Since Bucky came to the tower two rather nerve-racking weeks had passed. Tony spent them mostly holed up in his workshop, working on his suit, the arm or trying to retrieve as much of the dumped information as he could. All those files had been out there for almost a month now and Tony was sure that way too many people already saw the files but retrieving them couldn't hurt. He had Jarvis collect all the files on a private, highly secured server and delete every file that has already been transferred there. There was quite the amount of information to go through, not only Shield's secrets but also Hydra's, but for now Tony was contend with getting them back. He wasn't sure if he could take any more details of Bucky's treatment. When he was by himself Tony could also admit that he did all that to evade Bucky but he had to leave his workshop for food and sleep eventually and Steve didn't even hide the fact that he had waited for Tony in the kitchen.
Tony quickly glanced over to him before he checked the room. When there was no sign of Bucky he made his way over to the coffee maker. He kind of broke the one he had in the workshop when he took it apart to make it faster. That did not only result in him being under-caffeinated but he also had to leave the workshop and Tony already wished he hadn't.
While he was waiting for his coffee to be ready, so that he could leave again, Steve sat down on the table, turned towards Tony and obviously only waiting to be acknowledged. Well, he could wait all he want, Tony was not going to start a conversation.
Steve seemed to realize that rather quickly because he cleared his throat and then said "If you are uncomfortable with Bucky here, we can leave. You know that right?"
Tony rolled his eyes at the coffee maker. "Why would I want that? I am fine. He can stay." Tony could almost hear the frown that was clearly on Steve's face. "But you don't seem relaxed."
"Yeah, well, there is an assassin running around my tower. But really, it's just work. Nothing to do with Bucky."
The coffee was finally done and Tony immediately drank half his cup. He heard how Steve got up and then he was standing right next to him. Tony pretended to be horribly interested in his half-empty mug just so he didn't have to look at Steve. He really wasn't ready for any talk about Bucky.
"I know that he is still unstable. But we're working on it. He is much better now" Steve pleaded with him and Tony really didn't understand. He had said that it was alright, hadn't he?
Tony quickly contemplated if Steve needed the reassurance because he knew that Bucky killed Tony's parents and he just wanted to make sure that Tony was one hundred percent okay with Bucky staying here but it didn't seem likely. If Steve knew what Bucky had done he surely would react differently.
Tony sighed into his cup before he downed the rest of it and then he immediately made himself a new one. "Steve. It is fine. He can stay. You can stay. Everyone can stay. I just have a lot of work to do."
It wasn't even a lie. Since the whole Hydra debacle Tony hadn't worked on anything for SI and he was behind. Besides, now he also had to improve Steve's bike and his uniform and while he had spent the last two weeks in his workshop he hadn't really worked on anything important. It really was time he got back to that.
"Okay" Steve said eventually but Tony could tell that he wanted more.
"What? Spit it out."
"Well, I was just wondering…Bucky's arm seems to make some trouble for him. I would appreciate it if you could look at it."
Tony tried really hard to keep his face impassive. "But? Bucky wouldn't appreciate it?" he asked because he had the distinct feeling that that wasn't all that Steve had to say. And he was right.
"Bucky seems…wary of the arm. He won't let anyone touch it. And I am not so sure if he would come down to the workshop. He doesn't seem to like anything that only barely resembles the room Hydra kept him in."
Tony arched an eyebrow. "You think my workspace resembles that tomb Hydra kept him in?"
"It was a bank vault but…yeah."
"Rogers, let me tell you that that most certainly isn't true. Bring him down sometimes. Get him used to the room. Maybe then I can take a look at the arm."
Tony's hand around the mug had tightened ever so slightly with his words and now he was actually afraid he would break it. He didn't want Bucky down in the workshop. He didn't want to see Bucky or talk to him at all. But he couldn't really stand for his workshop being compared to Hydra's bank vault and so his mouth got away from him. It didn't help that Tony clearly remembered that the Soldier hadn't been afraid of his workshop.
Tony had clung to the hope that Bucky would eventually remember him or the tower; the Soldier always did even when he was confused at first and Tony needed to believe that it would be the same with Bucky.
Sure, him avoiding Bucky probably didn't help the matter but after that first day Tony just couldn't bear to be around him. Especially not after it became clear that while Bucky didn't remember Tony at all he sure as hell remembered the outlay of the tower.
Steve had asked on that first day if it would be okay to give Bucky a tour, show him everything that would be accessible to him and Bucky had declared that he didn't need that, he knew where everything was, Hydra probably had kept a plan or something.
After that Steve seemed horrified because he obviously thought Bucky had order to kill Tony and now that Tony thought about it maybe that was the reason Steve kept asking if it was okay that Bucky was in the tower. Since Tony knew better than to believe Hydra had ordered and prepared the Soldier to kill Tony he was fairly relaxed about the whole subject. Except for the part where he wasn't relaxed at all.
It hurt only more now since Tony knew that the knowledge of the blueprint obviously survived somehow whereas he hadn't.
Steve had kept Tony updated of all the progress Bucky made, either because he felt obligated to share it with Tony since they lived in his tower or because he really wanted to share but to Tony it amounted to the same. He wanted it to stop.
He didn't want to hear about Bucky every time Steve came down to the workshop or they ran into each other. He had tried to tell Steve that once but that had only resulted in a hurt "We can move out if you want" and while Tony wanted nothing to do with Bucky right now he also didn't want them to leave.
So he was still being updated on Bucky's doings and as it turned out Bucky did not remember everything. There were particular missions he had no recollection of and he missed stretches of time. No one was sure if that was because he had been in cryo-sleep then or if it was really missing time but Tony knew that Bucky and Steve were working on it, along with some very high recommended therapists.
And while it certainly left some hope for Tony that Bucky would remember him, that the memories were somewhere in that head, it also made everything so much more horrible because the general agreement was that Bucky didn't remember the most gruesome missions in order to protect himself.
Tony refused to believe that he fell into that category but fact was that Bucky simply did not remember him and it always left a bit of doubt in Tony. Especially since the general knowledge about his tower seemed to be worthy enough to remember.
Despite all that Tony knew that he would never turn Bucky away and most certainly not if his arm was acting strangely or even hurting him more than usual.
Tony's grip on his mug hadn't lessened but Steve seemed oblivious to that and nodded his thanks. "Well swing by later today if that's okay?" he asked to make sure and Tony mumbled "Whatever" before he went back down to his abandoned work.
Steve thankfully let Tony know that they were coming down instead of just marching in and even though Tony didn't wait idly around for them he felt less caught off guard this way.
He heard the door open but he didn't turn around partly because he wanted to give Bucky some time to look around and partly because he still didn't feel ready.
When Steve cleared his throat he took another few seconds to count to three and when he swirled around on his chair, he had a big grin plastered on his face and he clapped his hands. "Well, look who it is. What can I do for you fellas?"
Steve seemed tense and he carefully eyed Bucky from the corner of his eyes but Bucky himself seemed to do just fine. He curiously looked around the workshop and was relatively relaxed so Tony guessed that it didn't remind him of the Hydra vault.
When Bucky's eyes fell on Tony he seemed to make himself smaller and he took a step back almost as if he wanted to hide behind Steve, as if he needed to protect himself from Tony and Tony couldn't look at him. He couldn't bear to the see Bucky being afraid of him.
Steve noticed their strange behaviour but didn't comment on it and instead addressed Tony again. "I just thought I'd finally show Bucky your workshop. It's the only thing he hadn't seen yet."
"Well" Tony said and spread his arms. "What do you think?" he asked, forcing himself to address Bucky directly and tried to ignore that Dummy whirled over to Bucky obviously happy to see him again. Not that anyone would recognize that. If it wouldn't hurt so much Tony would probably laugh at the fact that even a bot remembered more than Bucky.
Bucky seemed a bit wary of the excitedly whirring bot but in the end he patted his claw and carefully avoided to look at Tony. Steve gently nudged him in the side and asked "And what do you think? It isn't so bad down here, is it?"
Bucky patted Dummy a few more times before he said "I killed your parents."
It was uttered rather dispassionately and Steve visibly flinched. He hadn't known after all, if the look he gave Bucky was anything to go by.
Tony took a deep breath. He desperately wanted to tell Bucky what happened after that, the more important thing that Bucky did after that, but he kept his mouth shut. If he told Bucky and he still wouldn't remember it would kill Tony. So instead he nodded. "Yes, you did."
It was just another statement but it was enough to make the Soldier, Bucky, look at him again. "You're not angry" he said and seemed uncertain for the first time since he came to the tower.
Tony stifled a bitter laugh at that. He couldn't really say 'No, I'm not, because after you killed them you came and saved me' and so he pressed his lips together. Bucky seem to grow more uncomfortable with every second that passed and in the end Tony took pity on him.
"It was a long time ago. And it wasn't even your fault; Hydra killed them so, no. I am not angry."
Steve had silently watched their exchange but now he grabbed Bucky's arm. "I think we should leave now."
Only now did Tony realize that Bucky was trembling and barely holding himself together. "Yes please" he whispered and Tony had to look down when he heard the anguish in that short sentence.
Steve steered Bucky out of the workshop but before he left he turned around. "I am so sorry, Tony" he said and Tony could see that it also pained him. Steve and Howard had been friends after all. Instead of answering he shrugged and turned away from Steve. This really could have gone better.
Tony sluggishly lifted his head when Jarvis announced that his blackout protocols were overwritten. He was way too drunk to deal with a righteous Steve or an angry Pepper but when he saw Rhodey enter the workshop he grinned.
"Honeybear! What brings you to this side of the world?" His words were only slurred a bit, years of practice, and he was rather proud of that. No need to let Rhodey know just how drunk he was right now.
"Tony" Rhodey said and his voice was that mix of fondness and exasperation that always coloured it.
"Drink with me" Tony said and shoved a bottle in his face. Rhodey took it but he placed it on a workbench out of Tony's reach if he wanted to stay on the couch. And he did it was a really good couch, nice and soft and always so patient with him. He petted the couch.
"How much did you drink?" Rhodey asked and Tony stopped petting the couch.
"Not enough?" he carefully asked and Rhodey shook his head.
"What happened? You haven't been that drunk in a long time."
"Times change" Tony shrugged, trying not to think about the visit he got paid earlier that day and pulled another bottle out of the bag next to his couch. Rhodey gave him a disdainful look but Tony laughed. "You know I am prepared. I will only offer you another drink if you promise not to take it away."
Rhodey sighed and sat down next to him. "You know, I actually came down to stop you from drinking. Steve called me. He sounded rather worried."
"Steve is no fun" Tony replied and took a large gulp.
"Where is Pepper? Shouldn't she be here?" Rhodey asked and Tony took another sip at that.
"Did no one tell you? Pepper is officially not responsible for me anymore" Tony answered and he forced himself not to sound too hurt.
He had ended the relationship shortly after Bucky, Steve and Sam came to stay at the tower and while it had hurt to tell Pepper that, it hadn't been as difficult as he thought. He had been a bit afraid that it would impact their work relationship but they fell right back into old patterns and it was like nothing happened. Pepper hadn't even asked him for a reason, and Tony was grateful for that because he wasn't sure he was ready to do that. And instead of doing it now he brought the bottle back up to his mouth.
Rhodey didn't say anything to that but instead clasped his shoulder in a tight grip. Tony was sure that he would have to tell him everything later but for now he was glad for the silence.
When Tony took another sip from the bottle Rhodey finally asked "Is that why you are drinking?" and he reached out to take the bottle from Tony. Tony yanked it back to hide it behind his body.
"Please don't. I can still remember" he said and then started to laugh because really. That was so not fair. When he got himself back under control he mumbled "Maybe I should ask him how he's doing it."
Rhodey frowned at that. "Are you talking about Bucky?"
"Who in this godforsaken tower is not talking about Bucky?" Tony snapped at him and then craned his neck to drink some more.
"Is it because he killed your parents?" Rhodey softly asked.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Tony questioned and slumped back in the couch.
"Because it's the only thing that makes sense?" Rhodey shot back and Tony laughed.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it. Fuck." And with that he drank rather enthusiastically from the bottle until Rhodey gently coaxed it away from his mouth.
"What else would be the reason?" Rhodey asked and Tony got up from the couch, to his delight without so much as a wobble.
"The reason" he said and gestured with the bottle in Rhodey's direction, "is that he fucking saved me."
Okay maybe now was the time to stop talking because he never told anyone about the Soldier and he didn't want to start now. But he was so drunk and Rhodey was right there and he looked so concerned and maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he told at least one person.
"You'll have to elaborate on that, Tones" Rhodey carefully said and Tony felt so angry all of a sudden that he couldn't help it. "I wouldn't be here without him and he doesn't even remember me!" he yelled and smashed the bottle against the wall. Dummy gave a miserable whirr from him and carefully wheeled over to start cleaning the mess up.
Rhodey took a step in his direction but Tony started to pace, unwilling to stand still if he was about to confess. "Tony I really don't understand. How could he possibly have saved you?"
"It seems rather hilarious doesn't it?" Tony asked and looked at Rhodey who seemed really worried.
"If by hilarious you mean unlikely and really concerning, then yeah. It does."
Tony's hands twitched and he really whished he hadn't thrown the bottle. That would be a really good thing to hold on to now. "Remember that night when my parents died and you…found me?" he suddenly asked and Rhodey's voice seemed tight when he answered.
"Of course I do. Hard to forget."
"Yeah, I know" Tony said and absentmindedly rubbed over the scar on his wrist. "But the thing is…I didn't call you that night."
Rhodey looked expectantly at him, waiting for him to go on and Tony took a deep breath. All or nothing now. This was the last chance to back out of this. Rhodey was still waiting for him to continue, to explain it to him, and it had to be the alcohol because Tony heard himself say "It was him. The Soldier, Bucky, called you."
Rhodey blinked a few times and then narrowed his eyes. "Nope. I still don't understand a word you say. That just doesn't make sense. Why would he do that? Why was he there?" His eyes widened almost comically when a thought occurred to him. "Was he there to kill you too?"
"No, Rhodey, he wasn't. It's a bit complicated."
Rhodey sat back down on the couch and crossed his arms, demonstrating that he wouldn't go anywhere. "I have time" he said to Tony who laughed.
"Of course you do. Okay get comfortable then, this will be the craziest story you've ever heard from me" Tony replied and walked up and down in front of the couch wondering how he should start.
Rhodey laughed at him. "You know, it's you, Tones. I doubt that anything can surprise me."
Tony told his story with only minimal interruption and he was pretty sure it wasn't due to the lack of interest but more because of the totally astonished look Rhodey had on his face. He seemed too busy trying to process everything to ask additional questions.
When Tony ended his story he looked expectantly at Rhodey but there was still no reaction. Tony nervously wrung his hands and eyed the bottle that was still standing on his workbench. Maybe now was the time to drink again. He carefully shuffled closer to the bottle still trying to gauge Rhodey's reaction and when his hand closed around the bottleneck Rhodey looked at him. Tony refused to let the bottle go, he needed the alcohol now, but instead of scolding him Rhodey extended his hand.
"Gimme that." Tony narrowed his eyes but did as Rhodey told him and Rhodey took a big gulp and then he leaned back into the couch. "That is the craziest thing you have ever told me. Holy shit, Tones."
Now that everything was said Tony didn't feel the need to walk around anymore and so he flopped down next to Rhodey. "I know right?" he said and held out his hand so that Rhodey could pass the bottle to him.
They finished the bottle between them and while it didn't really made a difference to Tony any more it had quite the effect on Rhodey. They were laughing about something rather stupid when Steve wandered into the workshop.
"The fine Captain" Rhodey greeted him and Steve looked unhappy.
"Colonel Rhodey, if I recall our conversation correctly, you were supposed to stop him from drinking. Not join in." It was said with a heavy sigh and Tony only barely suppressed a laugh.
"Captain. Cap. Steve. He was my friend first" Tony told him and passed the bottle back to Rhodey.
There was only an inch of alcohol left and Rhodey downed it in one go. Steve scowled at them both but Rhodey wasn't intimidated by that. He held the bottle in Steve's direction and then said "If you were in his shoes you would drink too."
Steve looked like he didn't believe Rhodey but it didn't matter to Tony. He still found this whole situation hilarious.
"I think you should go to bed now" Steve eventually said and both Tony and Rhodey groaned. Steve wasn't deterred by that, he walked over to the couch and yanked them both up. Tony was unsteady on his feet for a second, alcohol finally kicking in, and he had to lean heavily on Steve.
"Colonel, is there a place you can sleep?" Steve asked Rhodey but Rhodey just lolled his head around.
"He sleeps with me" Tony exclaimed and Steve looked taken aback but then he nodded and didn't comment on that. "Okay. Let's go then."
He marched them over to the elevator and Jarvis moved them to Tony's floor. Steve practically manhandled them into bed and pulled the cover over them. He didn't say anything when he switched off the light but he gave them one long look before he closed the door.
Tony had to giggle at that again but it died down soon enough. Rhodey seemed already asleep but he was also smiling and so Tony guessed that he was still awake.
"Don't leave me alone here" Tony whispered and scooted closer to Rhodey to clutch his arm. "Don't leave me alone with him" he mumbled and there was a vague affirmative sound from Rhodey. Tony slightly tightened the grip on his arm and Rhodey opened an eye.
"I can stay three days" he told Tony before he closed it again. Gratitude filled Tony and he squeezed the arm one last time before he let go.
"Thank you" he mumbled into his pillow and then he fell asleep.
Tony slowly woke up when something shifted next to him. He groaned, not yet ready to face his life again but when he was met with another groan he sluggishly opened his eyes.
A grin spread over his face when he saw Rhodey next to him. He was burying his face in the pillow, hands over his ears and Tony remembered the last night. He couldn't help but chuckle and Rhodey mumbled something that included the word unfair.
And Tony supposed it was because while Tony didn't feel much worse for the wear Rhodey definitely suffered a bad case of hangover.
When Tony chuckled again he was met with a distinctive more understandable string of curse words and glee rose in Tony. Drinking with Rhodey was always fun but hangover Rhodey was the best because he always seemed to forget how to be polite. It was constantly fun seeing people meet hangover Rhodey especially when they already knew him. After such instances people usually claimed that Tony was too much of a bad influence on Rhodey, when really, Tony had nothing to do with it.
He had met Rhodey drunk during a party at MIT and then on the next day he had the pleasure of meeting Rhodey with a hangover and they had been friends ever since. Tony had nothing to do with how Rhodey behaved at all and he found it rather hilarious that everyone always seemed to think that it was Tony's fault when they got in trouble. At least half of the times it had been Rhodey's idea.
Tony was pulled out of his memories when he got hit by a pillow. "What did you do?" Rhodey moaned and Tony pressed the pillow on his face for a second before he said "Nothing. You decided you couldn't take my story without some alcohol."
He slowly lowered the pillow after that, kind of hoping that maybe Rhodey didn't understand him and forgot all about yesterday and Tony's foolish streak of honesty, but when he looked at Rhodey he could see that that was not the case.
"Shit" was all Rhodey said and Tony full heartedly agreed.
"Any bright ideas?" Tony asked and Rhodey slowly sat up.
"I need food. And you will join me" he added when Tony slumped back down in the bed. "You will not hide in your own home. No matter how much it sucks."
Tony wanted to argue about that, that it had worked perfectly well those last two weeks, but one look at Rhodey shut him up. "Fine" he begrudgingly agreed and Rhodey slowly crawled out of the bed. They made it to the kitchen in less than ten minutes which had to be counted as a win but when they arrived Tony immediately wanted to go back to bed.
Steve and Bucky were sitting at the table eating something that looked more like lunch than breakfast and one quick glance to the clock proved Tony right. It was well past midday.
Bucky tried to make himself smaller when he spotted Tony and Steve looked like he wanted to apologize. Tony tried to remember what happened the last time he saw them and oh, yeah, right. Dead parents. Always a mood killer.
Rhodey seemed oblivious to all that and slumped down on one of the chairs and waved a hand in Tony's direction. "Make me some food" he whined and Tony couldn't quite suppress the grin that spread out on his face.
"You can damn well make your own food, honeybear" Tony said but he went to the stove to check if anything of the food the two super-soldiers ate was left.
So far neither of them had said anything, obviously unsure if they could speak in front of Rhodey and Tony had no intention of changing that. He really didn't want to talk to them.
He looked into the pot and it seemed to be the stew Sam seemed to be kind of famous for and while Tony briefly wondered where Sam was today it didn't really matter in the end. Tony took two plates out and filled them with it. He knew that Rhodey wouldn't be happy with this but if he wanted something else he would have to get up himself. He put one of the plates down in front of Rhodey who slightly gagged when the smell hit him. He glared at Tony but then began eating without further complain and Tony smiled into his own stew.
"How are you feeling?" Steve suddenly asked them and since Rhodey was too busy shovelling down his food it was on Tony to answer. "Just peachy, Cap."
While he said it he couldn't help but quickly glance at Bucky but he regretted it the instant he did it. Bucky looked miserable and like he wanted to bolt from the table and even though the Soldier had had some pretty intense reactions during the times he was with Tony he had never looked quite so small. That look on him hurt Tony, especially since he believed this was somehow his fault, and it reminded Tony why he needed to stay away from Bucky, why he had spent the last two weeks mostly in his workshop and he itched to go back there.
Rhodey noticed, of course he did even through the headache he must have, and he clasped Tony's arm. It seemed like he wanted to say something but after a glance over to Steve and Bucky he just squeezed his arm.
Tony only saw from the corner of his eye how Steve elbowed Bucky in the side probably trying to get him to speak. Bucky remained silent though and Steve let out a deep sigh. It seemed like he wanted to speak in Bucky's stead then but Tony beat him to it.
"Look. I get that it is probably burdensome for you to remember that you killed my parents but I don't blame you" Tony said to Bucky but carefully avoided to look at him. "I'm not angry or hurt or blaming you and out for revenge, if that is what you think. It happened a long time ago for me, I'm over it. If you have some issues with it, fine, but please don't make this about me. As far as I am concerned Hydra killed my parents and your involvement in that really doesn't matter to me."
Bucky had pulled his shoulders up while Tony spoke and now they were almost up to his ears. He seemed so vulnerable like this and Tony remembered the night when he had patched the Soldier up. He had never given off this vulnerable vibe, not even when he had been hurt, and Tony couldn't quite stand the sight of that.
Before he could start to ramble to lighten the mood Bucky lowly said "I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry." Steve looked positively proud and Tony guessed that they talked at length about this last night.
"It's okay" Tony mumbled into his stew. "Like I said, no hard feelings."
Rhodey was looking up at him and still clutching his arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze and Tony couldn't deny that he was relieved when Bucky got up and left the kitchen without a further word. Steve looked after him but when he was gone he turned back to Tony. "Thanks."
"For what?" Tony asked and finally started to eat.
"He needed to say that. He feels quite bad for this whole situation" Steve answered and waved a hand around.
Tony really wanted to tell Steve that this wasn't what Bucky should feel sorry about but he pushed another spoonful of stew into his mouth.
When it became clear that Tony wouldn't comment further on that Steve changed the topic. "But if that isn't a problem for you then I don't understand why you drank yesterday."
"There are other reasons to drink for, Cap" he mumbled around his food and Steve frowned.
"I get that. But that was quite the excessive drinking and you really shouldn't pull down other people that way" he said with a glance to Rhodey who had finished his food and had his head in his hands though he looked up now.
"Excuse me, but I am very capable of going down that road by myself" he said to Steve and Tony smiled into his food. "Maybe we'll even do it again tonight, what do you say, Tones?" Rhodey continued and looked expectantly at Tony.
Tony knew that it was a joke, Rhodey wouldn't be able to see any alcohol for the next few days but he played along. "I have some very expensive whiskey. Maybe we could open the oldest." Rhodey winked at him at that and Steve let out a long sigh.
"I'm not going to babysit you" he said while he rinsed his plate.
"No need, Captain. We're perfectly capable of drinking ourselves stupid" Rhodey shot back and Steve left them without a further comment.
When Tony was sure that he was out of earshot he said "That was kinda mean."
Rhodey shrugged and put his head back in his hands. "I don't like it when people assume you are a bad influence on me. And can we please not talk about alcohol anymore?" he asked through a small gag and Tony laughed.
"Whatever you want, platypus. Want some more stew?" The murderous glare he got for that was answer enough but he still couldn't help his smile. The next three days would be the best in a long time to come, Tony was sure of that.
So there will be at least 3 more chapters for this because it just keeps getting out of hand.
I am really amazed at how well this was received and I thank you all for that. It means a lot to me.