You Can Live: Chapter 18

I'm back and fighting jet lag just for you! First off thanks to AnetteRuby! Your review has really given me some great ideas for the story, so if you see your suggestions in here coming up, they are dedicated to you! So this chapter was just going to be a filler, but it came out with a bit more angst than I originally planned. :/ Please enjoy!

No slash here, only guardian/ward psuedo-parent/child relationship and friendships.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, except for the plot. I would be able to afford school if that were the case.

Warnings: SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR WARNINGS AND OTHER IMPORTANT NOTES!

Tattoos and Bleach

Things were quiet at the shop. Severus had put Harry to work sweeping up and dusting, the Muggle way, of course. He was still in trouble after all. But there wasn't much cleaning to be done. Or at least it didn't seem that way. Harry was used to cleaning and all those sorts of chores from living with his aunt and uncle, so the shop was a piece of cake. He got done in just over an hour and went to find Snape. As he walked, his hand went to his throat, and he picked at the edges.

"Draco told you not to play with your wrappings, Harry." The young man jumped, and stared at the man, giving him an amused smirk.

"You scared me." Severus shrugged.

"I was a spy for many years, Harry. A good one." Harry accepted that, and remembered why he was looking for the man in the first place.

"Oh, uh..I finished with the sweeping and dusting. Is there anything else you wanted me to do?" Severus raised a brow at him.

"I think I should be the one to determine if you have finished or not." Harry seemed startled for a moment, before shaking his head.

"Uh, right, right. Sorry, Sir." As Snape started to walk, taking quick skimming glances about the rooms, he felt that Harry was going to be reverting back into his habit of apologizing for everything. It looked as though Harry had done a good job. Severus turned back to see the boy watching him anxiously as he inspected his work.

"Well done, Harry. I myself have finished my task, and was coming to check up on you. I don't want to pressure you into going, but would you like to accompany me to the market today?" Harry bit the inside of his lip and rubbed his hand over his bandages self-consciously, but he didn't want to make Snape think he was being lazy or just whiney.

"Um..sure, Sir. We can..we can do that, if you want." Snape had seen Harry's entire thought process without even having to delve into the boy's mind. He stepped closer to his ward.

"Harry, if you don't feel comfortable going we don't have to go." Harry opened his mouth to protest, then shut it again. It wouldn't do to lie to Severus. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Maybe…maybe, could we go tomorrow? I..uh, I'm kinda tired, and well, when we go I could maybe put a glamor on the," he gestured vaguely to his neck, "…this. Wouldn't want people thinking I slit my throat." Harry tried to chuckle though it came out as more of a heavy puff of air. Severus had to block the image that Harry had formed for him and focus on the fact that Harry was here.

"Yes, that is perfectly acceptable. A glamour will only settle on top of you and shouldn't cause any damage to your neck in its fragile state. You should probably rest some more. I have a feeling you have about seven years of sleep to catch up on." Harry cracked a genuine smile at Snape's little tease and didn't feel like it had been more of a slap than a friendly poke. They flooed back to the cottage, and Snape felt a strong sense of deja vu wash over him. He found himself gripping Harry's arm and looking into the boy's wide green eyes. Severus loosened his grip, but kept a hand on Harry.

"We will have an early supper this afternoon and a light snack before bed, since our schedule has been thrown off. I will see you at both, Mr. Potter. Correct?" Harry nodded, but didn't say anything. Severus felt a slight easing in his tense shoulders. He sighed and nodded.

"Good. Now, go get some rest. I will be in the library down the hall from you. Do not hesitate to ask me something or come get me if you need anything." Harry nodded again, and turned to go, but Severus pulled him back to say one more thing.

"Even if it's just to talk, alright, Harry?" Harry hesitated this time, before nodding. He's not sure why, but it might be because he never had much in the way of father figures in his life. There had been Remus, then Sirius, but…they hadn't been in his life for long, before they were ripped away from him. This was a first for Harry, feeling like he actually has the option to talk to someone, besides an owl, about what goes on in his head. Someone who would actually listen, and give him advice that he could trust. It was strange…and, yet, a bit welcome.

Harry went upstairs to his room and pulled over the chair to sit by his window. It was open to let Albus in and out as he pleased, but it seemed the owl decided to wait for his young companion. Harry smiled at the bird and ran his fingers over his head a few times. After a while, Harry's eyes began to droop, and he eyed the bed. He deliberately kept himself from looking at his wardrobe. He felt completely embarrassed by his behavior and felt the dull pain of old memories start to throb under his skin.

Eventually, spurned on by Albus's knowing hoots, the young wizard settled onto his bed. He didn't both getting under the covers, not wanting to mess them up in the middle of the day, after Snippy had made his bed for him since he forgot. He laid his glasses on the nightstand and stared up at the ceiling. His whole life had been turned upside down, because someone finally bothered to look. That…seemed pretty amazing to him. He had been given a second chance, but now though…now he had messed all of that up.

And as was usual for Harry, he fell asleep feeling that he had sullied one of the few good things he was allotted in his life.

CRACK! Harry jolted up, scrabbling for his wand and glasses. Now armed and able to see, he huffed a sigh when all he found was Snippy looking at him with wide glistening eyes.

"Did Snippy scare Master Harry again?! Snippy is so sorry!" Harry quickly reassured the distraught house elf.

"It's alright, Snippy. I startle easily, especially after the war." Snippy nodded, her cheery smile coming back. Harry was glad that Snape had broken her of the house elf habit of self-punishment. He wasn't sure he could deal with constantly trying to stop Snippy from hurting herself, on top of everything else.

"Master Snape wanted Snippy to tell Master Harry that early supper will be ready in close to an hour. Master Snape doesn't want you to sleep too long and ruin your night rest. He would like you to come to him in the library." When Harry nodded, Snippy bowed and left his room. Harry looked over to Albus and stroked his head.

"Think it's something bad?" Albus nuzzled Harry's hand, and the young man gave a small smile. After his episode last night, he hadn't felt much like smiling. He was embarrassed, and guilty and some more memories that he had always pushed aside were taunting him. When he had lived with the Dursleys, his cupboard had been his only safe place. Uncle Vernon couldn't follow him in their to beat him, Aunt Petunia never went near it except to bang on his door, and Dudley thought it was too dirty to go in and destroy his few precious possessions. Once he had been moved to Dudley's old bedroom, he had become fair game twenty-four seven. And birthdays…birthdays were the worst. Not that he could ever tell anyone why…he just knew they were.

Harry pushed those thoughts aside for now, and stood. He shrugged to his owl and walked out the door. Snape was reading when he walked in, shocker. Harry stood in the doorway, unsure what to do. Severus looked up and saw him standing there.

"Harry, come in. I just didn't want you to sleep until you cannot rest tonight." Harry nodded and took a seat next to his guardian. Snape turned to the small table next to him and picked up one of the books sitting on it.

"I noticed that you have been reading the Lord of the Rings books, but I would also like you to start reading something a bit more weighty." Harry took the proffered (not to mention) heavy) literature and read the title: Significant Advances in Brewing Between the 11th and 14th Centuries.

"There are six more volumes." Harry just let that sink in for a minute, before shaking his head and opening the cover. He didn't see Severus's little smirk.

It only took him twenty minutes before his mind started to wander. Snape noticed when Harry hadn't turned a page in ten minutes. The potion's master would be the first to admit that the reading was not easy or all that well written. There was still some good information in it though, and therefor many a brewer have been forced to sit and read the aged volumes. His ward was going to have to learn how to skim. They sat in silence for another forty minutes, before Snape decided to give him a break. He closed his own book, and stood. Harry slowly blinked up at him in expectation.

"I can't see you getting through any more of that, Mr. Potter. I suggest we go for a walk. Perhaps through the back woods." Harry immediately perked up and eagerly abandoned his reading, not even bothering to mark the page.

It was a warm day, not a cloud in the sky, but humidity was starting to creep in. Severus and Harry looked up at the sky at the same time and came to the same conclusion.

"Storms tonight, most likely." Harry observed the dry grass he stood on.

"Good. We need it." Snape grasped his left wrist in his right hand behind his back, and they walked forward. The trees provided good coverage, and the dry ground meant they didn't have to worry about sullying their shoes, not that there wasn't a simple spell they could use to fix that.

Normally, Severus would be perfectly content walking in silence, but now he felt the need to fill the empty air.

"Do you like the rain, Harry?" Harry shrugged.

"Not really. It always meant I had to do my chores inside, because Aunt Petunia wouldn't want me to trudge mud and water into her house. Then at Hogwarts it meant I couldn't go flying or hang out by the lake." Snape had always had mixed feelings about the rain. It could provide good cover, but he was also in danger of leaving footprints behind. That was only when he was spying, however. Whenever he wasn't, the rain was a comforting background to his reading or work. However, when he was younger, he saw the rain as Harry did. It kept him trapped inside, and that was never a good thing.

Severus wasn't much of a conversationalist, and searched for something to continue it. A random thought struck him then, and he couldn't shake it.

"Harry, do you have a tattoo?" It was a shot in the dark, but if he recalled correctly, Harry had mentioned having a tattoo to cover up his having a glamor. At the time, Severus had thought that it was simply a lie, but perhaps…Bingo. Harry froze. He stopped walking and stared at Snape for a moment, before he started back up again. The young wizard didn't speak for a few beats, but when he did, he didn't look at his guardian.

"Yeah." Severus was curious now. He smirked at the boy's uncomfortable silence.

"Well? Tell me what it is." Harry huffed a breath through his nose and looked to the ground then back up.

"I…Ron's brother Charlie was visiting the summer after fourth year and offered to give me an enchanted tattoo. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It's…it's a couple of falling lily petals. Here." Harry patted his right ribs. Severus furrowed his brow.

"Harry, I have seen that expanse of skin and distinctly remember there being no tattoos." Harry shook his head.

"You wouldn't see them. Charlie was able to spell them, so they only show up when I want them to. I figured the guys in the Quidditch locker room would get too much of a kick out of it. I didn't need them heckling me whenever I took my shirt off, since I didn't know how to glamor enchanted skin ink." Snape smiled.

"Well…that was better than what I was imagining." It was Harry's turn to be confused, though he grew a little wary when he saw Snape's smile.

"Why? What did you think it would be?" Severus controlled his smile and didn't let it so much as twitch.

"I imagined a little snitch racing about your ankle or perhaps a roaring lion on the top of your foot." Harry didn't stop the snort that came out of his mouth and felt a real smile fall onto his lips for the first time in a while. Severus didn't want to ruin the moment, but he felt a question bubble to the front of his mind, as Harry had obviously avoided the subject. He let them walk in quiet content for a few minutes, before he irritated the calm.

"Harry, how would your family have reacted if they had seen the tattoo?" Again, Harry didn't answer for a time. When he did, it was quiet and subdued. Matter of fact, and little inflection.

"Uncle Vernon would have beaten me, belt or fist, depending on how his day already was, for bringing devil magic into their house. Dudley would have been secretly jealous that I had gotten one, but would happily watch his dad beat me. Aunt Petunia would have been the worst, though." Harry got quiet again, and their pace had slowed considerably. When the boy didn't speak again for a while, Snape prompted him.

"Harry?" Harry didn't look at him, just kept walking.

"She would have thrown me in the bath and poured bleach on my skin. She also kept…steel wool in the bathroom for things like that." Snape read between the lines.

"She had used it before." Harry nodded.

"When we were younger, Dudley had gotten some markers for his birthday. He thought I made a good canvas, and drew all over me. Aunt Petunia was furious at me, because he had drawn on my face. She didn't use the bleach in my face, not wanting to have to take care of a blind child, but she did use the wool." Severus saw how Harry shuddered at the memory, and patted his shoulder.

"Thank you for telling me, Harry." He was a bit surprised when Harry stopped and looked right into his eyes.

"You're nothing like them, Sir. I'm sorry if I made you think that I thought of you like that. What happened the other night-" Snape laid both hands on Harry's shoulders, then and looked down at him.

"Was an understandable reaction given what you grew up with. Harry, you do not have to apologize for that. You understand that I will discipline you if the situation calls for it." Harry nodded. "But…we are both new at this. Myself at not being a terrifying dungeon bat, and you at being punished appropriately, by a responsible and caring authority." Harry let that sink in.

"Something you have to understand, Harry, is that discipline is meant to help you to both grow and be safe. Once you have completed a punishment, whatever it may be, you are automatically forgiven. I won't keep a list of every offense that you can never move past. But I also need you to understand that you can talk to me about your punishments. This isn't a promise that you can just talk your way out of something. Just, if you think that you are being wrongly punished, explain your thoughts to me, and we can work through it. Do you understand?" Harry felt a small smile grow on his face and nodded. Unable to take the heavy atmosphere for much longer, however, he tried to lighten the mood.

"I always knew that you weren't a completely evil dungeon bat." Snape flicked his ear.

"Cheeky brat." He looked around and was surprised once more to find that they had traveled quiet a ways. "We should turn back. Snippy will not be happy if we are late for supper." They started to walk back towards the house, and Severus heard quiet words come from his left.

"Thank you, Sir." And Snape felt perfectly content the entire walk back.

It appears that they are back on shaky ground together. Not everything is forgotten, but forgiven. Maybe flashbacks will happen and Snape's name will slip out...? HMMM?

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