You Can Live: Chapter 10
Little bit of abuse background talk here. Now I want cobbler...
Please enjoy :)
No slash here, only guardian/ward psuedo-parent/child relationship and friendships.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, except for the plot. I would be able to afford school if that were the case.
Warnings: SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR WARNINGS AND OTHER IMPORTANT NOTES!
Cobbler Conversations
Snape was trying to get some work done, but needless to say, it wasn't working. He was checking over some simple potions to stock the Hogwart's infirmary early. However, whenever he got started, his mind wandered back to Harry.
It was wonderful seeing the boy smile as he did on the way to town. He was naturally curious, and that was obviously suppressed under the Dursleys' authority over him. Then at the farmer's market, Severus got another glimpse of the effects of their treatment of him. Harry was terrified of making a mistake, thinking he had done something awful and world ending. No doubt Harry was punished for being too weak or scared to do something 'right', or just for their own sick fun.
Snape cursed as he burned his hand and quickly vanished the ruined potion. The first rule in potions is paying attention, to what you are putting in, to your stirring and to whether your potion is boiling over or about to explode.
"Is Master Snape alright?" Snape saw Snippy standing a safe distance from his table and person. He gave a curt nod, and she nodded her understanding in return.
"Snippy came to get Master Snape for lunch..." Snape raised a brow at the little elf. She seemed to be dancing in place, and was biting her lip.
"Is there something else, Snippy?" She seemed very relieved when he asked.
"Master Harry seems very confused and upset that Snippy let him sleep." Well, all that did was make Snape confused.
"Why is that? When did he sleep?" The boy seemed to be hyper one moment, and dead on his feet the next. Snape was never surprised when he found Harry asleep on his coach in his quarters or when one of the teachers complained that the boy fell asleep in their class. The latter became less frequent when Snape gave Harry a stern talking to about responsibility and getting proper sleep at night. Snape had had to apologize to Harry for scaring the poor boy- Harry had been sitting there the entire time waiting for Snape to hit him- but it seemed to have worked, as Harry started to go to bed earlier and take naps on the weekends. Harry had been used to falling asleep at random moments, and as far as Severus could tell, was okay with it.
"Well, Master Harry was baking for Snape, but Snippy told him that Master Harry was to eat some too. Still too skinny. Then Master Harry told Snippy something strange after he put the baking in for baking." Snippy paused here, looking confused as she recalled what Harry had told her.
"What did Harry tell you that was so strange, Snippy?" Severus had learned to be patient with his house elf. She would drift off sometimes when she was thinking really hard, and he would have to prompt her a few times.
"Master Harry told Snippy to tell him when the baking was done. Then said not to, because Master Harry sometimes forgets he can do magic. Very strange. Very strange. But Master Harry went outside, and when oven went off and Master Harry was not there, so Snippy took the baking out of the oven. Snippy saw that Master Harry had fallen asleep on Master Snape's garden bench. Master Harry ran inside later and was confused when Snippy told him that she had let Master Harry sleep. Master Harry needs sleep. He has tired eyes." Snape nodded in agreement. The boy spent the majority of his life serving and helping others, including those that didn't deserve it, that he forgot that he was just a boy. A boy. All of his years running and fighting were now catching up to him, and he couldn't get enough sleep.
Snape hoped he wasn't going to have to start knocking the boy out for scheduled nap times. He smirked at what Potter's face would be if his mentor told him it was nap time. Perhaps he should…after lunch? No. In time. But not today. He might see it as an insult.
"Very well, Snippy. Thank you for telling me. Harry will no doubt fall asleep, unplanned, again at some point, so just keep an eye on him when he does. Inform me if he seems to be sleeping too often or is constantly tired. Also….if he appears to be having a nightmare, get me. Please do not try to wake him yourself." Snippy nodded at each instruction.
"Yes, Sir. Snippy will watch over Master Harry and his sleeps. Now, Master Snape come up to lunch?" Snape nodded, put his table and ingredients back in order, then proceeded up the wooden steps.
When he didn't find Harry in the dining room, he instead walked towards the kitchen. He found the young man standing in the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest and chewing worriedly on a thumb nail. Harry didn't seem to be staring at anything in particular besides the floor, so Snape made enough noise to make Harry aware of his presence. Harry peeked over his shoulder, then turned and gave a tight smile when he saw Severus.
"Hello, Sir." So we're back to 'Sir' again. Snape would not be surprised if Harry thought he would be punished for sleeping. Time to test the waters.
"Mr. Potter. You look rested." Harry tensed; his jaw clenched and he breathed deeply through his nose. Best say it now, before he just finds out.
"I…fell asleep outside, Sir….when I shouldn't have." Snape, keeping his knowledge of the 'terrible nap' secret for now, indulged the boy's take on the events.
"Oh? And why should you not have fallen asleep?" Harry looked at the ground and bit the inside of his cheek.
"I was cooking, Sir. I put something in the oven, then fell asleep outside instead of paying attention. I could have burned your house down, and you could have gotten hurt. I am terribly sorry, Sir. I promise it won't happen again." Snape shook his head and laid a hand in Harry's shoulder.
"Harry, you accidentally fell asleep, because you are exhausted. I swear I have never seen you get a decent night's rest. I would be upset if you had simply left it to cook, and not bothered to pay attention. Instead, you planned on checking the time and making it your responsibility instead of simply putting it off on Snippy. I am not mad at you, Harry. I have even instructed Snippy to allow you to nap if you fall asleep unexpectedly again." Harry gazed at him with curiosity. He seemed a bit awed and confused most of the time when Snape did not punish him, for things the boy should never be punished for anyway. This reaction also confused Snape, for the boy had been practically living with him for his entire last year of Hogwarts. Certainly, actually living together put them together more often, but why was Harry acting strangely now? Why not before?
"Harry, let's eat lunch. Then, I think we should talk out in the garden you like so much, hmm?" Harry seemed apprehensive as to what 'the talk' might entail, but nodded nonetheless. They sat together and enjoyed a nice lunch of sandwiches and pasta salad. It wasn't too heavy for Harry, which he was grateful for, and that meant he was able to finish what Snippy put on his plate.
Once the main course was done, Snippy popped in with the blackberry cobbler. Snape's eyes lit up briefly, before he simply gave a smirk.
"I take it this was what you were so excited about making?" Harry smiled and nodded.
"Yeah. Since….well since giving you the money didn't really work, I thought…I could make you something. As a thank you. Snippy told me you liked blackberries, so I thought….yeah. I hope you like it." Snippy served two plates, and even added a generous amount of vanilla ice cream with a wink. Before she left, however, Severus told her to have some of the cobbler as well. Snippy's eye glistened with such happy tears, both men were afraid she would burst out crying. But, she just nodded vigorously, and took the leftovers with her.
Snape took a bite, not missing that Harry was watching him like a hawk as he did so. He closed his eyes and nearly moaned at the taste. Harry had still not touched his own serving waiting to see what his guardian thought.
"My compliments to the cook." That one phrase brought the brightest smile to the boy's face as well as a blush. He rubbed the back of his neck and poked his cobbler. Finally, Harry took a bite and his eyebrows raised.
"Wow." Snape smirked, yet furrowed his brow at the boy's sincere surprise.
"Are you so shocked at your cooking abilities?" Harry shook his head and spooned another mouthful before answering.
"No. I just…I've never had blackberry cobbler before." He continued past Severus's freezing in his place. "Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia would have me make it in the summer at least once a week for them, but I was never allowed to have any. Funny there wasn't any at Hogwarts…" Harry kept eating as if he hadn't said something that made Snape's blood boil. The fact that the child was surprised at food and his own cooking skills pissed Snape off to no end.
A thought occurred to Severus then, and he set his spoon down.
"Mr. Potter, what say we take our cobbler out into the garden and have our little chat? It is too lovely a day to be skulking about inside." So, they both stood and took their bowls of dessert outside with them to the stone bench Harry had become so acquainted with earlier. Harry's apprehension grew, but he controlled himself, and guarded it well. If Severus had not spent most of his life watching over the boy, and an entire year with him practically living in his quarters, he isn't sure that he would have seen it. This must be how he had everyone so fooled.
"I did not bring you out here to reprimand you or deliver a punishment, as you might think. When I say we should talk, that is what I mean. About anything 'good' or 'bad', that is mostly up to you. I just wish to get you to understand that I am here to listen if you need to let something, anything out. I feel that so much of yourself is locked away where no one can see. If you let that fester, it will not be for the better. Trust me." Harry couldn't stop the incredulous look that flashed across his face, briefly, at the heartfelt words coming from Snape. He's a decent fellow and all, but really? This is getting into sentimental territory. So, Harry smiled and nodded, not saying anything. Snape let him for a few minutes, before trying to strike up the conversation.
"Harry, when did you learn to cook?" Harry didn't even have to think about it.
"Since I could work the stove. Aunt Petunia was eager to get away from cooking duties. I learned a lot as I went." Snape locked away any emotions he might have in favor of appearing cool and calm to Harry.
"How old were you?" There Harry had to pause. He honestly couldn't remember a time when he didn't cook for the Dursley's.
"I guess I must have been around four, five? I'm not really sure. The only way I knew it was my birthday is because I would get extra chores that day and…." Harry's brow furrowed. It was like he knew there was something else, but…he couldn't remember. There was a complete blank where something sat, but he just couldn't find it. Well, he shrugged to himself, if I don't remember, there's probably a good reason for it. He had enough horrible memories, without having to add another. Deciding to use this as a segue, Severus asked one of his tame questions.
"How often did you do chores for your relatives, Harry?" Harry ate some more of his cobbler before answering, this time a bit quieter.
"Everyday I was there. In the summer's, Aunt Petunia would give me a list every morning, usually making me redo everything from the day previous if she couldn't think of anything else for me to do, and I had to have them done by the time Uncle Vernon got home. When I started primary school, mostly it was just cooking for them and tidying the kitchen. Then I would spend the rest of my evening in my cupboard." A small smile ghosted over Harry's face as he thought of his cupboard under the stairs. Not from this past summer, but before. It had been his safe place, even when thrown in there for punishment. Uncle Vernon couldn't reach him, and Aunt Petunia liked to pretend it didn't exist. It was his place.
Severus let that information sink in, not letting himself show any expression, though his appetite was beginning to wane. His next question was very quiet, not pressing and not demanding.
"Harry, what would happen if you didn't finish your chores, before he got home?" Harry shrugged staring down into his bowl, the spoon swirling it all into a cold purple mush.
"Sometimes, when he was tired and just didn't care, they wouldn't feed me for a day or two. I wouldn't be allowed out of my cupboard until they needed something done for them. But….some days…." Harry swallowed, glanced up at Snape timidly before quickly looking away, and shuddered. "Most days it was worse." Snape had set his bowl down and was fully facing his ward. He pressed on though Harry had stopped. He could clearly see the boy's lip quivering.
"Worse, Harry?" Harry nodded, one of many stray pieces of hair falling in front of his eyes.
"Belt or fist, mainly, when I was younger. Then that got old, and he moved on to knives or whatever burning hot food or pan I had when I was cooking. He especially liked it when I was cooking spicy spaghetti sauce. Uncle Vernon would….throw it in my eyes. It took forever to stop burning and left red marks for days. Not to mention it was a bugger to clean." Harry gave a bitter snort at the end, through the tears that started to build up in his eyes. He started to get anxious and was playing with his spoon again.
"Can we…um… can we stop talking about this?" Snape wanted to know more. So he could devise the most suitable death for each of the Dursley's, but Harry needed a break. And to be honest, so did he. Severus nodded and turned back around to stare out over the garden.
"Yes. We need to talk more about this, but that is enough for today, Harry. Thank you." Harry gave a small half smile, and they both pretended to finish their cobbler in silence.
Go Snippy! She's cool. I like the house elves in the books, Kreacher included. Dobey was the best!
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