Hey guys, I'm super sorry that this took me this long. Turns out that I'm really bad at writing suicide notes. This chapter is just going to be the suicide note so it might be a little short. The next chapter will hopefully be up soon if I can find the time to write it.
By the time anyone reads this, I'll be dead. Wow, doesn't that sound melodramatic? Well, no one ever said that writing was my strong suit. I never was really good at expressing myself, was I? I mean, if I was I probably wouldn't be dead. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is no one's fault but my own. No one pushed me to anything. It was my own decision. I was just so... different. Everyone around me seemed so happy, like they didn't have a care in the world. I never felt like that. I was always worrying about something, like what to wear tomorrow, did I study enough for my science test, will we win the big game, does everyone remember that one time I broke my arm on the playground in third grade? Stupid stuff. Stuff that never mattered to anyone but me. It even started to screw up how I slept. I was so worried that I couldn't shut my brain up at night. I would just lay there, staring at my ceiling with a million thoughts running rampant through my head. And I just felt... flat all the time. All of my friends would get so excited for things like parties of football games, but I never could. It was like they were living and I was just... existing. It sucked. And it made me feel even more out of place. I'd be at parties and everyone would be happy and excited and they could talk to people. I was just there. I sat in the corner and worried about what people would think about me. Any time anyone would come up to me, I would panic on the inside. I didn't know what to do so I just copied what everyone else did. Everyone always called me a leader, but in reality I was just following their lead. I'm really sorry if you had to clean up after me. I've tried before, in less messy ways, but nothing ever worked right. I would always chicken out, or the rope would break, whatever. It never went right. This seemed like my last option. I never wanted this to be messy. Mom, Dad, Natalie, if you're reading this, I love you so much. I'm so sorry, sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I did this, that I couldn't be who you thought I was, who you wanted me to be. I love you so much. I want you to know that. I'm sorry.
Gabe
Sorry that that was so short. I'm still not very happy with this chapter, but if I don't post it, it will sit on my computer for the rest of eternity. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Until next time!