blanched and stared at her but it was James who spoke. 'You don't know that Eileen. We don't know how they know you're alive and Regulus Black is a Death Eater, Voldemort's personal puppet.'
'I know Regulus, he won't hurt me.'
Sirius managed to find his voice and it sounded low and angry. 'You know a Death Eater. No you're not going. End of story.'
She glared at him, their eyes locking over the table.
'Dumbledore told you to lay low, you can't go either way.' Said Remus logically.
'He said that before we knew that they know I'm alive. I think the time for laying low is over.' She said, still looking at Sirius.
He scoffed at her and ran a hand through his hair in agitation. 'And I suppose you want to go alone as well.' He said sarcastically.
'I'm fully capable of taking care of myself.' She said in indignation.
'You're not serious?' he said, his voice raising. 'I haven't forgotten you almost dead in the snow in my garden!' he said, nearly shouting.
They shot daggers at each other over the table with their eyes, no one else daring to say anything. Of course she should see Regulus, he was her friend, he hadn't given up her secret before and she knew he wouldn't hurt her now. Sirius was being over protective but she could see the anger and love in his eyes and she softened, sighing slightly.
'You just can't go. If it's a trap -,' Sirius stopped, looking away from her, his voice heavy with emotion.
She couldn't stop herself before she was across the room, wrapping her arms around his waist. 'Okay.'
His arms wrapped around her after a moment and he sighed, the fight leaving him. He smoothed her short hair down and kissed the top of her head lightly as Remus went to help Lily with the forgotten breakfast and James turned away from them, giving them a moment of privacy.
He tilted her chin up and kissed her lips softly, his eyes searching hers. 'I know you can protect yourself but I'd rather you didn't have reason to.' He said softly so only she could hear.
'This is a war Sirius, we can't pretend it isn't.'
'I know, but I can't lose you again.' He said, brushing a thumb across her scar.
'You won't Sirius, I promise.' She said, and they broke apart as Lily laid a plate of over cooked eggs on the table.
March 24th, 1979
Eileen and Lily walked side by side up the quiet street, their cloaks pulled over their heads and clutched securely around their bodies, keeping the damp chilly air out. It was still cold for nearly April and lately a wet bone deep chill had fallen over most of the country. The street didn't usually close up this early but the chill and the weight of dread that seemed to come with it was enough to make folks huddle around the fire and keep their families close. The sun was setting in the distance, down the slope and past the shrieking shack, where Eileen had learned Remus had spent each full moon. The sun sunk down lower as they walked and illuminated the magnificent castle that was Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. The two women stopped without a word to each other and silently gazed at their old school. It was Lily who finally sighed.
'I miss it.' She said sadly, turning to look at Eileen.
'So do I. Everything seemed much simpler then.' Eileen agreed, not taking her eyes off the castle. 'Do you think we'll ever step foot in there again?'
'I think Dumbledore wouldn't mind if we did.' Said Lily thoughtfully.
'What if we went up after this? It couldn't hurt to stop by. I need to speak to Dumbledore anyway.' Said Eileen, turning finally to look at Lily.
She seemed to brighten considerably and Eileen smiled at her. 'Lily, I can't begin to say how much I appreciate you coming with me today.'
'It's nothing Eileen really, I'd rather be here than be worried sick if you went alone.'
'You know James and Sirius will be furious.' Said Eileen apologetically.
Lily laughed. 'They will get over it. Sirius has a temper to match the best of us but he doesn't hold a grudge against people he loves.'
Eileen grinned. 'Thank you Lily. Really you and James should come around more, I'm sorry we weren't friends at Hogwarts.'
'Me too. Something to do with you being in Slytherin.' Lily Joked.
'Severus always wanted you to himself then too.' Said Eileen but Lily looked away quickly. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-,'
'It's okay you didn't mean anything I know. Severus was a good friend but he fell in with the wrong people as you well know.' Lily gave her a sad look. 'He didn't have your conscience about it I suppose.'
'I don't think Severus is a bad person Lily and I don't think you do either. Honestly I keep having this feeling that I'm forgetting something about him but I can't put my -,'
'Eileen!' A male voice called from across the clearing, making them snap their heads around and draw their wands in unison, pointing at the young man.
'Regulus.' She said, lowering her wand slightly, though Lily continued to point hers at him with a grimace on her face.
'What did they do to you?' he said in horror as he got closer and was able to see their faces.
Her hand went automatically to the scar on her face. A permanent gift from Rabastan. 'Tortured me for two days - left me for dead in a burning house. Where should I start Regulus?' she spat, bitterness rising inside her.
Regulus's mouth popped open comically and his lips moved as if to form words but nothing came out, giving him the appearance similar to a fish out of water.
'You're really surprised?' Asked Lily and Regulus looked at her for the first time. Eileen didn't fail to notice the look of revolution that crossed Regulus's face as he looked at Lily and a fresh wave of heat rose inside her.
She pulled her hood down and Regulus let out a small groan, taking in her altered appearance. Although she had long enough hair now that she couldn't be called bald it was still short enough to make an impact. 'You think for one moment that this is bad Regulus? That the scar on my face is disturbing? This is nothing compared to things they've done to others. Things they will make you do to people like Lily, people like me.' She scuffed at him. 'It's high time you reconsidered your loyalties Regulus.'
He looked slightly stunned but at last found his voice. 'You're with Sirius now? Is that true?'
Lily gave her a quick look, but she answered without hesitation. 'Yes.'
'For how long?' He said, his voice not giving away his emotion.
'Since Hogwarts.'
'I see. Well I'll leave, you've made it obvious you want nothing to do with me anymore.'
'I never said -,' she started, her anger turned down some.
'I'm glad you're alive because I love you. I was devastated when I found out. Do you know how hard that has been?' His voice broke slightly and she was reminded for a brief moment of Sirius. 'Having to pretend I didn't care that my cousin killed you. I guess you're not the only one pretending now Eileen. I hope my brother makes you happy.'
'Regulus -,'
'I went to your house your parents didn't touch your stuff. I packed it for you.' He flicked his wand and her trunk, which she hadn't noticed until now, levitated between them, landing softly on the ground. They stared at each other for a few moments until Regulus sighed and looked away. He strode over to her, careful to avoid her eye and pulled something from his robes. 'If you still wanted it.' He said and dropped the silver chain into her hand.
She looked down at the symbol attached to it. The Deathly Hallows. She felt her throat constrict slightly and she looked up in time to catch his eye. 'Leave them Regulus. Leave them and come with us. You'll be accepted I promise. Please.'
'You know I can't do that Eileen.'
'Why not? Regulus I will never forget or forgive them for doing what they did to me. It is a struggle to not let hatred fill me every day. Sirius – your brother, he's – I do love him. I know he would want you to come with us too.' She said, feeling emotion swell inside her and her stomach turned violently, threatening to give up her dinner.
Regulus's hand darted out and his finger touched the scar on her face briefly before he dropped his hand, turned on his heel and aparated in front of her.
She felt her stomach roll and before she could think she turned and vomited into the road. Lily rushed towards her as she sank to her knees on the ground, puking up the contents of her stomach.
'Eileen, shh – breathe.' Lily held her, patting her back.
Her vision went fuzzy at the sides and she tried to shake it off, her stomach still turning but unable to bring anything else up. 'I'm going to pass out.' She said faintly and Lily looked pale beside her. Her vision went out of focus and the last thing she remembered was watching a silvery doe shoot out of Lily's wand and fly off towards the castle.
O
'You can't be serious?' a voice came through the darkness and she felt that she was lying somewhere soft and warm.
'Of course I'm serious Miss Evans!'
'There isn't any chance you're um- mistaken?' said a male voice.
'Mr. Potter, you'd think I'd repaired enough of your bones and broken bits that you would have more faith in me!'
'I – Sorry. Just a shock that's all.'
'Yes well these things happen. Either way she is fine. She should see a healer at Saint Mungo's in a few weeks.' The voice sounded clipped and superior and Eileen could tell she had walked away because she tutted as she did so.
'Bloody hell.' The voice belonged to James and Eileen managed to force her eyes open.
She was in the Hogwarts hospital wing and the curtains were drawn around her bed. She sat up, still feeling nauseous.
'What were you thinking going with her anyway Lily? Sirius is livid. I'm not thrilled myself.' Said James from the other side of the curtain.
'We were fine. It was just Regulus Black. They were friends James it's understandable that he wanted to see her.'
'He is a Death Eater Lily. Not her friend.' Said James in exasperation.
'Well he didn't do her any harm, we are both fine. You're over reacting.'
James laughed. 'You think I'm over reacting now just wait until Sirius finds out that she's -,'
'Where is he anyway? I thought he would be here the moment he found out.' Said Lily, cutting James off.
'He will be here soon. We were in a training test. I was done so I said I'd go. Remus is here too, talking to Dumbledore about things.' Said James, accentuating the word. 'We knew you were okay, but we also knew exactly what you were up to.' Said James accusingly.
'Don't look at me like that James Potter. I wasn't going to let her go alone.'
'You shouldn't have let her go at all!'
Lily huffed in irritation. 'It's beside the point now. This changes everything.'
Eileen couldn't listen any longer and she swung her legs out of the bed and stood. She felt weaker than normal but not in any danger of losing what was left of her stomach acid. She pushed the curtain across and James and Lily turned to look at her, both flushed and surprised.
'You should be in bed.' Said James, instantly steering her back to the bed.
'I'm fine. Just was sick, with everything.' She said, but sat either way.
James and Lily exchanged a look. She stared at them in confusion. 'What aren't you saying?'
James face flushed and he looked away from her. Lily seemed to want to say something but couldn't get her mouth out of the thin line it was currently pressed into.
They were saved saying anything as the matron came bustling back towards them. 'Good, you're awake. You may continue to be sick for the next few weeks but there is something Saint Mungo's can give you for that. I don't typically carry any here and I've given you the little bit I did have.' She said in a flourish.
'I'm sorry I'm not following.' She said and Lily and James made a point to avoid her eye.
The matron gave her a piercing look. 'Lay back dear.' She said and pressed Eileen back into the bed without giving her a choice.
She poked a finger into her abdomen and then smiled at Eileen. 'Yes I'm certainly right!' the matron announced, and threw James a spiteful look.
'I'm sorry, what exactly are you talking about?' Said Eileen, feeling panic rising inside her.
'You're pregnant Miss Grey. I'd say nearly 10 weeks now.' Said the matron as matter of fact as if she had been relaying the weather.
She heard the words but they seemed to slip from her brain and leave again and she stared blankly at the matron as if she had spoken a foreign language.
'What?' she managed.
The matron huffed once but patted her arm in a reassuring sort of way. 'You're having a baby. Congratulations.'
If she had expected anything from today it had not been that. She continued to stare at the matron until she stood and strode off, muttering about hormones. Lily was by her side as swiftly as if she had always been there and she took Eileen's hand between her own.
'It'll be fine Eileen.' She said and her voice sounded almost comical to Eileen's ears.
James continued to stand awkwardly at the foot of the bed, his expression unreadable.
'Where is Sirius?' she managed finally, her brain grasping onto a single thought in the storm of many.
James exhaled. 'On his way. He doesn't know.'
'Don't tell him.' She said, and before she realised it she was sitting up again, swinging herself out of bed and forcing the boots back on her feet.
'What do you mean you have to tell him.' Said James, confusion winning out as the expression on his face.
'Not now. He'll be angry enough at me for seeing Regulus. I can't tell him that – I can't say he's – No. No. Just no.' she said, shaking her head as if to clear it.
Before James could respond the doors opened and Remus and Dumbledore walked in, chatting amicably.
'Eileen, you're feeling better then!' said Remus happily, coming over and hugging her, not noticing the awkward silence falling around them.
'Yes I am.' She turned to look at Dumbledore who was wearing an expression of mingled amusement and curiosity. 'I'd like to leave now Professor, thank you for seeing to me.'
Dumbledore smiled, 'By all means Miss Grey. Do come back at any time.'
Eileen didn't hesitate and took the opportunity to dodge past James and headed towards the doors. She heard them make quick goodbyes to Dumbledore before they were rushing to catch up to her as she made her way quickly down the stairs.
'Send Sirius a message. I'll meet him at the house.' She said briefly, trying to only think of one thing at a time.
'What's happening?' said Remus breathlessly, hurrying alongside her.
She didn't respond but continued down until they reached the front doors. She watched as a silver stag shot out of James's wand beside her, the patronus going to give Sirius a message. She didn't stop walking until they reached the front gates, finally slowing down both from exhaustion and the overwhelming panic rising inside her.
'Bloody hell.' Remus and Lily came to a stop beside her and James, slightly out of breath.
'Eileen -,' James began but she held up a hand to stop him.
'I know what you must think -,'
'I don't think you do.' Said Lily, her hands going to her hips.
'I'm lost.' Said Remus, looking between each of them.
She sighed and her hand went to her stomach reflexively. 'I can't do this.' She said, dropping her hands to her sides.
'Eileen, if you don't tell him – you have to tell him.' Said James, his hand pushing up his glasses.
She laughed, a bubble of hilarity rising in her throat. This was ridiculous. She had not that long ago been spying for the Order of the Phoenix, kidnapped and tortured by Death Eaters, nearly killed by her family, and finally after all that time found Sirius. She was still damaged from it all, woke in the night to nightmares and Sirius would pull her back from them, loving her in a way that was still so new, so beautiful and sweet. She looked around the grounds of Hogwarts, untouched and so lovely. The war was waiting for them outside these gates, they could all be dead tomorrow and now, now she had to worry about something else beyond her control, something that couldn't possibly exist within a world, a person, so reckless and broken. A baby. A child that was not only hers but Sirius's. She thought she had taken measures to prevent this, and yet here she was, running her hand over her stomach that was still uneasy and she felt that maybe she had known for a while. It was the first night, nearly two months ago now. Sirius had lifted her out of the darkness and brought her back to the living that night, and it must have been then, that beautifully awful night that created this cold little spark of hope.
'I'm pregnant.' She said and she felt stronger for saying it aloud.
Remus's mouth opened slightly but he closed it instantly. 'Does Sirius know?'
'Not yet.' She said and making up her mind she pushed through the gates leading back to Hogsmeade.
'So you're going to tell him?' Said James, coming up beside her.
'Of course I am.'
'When?' Lily and Remus walked on her other side.
She stopped in the road and sighed. They all looked expectantly back at her. 'I'll tell him when I tell him. Please let me be the one to do it. I'm still not sure how I feel about this. There is a war going on and a baby – well a baby isn't practical.'
James laughed, startling them. 'Sorry, I shouldn't laugh. It's just that I never pictured Sirius as a father.'
Lily and Remus smiled slightly, not sure whether to laugh or not.
'I don't think Sirius pictured Sirius as a father.' Said Remus and the two men smiled sheepishly at each other.
Lily rolled her eyes at them and took Eileen's hands in hers. 'We know there is a war Eileen, and obviously this is a surprise to you but it will be okay. Sirius will be happy I'm sure of it.'
'You have a way of making people feel better Lily, thank you.' She said, smiling at her. She knew Lily was being honest but she couldn't help feeling terrified.
'Let's just focus on getting home. Sirius will be in a right state by now.' Lily replied.
She nodded and they each turned on the spot, disaparating.
Sirius was pacing in front of the house when they arrived, running a hand through his hair and looking angry. He looked up as they approached and stopped mid stride, his eyes falling on her. She could see the relief in his eyes but his posture told her that he was furious. He didn't move as they reached him but nodded slightly to James and Remus.
'Padfoot.'
'Thanks for going out there.' He said to them, ignoring her completely.
'It was no problem mate.' Said James, giving Sirius a questioning look.
He shook his head a fraction of an inch but James seemed to understand him because he took Lily's hand and put his other on Remus's shoulder. 'What do you say we go home?'
Remus was watching Sirius closely but replied instantly. 'Sure Prongs.'
'Great. Eileen, Padfoot. See you later?' said James.
She waved half-heartedly at them, knowing she was being abandoned to face Sirius's fury on her own. She watched as James, Lily and Remus turned and left, disappearing after a moment. She continued to watch the spot where they disaparated for a moment, feeling Sirius standing slightly behind her. She could almost feel the anger radiating off of him and decided that if they were going to fight they might as well do it inside where it was warm. She turned on her heel and marched into the house, taking her cloak off and swinging it onto the hook. Sirius was behind her without a word, closing the door with more force than was necessary.
She walked into the kitchen, putting the table between them and tapped the kettle with her wand, instantly boiling the water. It wasn't Remus's tea but it would have to suffice. Her stomach was still turning slightly and a small voice in the back of her mind had long since gone into panic mode. She pushed the voice away and finally turned to face him.
He stood on the other side of the table, eyes blazing and arms crossed. His gray eyes seemed to burn with anger and she deflated slightly, giving in to the anxiety of her body.
'Sirius -,' she began.
'Don't Eileen. Don't Sirius me.' He said, his voice laced with anger. 'After I asked you not to go you did anyway. What could have happened to you?'
'I'm fine.'
He let out a bark of laughter and for a moment he sounded slightly mad. 'God damn it Eileen.'
'Look Regulus just wanted to talk. He brought me some of my things that's all.'
'Bloody hell.' He uncrossed his arms and covered his face with his hands, breathing. When he finally looked back at her she could see the hurt in his eyes and took a tentative step around the table.
'I had to go. I know you're mad -,'
'Mad? You think I'm mad? I'm furious Eileen! I love you so much! How do you think it felt when I heard that you went there today when you said you wouldn't! Then Lily says you're sick or unconscious! What the fuck Eileen!' He threw his hands up in the air and took a step back from her as she inched closer to him around the table.
'I'm sorry. What more can I say Sirius? He was my friend. He isn't now, I made it clear that I couldn't be friends with him now. I had to go Sirius!'
He shook his head at her and backed away again, not letting her get close enough to touch him. 'Is that supposed to make me feel better because it doesn't. I thought you understood how I felt about you.'
'I do!' she said indignantly. 'I feel the same way about you!'
'You've got a funny way of showing it.' He spat and she felt as if he had slapped her.
'That isn't fair Sirius!'
'It wasn't fair that you made me worried today.' He replied but his anger had died down and she approached him again, closing the space between them until they were only a foot apart.
'Kiss me please.' She said, wanting this fight to be over and wanting to prolong the moment that she told him the one thing she knew she had to.
He looked at her, anger and love in his eyes but didn't kiss her. He sighed and moved his hand to her face, brushing his thumb under her jaw and up across her bottom lip. 'I'm so mad at you right now.'
'I know.' She reached out and pressed her hand against his chest, directly over his heart. 'I love you Sirius, please forgive me.'
He stared into her eyes, his thumb caressing her lip. When he didn't speak she sighed, and felt the uncomfortable roll of her stomach, both announcing the invader in her body and pushing her to say what needed to be said.
'I'm pregnant.' She said simply, doing everything she could to continue looking into his eyes.
His thumb stopped moving over her lip and froze in place. If she hadn't known better she would have thought his heart had stopped under her hand but a reassuring beat pumped against her fingers. His face was a blank mask and she felt bile rise in her throat. 'Say something.' She whispered, holding back the chaos threatening to break free.
'You're pregnant.' He said simply and his hand dropped to her belly and stopped there, his fingers spread against her still flat stomach.
'Yes.' She whispered, barely daring to move.
'When?' he asked, his eyes not leaving hers.
'The first night I think. I'm two months pregnant Sirius.'
His hand lifted off her belly as if it had electrocuted him. He took a step back and blinked, his eyes flicking from her belly to her face and back. 'How long have you known?'
'I just found out. I – that's why I was sick. Morning sickness they call it.' She said.
'It wasn't morning.' Said Sirius logically and she felt almost like laughing.
'It's just what it's called. It can happen any time.'
'I see.' He scratched his head, running his hand through his hair and shaking his head slightly as if to clear it. 'I'm going to be a father then?' he asked, finally dropping his hands and looking at her again.
'Yes.' She said, unable to read his expression.
'I -, I have to go.' He said suddenly, grabbing up his wand. 'Just – Just stay here.'
'Sirius! Where are you going?' she said stunned.
'I'll be back Eileen. I just need to think.' He said not looking at her as he pulled the door open and swiftly closed it behind him.
She felt a sob rise in her and she slumped into the nearest chair, panic and devastation settling over her as she sobbed. She wasn't entirely surprised by his reaction but she was scared. Scared Sirius didn't want this, scared that she was crazy for thinking it might be okay, that raising a child in a war was a ridiculous idea. He would go to James, and she knew he would return but his absence now made her cry harder and she felt weak and alone for the first time in a long time.
As soon as he closed the door behind him he knew he was doing the wrong thing. He didn't turn back though and continued walking until he reached the top of the small hill. He forced himself not to look back, it would only make him feel worse. He disaparated, reappearing in the square of Godric's Hollow. He marched down the lane, past the little cottages and straight up the path to James and Lily's house. He knocked twice and waited, listening to the footsteps coming towards the door. James pulled the door open and frowned slightly but moved out of the way to let him in.
'What're you doing here Padfoot?' James asked, not unfriendly and Sirius realised that James wasn't surprised to see him.
'Eileen is pregnant.' He said, feeling his stomach roll with shame. James knew Eileen was pregnant and he also knew that Sirius would go there, leaving Eileen alone after finding out.
'I know mate.' He said taking a seat on the couch. 'Sit down Padfoot you've had a long day.'
He sat as Lily came in, an apron tied around her. 'Padfoot.' She wiped her hands off on the apron and gave him a sad smile.
'I don't know what to do.' He said feeling defeated.
'Go back.' Said James simply.
'I just needed to leave Prongs I-,'
'You can't Padfoot, you can't leave now. She needs you. Go back.' Said James giving Sirius a stern look that he wasn't used to seeing on James's face.
'I can't be a father Prongs, do you see how ridiculous that is?' he said, standing in frustration.
'Well you don't have a choice now.' He replied matter of fact.
Sirius shot him a look. 'Don't try to make me feel worse than I already do Prongs.'
'I'm not trying to make you feel bad Padfoot but I'm not the one you should be having this conversation with.'
'And what do I say to her Prongs? Oh lovely I can't wait to have a baby around while we fight this war! How great it's going to be to protect one more person from Voldemort! I couldn't protect her James, and now I'm supposed to protect a baby too?' Sirius shouted and a few red sparks flew out of the tip of his wand.
Lily stepped towards him but he turned away from her, not wanting to be comforted.
'Sirius I don't think either of you asked for a baby right now but do you really think it will only be you protecting your baby and Eileen? What are we good for as friends if we aren't there to support and protect you?' said Lily calmly.
He sat again and ran his hands through his hair. 'I was so mad at her today, so mad for risking her life to see my bro- to see a Death Eater. And she dragged you into it Lily and you could have both died today. Then she just stands there and says "I'm pregnant" and I felt -,' he stopped glancing at James who was standing next to Lily, their faces concerned. 'I didn't feel shocked or surprised or even angry. I think I knew, like this whole time it was obvious we both just didn't want to believe it. And I felt excited and ashamed. Excited because I love her so much and ashamed because it's my fault a child will be brought into this world in a time like this.'
'How do you think she feels?' asked Lily softly.
'Probably like she made the worse decision choosing me after I left her there.' He said, hanging his head sadly.
'Go back to her Padfoot. I don't think she'll be angry.' James sighed. 'It will be okay.'
He stood, not feeling much better but knowing, since he left the house that he shouldn't have left. He only hoped that she would still be there when he got back.
'Yeah you're right. Thanks for uh- letting me in anyway.' He said awkwardly, striding to the door with James behind him.
'Padfoot one more thing.'
'You don't have to say it James I know I've been a complete git.'
James smiled. 'Maybe but I was going to say that I think you'll make an excellent father.'
Sirius looked back at him and he could see that James was sincere. 'Thanks Prongs, we will see.'
When he reached the house he was relieved to see that she hadn't left. He was still upset, still terrified and still ashamed with himself for leaving but he felt now that maybe it was possible, maybe it could work somehow and he knew that to make it work they would need each other.
She was sitting in the living room, curled up on the couch sobbing. In a flash he was holding her, crushing her against him. 'Bloody hell Eileen!'
She snuffled and another sob escaped her. 'I'm so sorry Sirius! I never meant for -,'
'Hush, shh. It's fine. It's fine we will be fine.' He said with a confidence that brought tears to his eyes.
She let out a tiny sob and Sirius held her out to look at her. 'Don't cry, don't be sorry. I'm so sorry I left. We will manage.'
'I – I don't think you understand S-Sirius! This is a –a b-baby!'
His mouth curved slightly upwards and she thought he might smile. 'I know what pregnant means Eileen.' He wiped the tear that escaped her eyes with his thumb.
'I-I understand if you want me to g-go.' She said, sobbing fully now.
He bent and swooped her up, cradling her to him as he sat on the couch. He sat, holding her in his lap while she cried. 'I love you Eileen. You think I would want you to go? This -,' he placed his hand over her stomach again. 'Is mine too. Listen-,' he tilted her chin so she was looking into his eyes. 'I shouldn't have left just now it was selfish and I'm ashamed for it. I knew the moment I left that it was a mistake. And I forgive you for today. I'm not saying I like it or that I understand why you put yourself in danger but I forgive you. But Eileen never again, not now. Especially not now. It's not just us anymore is it?'
'I suppose not.' She said, her nose stuffy and voice gruff from crying.
'Don't cry, I love you so much. Did you really think I wouldn't love our baby too?'
'We've just had so little time together. I didn't mean for it to happen this way.' She said, feeling the shock of it all.
'We will have a lifetime Eileen. I know you didn't mean for this to happen, neither did I but this is it. We have each other now.' He said and he pressed his lips against hers knowing that their lives would never be the same and that he would do anything to protect his family.
March 25th, 1979
Sirius rolled over in bed, opening his eyes. Yesterday rolled back to him and for a moment he wondered if it had really happened. Eileen was there, sleeping next to him, her mouth parted slightly as she breathed. She was pregnant, though she still didn't look it. They had spent the night talking about everything, reassuring each other that bringing a child into the middle of this war would be alright. They would be okay he thought, as he continued to watch her sleep. They were still so young, though circumstances forced them to mature faster and this would only continue to age them he knew. James and Lily's wedding was approaching, something they were all looking forward to. It would be a break from the Order meetings and Auror training that seemed to consume their lives now. He longed for the times spent at Hogwarts with Remus, Peter and James and felt that perhaps they owed it to themselves to continue to live as best they could in these troubling times.
Eileen rolled over unto her back, her hand coming to rest over her stomach and Sirius felt himself smile. He could do this. Yes it was a shock, he never once pictured himself as a father and even now he felt terrified and thrilled at the same time. He would marry her, he knew he wanted to even before this. It would just speed things up now. He bent down and pushing her shirt off her belly he planted a light kiss below her belly button. She continued to sleep on, oblivious to him. They had agreed not to tell anyone that didn't need to know until it was obvious. The last person Sirius wanted to tell was Hector Grey but Eileen insisted, sending him an owl last night asking to visit today.
He rolled out of bed and dressed. When he turned back to the bed Eileen was sitting up watching him.
'I didn't hear you wake.' He said, leaning down to kiss her.
'I was just watching you.' She said, pulling her knees close to her body.
'How're you feeling?' he asked.
'Alright I suppose. I'm hungry.'
'That's good. I'll cook.' He said, giving her another kiss before leaving the room and heading to the kitchen.
He set bacon into the frying pan while having a pile of toast butter itself.
'Ugg that smells awful!' Said Eileen, who had come out of the bedroom and now had a hand covering both her stomach and her mouth. 'I'm going to puke.' She managed before she made a beeline for the bathroom with Sirius hot on her heels.
She emptied her stomach into the toilet and he held a wet face clothe out to her. 'Are you okay?'
She nodded, wiping her face and not looking at him. 'You don't have to watch this, I'm disgusting.' She said.
He laughed slightly but pulled her up and held her against him. 'Don't be ridiculous. You're beautiful.'
'You just watched me vomit Sirius don't be daft.'
'I'm being honest, and no more bacon cooking in this house from now on.' He said, grinning at her.
'I love bacon.' She moaned as Sirius helped her out of the bathroom.
'Well he doesn't.' he said, pointing at her belly.
She cocked her brow at him. 'He?'
'Or she I suppose.' She said, sitting her down at the table. 'Want to try some toast?'
She narrowed her eyes at him slightly but nodded and he flicked his wand at the butter knife which was still spreading butter over a heap of toast. 'Here. We've got plenty of toast now.'
'Jam?' she said, quickly stuffing the toast into her mouth.
Sirius laughed but got up and brought the jam to the table.
'Mmhm – thank you.' She said, spreading the jam thickly unto the toast.
A knock at the door sounded and Sirius got up to answer. Lily, James, Remus and Peter were there and he let them in, giving James and Lily a smile to let them know everything was okay.
'Prongs says you've got news but they wouldn't tell me!' said Peter, taking a seat at the table and pulling some bacon towards him.
Sirius watched Eileen swallow slightly and look away from the bacon quickly.'Well I suppose we do have news Wormy.'
Lily gave a squeak of excitement, making them all turn to look at her. 'Sorry! I'm just so thrilled for you Padfoot!' she said, smiling apologetically at them.
'I think she's more excited than us.' Said Eileen, abandoning Peter and the bacon at the table.
'Eileen's having a baby Wormtail.' Said Sirius, unable to contain a small grin.
Peter let the bacon hang in mid-air for a moment as realisation processed. 'Bloody hell Padfoot! That's great!' he said, beaming at them.
'Thanks Wormtail.' Said Sirius winking at Eileen who smiled back at him.
'When will the baby be here?' asked Remus, heading into the kitchen and tapping the kettle.
Eileen exchanged a look with Sirius. 'I'm two months now I suppose so late September?' said Eileen, looking at Lily for help.
'September is so far away!" Said Peter sadly.
'It will come faster than you think Pete.' Said Lily happily. 'Have you told anyone else?' she asked, dragging Eileen to the couch with her.
James slapped a hand on Sirius's back. 'Come upstairs with me and help me bring down that chair I've been meaning to take.' He said, motioning to Sirius to follow him.
'Sure.' He said, giving the women a look as they chatted happily together.
He climbed the stairs behind James until they reached the bedroom that used to be James's.
'Congratulations Padfoot.' Said James, pushing his glasses up his nose.
'Thanks Prongs'
'I take it you worked things out since yesterday?'
'As best as possible mate, considering the circumstances. We know it's not going to be easy and I think I've convinced her that she should stop working for the Order. I wanted to put her into hiding but she flat refused me.' Said Sirius, slightly grumpily.
'Well it's something you can work on mate.' Reassured James. 'I can't believe you're having a baby.' He added in amazement.
'Neither can I really. Do you think I'm doing the right thing Prongs?'
James thought for a moment. 'It's sooner than you'd like I can tell that but I know you'll make a good father Padfoot.'
'A lot sooner than I thought. I never thought -,'
'Who ever does mate? In times like these we get caught up in all the bad things, it's almost a miracle that things as normal as babies can happen.'
'That's true.' Said Sirius, taking a seat in the chair in the corner of the room.
Remus stuck his head around the corner. 'Mind if I join you?'
'Of course not Moony, come add your thoughts to the situation.' Said Sirius, grinning at James.
'The way I see it there really is only going to be one outcome to this.' Said Remus, sitting down in the middle of the room with his legs outstretched. 'You two are bound to produce a child that will be the very definition of reckless and that will be your karma. You'll finally understand how absolutely trying it is loving you.'
Sirius and James exchanged identical looks of incredulity before they both burst into laughter. Remus rolled his eyes at them. 'My point stands.'
'Oh Merlin Moony!' said Sirius, wiping his eyes.
'Padfoot I think Moony has pretty much summed it up.' Laughed James. 'Any child of yours will wreak havoc and chaos I'm sure of it.' Said James, causing Remus to double over laughing.
Sirius found a stray book on the floor and tossed it at James head. 'I can't wait until you've got one coming. Little Prongs, bound to be in detention more than his father before him.'
'I'd disown him if he wasn't!' said James, sending them into another bought of laughter.
'What exactly is happening here?' said Lily, sticking her head around the corner of the room.
'Nothing Red!' said Sirius, standing and pulling Remus off the floor. 'What have you done with Eileen and Wormy now?'
'They're downstairs wondering what trouble you've managed to make up here in such a short time.' Said Lily, smirking.
'No faith in us this one.' Said Sirius. 'It's getting too close to the wedding to back out of marrying her now Prongs.' He said, throwing his arm around James's shoulders.
'After seven years of chasing her I doubt he's going to give up until she's safely married to him.' Said Remus as Lily rolled her eyes and disappeared back into the hall.
'Come on we can't leave Wormtail at the mercy of the girls for too long.' Said James, still chuckling.
Author's Note: Hello! Thank you for reading and reviewing! I apologise for this chapter taking so long. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter!