One image that Alec would never have imagined ever seeing would be Ellie in his house with Fred lying on her lap as she took a nap on his couch. She had spent the whole Saturday afternoonhelping him and Daisy move in the swing set and furniture for the backyard that had arrived. Although most of the time it was just Ellie bickering with him on his decision to place the things, he appreciated that she managed to finish helping him at all.
He let them have a few more hours to themselves and went up to the study to help Daisy with her homework.
"Which one?"
"Math."
"Aich. I hate Math."
"I know. But you're good at it."
Sunday came and Hardy had to drive Daisy back with Ellie and Fred in tow when the wee boy wouldn't stop crying as Daisy bid farewell.
"You want to come along?"
"You don't mind?"
"Well, if it's going to shut wee Fred up, I can't do much, can I?"
For once, Daisy managed not to sleep within the first hour of the drive, having to tend to Fred until he fell asleep at the back with his head on her lap, lying across the seats.
"Sorry 'bout Fred, Daisy." Ellie turned to the teenager.
"It's okay," Daisy yawned, "It's alright." And she dozed off straight after.
Tess obviously wasn't happy that Ellie had tagged along. However, Alec knows that she is in no position to make a mark about his friend. She invited them for dinner though - Tess and Hardy sat at opposite ends, Daisy beside nearer to her mother, Ellie beside her grumpy friend with Fred on her laps.
"So, you two are together again now?" Tess tried to get them engaged in a conversation over the too awkwardly silent dinner.
"Well..." Ellie responded.
"Aye." Alec finished her sentence.
One word is all he needed. And he wasn't surprised that Tess decided not to touch on the issue again. He knows she knew him too well that he had known where she was heading with it.
"How's Gracestone for you, then?" She changed the topic altogether.
"It's alright for me, so far." Alec fed himself with the spaghetti.
And then all three members of the former Hardy family turned to Ellie, waiting for her response, and she looked up after her struggle to keep Fred still to feed him, "Oh me?" Ellie put down her fork and pulled Fred's legs onto her lap, "It's brilliant. I think. Nice people. Bit like Broadchurch, I'd say. But slightly bigger with stronger winds. And castle ruins too."
Alec noticed the little scrunch she made with her nose as she spoke, and if he weren't sitting directly before Tess, he would have smiled, knowing that she spoke of the place with pure sincerity. Other than the fact that she's trying not to make the situation awkward with the ex-wife - he knows that as well. He set his cutleries down, holding his hands out to the little boy, "You have your meal first. I'll take care of the boy."
Ellie sat stunned. Didn't move a bit, holding on tighter to her son. Daisy, although surprised but slightly amused, continued eating, pretending that it didn't happen. Tess on the other hand, was dumbfounded with her mouth slightly wide open to surprise instead of being fed.
Alec sighed and removed the boy from her, "You have your meal first. I'll take care of him."
When Daisy was younger, he would always be told to take her away and carry her off to somewhere so that she could have the meal first. Initially, Alec wasn't aware of doing what he did with Ellie and Fred. But when he realised what he'd said and done, he decided to get on with it - without even considering of what the ladies at the table might think of him.
In their relationship, Alec had always been the one taking care of Daisy in her early years. He's the one to wake up in the middle of the night to give her fix. He's the one who wakes up at night to rock her in his arms when she cries of a nightmare. But she grew up being attached to her mum, sitting on her lap as Tess will fix her hair at the breakfast table, talking about the plans she had made for the day. Eventually, he drifted away from his beloved daughter and interactions between them reduced drastically. Tess might have had her in custody when they were finally separated but it didn't mean that he didn't care for Daisy altogether.
And now that Daisy is back in his life, he was at a lost on how to parent a teenage child at all. But by the time Fred is already in his arms, his chubby and cheerful face smiling back at Alec, the latter realised that maybe he hadn't lost his skills at child-minding. Or maybe it was just an old habit.
"Thanks," Ellie mumbled.
But Alec was already pacing about the dining room with Fred on his hip.
Ellie picked up her cutleries again, "So, how's your weekend?"
Alec turned, surprised to hear Ellie engaging Tess in a conversation. However, he knows Ellie being Ellie; she wouldn't shut up, anyway.
"It's kind of nice, actually. I went to get myself a few DVDs to rent and spent the whole day yesterday just rotting on the couch." His former wife responded politely.
"Hardy, why won't you just sit down?" Ellie called him out, "Fred just wants someone to attend to him. You don't actually have to walk about."
And he obeyed, getting back at his seat, adjusting Fred on his laps only to be surprised with Ellie poking at his spaghetti, and then holding the fork out to him, "What are you doing, Miller?"
She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Well, I'm not letting your food go cold and that you'll starve yourself afterwards. If you're going to drive my son and I home, you better get your fix."
Alec's eyebrow furrowed. He noticed the little smile forming on Daisy's face as she bit at her fork. And Tess, too, for that matter.
"You barking at me are already enough. I don't want your stomach growling the whole two hour drive back as well," Ellie's hand started to lower itself, "Now do you want this or not?"
Fred is already slapping his hands in the air, trying to reach the spaghetti but Alec had his hand to his tiny torso, refraining him. Alec knew he couldn't get out of Ellie's insistence. Also, she was right - he indeed was starving. Quietly, he gave in and leaned forward. Ellie caught the indication and she raised her hand up as he opened her mouth for her to feed.
Alec noticed Daisy's face was going red and he knew it was from her trying to stifle her laughter. But he felt his own getting hot, his ears almost bursting as he felt blood flooding the veins in his head. He tried to cover it up and got them into another topic, "Might as well feed Fred too. I don't want him to grump about in my car while I drive."
"How's work?" Ellie ignored him, directing the question to Tess.
"It's okay, I guess. Though snatchers are on the rise, here." Tess happily answered the question. And the two slipped into an easy conversation, dragging Daisy in on her plans for the summer break. Alec would have wanted to listen to it all but he was too distracted with Fred who was trying to pry open his mouth with his single tiny hand until Ellie offered him some.
Daisy stood up, carrying her plate along with her, done with her dinner. But she came back soon after with a smaller bowl of spaghetti with another set of cutleries before settling it down beside her dad and removed Fred away from the laps of her father and onto her own.
"Thanks, darlin'." Alec managed as he chewed on his food, taking his cutleries back into his hands, shifting his gaze away from Ellie as quickly as possible, subtly moving his chair a bit further than hers.
He noticed her rolling her eyes at him before going back to her own meal.
And for the rest of the meal, everyone was silent.
Except maybe for Fred's baby talk.
Alec had his last moments of the week with his daughter in the living room as he took care of Fred. Ellie helped Tess with the dishes in the kitchen. Soon after that, they were back in the car and were on their return journey to Gracestone again.
Ellie was surprisingly quiet throughout and Alec didn't know what to make of it, glad or worried. But he didn't say a single thing. For once, they had a journey with no one talking.
And also because Fred was fast asleep.
With Leonard Cohen playing on the radio.
Alec tried to say goodnight when they reached but he already slammed his car door behind her with Fred asleep in her arms and stormed for her house.
He is seriously no good at figuring out what he did wrong.
Waking up the next day was such a trouble. Alec had to practically roll himself out of bed. He didn't sleep well that night - not as if that he had been. However, last night brought it up a notch. He had spent the night rolling, tossing and turning in bed infuriated, wondering what he did to deserve such a cold treatment.
He stood at the balcony as he did every morning as he put his suit jacket on but Ellie didn't even look up to greet him. She settled her sons in the car and just drove off.
Without even greetings to her neighbours.
Work was another issue.
She came in sprightly, greeting the bullpen. But as soon as she caught his gaze, she dismissed it entirely and went straight into her office.
His hands curled into a fist so hard it broke his pencil.
The bullpen must have noticed the tension between the two because he realised how no one came up to either of them to chat up.
Alec waited for her so that they could go lunch together. When she finally got out of her office, she walked right past him and headed for the stairwell. He followed her silently behind, panting halfway trying to catch up with her space. When she reached the carpark, he had had enough.
Alec took two long strides and the next moment he was in front of her, his hand gripping on to her wrist, preventing her from going any further, "Look, if I have done something wrong, say it right into my face."
He saw her face changed - from fury to a mocking laugh.
"You really don't know?"
He loosened his grip on her, realising how she was wriggling her wrist free, "I don't and I won't if you won't say anything."
But she walked out on him, heading for her car. He stormed up on her but Ellie ignored his presence altogether as she unlocked her car. Before she could even place her hand on the door, Alec already ran up in front of her and placed a hand to her shoulder, pushing her back gently, "Miller!"
Ellie stood still, crossed her arms and tilted her head up to look at him, "What?"
"What did I do?" Alec was angry - furious, in fact - but he dare not stoke the fury already burning in Ellie. And so, he approached unlike the person he thought he could ever be - gently. His hand had dropped from her shoulder to cupping her elbow and sighed, hanging his head before tilting it up a little to meet her gaze. He waited for her response in the silence of the carpark but he could hear his heart beating hard in his ears, knowing it was filled with anger, curiosity and disappointment all at once.
She replied flatly and softly, almost like a whisper while her cold eyes were still locked on his, "What do you think I am?"
"My -,"
"No. Don't answer that, you knob. That was rhetorical. I'm not done," She removed his hand, "You come walking into my life again, you make amends with me, we became friends. So called."
"We are friends, Miller."
"SHUT UP." Her bark was more terrifying than he had ever thought it would be that it sent him a step back and had to lean on her car, "I SAID, I AM NOT DONE."
He hung his head.
"And then you bring me to meet your ex-wife. You used me to show off to her that you are better off now without her! Trying to show off with the 'oh Daisy prefers to spend her weekend with me now because she actually knows what you had done. Also, I am still capable of taking care of children. I am now going to pick Fred up and take care of him to show you I can.'" She flailed her hands about and poked his chest, "You want to get back on her for what she had done, you can. But you used me and you used Fred. I cannot deal with that. Do you know how low I felt?"
He observed her eyes. It wasn't tearing up, that's for sure and he was glad it wasn't and he hoped it will not, "I didn't know."
"BECAUSE YOU DIDNT CARE!" Her poke could have stabbed through his heart, if she went any harder, "You never did! You kept me by your side because you needed someone! I was just a company! You never cared!"
And when she was done, she folded her arms again, panting, her face red.
Alec had a list of explanations that he could have countered with but her accusation of him never caring about him had strangled him from being able to say anything more. He knew he had to apologise, of course, because he never considered what she might have felt but he did the opposite instead, "Then why did you decided to feed me in front of Tess?"
"Oh, shut up."
"No. Why?" He stood up straight, closed the distance between them and towered over her, "Why did you do that? To show off to her that you are better than her? That you care about me and she doesn't?"
She began poking at him again, "I did that because I cared for you! I know for one thing that you didn't want to stay for dinner at all but you did anyway. What was I supposed to do? Let you eat cold food just so that you can prove yourself to her?"
Poke.
"I don't have to show off that I care about you because I do!"
Poke.
"But what about you? So much for really caring for me. So much for being friends! Do you really care for me even, Hardy?"
With her last question, she shoved him back with both her hands. But he had had enough. Alec caught one of her wrists mid-air, gripping on it so tightly that he thought he could crush her bones.
Before he could say anything, a voice interrupted both of them, "What's going on?"
"Piss off," Both of them yelled back in unison without removing their angry gazes off each other.
"Everything alright, Ma'am?"
Alec turned and saw Petrie with a few others behind her and if they had had guns, he was pretty sure they would have pulled it out and pointed it at him and took Ellie away to settle the situation.
"I said piss off, Petrie." Ellie barked at them, "Everyone. GO."
One by one, they walked off slowly; looking back over their shoulders to make sure the situation was under control. Alec released his grip of her hand and towered over her again, "I am a lot of things, Miller. But I don't need to prove myself in front of my ex-wife. I know myself enough and I don't have to prove myself to anyone."
"Huh," she scoffed.
"I am ignorant, Miller. But that doesn't mean I don't care."
"Well, remind yourself again." Ellie crossed her arms.
"I CARE FOR YOU, ELLIE!" He declared it into her face, "I have always cared for you! I stood by you in Broadchurch because I don't want to see you alone! All those days I spent away from everyone, I thought of you! Of Tom! And Fred! I don't need to remind myself because I think about you almost every bloody day! And I worry every day, you know why? Because I fucking cared about you!"
With that, they stood again in the empty carpark in silence. Other than Alec's heavy breathing, the air was still.
No cars coming in.
No cars going out.
Nobody walking by.
Just the two of them - one with his eyes pleading her to believe him, the other with her eyes pleading not to break the dam that was rapidly building up.
When a single tear rolled down from her left eye and onto her already very red cheek, Ellie furiously wiped it away an crossed her arms again, "You bastard."
Alec cupped both of her elbows, "I didn't worry as much as I do now, knowing you're better off now that Beth and you are in good terms again. I never meant to find you again but I did. And I saw how you struggled alone. I am here now and I won't let you be alone. I know how it feels like."
This time round, her tears were out of control. They were just flowing freely and Alec was at a lost on what to do. He slowly and shakily brought her closer to himself and wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head underneath his chin. It was an uncomfortable position for him because Ellie's crossed arms were pushed against his abdomen but he let her be, letting her take her time to recover as he felt her move under him, her ear pressed against his chest, "Your heart is beating hard."
Alec brought up a hand and stroked her hair, "It does that sometimes."
She removed herself from his embrace and stared at his clothed chest before placing a hand against his chest, "Do you have an extra shirt?"
He looked down to understand what she was talking about. When he saw the stains of her foundation on his shirt, he caught on, "Ah, fuck."
But nobody seemed to say anything when they walked back into the bullpen with her hand in his.
Maybe they won't say anything about his shirt either.