Note: First off, I want to say thank you to all have reviewed and followed with this story already. It means a lot and I am happy that people like what I am doing. Secondly, this chapter has a bit of adult themes in it so you have been warned. It's also probably the last fluff chapter before the angst comes in. So from here on out, take comfort in knowing things will be alright in the end :3 but I have to write drama otherwise this story will have no purpose. Well without further ado, here is the chapter. Please let me know what you think :)
She was outside looking at the world with a thin veil over her head. She sensed no darkness, even when she wandered beyond the borders of her home.
Then suddenly there he was. Tauriel didn't have to look up to know who it was. His presence changed the air and to her he made the clean forest slightly tenser. She wasn't afraid though. This was the highlight of her life.
She finally reached him, and stopped right in front of him. He lifted the veil, and tilted her chin up. But when she met Thranduil's gaze, he was looking beyond her, and his eyes were wide.
"It cannot be…" He whispered. She watched as his breath caught in his throat, and it made her heart drop.
He let go of her, and actually pushed her aside. She turned around to watch him run up to a fair elven lady with golden hair that fell in long waves and touched the ground. She was glowing with pure radiance, and Tauriel knew who it was.
Iestebeth was her name. But more importantly she was Thranduil's wife. His bound lover for eternity. Something she could never be.
The calmness and certainty faded, and she was whisked away. She was back in the Ravenhill, and surrounded by orcs. Kili was dead on the ground next to her.
"You are a failure."
She turned to see the voice belonged to Bolg. Her eyes were wide and aghast. She reached for her bow and arrows instinctively, but there was nothing. Tauriel was still in her white dress.
Bolg started towards her, but she was already looking down at another orc blade that had pierced her from behind. She could only gasp and the red stained the white in her center, and she fell to her knees.
He was right in front of her and she could feel his smile as the blade of his sword went to swing her head clean off her shoulders.
She woke up with a gasp, and the arms that were around her felt constraining, and she threw them aside thinking that she was not worthy of them and never could be.
"No, no!" She cried out as something tried to reclaim her.
Thranduil held her shoulders as she was making sense of the world around her. But tears only came to her eyes, and he pulled her into him as the tears got worse. She knew he meant well, but it wasn't helping at all. Of all the nightmares she's had in the past few months, this was the worst of them all.
After several moments she calmed down. Maybe it was Thranduil's kisses that helped, but she felt greedy for receiving them.
"Was it the war again?" He asked. By the time she had calmed down she was enveloped in his lap on the bed. He spoke into the top of her head as she leaned against his bare chest. Hard and tough it looked, it was actually soft and comforting though.
"Yes." She said quietly. It hurt her to lie, but she didn't want to bring up anything that could make him worse. She knew he would convince her that he loved her, but when it came to her dream actually being real, she knows who he would choose.
His response was holding her tighter. Then eventually he withdrew slightly and looked into her eyes. She showed no hint of anything else, because lying was something he would catch if she wasn't careful.
But he wasn't searching for a lie; he was searching for her comfort. His lips were on hers at last, and she sank into the feeling, but fear just overcame her more and more. She withdrew as quickly as she sank in. That's how it always was in the morning. She was always hesitant about waking up with him because she knew one of them had to leave.
He wasn't leaving though; he was kissing her neck with a fiery passion. It was almost as if he was afraid that she would disappear within the next second. She gasped instinctively at the feeling.
"One day you won't be living in this room anymore, and we won't have to leave each other." She couldn't count how many times he had said that. Maybe if he did enough it would be true. She wanted to be there already.
"One day you will never say those words again."
He just smiled and placed a kiss at the very top of her head. Surprisingly she started to feel better, and she didn't want to move anywhere else.
Then suddenly she felt his fingers tearing off her bottom undergarment, and she gasped.
"Thranduil, we can't-"
"Shh. Just trust me."
She decided to, and within the next moment he was on top of her with the undergarment torn away. He was staring into her eyes, and all worries left her temporarily.
He gave her a deep kiss, and she made a muffled sound into his mouth as she felt his finger rubbing at her core. Her breathing immediately went ragged, and she surrendered herself to him. And after a few more kisses in her weak places, she was gone from the real world and into their secret one.
"Any sounds you need to make are to be in my skin. I want to feel your voice this way on me." His voice was deep and commanding, yet the reason why he said this was more for her protection.
He plunged one finger in and her mouth bit down on his shoulder. She could feel him shivering at the feel of her voice vibrating on him. The vibration increased when he added a second and third finger.
Because of their risk of being caught, Thranduil kept the pumping of his fingers slow, which meant it would go on for a long time. Had they been in his chambers, things would have definitely escalated by now.
But they made do with what they had, and in a way it pleased them both to hear each other this way. Her muffled moans almost made his sighs break into small noises, and when he felt her hips moving against his hand, he nearly lost himself. She smiled at the way he tried to keep control.
Finally she released, and he withdrew his fingers so he could inhale the wordless melody it created.
When the heat subsided and the world slowly creeped in around her, she felt better. It almost made her question why her dream was such a worry in the first place.
They bathed together in her small tub, neither of them spoke or did anything more than the occasional kiss, as they readied their minds for the day.
She gave him one more kiss on the cheek when he was all dressed in his disguise to go back to his own quarters. For the first time he didn't indulge, and left after they exchanged a sincere 'I love you.'
Tears fell down her face again, and she began to wonder just how this could ever possibly work between them, or if it was even meant to be at all. But she recalled their time spent together just now, and it was almost as if Thranduil saw her dream and reassured her that it was okay. It made her wipe away the tears and let out one big sigh.
After a long time, Tauriel finally got ready for the day, and as she did, her mind cleared the mush of the morning. Though the dream she had stayed, and she didn't want to think of it anymore. So she thought of Thranduil instead, and it felt like she broke through a wall that she had been fighting against for several months now.
Thinking of this, Tauriel finally put her dagger in her boot before she left her room for the day.
Thranduil was still worried about Tauriel once he got back to his room. He nearly considered having a guard retrieve her, but it was always so risky. Even then, he still needed to confess his feelings. But he still wasn't so sure how to do that either.
All these thoughts were driving him mad.
So he decided to deal with it by answering to the needs of his people, and it helped some to get his hearings done. Because that meant he would have less work to do later.
After some time alone, a messenger from Dale arrived, saying that the rebuilding was nearly done, and that Bard had a gift for him to give his gratitude. This put Thranduil in a slightly better mood.
Worry once again crossed his face when Tauriel entered the throne room though, because he knew she was taking a big risk to even come here.
"I want to fight for you again. I don't care if I am not a captain anymore; I just want to serve some purpose once again." She looked completely serious, and her face showed no hint of anything else.
His cold gaze fixed upon her, and he had to think of what he would have done to her if she wasn't secretly sneaking away to his room every night.
But it didn't take long to know exactly what he would have done, and that was what he went with.
"You are still my captain, and you will start patrolling again tomorrow if Feren deems you are physically ready for it again. He's going to go over some skills with you, and then he will tell me whether you are ready or not. If you are, you will go back to your normal group, and if you aren't you will keep working at your skills, and training new recruits."
He almost saw her smile, but thought it was his mind playing tricks on him.
"Very well my lord. Thank you."
"You may go."
For the first time she left when he said she could, and chills ran through him to see her being so obedient. It made everything harder when it came to how he was going to tell the people in his kingdom that the elf he once considered a traitor was now his lover, and that his bond to his wife was officially broken.
After Tauriel oversaw the healers' doing self-defense again, a guard had sent for her to go to Feren. She was nervous about fighting again, but she knew she was ready, and the images of horrible things she caused were not going to be there when she picked up her weapons.
She entered the training room, and there Feren was waiting with a bow. It wasn't an ordinary bow though; she could tell it was custom-made.
When she approached him he handed it to her. "The king himself had this made for you. He told me about your relationship with him after I questioned him a lot."
Tauriel wasn't sure about how to feel knowing that Feren had knowledge of their relationship. But if Thranduil trusted him, then she should too.
"I do not deserve this…" She whispered, her fingers lightly reaching out for the bow and yet not exactly touching them.
He put the bow into her hand, and clasped her grip on it before stepping back. "Anyone who can change his heart deserves anything. I admit at first I was tempted to tell other elves to see what they thought, but I knew that if he hadn't come clean about it he wouldn't want me to either. He should be allowed happiness, and you are giving that back to him." He gave her a friendly smile, and she wanted to cry.
"I'll be glad if the other elves react the same way you did when they know…"
"Do not think about their opinions. Now, let me see what you can do."
She sighed, and reached for an arrow from the quiver he provided. She held both the bow and arrow for a good long moment before fitting them together in the way they should. She drew back her hand, and her eye was on the target. Her breath was shaky, and her form was lacking because she saw the target as Thranduil once more. It almost made her drop everything and shatter on the ground, but suddenly their moment this morning came to her mind. The way he smiled at her while giving her pleasure was something peaceful that made her finally break through the wall and run from it for good.
As the guilt of what she had done left, her form immediately straightened, and she let go of the arrow. It hit the center straight on, and a breath of relief fell from her lips.
Then she picked up her daggers again, and the memory she used to break through the orc and Kili, was the first time she ever picked the weapons up and inquired Legolas of their functions. It made her deeply miss her friend, but it also drove her to swing them around in the way she used to. When she was done, a rush of adrenaline surged into her, and she felt renewed. It didn't mean that the memories of her mistakes were gone, but she finally broke past them, and she was ready to once again take on her role as captain of the guard.
She hugged Feren and thanked him for everything, and she ran back to Maein's quarters to tell her and Merenor the news.
Once she got there, she found them sitting together and he was rubbing her stomach. She smiled at seeing them like that, and things seemed as if they were going to return to normal in that moment.
After a while of staring, Maein noticed her. "So how did it go?" She looked down to see that Tauriel had her new bow, and smiled.
"Your captain of the guard is back in action, and we are going to keep our home safe, together."
Thranduil was in his throne room still in the later hours of the day, when one of his council members came to him.
Her name was Lady Feriadis, and she was definitely more reasonable than Lady Rainil but then again it seemed like almost everyone else was, especially when it came to the council.
She had a look of inquiry on her face as she bowed to him, and it got his mind off thoughts of Tauriel and how she was probably fighting.
"What brings you here?" He asked finally, with a monotone voice.
"I have been hearing things about what is going to come up at the next council meeting my lord, and I wanted to inform you before they reached Lady Rainil and she tried to convince you to put an end to it."
He raised his eyebrows in interest, even though he knew what it was about.
"Captain Tauriel is teaching healers how to fight, so they may be recruited for the army whenever the dark forces come." There it was. The biggest issue and worry for the kingdom was now coming to light.
"That woman never rests until she's changed my entire kingdom around." He said. Internally he meant it as a joke, but he couldn't show that to the lady in front of him.
"I think it's a sound idea." She stated seriously, which also internally made him glad.
"How many other council members know of this?" He asked her then.
"Just I and Lady Aderthadis, but I'm sure this will come to Lady Rainil's ears in no time, which is why I came to you right away. I want to know what you think." It was strange to know that this first came to his ears the moment they got back from war.
"I neither for or against it right now, I need to think about this, and hear Tauriel's case at the hearing. But that is only my answer as your king. As your fellow elf, I agree with you."
She smiled at his answer.
Before they could say anything else, Feren entered the room with a pleasant look on his face. Thranduil had to do his best to not change his face, and quickly dismissed Lady Feriadis to go and consult the other three male council members of the idea, and then report back to him.
After she left, Feren bowed. "Tauriel is going to return to her post as captain tomorrow and do patrols again." At that Thranduil smiled.
"Good."
"My lord, how are you going to tell people of the development between you two?" There it was again, his biggest concern. He sighed and put a hand on his forehead. "I do not know. But I swear it will be soon. It has to be."
"When I told her of your happiness, it seemed like a weight had been lifted off of her heavy face… My lord, tell me, how is it that you can do such intimate things again with another person?"
He sighed again, louder this time. Then he descended from his throne and poured himself a glass of wine. "I cannot answer that. But what I can say is that I just feel these things, and I feel like I should be able to just tell my people that I can do what I want since I am king, but they deserve an explanation. I just need to explain myself clearly."
"Your people will follow you no matter what you do. They have all sworn to protect you."
"They have sworn to protect this kingdom, their home. I am just the person who runs it. What would they think of a king who has been secretly intimate with one of his captains? Who was once considered a traitor?" Thranduil began to wonder when Feren became his advisor too and not just his head of the army. It was nice to get some of his internal thoughts out to someone though.
"If you show them your heart, then they will understand. You have always known though, that you can't please everyone, but that is just something they have to deal with." Feren's face stayed completely neutral, and Thranduil was surprised. This whole development with Tauriel had changed his world. Maybe it's for the better, because if he can find himself comfortable sharing something so personal with his head of army, then maybe he could do it with his entire kingdom too.
"I need some time to find the right words then. Thank you Feren." His new advisor just nodded his head.
"I am going to take my leave now, my lord." Thranduil nodded, and Feren left him flabbergasted for quite some time, before he went to his quarters for the night.
After Tauriel had finished visiting with Maein and Merenor, she went to Thranduil's quarters again. Hopefully no one was seeking her out this time, but it seemed as if she was passing by the elves unnoticed, and she relaxed.
She had the strange feeling everything was going to fall into place.
Thranduil was sitting in his study drinking wine when she entered it, and upon seeing her he immediately stood up to kiss her. It was sweet and loving, and she found herself getting lost in it.
When they broke apart she smiled. "I am grateful for the new bow Thranduil. Thank you." She held his hands gently, and studied his face.
"I am just glad that the flames residing in you are growing again. I can see the Tauriel I love more and more each day." He gave her another kiss on her forehead, and she was blushing and smiling.
"You are too much, love." She said.
It pleased her to see the surprise in his face at hearing the nickname she gave him, it said wonders about where this was going between them now.
"Lady Feriadis has learned of your training sessions." He mentioned after some time. They were now sitting on his couch together sipping wine, which is what they usually did at the end of each day.
"It's only a matter of time before Lady Rainil finds out." She said, letting out a sigh.
At that he quickly tilted her head to look at him. "We have two positive votes. If they can convince the other three, then your change will be put into place. Do not worry about Lady Rainil just yet."
She smiled then, and her feeling about things falling into place was growing at the news. But it was not the time to dwell on it. She was alone with her lover, and she wanted him.
There was no more talk of what is coming, and she did not ask him when he would confess his feelings again. The only thing that took place afterward was their feelings and desires.
One special thing about this night when they joined was that for once she was on top and riding him like she was exploring the woods that surrounded them. She felt free; and she sung her pleasure to him as they released together. It felt glorious, and her dream earlier had faded into an abyss that was distant and unimportant like the world around her.
As long as she was in Thranduil's bed and arms, nothing else mattered. The world was eventually going to come back, but she paid no heed to it until it did.