Miko: So, this is the reason of my hiatus; I CAN NOT ACCESS FFNET DUE MY COUNTRY THOUGHT IT WAS A THREAT FOR YOUNGSTER AND BANNED ACCESS INTO IT. I CAN NOT ACCESS THIS SITE IF I USE MAINSTREAM BROWSER LIKE GOOGLE CHROME AND MOZZILA FIREFOX AND IF I USE MAINSTREAM INTERNET PROVIDER! I am so mad. You could imagine me throwing profanities at my own country for a month. I still can read ff from my phone because I use OperaMini but I can not submit anything but reviews from my phone! It's both frustrating and sorrowful. I have posted this chapter and fourth chapter on AO3 to cheer myself a bit for a year. AND THEN! MIRACLE HAPPENS! TODAY I FOUND OUT I CAN ACCESS THIS HEAVEN! WOOOHOOO! So I immediately posted this, but I'll probably posted the next chapter next week. So I'm sorry if there is people out there (I hope there is) who still reading this and wondering where the hell did I go... well, I promised I'll finish this story. So bear with me and I am deeply sorry.
Mayuyu: Uh... sorry to confuse you. I myself had a hard time figuring out the time line. So, basically, the one in italic is the events that happened in Kurapica's past. The numbered title is the events that happened in Kurapica's and Kuroro's past when they first met. The short as hell one, the one without number or title, is the events happen in the present. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to inquire more! Thank you for reading!
guests: Guys, thank you so much for reading!
for you, silent readers: thank you for reading this. You mean so much to me. ^_^
Disclaimer: I am already happy as hell to be able to access this site so no, I will not claim Hunter X Hunter as mine.
Half-Winged Butterfly
III
Sky was so blue. Clear and bright and beautiful. Sun shone so brightly, happy and cheerful like how summer supposed to be. There was no wind, no movement, no sound of birds, no nothing. Everything was so calm and peaceful.
Kurapica stood there. Frozen like a statue, numb and deaf.
A smile could be seen in front of her. Warm and kind and broken, a peaceful look of a teen who was ready run away.
Then red color exploded like a fireworks, splattered everywhere and tainted the innocent blue sky. Angry, bright red colors invaded the blue briefly, blinded everything with its beauty, like roses in spring. It dispersed as soon as it appeared and the warm, kind smile in front of the blonde teen disappeared as well.
Kurapica stood there numbly. Didn't notice that she clutched her cell phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her mind was blank, her body couldn't move, her ears went deaf, her eyes kept staring at the innocent blue sky.
Her phone kept ringing and vibrated violently. So loud and obnoxious, yet she couldn't hear it.
Someone shouted at her, screaming her name, yelling to her to stay away, to step back. She didn't move and kept staring. She knew it was Leorio who screamed to her, who run to her and hugged her close from behind. He covered her eyes with his big hand, allowed her to escape to darkness.
She screamed, roared to the massive world.
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
Kuroro calls Leorio, his lover's door to escape, his lover's best friend. He sits on a couch at his living room, head thrown back and his nose is pinched between thumb and index finger. When Leorio picks up, he doesn't mind all polite greet and shoot straight to business; "Is she there?"
Leorio goes mute for a while, clears his throat and replies; "Yeah, but she went to work five minutes ago."
"Oh..." Kuroro run a hand to his messy black hair.
"Hey... I,m—"
"Don't." The man sighs. He doesn't need Leorio to apologize because it wasn't his fault.
"Okay..."
"Yeah..."
A pause. None of them say anything but they don't hang up either. Kuroro closes his eyes and sighs again. He is tired of all of this drama in his life. "Do you think she really loves me?"
"Do you?" Leorio asks back.
"I..." The black haired man mutters, unsure what to say. "I want to believe her. I really do. But, she never trust me and, in return, makes me hard to trust her."
"Kuroro, have you ever see her recent artworks?"
"No... She banned me to step in her art room. Why?"
"Well, she's not there now" He could sense the soon-to-be-doctor guy grins. "Sneak in and take a look of her inner heart."
Without waiting for a reply, Leorio hang up.
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
8. Confusion
Kuroro didn't know what to do with the girl whose body was limp in his hands. He panicked. He quickly lifted her bride-style and hurried to his car. He put her flat on the back seat, closed the door, and almost tripped himself on nothing but his own leg on the way to driver's seat. When he was about to get in, he remembered the blonde's bag was abandoned at the sandy floor of beach. Groaned, he ran back to get her bag, took scattered papers he could see and back to his car as fast as humanly possible.
He drove the car crazily fast like a madman in the middle of most important urgency yet he didn't know where to go. Should he go to the hospital? No. In a time like this, shouldn't he have to drive her to her house? Oh wait, she was homeless and spend the night at bus stop. Fantastic. Kuroro mentally banged his head to the window next to him.
When he panicked like that, a ringtone he didn't recognize startled him. He realized it came from the blonde's bag. He rummaged through her things in it and fished out her cell phone, stared at the phone with a frown. Now think about it, every time they met, she always used a different cell phone. The phone rang again and Kuroro answered the call.
"Kurapica! Where are you?" It was a man's voice, a panicked one.
Before he could think, he blurted out, "Uuh... Look, Kurapica is faint." Oh, great, now he sounded like a kidnapper.
"What? Who are you?" The man's voice rose. Kuroro could feel the tension and rage in the voice.
"I'm Kuroro. A friend." He said carefully. "We went to the beach and—"
"Beach? Oh, fuck..." The man cursed under his breath several times before he spoke again, "Listen, drive her to the bus stop you guys always meet at night—" What? Kuroro frowned. How he knew the bus stop they always met? "—I'll meet you there. How long 'till you get there?"
Kuroro glanced to the speedometer. At this kind of crazy speed? "Two hours?" he said, unconvinced.
"Okay, see you there." The line went dead.
Kuroro drove like crazy. It was such luck he didn't get an accident because the three hours trip became two hours trip, even almost less than two hours. When he arrived at the bus stop, he saw a car with a tall man leaned against it. He parked right in front of the other's car and got out. The short, spiky haired man hurried toward him, a worried expression was shown on his face even if his eyes hidden behind eyeglasses.
"Kuroro?" He asked.
"Yeah..." Kuroro scratched the back of his head.
"I'm Leorio." They shook hands briefly. "Where's she?"
Kuroro opened the back door and carried Kurapcia to Leorio's car. The probably-younger-than-Kuroro man thanked him as he handed Kurapica's bag and phone to him.
"Thanks a lot, Kuroro." Leorio patted his shoulder, hurried to get in his car then disappeared to somewhere he didn't know, leaving Kuroro who was greatly confused.
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
Kurapica walks slowly to the cafe. She doesn't feel really well, but she has to go. She has to do something to distract her. Leorio insists that she has to rest but if she do nothing and sleep all day, the nightmare will haunt her again. Her cell phone vibrates in her pocket and she doesn't bother to pick it up. She knows exactly who it is.
She arrives at the maid cafe, walks in and greeted by her boss—Pariston, who sits at one of the tables there while enjoying a cup of cofee, with his usual creepy, polite smile and fake cheerfulness. "Morning, darling. How's your party last night?"
Kurapica glares at him. She never like her boss and decides to ignore him as she walks past him to the staff's room. She doesn't believe her temper at the moment and if she replied, she doesn't know what poisonous words will come out her lips and destroy her day and mood even more.
But her boss is a persistent bastard. "Hey, don't ignore me like that." The blonde haired man with mortal smile fakes a hurt expression. He stands up, walks closer to her and snakes his hand to Kurapica's waist. He whispers at her ear; "It's rude, you know."
Kurapica pushes him, swats his hand off her waist. "Don't touch me." She hisses sharply.
"How cruel~" The man's smirk widened.
Kurapica frowns at his fake smile hatefully before opens the staff's room, steps in and slams it right in front of his smiling face. She could never like this man. Pariston is a man who controlled others' life with his smile. He will act nice to people, make them fond of him and trust him, help anybody who needs help without exception. But the help was a debt. When they owed him, he will control them like lifeless string puppet.
The girl remembers their first encounter as she changes to her stupid maid uniform. Kurapica has known Pariston since the age of thirteen, when she used to wander around the streets at night. Their encounter was ordinary; Kurapica sat on a swing at the park, stared blankly at the starless night sky, then Kuroro and two of his men came, beat a bulky old man savagely for unknown reason. Their strange relationship started from that moment.
They are not friends, but not ordinary acquaintance either. She doesn't like the man, but she doesn't have reason to hate him. Their relationship based on 'give and take' terms. She needs him and he needs her.
Kurapica was accepted as part of Pariston's gang effortlessly. He and his gang was a good source of money. She needed the money for living and for Pairo's medicine.
Pairo...
Kurapica stares dully at her locker. She has changed to her uniform which is so stupid for her taste.
Where was he now?
Was he happy?
She grits her teeth, and then slams the locker door harder than necessary. Why should she think about him now?
She turns around and noticed Ponzu, her beautiful acquintance from work, stares at her with wide eyes in shock; completely surprised by Kurapica's torture to the poor, innocent locker. Kurapica, shocked by the other girl's appearance too, quickly straightens herself and shrugs. She walks toward the door and Ponzu steps away a little. The younger teen nods slowly, timidly and Kurapica returns it with a small smile. She opens the door and walks out.
The moment the door shut behind her, she leans against it, head tilts back and eyes closes with her brows furrows deeply.
Pairo must have forgotten about her. That brat must be happy in his new place.
She tells herself again and again like a curse to herself;
Pairo had left her behind, Pairo happy with his new life, Pairo had left her behind, there is no reason to think about him anymore, Pairo had left her behind...
Fuck.
"Let's get outta here and live happily somewhere else."
Pairo had left her behind, brought nothing but himself.
"...you, me, and Leorio..."
Pairo had left...
"Because we have nothing..."
Kurapica stayed.
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
9. Somewhere Unkown
Kurapica didn't come for three weeks.
Kuroro waited for three weeks.
On the fourth weeks, the blonde girl sat at the bus stop. Her leg straight on asphalt, hands supported her body, head tilted back, black eyes stared blankly to dark sky. There was a big plastic bag beside her and her arm was around it, secured it tightly. Midnight wind blew softly, swayed her hair slightly, gracefully. Kuroro halted five steps beside the girl and locked his gaze to her breathlessly.
The man's eyes widened. He didn't expect the girl to show up this fast. He thought she might disappear for a month or two, or—the worst—would never come anymore. He had prepared himself for the worst. He thought she would disappear and left him like nothing had happened, like all their time together was unreal. But no, the girl didn't disappear like he had thought. She was there and real… right? Or, he was delusional like the girl had said.
He stood still, tried to convince himself that the girl was real. But it didn't last long because the girl tilted her head to the side and stared blankly at him. When he didn't respond and keep stared dumbly, the girl shrugged and decided that the blank dark sky was more entertaining than a man stood like a statue. "Fine, be that way." She pushed herself up, got to her feet, then started to walk away.
When she turned around on her heels, Kuroro snapped back to reality like it slapped him hard on his cheek. "W-wait!" he yelled. The black eyed man jogged a little to her and grabbed her wrist. "Wait I—" the girl turned to him and all words swallowed back down his throat as identical black eyes bore to his. She eyed him, waiting for his words. After opened and closed his mouth like a hyperventilated fish, he looked down. "Do you… want vanilla milk?" he finally managed to ask something even though it was the most ridiculous thing to ask in this situation. Ugh, he started to hate himself. Why couldn't he said something like; "Are you okay?" or, "Where are you for the last three weeks?" or anything better?
Kurapica stared at him in disbelief—as if she saw a clown ran after her, grabbed her wrist and confessed his feelings toward her with full clown make up on— then snorted. "What happened to 'Hi, long time no see. Are you okay? I'm so worried about you, I can't live without you, please be mine, and oh, you're so beautiful.' or something like that?"
Kuroro smiled and raised his head. "Well, looks like you're a lot better."
The blonde rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and no, I don't want a vanilla milk." She pulled her hand free and rubbed it. She pouted, averted her eyes somewhere else, waiting for the man to break the silence.
"Uh… Why don't we sit like usual?" Kuroro said. The blonde girl looked at him, shrugged and headed back to the bus stop. They sat like they usually do; Kurapica stared at the blank sky and Kuroro stared everywhere but her. They didn't say a thing but it was comfortable. Kuroro knew the girl noticed his presence and her attention was completely his. He knew the girl was uneasy, her leg bounced and her eyes twitched, tried really hard to not look, or even glance, at him. His theory was proved right when he playfully tilted his head to her with his mouth slightly open as if he was about to say something and the girl stared back at him almost at the same time. Kurapica's eyes were rounded, demanding him to say something and Kuroro couldn't help but chuckled a bit at her expression.
His chuckle annoyed Kurapica and the girl pouted. "Damn weirdo." She spat, as he barked a laugh, and threw a plastic bag to the laughing man's face.
"Hey!" Kuroro pried the plastic bag off of his face. "You don't have to be rude! Sheesh…" The girl stuck out her tongue before looked away with a pout and pink dusted her cheeks.
Kuroro calmed down and smiled, he stared at the plastic bag curiously. "Hmmm… What's this?"
Kurapica glanced to him then averted her gaze again. Her cheeks grew redder now. "That's… a 'thank you' gift." She shrugged as she heard the gift was opened. "Leorio insisted I have to give something to say thanks."
Kuroro just 'hmm'ed as he fished out the rather big gift, and opened the wrap paper completely. When he saw what it was, his eyes were as big as plate in awe and lost ability to speak. It was a painting of him, sat in completely white space in all black shirt and pants. The shirt looked so soft and the top two buttons was undone. In the painting, his head tilted down and his eyes closed but smiled peacefully as if he was trapped in a sweet dream. His legs straightened and separated. Between his legs, he held an opened book, which pages were flipped by unseen wind, with his hands. The painting was so amazing. He touched it carefully and felt his heart warmed a bit.
"You…" He muttered after sighed a couple times, "You made this for me? Wait, you spend the last three weeks to make this?" her neck and ears were completely red as an answer to his question. "You should at least tell me!"
The girl snorted and, finally, turned to look at him with a playful frown. "It's called a gift because people who accept it don't know what they receive."
Kuroro laughed in agreement and Kurapica smiled a bit. He stared at the painting again, memorized all the beauty in it. He loved it and would treasure it dearly. He was thinking about where he should put it when he saw a writing scribbled at the end of the canvas. "What's this?" He asked as he touched it carefully.
Kurapica stared at what he saw and made a face. "Ack, sorry! I forgot to erase it. it's my habit to scribble down something. Let me fix it." She reached out to the painting but Kuroro swatted her hand.
"Wait, it's alright. I want to read it." The girl voiced her protest but he wasn't going to hear it and focused in the writing instead.
'Somewhere unknown I sit
Thinking of answer I seek'
Kurapica struggled to grab the painting and the older man grabbed her hand stubbornly. "Oh, c'mon! let me erase it! It's stupid!"
"No, no, no… I like it as it is." The man's gaze never leave the words scribbled down there.
The blonde huffed and surrender. She hugged her knees, sulked like a little girl who didn't get her candy. "It's stupid." She insisted.
"Do you find it?" Kurapica stared confusedly at him. The man was staring to the painting thoughtfully as he continued; "Do you find the answer?"
Kurapica's expression darkened. She put her chin on her knees and stared somewhere else blankly. She lost in her thought for a while before stuck out three fingers to him without moving her gaze. "Once upon a time, there were three best friends." She said then raised one finger, "The first one was two years older than the rest of them. He was a cheery boy with smile as bright as sunshine, heart like silk, and positive aura radiated from him." The second finger joined the first. "The second one, was a brunette boy. Fragile but beautiful, quiet but bright. He was the weakest among the trio but his words could make an atheist believe in God." Then, as the third finger was raised, she finally looked straight to his eyes. "The last one was a blonde girl." That's all she said before she gave a pause to let Kuroro absorbed what she was going to tell him.
"Their parents," she continued, "were a real jerk, people who were described as society's junk. Abusive, alcoholic, jobless, druggie, you name it.
"The three of them were always together. They held each other hands, and dreamed to hit the road when they were ready and fled to somewhere better than that place they called home, a perfect world created by their dreams.
"The Cheery Boy's grandparents found out about their only grandchild someday and took him with them. He went to school, had a nice house and bright future waiting for him. He was eleven that time. The Brunette and the Blonde realized it was such a crime to destroy his future and decided to fulfill their dream without him. The Cheery Boy keep played with them, oblivious to his friends' plan to leave him behind in his much better life.
"A year after that, the Blonde's parents left. She was ten that time and she had to go to the world of adult so she could live from their mercy. The Brunette's parents, however, were still as abusive as ever. They were oblivious about their son's poor immune system and ordered him to give them food and money mercilessly even though he had a fever.
"The two of them clung to their dream desperately. They made all plans and promises so when the time come, they'll be more than ready. That was all they had; dreams, plans, promises, a fantasy about better life, about happiness in a perfect world. Their plans were simple; flee to nowhere, left everything behind, never to look back, escape as far as they could to nothingness.
"Five years later, the Brunette left the Blonde behind, fled before her eyes, brought nothing and never looked back."
She stopped. Her eyes were unwavering and firm. It was hard to read her expression. It looked blank, but at the same time there was rage darkened her expression. "The Brunette brought nothing and left. The Blonde stayed." She averted her gaze toward the sky again, "The Brunette left and all answers disappeared as well."
Kuroro didn't say anything. He knew what she was talking about. He didn't know what the girl had been through and the story made him realize how cruel the world was to her. He came from a normal family without too much problems. He never had a big dream. All he wanted to do was to become a successful man and made his parents happy. He didn't know what to say to a girl whose life was so screwed up from the very beginning. Instead, he asked something that popped to his mind that moment;
"What happened to the Blonde?" He tried to keep his expression calm because he simply didn't know the right expression he had to put on his face.
The long haired girl froze for several heart beats then stared at him with the same expression as his; blank and calm. "The Cheery Boy came and took her in. He said she had to stay there and fixed what had gone wrong slowly and live a better life from then on." She shrugged as she averted her gaze again. "The Blonde stuck in one place."
Kuroro looked at the painting on his lap, thinking what the best words to voice his question. After considered this and that, he said carefully; "So… where is the Brunette now?"
Another silence. Kuroro waited for her answer and what she did was really simple; she raised her index finger in front of him, slowly, so slowly, she moved it down to his lap, without breaking eye contact, and pointed to two words.
Kuroro held his gaze for five seconds, then he looked down and stared dully at what she pointed;
'Somewhere unknown'
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
"Somewhere far, somewhere foreign, somewhere new… somewhere unreachable…"
Those words used to be magical in old days.
Kurapica sighs and leans against the wall. The blonde haired girl is at the back of the café. She's enjoying her break time alone rather than gossiping with the other maids. She lights a cigarette then inhales and exhales slowly, gracefully. There are countless men had went crazy by her simple movement of smoking. They all were lured, intoxicated with her charisma, and came to her like a bunch of hyenas. She never come to them first, they came to her and desperately worshipped her. She didn't refuse them because they willingly gave up their money to her. She smiles ironically at the memories of those old days. That was very lame and ugly.
The back door opens with a shrill creak. She cringes at the sound then rolls his eyes at Pariston who smiles happily to her. "I thought you had stopped smoking." He says as he closes the door.
Kurapica just shrug as a reply, eyes drawn to the blue sky. She did stop smoking right after Kuroro told her it wasn't do any good for her. But what he doesn't know is she still does it once in a while if she feels miserable and in a need of nicotine to calm her down.
"Let's see…" Pariston rubs his chin thoughtfully as he walks closer to Kurapica. "Ah yes! You stopped two years ago, right? Because that man—Kuroro?—told you so." He chuckles and leans closer to her face. "You're so whipped."
Kurapica's eyes slowly moves back to him. Blue eyes stares sharply—but still remains her blank and cold expression. She inhales deeply, took the unfinished cigarette and throws it away before blows out the smoke to Pariston's face. "It's none of your business." She says coldly.
Pariston's smile grows wider. "That's right." He hums. The man's hand moves to tuck some blonde locks behind her ears. "You cut your hair short because of him too, right?" the blonde doesn't answer. She doesn't squirm away either. She stands still, she knows how to handle this man and vice versa. "I like it long. You look so much—what's the word? Hmm…" One hand is positioned on her hip. "Wild? Dangerous? Yeah… you look so much dangerous back then with long hair, make me shivered every time I saw you even from afar." The other hand caresses her cheek. "But, short is good too. You look stunning." The hand caresses her cheek down to her neck and rests there.
Pariston's face leans closer, his leg pushes between her thighs. "You know the rule." She states dully. Arms cross on against her chest, her face looks bored and the man smirks.
He puts his forehead on hers, eyes closes. "Yeah, I know." He hums. "No money no touch."
As he leans closer, lips just an inch away they could feel each other breath, Kurapica says so casually; "Doubled my salary this month." Parsiton stops his motion.
The man steps back with his hands up, a sight of surrender. "Can't do that."
Kurapica snorts. "Stingy bastard."
Pariston laughs. "Well, can't deny that." He shrugs and jabs his hands into his pants pocket. "I have a 'party' tonight, want to join it? Everybody miss your participation."
"You know I'm quit, right?" She huffs and run her hand through her hair. In Pariston's gang, 'Party' means hunt down someone who owe something to him and can't pay him back in time then beat that person into pulp or they just have another gang war who mess with their territory. It was more fun than just collected the payment. His gang was little with ten members but have a great influence. Many people had fallen into his trap, he controlled them with his smile and noble manner.
"I know, I know. I just want to remember the old days."
"Psh… I don't want to remember." She pauses. "You should stop this kind of business, it's too dangerous. Someday karma will go get you."
Pariston whistles. "You care?" He says in mock awe which annoys Kurapica more. "Wow! Is this the part when I have to realize my sins then regret it and become a real 'good man'?" The blonde man snorts, mocks her concern. "You never care before so why care now? It doesn't suit you."
Kurapica looks at Pariston's mocked eyes emotionlessly. He is right.
"He—help…" Whined the bulky old man, whose eyes so round and nose oddly rectangular-shaped, to the thirteen years old Kurapica. The bulky old man was on his stomach, he had freshly new bruises and scratches caused by the ten guys who were around him.
The girl eyed him emotionlessly. She sat on a swing, watched him being beaten up by a group of men and girls with half lidded eyes like watching a boring movie. The leader of that group, a blonde haired man with his casual outfits, a man who looked like a gentleman, turned around and saw her. The man eyed him interestedly. He clicked his tongue and smiled. "Well, young lady, do you mind to help him?"
Those guys' motions stopped. All attention was drawn to her. She remained calm as she glanced to the poor fat old man before answered coldly; "Why should I?"
And all of them cheered like mad while the leader's smile broadened.
She never cared before, so why care now? She smiles a cold smile, breaths a humorless little laugh to herself. It really doesn't suit her. Why bother to care about others? They were stranger; they didn't affect your well being. Anyone but yourself is a stranger; you don't have to worry about them. It is you that's matter. That is the lesson she learned from her life.
"Silly, huh?" She glances at Pariston briefly before tilts her head back to see the blue sky, her smile is empty and meaningless. "Guess you right."
Oh how she hates clear blue sky.
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
10. Midnight Picnic
Their friendship returned to normal again. They met every midnight, chatted about silly things or just sit side by side. There was no a single midnight passed without they sat at the bus stop. It was really pleasant for them to spend some hours with each other. It left the tingling sensation on Kuroro's fingertips every time he touched the blonde, made them twitch every time they were apart, made his lips curved downward every time he saw her.
The girl was more cheerful than before. She was laughing more and smiling more. She threw jokes every now and then. The girl always waited for him, she sat and glared at whoever stole a wondering glance at her. But when she noticed his footsteps, her face lit up and a smile adorned her face immediately. It was a beautiful real smile, not a bored empty or flirty smile she always gave him before. It was a smile came from heart, a smile which could charmed every single soul on the earth.
Kuroro always looked forward to see her smile every step he took closer to her.
One day, her words were inappropriate and Kuroro had to tell her to watch her words and behave. Kurapica laughed at him and mocked him; 'Holy man with fuckin' good manner'. But, he noticed, she never did that again after that day. It was when he noticed that nobody taught her how to behave nicely.
And Kuroro felt dizzy as a warm, tingling sensation run through his body when Kuroro caught a secret, little smile on her face. He could tell they were closer now, but not close enough and it made him unsatisfied, made him wanted to break the thin glass that separated them. He felt suffocated when he stared to those unnatural, deep black eyes. He felt drowning in the black water of intoxicating poison of her eyes. He felt the tug in his heart every time he could see the longing in her eyes. And Kuroro wanted more.
Time flies by. Summer changed to autumn then turned to winter.
A week before Christmas, Kuroro walked from a boutique (he bought a new coat since the old one's color started to fade) to his apartment. When he walked in front of an alley, he saw a flash of familiar golden in his peripheral vision and stopped his walk. He turned slightly to get a better view. His eyes was as round as a golf ball when he saw a group of twelve (nine males and three females) beaten up a skinny man. Two of them, one blonde man and one blonde girl, who Kuroro assumed as the group leaders, just stood and watched the others tortured their victim. What made his eyes widened so was not the fact about a group beaten up a defenseless man, but it was because he noticed the girl who stood still with her back on him.
"Kurapica?" He said hesitatedly.
The blonde girl glanced over her shoulder with cold sharp eyes, then turned with her usual sweet smile to him. "Hi! What a coincidence to meet you here." She said cheerfully like the scene behind him did not exist.
"Uh… what… are you doing here?"
"Oh, it's nothing." She shrugged.
"Your friend?" The blonde man asked without even turn around. Kurapica just gave a short nod before looked back at him again.
"Look, I'll be a little late, but… can you wait? I have something to give you. Okay?"
Kuroro nodded a little and then walked away when she mouthed 'I'll explain later' and turned around to her friends. His mind went blank and then all information about Kurapica rushed back like waves. He wondered; what did she do? Why was she with that group? Kuroro was certain they were bad people. He remembered morning news about a group of teenagers was arrested because they stole a lot of alcoholic drinks from a minimarket. But those guys with Kurapica were not teenagers, they were adults, was she involved in some criminal group? He imagined her did drugs, smokes, drink alcohol, and steal from shops. With those thoughts dancing crazily in his head, he got home, did something he didn't even remember, then walked to the bus stop when midnight slowly crept to the world.
Kurapica, as she already said, was late for twenty minutes. She carried a big duffel bag, which make him uneasy. Last time she brought a bag, they ended up in a mess. "Uhh… are we going to somewhere?" He asked.
Kurapica looked at him oddly. "Why? I think this place is good enough."
"Oh…" He said then blinked confusedly. "Sooo… what do you bring?"
"This?" She pointed to her bag and grinned. "Help me with this and you'll know."
Without waiting for a reply, she put the bag beside her feet then fished out a green picnic blanket. She handed it to Kuroro and told him to spread it nicely. Next, they sat there and Kurapica fished out a mini cake, two tea cups, a thermos, two puddings, and some small spoons and forks.
Kuroro frowned thoughtfully as the blonde girl poured warm tea to the tea cups. "Midnight picnic?" He guessed.
"Ding, ding, ding, bingo!" She cheered and handed the cup.
Kuroro took the cup. "Why picnic?"
"Why not?"
"No, I mean… seriously? Here?" He waved his hand everywhere to elaborate his point. They had a picnic, at midnight, and at bus stop.
"Well, there's no law that said we can't have a picnic here." Hmm… that's right. Government really have to make the laws as detail as possible because there's a lot of people like Kurapica who gratefully uses the hole in law to their advantage. Really. "Besides," she continued, "you already had dinner, right?" He nodded to her question. He mentally thanked God they had a picnic at time when people were in deep slumber. "So consider this as desert." She winked.
Kuroro rolled his eyes. "Don't you will be fat if eating sweets at this kind of hour?"
"Oh, please. Do I look like a person who has a lot of money for food?"
Right. The man bit his tongue, he felt stupid. This girl is poor.
So they had a midnight picnic at bus stop. It was enjoyable even though it was cold. Kurapica mixed the tea with ginger to keep their bodies warm. They chatted lightly while ate their little slices of cake and their chocolate puddings. And the dizziness came back again. He felt his skin tingled when Kurapica handed the plates and their fingertips would brush or just separated an inch. His fingers twitched when the blonde licked her chocolate coated fingertips with her pink tongue. Something tugged at his heart and he was unsatisfied.
So Kuroro complimented her puddings to get rid of the weird feeling of wanting more and the girl arrogantly said; "Ofcourse, it's me who made it." and the man laughed heartedly. After that, Kurapica glared and yelled; "Mind your own shit, fucker!" to a couple who walked and stared boldly at them and whispered at each other. They probably just about to go home after enjoy a great time in a club considered from the way they walked; wobbly and tipsy.
"I thought I said to you to watch your words and behave." He said when the couple fled like a cat got caught red-handed stealing a fish.
Kurapica huffed and pouted, she crossed her arms before said; "I'll watch my words and behave to you. Not to those brainless people."
Oh. The man massaged his temple as he sighed. He understood now. The girl acted nice and listened to people she thought worth for it but she acted as she like to people she hate or categorized as 'outsiders' in her life.
"What?" Kurapica snapped as she lit up a cigarette. Kuroro watched the girl as she inhaled deeply and eyelids dropped close slowly, enjoyed the delicious poison of nicotine ran through her blood. After a few heart beats, she exhaled the white smoke to cold, thin air, with her eyes half lidded. Dark eyes glowed dimly through long eyelashes. With the white smoke danced around her, she looked like a goddess of seventh heaven. The man's heart thundered loudly, hammered against his ribcage, as if demanding to be free, without him realizing it. Her movement was so simple and usual for people who smoke, but it looked so graceful when she did it. How could she make it looked beautiful? Suddenly, Kuroro found it hard to swallow and he held his breathe. She was so graceful, so inviting, alluring. How many men had fall to her simple act? Didn't she know her slow motion invite men?
"Hey…" He managed to breathe again. Kurapica stared to the white smoke momentarily before slowly tilted her head to him, her unnatural black eyes demanded him to continue. "What did you do on that alley?"
"Nothing you have to care about." She shrugged nonchalantly.
What with her diction? He didn't even have the right to care? "You said you'll explain." He insisted.
"I am explaining."
"You're so informative." Kuroro sighed in defeat. If she didn't want to tell you about something, she won't.
"You're welcome." She snorted.
Kurapica was back to her unhealthy activity silently and Kuroro rubbed his palms together, tried to warm up his frozen fingertips. It was super cold and the man thought he would freeze to death or got hypothermia. But he didn't want to end the night just yet. He had to admit he really enjoy the blonde girl's company and found it harder and harder to say 'Good bye' or 'See you later' every time they had to separate. He spent his time to stare at Kurapica blankly, treasured every single thing he could see from her.
When Kurapica jabbed the short cigarette to asphalt, he suddenly felt the urge to say something. "Don't you have to go home now?" He asked, rubbing his palms together to hide his nervousness. Why he asked about going home even though he wanted longer time with her was beyond him and maybe it was because his nervousness or maybe because he felt dizzy and his heart wouldn't stop hammered against his ribcage.
Kurapica looked at him with her eyebrows rose high, as if asked 'Don't you want a longer time with me?' but maybe it just Kuroro imagining things. "Well," she said, "No one home right now."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, Leorio went to his grandparents' house until January. Gon and Killua are spending their holiday at Kujira Island, you know, that tropical island about ten hours from here, Gon lives with his aunt there. So, I'm all alone until holiday end." She shrugged.
"Who's Gon and Killua?"
"Leorio's students. Well, he does a side job as private teacher for them and they often stay to sleepover. They're an interesting pair to watch." She grinned at the memories of people Kuroro didn't know. "Maybe I should get extra shift to spend my unproductive lazy times." She murmured thoughtfully.
"Why don't you go with Leorio?"
Kurapica narrowed her eyes, she bit her lower lips, struggling to find the right words. "His grandparents…" She hesitated and sighed, "They're too nice… I just… I…" She let a long, desperate sigh.
"What's wrong with being too nice?"
The blonde girl ran a hand through her smooth hair. "They make me feel like I'm a little porcelain doll." She hugged her knees. "They're nice and kind, I love them. But, they treat me like I'll break anytime if they push the wrong button. They make me feel like I'm weak and fragile." Her expression was somewhat cold, there was also a hint of hatred in her voice. "I didn't like it… feeling weak and fragile I mean." She said lowly and slowly. "But, don't get me wrong. I visit them sometimes and Leorio will actually bitch—I'm sorry, I mean, push and nag me to visit them at New Year."
Kuroro just nodded. He never understands why some people feel uneasy with others' kindness. When he was in sixth grade, there was a kid who was bullied. One day, when Kuroro was walking on school's empty hallway, he saw the kid kneeled and gathered his books. Kuroro picked one up and handed it to him because he was raised that way. But instead of thanked him, the kid snatched the book from him, shove it to his bag then—after gave a murderous, watery glare—turned around and stomped away. He didn't understand back then and still didn't understand before Kurapica said her feelings about Leorio grandparents. People don't like to feel weak, that's why kindness sometimes feels so annoying.
He snapped out of his thought when he realized Kurapica was blabbering about how boring the holiday was because she will be all alone in Leorio's apartment all day and Kuroro wasn't even listening! Then something clicked in his mind, and idea popped gloriously. Before Kurapica even finished her speech about how boring the holiday was, he blurted his idea innocently;
"Then why don't you spend Christmas with me?"
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
Kuroro sighs loudly as he walks out the bathroom. He can't believe his boss called him to go to the office even though he just arrived at home at 1:30 in the morning! Urgh… he really wants to smack that white haired man soooo badly. He gets dressed as he makes the most horrible scenario to mentally kill him. Mentally, because he still has a life to live and dream to fulfill. If he has to die, at least he has to have a nice simple house, have two children; male and female, and probably have a dog. Then, when he retires, he will spend his old years traveling around the world with Kurapica, hand in hand, and die together. The end. Happy end. Hmm… that's really nice.
He combs his black hair backward, ties his black tie and steps out his room. That's when he see Kurapica's door across his and remembers his conversation with Leorio. He eyes the door like a child who eyes his father timidly. The man remembers how Kurapica is so strict about steps in her room. She prohibits him to even steal a glance let alone steps in. But, Leorio was right. She isn't even here. If he steps in and leaves without touch anything, maybe… maybe the girl wouldn't notice… right? Hope so. But, it won't hurt to try, hm?
With those in mind, he reaches the door knob, half hoping she locked it, but unfortunately she didn't and the door opens with a small creak. The door is ajar and Kuroro stops immediately in surprise—he really opens the forbidden area. His heart thumps loudly and his palm soaked in cold-sweat. He closes his eyes, takes a really, really deep breath, and dares himself to step in the girl's room and shuts it with a soft click behind him.
He stares at the room interestedly. It was such a mess. Papers of sketches are scattered everywhere; some on the floor, some on the desk or on top of cabinet, some in her catastrophic bed, but the majority were glued to the wall. Crumpled papers and unused, broken drawing equipments are thrown everywhere and make Kuroro wondered whether the blonde know the use of trash can, while the new or still used drawing equipments were placed nicely on the bed, on top of sketches which were became the bed sheets. Ton of canvases on the floor are pushed on the wall and some of it are hung on wall as messy as the papers. The canvases on the wall are paintings of people he knew as Kurapica's close friends or considered as family and a few of unfamiliar face to him.
He walks to the wall across the door for further inspection, careful with his step so he doesn't trip on anything and cringes when he bumps a half done painting on the easel, makes the blue color at the edge smudge slightly. Oblivious to what he has done, he finally manages to get closer to the canvases.
From the left, it is a painting of Leorio, followed by Gon, Killua, a red-haired woman named Mito (Gon's aunt who he met a year ago), Leorio's grandparents, and then a painting of Kuroro. Her drawing is still as amazing as always, improved even, no wonder many famous artists always asks her to put her work in their exhibition, but the girl always say 'no' to them. When they asked her reason, she said she didn't want some brainless criticism said something stupid about her art because they're not understand her and it's because they're brainless people who pretend to have a brain for arts. And of course she said her comment with a lot of profanities.
No one could argue with her at that, even the artists just gaped then laughed nervously because she was absolutely right and they left her alone. But they never tired to try convincing her every time they have and exhibition.
He moves his gaze to another wall where paintings of people he doesn't familiar with placed nicely. Placed at the highest was a painting of two boys hand in hand with a girl between them, stare at sunset. They were painted from behind so he couldn't see their face, but he is certain it was Kurapica, Leorio and the brunette from her story three years ago. As usual, something is scribbled at the bottom;
'Unreachable dream'
Beneath it is a painting of a young couple with blonde hair and deep blue eyes. They are smiling at each other, eyes adorned with love and hands intertwine. But the words which are scribbled at the edge said something opposite the warming and loving atmosphere of them;
'Fake and evil
Give birth to empty shell
Shake, crumble then broken
Fake, fake, fake…'
Next to the lovers' painting, there is a painting of the blonde young woman with eyes closed and covered in pure white sundress, her background is mirror which reflects her back. At the reflection, she has black-purplish wings which looks so broken and its feathers are messy. The words written there is;
'Fake and evil
Beautiful and broken
May no longer escape
O poor Rapunzel
Can no longer weep for her knight
For her breath has been taken away'
On the right side of the lovers' painting is a painting of the man. He is handsome and firm-build. Blue eyes strong and hard, wear a broken, scratched armor as if he just experienced a never ending battle. His back ground is a view of after war with a lot of warriors' corpses everywhere and wooden cross are planted everywhere and the sky is black, purple, and blue.
'Fake and evil
The princess less knight
Rapunzel can no longer be heard
O poor knight
Where do you have to run to?
For you are trapped as well?'
Kuroro frowns, he never understand his lover's poems, especially if what she wrote is the opposite from what she draws. Maybe it is her life experience makes her see through the surface he could never see and her inability to communicate properly make her paintings and poems so hard to understand. But still, it is beautiful, makes people think deeper about their life. Because everything is never as it is.
Beneath the three paintings is a painting of a brunette boy of Gon's and Killua's age. His blue eyes shine kindly and warmly, his smile is sincere and beautiful. The painting is half-done, it looks like Kurapica couldn't decide the right background for the boy so some colors are smudged here and there.
'Liar with holy light
Escape with something isn't his
Where do you take mine to?'
Some lines beneath it are smudged so he can't read it. But under those smudged lines is a single line;
'Where do you end up at?'
The man shakes his head. All her writings are confusing and he can't stand to look at it any longer, it makes his head throbbed a little. Leorio said that he would understand Kurapica's feelings if he walked in her room, said her room was a reflection of her heart. But he just gets more confused after walked in. He can't get his answer. Kuroro sighs and absentmindedly averts his gaze to some sketches on the wall.
And that's when time stops ticking.
His eyes widened in realization that all sketches on the wall were all about him; he stares out the window, he sleeps peacefully, he laughs, he smiles, he pouts, he reads a book, he looks bored, his back, his face close-up, and many more.
He freezes on his spot. His mouth slightly agape, eyes widened, his expression is mixed between awe and unbelieving. His eyes move slowly, from left to right, up and down, until rests on the painting of him at canvas. All noises are disappeared as he just realized Kurapica wrote something there;
'No words can describe
No words can express
Because with him
Words are unnecessary
Because with him
The silence is enough'
Kuroro steps backward slowly, eyes focused on the poem in adoration. This is why Leorio told him to not doubt her feeling, this is the proof of Kurapica's feeling toward him. A smile forms in his face slowly, happiness floods in his heart, make him warm and feel blissful. Kurapica is right, there's no word can explain about the feelings they feel all this time. They understand each other just fine, they never need to say it, there is no need of proof to explain. Because they simply understand. Kuroro knows what he needs to know is not about her feeling to him, but he needs to know why she keep cheating again and again purposely like she begs him to hate her. He knows it, but he is stubbornly thought that Kurapica is just using him.
He keeps steps backward until he bumps a desk and makes a box and a book fall to the floor with a loud thump and thud. He snapped out of his internal conflict and looks down at the mess he has created. He frowns guiltily then crouches to put them back on their proper place. The book is Kurapica's diary, Kuroro shuts the book quickly when he recognized it. He has invaded her personal space and he has no desire to venture deeper through her secrets. The box's contents are some papers and envelopes which are scattered around the box because of the fall. He reaches one of the envelopes and read the letter inside it out of curiosity.
When he reads it, he froze with his eyes as big as golf ball.
~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~
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