Miko: Hi! I'm back again with new chapter (yay me!) Well, I will be busy with exam preparation (i hate myself for take extra clases but i have to do it) but i will keep writing (because we, teenagers, always have something to do as an excuse so they don't have to study. Admit it!) In fact, i have finished this chapter some days ago but too lazy to publish it. Haha... sorry. Aaand~ thank you from reviewing this story! I love you! And thank you all for reading this story, whether you review this or not, i really appreciate it.
Oh yeah, did you guys read the news? Hunter x Hunter manga will be back! Yaaaayy!
For Mayuyu: Umm... no, they're not married. They just live together as a lovey-dovey couple. Thank you for your review!
For Retz: Yup! Thank you for your review!
Disclaimer: If i owned Hunter X Hunter, i will never make Gon and Killua separated!
II
"Kurapica… let's runaway together." The brunette boy said. "We have nothing to lose… there's nothing to regret." He smiled sweetly, innocently.
That time, they intended to escape from the world.
Kurapica jolted awake and gasped. She sat abruptly and trembled like crazy. Her mouth opened and closed in attempt to gain steady breath like a fish without water. Her eyes swept the room wildly and her voice was chocked in throat. Tears gathered on her eyes. Sadness, agony, anger, confusion, longing, betrayed, abandoned, hated, all emotions mixed into one, tortured her to no end. She hugged herself and cried silently.
Run…
Far away…
When Kuroro got up, Kurapica had disappeared. There was a plate of pancakes on the kitchen table, together with a baby blue post-it glued to the table;
'I'm sorry'
4. Name
As promised, Kuroro walked to the bus stop near midnight and found the blonde girl sat there. She was doing something between her legs which he couldn't see. He sat beside her and looked at her. He studied her face. She was really beautiful with fair face and skin. Her long eyelashes, her small nose, her rosy cheeks, her thin lips, slender neck, perfect body line, small features, she was an ideal girl for every man.
Yet, her black eyes were odd. It was unnatural. The black eyes were somehow dull, lifeless, unfocused and full of hatred to the world. But there was sadness deep in it. And even though she was smiling right now, her eyes didn't smile, there was only sadness and still unfocused.
"Like what you're seeing?" The girl asked. So she did notice him, Kuroro amused.
"Well, how could I be pleased if I can not see what so interesting activity you're doing right now?"
The blonde rolled her eyes. "I make this." She lifted up a small paper airplane.
"Wait, isn't that money?"
"Yup! And this is ten thousand jenny!"
"Wh-what?"
"The plane is ready to take off!" She said cheerfully and threw the paper airplane. It flew higher and higher, let the wind kidnapped it to nowhere.
"Why did you do that?" Kuroro asked when she laughed heartedly.
"Hmm… isn't that interesting?" She hummed.
"That's a waste."
"Doesn't matter… I don't need that, though. I can get money as many as I want. I just disgusted with the money given… oh never mind." She waved her hand carelessly and stared at him. "Thanks for your coat." She smiled.
"You're welcome."
She handed the coat back to him and Kuroro could smell a sweet scent of detergent on it. "You washed it?"
She rolled her eyes again. "No, I drown it in mud."
Kuroro chuckled. "If you washed this, it means you have someplace to sleep properly, right?"
"Nope. I'm completely homeless. I'm just a dirty parasite."
"Why don't you sleep in your employer's place?"
"Like I said before; I'm a dirty parasite." She smirked.
Kuroro stared at her smirk. She judged herself low and yet she smiled. "Oh…" was all he could manage from his mouth.
There was a spark of humor in her deep black eyes. "Yeah. Not just a parasite, in fact, I live as a pet to my filthy rich fatass master." She said with a teasing tone.
The black haired man rolled his eyes. "I hardly believe that."
"Aw, you're not fun." She hugged her knees and rested her chin on it.
"Well I humbly apologizes my lady." Kuroro said dramatically. "If I please, could I learn your name so this sinner can worship you as an apology to my ungraceful behavior."
The girl looked at him in disbelief as she struggled to hold back laughter. "All this time you seduce me without even know my name? And I thought I am quiet popular."
"And here I am thinking you're the one who seduce me first."
"Oh shush! I'm Kurapica and shall you bend your knees before me to worship me for the rest of your life!"
"Just drop this act… I'm out of word right now."
"No fun…" Kurapica huffed. Her interest was drawn to the dark sky.
"I'm…"
Kurapica's cell phone rung, she fished it out and answered it. When Kuroro saw her cell phone he noticed it was different from the broken one he had seen last time. "Yeah? Oh… hmm… not really. No… I'm with a friend. No—oh shush!" The man noticed that the girl used a more relaxed tone to whoever talked to her from the cell phone. "I'm at the bus stop. Yea… that one. What? No no no… I'll walk to your place. Uh-hum… yeah yeah yeah, see you in a while." She rolled her eyes and stuffed the phone to her pocket. "My fatass master asked for my appearance." She said to him.
"Stop saying fatass master. Is that the one you live with?"
"You're right, he's not fat."
He. Kuroro frowned slightly. So she did live with a guy.
"By the way, I should go right now. See ya later!" She got up and blew a kiss-bye through her shoulder.
Kuroro watched her walked and called her after a while. "Hey!" When she stopped and glanced to him, he shouted; "I'm Kuroro!"
Kurapica smirked, rolled her eyes and waving her hand as she continued her walking.
She sighed outside her best friend's apartment's door. She knew she shouldn't come in when her mood was like this. But she had no other choice. She had no other shelter and this place was her last sanctuary, the last place which can give her peace of mind.
She played with her keys for a while and, after realized that he was inside, she opened the door.
5. Tattoo
Kuroro had known Kurapica for three months now. They always met at bus stop every midnight, chatted and laughed about everything. If they had no topic to discuss, they simply stared at dark sky and enjoyed each other company. If Kurapica couldn't show up at midnight, she would let him knew by glued a post-it at bus stop. Kuroro asked her number once but she said it was not fun to text each other. He found it funny because he secretly agreed with her.
He treasured every post-it.
One night, Kuroro noticed something. There was a tattoo of butterfly on her inner left thigh. "Is that tattoo?"
"Hm?" Her attention shifted from the sky to his question. "This? Yeah… beautiful, right?"
"When did you get that?"
"Hmm… two years ago."
When our days separated from this world…
Kurapica let a longing smile shown on his face. "My… my best friend made this for me."
So we laugh on their back… how foolish they are…
"You mean the one you live with?"
The blonde's expression suddenly became cold, blank… unfocused.
Live together… in the place where no one knows…
"Yeah… sort of…" She trailed off. Stared at the black sky again, but her eyes saw through the sky… was seeing something else.
Our days searching for nothingness…
Kurapica got up, she looked like in a daze state and then walked away. Not even bid a farewell, she disappeared just like the butterfly on her inner left thigh.
Because we have nothing…
"Butterfly?"
"Yeah!"
"Why butterfly?"
"It's pretty, and butterfly is just like us!"
"How so?"
"Well, butterflies are free, have nothing, care about nothing, only have themselves."
"But we're not free."
"Not yet…" The brunette boy smiled. "Soon…"
We'll break free…
6. Butterfly
After the tattoo conversation, Kurapica show up less and less. She showed up about once or twice a week, or even didn't show up at all. She stopped leaving a post-it to let Kuroro knew whether she came or not. But the man kept waiting.
As day passed, Kuroro noticed the blonde's obsession with butterfly. She often used clothes with butterfly pattern or butterfly shaped accessories. He wondered about it, about the meaning of butterfly to her.
Sometimes, during the daylight, Kuroro saw her worked at a maid café, he already knew about it. She talked about her part time job and would break his neck if he dares to step in to the café. Some other daylights, she walked with a group of street guys or just with one of them. Those guys stared at her in adoration, worshipped her beauty. But Kurapica always smiled an uninterested smile, an I-don't-care smile, like he half noticed them. Every time he saw her walked, she was with different guys.
One night, after three weeks of the girl's absence, she showed up again.
Kuroro was sitting at the bus stop when a car stopped right in front of the bus stop. Kurapica got out from the passenger seat, circled the car and leaned to the opened driver's window. They chatted briefly, she giggled, they kissed passionately and the man gave her an amount of money before he left. The blonde sighed and turned around on her heels. That was the first time Kuroro saw her wearing high heels.
"Hello, handsome!" She laughed cheerfully and sat beside him.
"Hey, it's been a while." Kuroro greeted back.
Kurapica shrugged, "I've been busy."
The black haired man hummed. "Your boyfriend?" He pointed his thumb to the direction where the car left.
"What? Ahahaha… nope, just a random 'good man' who is willing to give me his cash." When Kuroro's eyebrows rose high, she continued, "What? You didn't take seriously about me sell myself? What a shame." She stared at the blank sky again with a smile.
"Why?"
"Have no money. Can't depend on my master forever, right? Besides, he didn't have to take care of me. I have a lot of men who is willing to take me and give me money for living."
"What are you saying? Why are you always talk about yourself like that?"
"Because I'm a parasite?" She giggled.
Kuroro frowned. She always like this; switched the conversation with a joke or something else if she didn't want to talk about something. He grabbed her shoulder and made her stare at him. "No, answer me seriously! Why did you talk like that about yourself?"
Kurapica glared at him in anger. "Didn't I say to you to mind your own shit?" she swatted his hands away. "It's my right to talk about myself the way I want." She got up, "Fuck you!" then walked away.
The street lights shone over her, she waltzed through the light, like a butterfly flew through a thousands lights of fireflies.
Kurapica stepped in, opened her boots and walked to the living room. There was a cheerful and loud voices coming from there. When she arrived there, she saw her best friend sat cross-legged in front of a table with his back facing her and two fifteen year old boys sat across him. Kurapica knew them, they were Leorio's students. He did a side job as private teacher. He still needed extra money for living even though he got full scholarship.
She stared at them blankly; let herself be embraced by the warm atmosphere. After a while, the spiky haired teen named Gon noticed her and beamed brightly; "Kurapica!"
When Leorio and his other student, Killua, drew their attention to her, she managed a smile but it fell in a blink. "Hey…" She greeted softly. "Sorry for interrupting."
Leorio stood up quickly. "No, no, no… you're not. This apartment stills yours too. You are welcome anytime." Kurapica smiled slightly again. "Is there… something you wanna talk about?"
Kurapica averted her gaze to Gon and Killua who were bickering about how to solve the annoying algebra. "Later… I guess…"
"Oh, okay."
Kurapica sighed and fiddled her thumbs nervously. "Can… can I use the bathroom?"
Leorio crossed his hands with annoyed expression. "Do you understand what I said before? This is your home too. You don't have to ask my permission every time you want to do something. No, don't argue me. Just go straight to your room and grab anything you need then do whatever you like with bathroom." After that, Leorio sat back and pinched Killua's and Gon's cheek because the two boys literally tried to bite each other fingers.
Kurapica bite her bottom lip. "Thanks." She walked to her room. She used to live with Leorio since the age of fifteen. He took her in after she got nowhere to go and no one to protect her. She stepped in her room. It still as messy as usual with butterflies accessories, canvases, piles of sketches, and various kind of drawing equipments. He had gave her this room and kindly told her that she could stay as long as she want (forever if she want). He gave her shelter, and patiently stayed at her side when she at an almost dysfunctional state; refused to talk, refused to eat, refused to sleep, even refused to live. He was the one who brought her back to solid ground after her world no longer stable. After Kurapica decided to move in with Kuroro, Leorio said to her that the apartment still welcome her. That was the reason why she insisted to leave her belongings in her room; to claim her place in this apartment.
Because we have nothing…
Kurapica grabbed some fresh clothes and dragged herself to bathroom. In there, she stripped, got in the tub and turned the faucet, created a domestic rain upon her. She drew her knees closer, clasped her hands and rested it on knees, then her head joined soon.
Oh how fucked up she was…
7. Paper Airplane and Beach
To Kuroro's surprise, Kurapica showed up that midnight, a day after she said; "Fuck you!" to him. He was so surprised that he couldn't do anything but stared at her with eyes so big. The girl just sat with one hand supported her chin. She didn't glance to him but Kuroro knew the blonde noticed him.
"Hey…" She said after a while, eyes still focused at the mini market across the bus stop. "Can you drive me to the beach?"
"What?" Kuroro snapped.
"I know you have a car even though you always use bus to work. So can you or can you not?" She finally stared at him.
Kuroro was so confused with her sudden request. He stared at her and she stared at him. They stayed like that for a while and he noticed a big bag beside her. Kuroro sighed. "Now?"
"Yes!"
He huffed. "Right… wait here, I'll go get my car."
Kuroro was half running half walking to get his car. After that, he picked Kurapica up and she got to the front passenger sear then threw her back to the back seat.
The beach was three hours trip away from town so they would arrive at three in the morning. Maybe he had to miss work. The girl unexpectedly enjoyed the trip. She propped one arm to window and supported her chin, hummed some random songs while stared out window, and switched radio station every now and then. She didn't say anything and Kuroro couldn't form a word. So they stayed that way until the beach could be seen.
The blonde got hyper excited. She squealed; "Beach!" and turned her attention to Kuroro. "I can open the window, right?"
"Yeah…" Kuroro rolled his eyes, completely amused by the girl's excitement.
She opened the window and laughed happily. "Wooo!"
Kuroro just smiled. It was a good thing to see her smile. The man glanced to her smiling face, the excitement written completely on her face, her body bounced eagerly, like a little child waiting a candy. Kuroro never do this kind of thing; flee to somewhere suddenly without a worry of what left behind, without a worry about tomorrow, only care about this time happiness. Some might call this runaway. But it wasn't so bad, right? Every human needs to take a break from daily stress.
An unknown bliss trapped him. He was fleeing with nothing to worry about with Kurapica smiling alongside him. That was really good.
When they finally parked, Kurapica got out, stretched her body then grabbed her bag and ran to the sandy space. Kuroro chuckled, stuffed his hands on his pant's pocket and followed her in slower place.
"Oh, c'mon!" Kurapica complained at his slow walking. "Help me lit this starless sky!" She yelled as she waved various kinds of fireworks to him.
The young man ran to her and helped her with the fireworks. He had no idea there was so many kinds of fireworks in her bag, he thought it contained clothes. They played with the fireworks. First they lit the stick fireworks and swung it around like a fairy's magic wand. Its lights adorned the gloomy night and it seemed like line of lights and stars surrounded them. Their laughter was loud and heartedly, the sound of the sea seemed merrier, sand tickled their bare feet (because Kurapica insisted to kick them off of their feet.) and wind slapped their hair. He was happy to see her smile, but there was something off about her behavior. He could feel it, but when he saw her smiled at him, he pushed those thought aside. Maybe the girl just wanted to have fun, right?
After played with the stick fireworks, Kuroro shot big fireworks to the sky of sea, made giant colorful stars. Kurapica squealed delightedly. "That was awesome!" She screamed to the sea and it yelled back to her with its sound of waves.
"Yeah, it was great…" Kuroro sighed.
When he was about to sit, Kurapica stared at him with a frown, "Who said you can sit? The party isn't over yet! Help me with this!" She raised a lot of paper airplanes. "Happy flight!" She yelled excitedly.
Kuroro did as he was told. He pulled out some paper airplanes and threw them away. It looked incredibly beautiful, the white paper airplanes were like doves flew through the night sky. Then, after threw a lot of it, Kuroro realized they were so many! Seriously, how many paper airplanes did she make? He absentmindedly unfolded one of those and stunned to see a sketch of butterfly. It was so great! The curves, the lines, the beauty of black and white. He fished out more from her bag and realized that all of them were sketches. Most of them were butterflies, and some various sketches of people's face, hands, wings, small light in pitch black, fallen wing with splattered blood, abstract doodles, and many more. He frowned when he noticed a small writing known as the blonde's sign in every paper. All of this was her sketches! Why did she do this?
"What are you doing?" Kurapica, who appeared in front of him so suddenly, asked curiously. "You shouldn't unfold them, you have to free them!" Before Kuroro could protest, the girl snatched her bag from him and swung it wildly until all of the papers flew out aimlessly. "Let them free! Let them go! Let them find their way!" She yelled happily as she opened her hands widely, with one hand still grabbed the bag, to welcome the wind.
Kuroro frowned. This wasn't right. "Kurapica?" He tried to draw her attention but the girl keep smiling to the empty space.
Let them free… let them fly… let them go…
Kuroro tried once again. "Kurapica…" Something was wrong, terribly wrong.
Free… fly… far…
A cold shiver crept down his body as he realized her eyes were blank. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her to him. "Kurapica! Kurapica!" He shook her, but he stared at him blankly.
Nothingness…
"Kurapica! Do you hear me!?"
"Hey…" She said softly. She smiled at him but her eyes still blank. "Do you enjoy the party?"
"What?"
"Good! This is a farewell party for both of us, so—" In a blink of eye, she pushed him and ran toward the sea as she yelled; "GOOD BYE!"
Run… leave all behind…
"Kurapica!" The blank haired young man ran after her, but she was incredibly fast. Oh how fool he was! He must have noticed it since the very beginning. He knew something was off, but yet he keep pushed all his gut feeling away because he saw nothing!
The girl didn't stop even though the water hit her feet, she keep running even after waves embraced her. Finally, Kuroro could reach her and stopped her forcefully. "Stop! Are you insane? Are you trying to drown yourself?"
The girl struggled crazily. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!"
"No!"
"Don't stop me! Nooo!"
The young man dragged Kurapica away from the sea. She kept struggling but Kuroro's grip never loosened. "Don't do that! What the—"
"You're the one who did it first!" She screamed hysterically and pushed him away. Bewildered, Kuroro let her free from his grip. "You liar!" She continued, "Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! You stayed by my side, you stepped into my world, you promised me a forever, you promised me everything! Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!" She punched him in the chest every time she said 'lies'. "How dare you stop me? I bid you farewell and what about you? You just flee away; leave me behind in this never ending noise! You leave me first!"
Tears… tears… tears…
As tears started to running down from her eyes, Kuroro was sure those black eyes weren't seeing at him. "What are you talking about? Who are you talking to? Who do you see?"
"You leave me!" Kurapica went on, she didn't listen to him. "You fucking leave me! How dare you leave me? You promised me nothingness, you promised that all of this noises will go mute! But you leave me! You ran away alone, you betrayed me and let me trapped in this ever lasting noises!"
Red… red… red… the color of roses covered the white…
"Uuughhh…." She grabbed her hair, tugged it painfully hard, and shut her eyes tightly. "So noisy… to much noises… shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" She screamed to the wind.
Then Kurapica collapsed and Kuroro caught her in his arms.
Hush…
After she washed herself and almost literally drowned herself in the tub, she finally resurfaced and dried herself. She wore her clothes on; blank tank top with butterfly image printed on it and jeans. The blonde walked out and went to the living room. Those teens still there, complained about triangles.
"Ah, Kurapica!" Gon smiled all sunshine and rainbows. He always have those positive auras around him. "Can you make a hot chocolate, pleaaaase?"
"I'm not in the mood." She said monotonously.
"Don't you have to go to the café?" Leorio asked, and rolled his eyes at Gon who pouted childishly. Kurapica nodded shortly.
"Gon! Stop pouting!" Killua pushed his friend's face away.
"Uuuh… it's Kurapica's fault! She refuses to make hot chocolate!"
"Make it yourself!"
"But… you know, Killua, Kurapica's hot chocolate is the best!" Gon sighed dramatically.
Killua rolled his eyes. In his opinion, all hot chocolate tasted same except you pour a spoon of salt in it. "Right, maybe she will pour a poison to your drink if—ow ow ow!" Kurapica pinched his cheek. "The hell—? Aargh! Stop it!" He swatted her hand.
It's the blonde's turn to roll her eyes. "Alright, I'll make it for you two." She sighed.
Gon grinned from ear to ear. "Yay! Do you hear that, Killua?"
"Yeah… yeah…" The white haired teen still rubbed at his reddened cheek.
"I'll help Kurapica!" The spiky haired teen excitedly followed Kurapica to the kitchen.
The teen chirped happily to her about anything he could say. Kurapica didn't listen to him, her mind was completely blank. She just gave him; "Hmm…" or "Oh…" as answers and Gon didn't seem to mind. But slowly, as Gon kept talking, his voice mixed with sounds of water, pencil against paper, fingers drummed at table, traffic, ticking of clock, stove, bubbling water, and many more. All of it mixed at once, produced a buzzing sound which entered her ear and went straight to her head. She lost ability to separate thise sounds and they just go louder and louder and louder. She can't hold it anymore!
"SHUT UP!" She snapped. Gon flinched and turn the stove down instantly. He stared at her with concern and fear while Leorio ran to the kitchen followed by Killua. The blonde girl panted heavily. The buzzing sound didn't stop and she was frustrated by it.
Gon took a step backward. "Kurapica?"
The girl grunted, gritted her teeth and screamed; "SHUT UP!" In wrath, she swept all mugs she had prepared to the floor.
Leorio rushed in and pulled Gon back. "Stay away!" He commanded. Next, he tried to reach Kurapica who keep threw dishes around. "Kurapica! Stop!"
"Shit shit shit!" She murmured, tried in vain to stop all noises in her head. "It's too noisy… shut up… shut up…"
"Kurapica! Pull yourself together!" Leorio managed to reach her but she kept struggled, and screamed, and when she wanted, she could be unimaginably strong. Leorio understood her; he knew what she was trying to do, he knew her depression. He could see all of it; the anger for herself, the unsteady grip on anything, the spark of fear in her eyes. When the blonde grabbed a knife, Leorio quickly swatted it away and tackled her down with him. "It's okay, Kurapica… it's okay. Focus on my voice, listen to me." He whispered to the ear of the blonde who sat on his lap. He hugged her trembled body from behind and keep whispered; "Listen to me, Kurapica. Focus on my voice."
Slowly but surely, Kurapica calmed down. The noises faded away and Leorio's comforting voice entered her head.
"Everything's gonna be okay, do you hear me?"
Then she gave up. Tears melted in defeat. "Noo…" She whimpered. "I'm so messed up…"
"Yes, but you're gonna be fine." He squeezed her hands softly.
"Why am I like this?"
Leorio covered her eyes with his free hand. She needed this, she needed to not see anything. "It's not your fault, okay? No one can choose their fate."
"Everything's so fucked up. I did it again! I played this foolish game again. I'm so idiot." Her voice was chocked, tears was running down pathetically.
"Yeah… I know. You can't stop until you can make sure, right? You need proof, right? I understand, Kurapica." He sighed. "But he doesn't. You have to tell him, he has the right to know, to understand."
"I can't…"
"You have to try."
"I scared…"
"I know."
"I need him…"
"That's why you need to tell him." He said softly. "You have to let him in."
Kurapica sobbed again, she coughed and drew a heavy yet shuddered breath. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For everything." Kurapica sighed. "This is the umpteenth time I break down and threw all your dishes."
Leorio smiled and took his hand away from her eyes. "Well," He turned her so she could look at him. The girl was a mess. Her short damp blonde hair was everywhere and tears stained her face. "Look at the positive point; you didn't break down for the last two years. Isn't that the proof of you getting better?"
Kurapica smiled weakly. "Is Gon's positive aura had gotten into you?"
The said boy frowned in confusion and Killua held back a laugh. Leorio snorted. "Heh, I think you're the one who need it the most."
Kurapica smiled even more. She hugged him like hugging a giant teddy bear and Leorio let her. It's not a big deal, they're best friends after all and he had been doing this since he took her in three five years ago. She was at a worse state back then; had a nightmare every night, couldn't stop the buzzing noises in her head, she was so unstable, couldn't manage her emotion and was easy to break down. At those times, Leorio always held her, comforted her. When she had a nightmare or in a need of comfort, she would sneak in his room and clung to him. He let her be and hugged her. He would wake up if she couldn't sleep, he would try his best to make her sleep again or simply stayed awake at her side and did something to distract her all night. He did all of it because he understood, because he cared of her.
It was pathetic… herself was really pathetic. She had no idea how broken she was. She looked strong outside but broken and fragile inside, yet she refused any help. She fought for something she didn't have to, she knew but couldn't stop and Leorio couldn't stop her because she refused his hand again and again. The guy had given his faith on Kuroro the very moment Kurapica decided to move in with him two years ago. He believed in the straight black haired man that maybe Kurapica would surrender to him, maybe she would trust him and let him help. But Leorio was wrong. The girl she had known since forever still stubbornly fought for the love she already had from her dear lover.
Leorio sighed and hugged her tightly, inhaled the sweet scent of her hair.
To be continue...
Miko: Well, this is the second chapter. R&R please, because it make me happy like mad! Hehe... Thank you for reading!