You Can Live: Chapter 30
I worked long and hard on this chapter! I hope you enjoy it! Hopefully, ideas will start to flow a bit more now that I have gotten over this hump.
Disclaimer: you know
Warnings: N/a
I Will Trust You
Harry couldn't stop smiling. He was flying again, and with Snape! He never dared to hope they would do something like this…something so…Harry would never tell Severus. He would say he was afraid to offend the man, though anyone who knew Harry would know the young wizard would be scared of rejection. Either way, Harry couldn't help but feel this was something a boy did with his father, and it lit a spark in him that nothing could tamper.
They zoomed past the house and over the trees a few times, the lead changing every few minutes or so. Harry saw that Severus was smiling almost as wide as he was, and he couldn't help the joyful whoop that leapt out of him. The air whipping past reddened his cheeks, and the faster he pushed the more tears fell from his eyes. Harry looked back at Severus, smiling, then over towards Albus, who had taken to simply circling the area instead of trying to keep up with them.
Then he looked down. Down to the trees and the shadows between them. It was only there for a split second, but it made Harry's heart clench in fear. The shadowy figure that he had seen in the corner of his bedroom was below him, hovering in the forest around their house. Harry had unknowingly slowed down considerably, and was so lost in his terror that he didn't see or hear Snape when he flew up beside him.
"Harry! Watch where you are flying. I'd rather not have you going straight into the ground." His ward did not reply, and Snape could see just how pale the boy had gotten. "Harry, I believe we should stop for the day." Perhaps Severus hadn't realized just how long they had been out there. Perhaps Harry wasn't ready for so much exercise after the week he had had. He had had a concussion and several minor injuries and emotional overhauls after all, and magic can't heal everything.
Thankfully, Harry seemed to have heard him, for he glanced over and nodded tightly, before turning back and landing in the yard.
Severus landed next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, to find it trembling.
"Harry, are you alright? Heaven forbid I sound like Mrs. Weasley, but I think you should lie down. I'll get you some tea." It scared him to see how his ward simply nodded silently and allowed himself to be led back inside without a word. Albus followed them in and hooted from the window sill.
The young wizard was stuck in his own head at that moment. He kept replaying what he had seen over and over again, trying to make sense of it all without sounding crazy. Who am I kidding? I am already crazy. For a few moments, he thought it was Menos, but then shrugged that off. He said I wouldn't see him or hear from him until my birthday. Harry almost rolled his eyes at himself. Like villains are so trustworthy. 'Round and 'round these thoughts went in his head, shutting him off from the world around him, and distressing his guardian even further.
Severus used his time brewing tea in the kitchen to run over in his own head what possibly could have made the boy behave as he was. At first glance, he would say that Harry was feeling ill, however, now it appeared to be more of an emotional distress. But whatever could have caused it. Just moments before, both of them had been exceedingly happy. Snape would even say he had never seen Harry smile so big.
He saw something out of the corner of his eye, and turned to see Snippy looking up at him with wide, concerned eyes.
"Is Master Harry okay? Snippy asked Master Harry, but Master Harry would not answer." Severus was greatly concerned by this news.
"He will be fine, Snippy. Mr. Potter is just not feeling very well, at the moment. Would you finish brewing him some tea, while I go and check on him?" Snippy nodded eagerly, and set to finish what Snape had started, while the potions master himself left for the living room.
Harry was in the exact same spot that he had left him, sitting up on the couch and staring at the floor. Severus called his name, but the boy did not answer. When he got closer, he found that Harry's hands were clenched into tight fists, the knuckles white and shaking. For fear that the boy would tear through his palms with his ragged finger nails, Severus sat next to him and laid a hand over Harry's own.
That simple touch seemed to completely shake Harry out of whatever trance he had been in. The color started to come back to his cheeks, and he relaxed his hands. He blinked a few times and looked a bit surprised at seeing Severus sitting next to him.
"Sir? Is everything alright?" Severus could not help the bark of laughter that followed Harry's question, relief flooding through him. He calmed himself upon seeing how confused Harry looked.
"Of course you would ask me. I have been asking you for the last few minutes, Snippy as well." Harry's eyebrows went up.
"Oh…um…I'm very sorry, Sir. I'm not too sure what came over me." He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grimacing at his lie to his guardian. Harry just couldn't tell Severus that he was starting to go crazy. That would open up the whole can of worms labeled 'Menos', and that was not going to happen. Harry refused to drag Severus into that mess of his. He would deal with it on his own.
He could see that Severus was a bit skeptical, and he tried to come up with a more reasonable answer. However, he was saved by Snippy coming in with tea and biscuits for the both of them. The house-elf smiled brightly upon seeing Harry aware and responding again.
"Snippy is glad to see that Master Harry is awake awake again. Snippy did not like seeing Master Harry so quiet and sad." Harry gave her a crooked smile and thanked her.
Snippy left them to it, and both men sipped silently at their tea for a few minutes. There was an odd tension in the room, that neither of them wanted, but neither could they make it dissipate without words. Snape finished his tea first, forcing him to be the one to break the silence.
"I do wish to have you rest, Mr. Potter. However, I wish you would not lie to me." Harry tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible, but with his frayed nerves and exhaustion, it was not to be. Snape easily caught the slight pulling in of the boy's cheek indicating that he was biting it. He reached out and took the cup from the young man's now trembling hands. Harry's eyes kept flitting between Severus's face and the floor and his now clenched fists.
"Sir, I- I don't.." Severus raised a hand to cut him off and an eyebrow in incredulity.
"You would not be trying to lie to me again, would you?" Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could feel a fear rising, but it was slowly morphing into an unexpected anger. Can't you see that I am lying for you? Just let me protect you! The young wizard ignored the devil in the back of his head whispering that he was only protecting himself. With difficulty, Harry pushed the anger down. He did not like feeling anger, as it reminded him too much of when the Dark Lord was in his head and everything set him off. So many bad things had happened because he could not control his anger.
Severus watched as his ward struggled. It was disconcerting seeing all of the dark emotions that crossed over his face. However, he also saw a determination. A settled thing in Harry's eyes that he would see in Lily's when she clung to what she thought was right. Before the boy could open his mouth, Severus spoke.
"Harry, I am mostly upset, that you feel the need to keep something from me. It tells me that you do not trust me with something you are obviously struggling with. I will however, extend some trust to you. I will trust that you are lying to me for a good reason." Harry's head shot up, and the amount of surprise and relief that washed over him made his jaw drop. Everyone in his life had always punished him for lying. They could never see beyond their own perception that Harry was doing it to hurt them. Harry never wanted to hurt anyone.
"Th-thank you, Sir." The young man was embarrassed to find tears welling in his eyes, but it didn't stop him from leaning over and wrapping himself around his guardian and burying his face in the man's chest. Snape was taken off guard, for certain, however, he was quick to return the embrace and hold the boy close. He let the boy quietly cry into his shirt and rubbed a hand up and down his back soothingly. After a few moments he spoke into Harry's dark hair.
"Please know that you can trust me, Harry. My years as your teacher speak to the contrary, but I do….care for you. I do not like to see you struggling and hurting, knowing I can help, but knowing that you do not want me to." Harry was quiet even after the man had said his peace. Eventually, he pulled away, but stayed close to Snape's side on the couch.
"I do trust you, Sir. I just…I do have a good reason. I promise." Severus nodded and patted the young man's shoulder.
"Very well. Now, I do still want you to rest, so-" He was interrupted by the floo coming to life and a very irate Draco Malfoy coming through. Both residents were taken aback, while their unexpected guest began to pace violently around the living room.
"A trial! Merlin's beard! This is outrageous! There are bigger fools in the Ministry than I ever believed!" Severus stood, but made Harry stay seated.
"Draco, how do you know about the trial? And you know it's not a good idea for you to keep popping in here with the Ministry watching." Draco waved a hand to dismiss the concern, still scowling at anything and everything.
"I made sure Jeremy wasn't around, before coming over. Severus the Ministry is calling upon me to testify! No doubt against you!" Harry somehow got paler, and Severus knelt in front of him.
"Harry, lie down. Everything's fine. Deep breaths." He heard Draco curse behind him, no doubt at himself for scaring Harry, and wandlessly summoned a dreamless sleep potion. He did not like the idea of forcing Harry to sleep, but the boy really needed it with the way things had been only moments ago, and now this. "Drink this." Harry seemed reluctant at first. "I will tell you what we determine when you wake up. Don't worry. Now drink." Harry relented and was soon dead to the world. Only then did Severus turn back to his godson, and was pleased to find the young man had calmed himself considerably. He even looked contrite.
"I'm sorry, Severus. I wasn't thinking." Severus arched his brow.
"Obviously. Now, explain yourself. We already know about the trial." Draco sat and held his head in his hands.
"The Ministry of Magic has called upon me to testify at your trial. I was told in no uncertain terms that I must comply and if I didn't then I would be held in contempt and the ruling of my trial after the war would be reexamined." Snape scowled. Though they were trying to use his own godson against him, it only showed how little they had to go on. Draco's head suddenly popped up. "Harry's not going to the trial, is he?" Severus adamantly shook his head.
"Absolutely not. He argued with me at first, but I was able to convince him that it would do more harm than good, for both of us. However, I was going to ask you to stay with him, because I don't want to leave him alone that day. I fear he would do something stupid." Despite the situation, Draco could not help but laugh at that.
"Harry? Never." He was glad for the same reasons that Severus stated that Harry would not be attending the trial. His friend would only be hurt. "Well, why not Granger or Weasley?" Severus shook his head.
"They are caught up in wedding arrangements, and if they were told of the trial, then the whole Weasley clan would know. I did not wish Harry to be overwhelmed by concerned family members, on top of his own roller coaster emotions. I also do not trust that they would make things worse, as I know that not all of them are pleased with my guardianship of Harry." Draco nodded in understanding, then smiled when a thought popped into his head.
"You know what? I think I know exactly who we can ask." Severus looked to him, eagerly, out of ideas, himself.
"And who would that be?" Draco's smile turned into an amused smirk.
"Luna Lovegood."
I really do like Luna, and I thought it would be strange if Draco wasn't at the trial.
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