You Can Live: Chapter 31
I can't believe it! I'm finally posting! So much has been going on, and by the time I got to me time...I just stared at my screen like...'Nope'.
I've missed you guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: you know
Warnings: I have to say that the first part of this chapter is pretty scary. Freaked me out. Well, more like made my skin crawl. Once again: implies some not nice things, like R-rated things. Also the end, Harry almost gets back to his bad habits. In case this triggers for anyone!
Reality
Harry opened his eyes and found himself lying on the floor in a dim room. He sat straight up, heart leaping into his throat. The last thing he remembered was Severus giving him a potion to help him fall asleep. How did he end up here then? Harry scrambled to his feet and felt for his wand.
It wasn't there.
The room was small, bare except for a closet and dirty mattress. There wasn't even a window. A single light bulb hanging from the ceiling was all he had to see by. Harry squinted, looking for a way out, and spotted a door. He hurried over to it, and pounded frantically on it once he found it to be locked. Panic was rising in his chest, and he couldn't get his heart to calm down. He hadn't felt this scared since…since that dark hole in his head.
"Just what are you doing?" The young man spun around and found Menos smirking at him. The wizard had his arms crossed over his chest and looked so condescending. Like Harry was just a small child throwing a tantrum. Harry stepped towards him, courage flaring.
"Where am I? What have you done to Severus?" Menos chuckled and looked at him with a pitying smile.
"Oh you poor boy. Don't you understand? This isn't real." It was like a shaft of ice was shoved into Harry's chest. His breath caught, and his heart that had been racing was now skipping and coming to a halt.
"What?" Menos sighed and walked up to the boy. Scared and completely unsure now, Harry backed up until he was blocked by the wall.
"Harry, Severus gave you Dreamless Sleep. Yet you are dreaming. You are still on his couch. It's your mind, Dear. I can't tell you what is happening." Harry was shaking his head. No. If…then…Harry's eyes were clenched shut, and he jumped when Menos laid a hand on the side of his neck. "Why don't you talk to me, Harry? You've imagined me. There must be a reason." Harry tried to get away from Menos's touch, but the wizard slammed his other hand onto the wall on the other side of Harry's head, effectively caging him in.
"Yes. Harry. This is all in your head. So answer me. Why. Am. I. Here? Unless…" The hand on his neck, snaked it way up into his hair. The caress was gentle at first. The only sound in the room was Harry's harsh breathing. He couldn't move, his back stuck to the wall behind him. That one touch alone struck a cord in him, and Harry felt the sudden urge to just break down crying. A surge of anger and fear came over him, as despite all of it, he still didn't know why!
Without warning, Menos tightened his grip on Harry's hair and yanked his head back, hard. Harry's fingers scrabbled at Menos's chest, the awkward angle of his neck, baring it to the man's gaze. The man pulled his head forward and hissed into his ear.
"Have you still not figured it out, Harry? How could you not? All of the answers are right here." The hand from the wall skimmed down his chest, and Harry felt fingers starting to slip under his shirt. He clenched his eyes shut tight and screamed.
"No!" With a burst of strength, he shoved Menos away from him, getting a few hairs in his head pulled out for his trouble, though he didn't care about that. "Don't you touch me!" Menos smirked and a mad gleam lit his eyes. The psycho was enjoying this.
"What's wrong, Dear? Too scared to embrace reality? You know what they say about people who can't control their own minds, Sweetheart. Are you sure you're alright up there in your head?" Harry had had enough. If this was his all in his mind, then he could control what happened, certainly?
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a light coming from underneath the door in the closet. Knowing what to do, he didn't hesitate. He ran for the closet, and ripped the door open. Harry slammed the door shut behind him, blinded by the bright light….and woke up.
Severus was surprised by Draco's suggestion, but was actually quite pleased with the idea. The young woman was a bit…odd, but he sensed a deep wisdom in her as well. He knew immediately that they would be able to trust her with something like this.
He and Draco talked a bit more, about the upcoming trial, Strant and Harry. Draco smiled whenever he saw his godfather glance over at Harry every few minutes. The man had really grown attached to his friend, and Draco was happy for both of them. They needed each other.
"The trial is in a few days; I assume you know how to contact Miss Lovegood?" Snape said this, while watching his ward sleep. Knowing he was in safe company, he gave into the urge to run his fingers through Harry's hair. It was nice to see the boy sleeping soundly. The potion was enough to let him rest for only an hour or two, so he would still be able to sleep that night.
Severus did not comment on the looks Draco was giving him. Yes, he cared for the boy, and if Draco recalled, Severus had done something similar when Draco was young as well. His godson never received much in the way of physical affection during his years growing up, and the few times Severus had been called upon to watch over him, the potion's master made certain to at least introduce him to the concept. The boy had leaned into his touch while asleep, much like young Mr. Potter did. Severus sighed. At least Draco knew he was loved, at least by his mother to the extent that she could show it; and though he didn't really understand at the time, he could tell that Snape cared for him as well. Lucius had a lot to answer for in the way of being a real father, Snape thought often and bitterly.
However, young Harry had never had the knowledge that he was loved as a child, and even as a young man. The first time anyone had probably ever been nice to him was Hagrid, however, even at Hogwarts he only knew the affection between friends. He only caught glimpses of what family was like the few times he was able to spend time with the Weasleys. Snape could only imagine how overwhelming it must have been for a young boy such as Harry to encounter such a motherly figure as Mrs. Weasley after years with that despicable woman Petunia Dursley.
"Severus?" The older wizard looked up, shaken from his thoughts, and raised a brow at his godson. Draco only smirked.
"I said, that I can get in touch with Luna. I'll leave you and Harry be then, yeah? I'm sorry again for barging in like I did." Severus nodded his acknowledgement and stood, squeezing Draco's shoulder in a burst of affection.
"You are forgiven, Draco. We both understand, well I do, why you reacted the way you did. And you know our resident Gryffindor forgave you the moment you apologized. I will talk to you soon. Be safe." And with that, Draco was gone. Severus's shoulders fell as soon as he did, and he nearly collapsed onto the couch beside his sleeping charge.
With a heavy sigh, Snape pulled himself back together. He had been terrified when Draco had burst into the room and feared the worst. All in all, things were not as bad as they had first appeared. Severus turned and looked down at Harry. The young man's chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and any sign of worry or turmoil was gone from his face. Severus reached out a hand and ran his fingers through the boy's hair. Harry subconsciously leaned into the touch, and Snape didn't contain his fond smile.
Somehow, the boy starved for affection and the man many believed didn't have a heart, were the key to each other's happiness.
Snape glanced at the clock. Harry would not wake for another few-
"Ah!" The potion's master was nearly knocked off of the couch as Harry flew awake. The poor boy was shaking all over and breathing hard. Severus wrapped his arms around Harry as soon as he saw tears start to form in his eyes.
To say he was surprised, would be an understatement. Harry should not be awake, and he definitely shouldn't be acting as though he had just woken from a nightmare. Instead of sleeping peacefully, the boy was clinging to him like an octopus and shaking violently. When Severus raised a hand to run through Harry's hair, his fingers brushed against the boy's shoulder and neck. His ward flinched violently, and Snape's heart dropped.
"H-Harry," Severus took a deep breath to calm down and tried again. "Harry, I will not ask if you are alright. Just…what can I do?" Severus had never felt so helpless. Whatever was going on with Harry….he was very scared.
The young wizard didn't answer for a while, just gulped down air like a dying man. It wasn't until he finally started to clam down that he opened his mouth to speak.
"Just…stay. Please." Severus nodded, even though Harry wasn't looking at him.
"Alright, Harry. Alright." So, they stayed there, together, curled around each other. It came to a point when Severus began to wonder if he was clinging so tightly to Harry for the boy's sake or his own.
His mind was running on full cylinders, trying to come up with some explanation. He finally admitted defeat and made a note to himself to consult his library, and Poppy, if need be.
Harry clung tightly to his guardian, eyes clenched shut in an attempt to block out the images that assaulted his mind. He could still feel Menos's hands on his skin and tried to burrow deeper into the embrace. The things the man implied made the boy's skin crawl, and Harry just…he couldn't think of them. They couldn't be true. He always had a hard time accepting the reality of certain situations and this was one of them. The only thing his mind would cling to, was that he couldn't tell Severus. If he knew, he would think Harry was crazy or disgusting. A Freak.
Harry shuddered and suddenly couldn't stand having Severus touch him. He was filthy and needed to go take a shower or use Scourgify on himself. Surely that would help.
When he pulled away, Severus released him easily, though Harry could see the confusion in his guardian's eyes. Harry suppressed another shudder as best he could and fought the urge to just start scratching away at his skin. With a crooked smile, Harry stood.
"I'm going to go..write to Ron and Hermione. Just to…clear my head and stuff." He turned, a wince on his face, before he was even out of the room. Like that wasn't the most obvious lie ever, and to a Slytherin no less. He ignored every voice in his head screaming for him to turn around and apologize to Severus, to explain.
Harry forced himself not to run and to slowly close the door to his bedroom. Once it was shut, he leaned back against it and sighed in relief. However, his back was quickly pulled off the wall, his mind returning to his…dream? Harry shook his head and tugged his hair through his fingers. Albus was watching him from his perch by the window and hooted softly in question.
Harry walked over to his familiar and started to stroke his feathers.
"I don't know what to do, Albus," Harry whispered. Everything was crowding in on him, and he wasn't sure if he really was going to be able to handle it. Something caught his eye, then, something reflecting off of his nightstand.
The young wizard turned and lost his breath for a moment. A straight razor was just sitting there. Harry swallowed, and racked his brain for how the blade could have gotten there. He knew he didn't put it there. He had given all of that up. Severus had helped him do that.
So why was there a razor on his nightstand. Before he registered it, his feet had carried him over and the blade was gripped tightly in his hand.
His eyes skimmed the sharp edge and he felt the knot in his chest unwinding. Like he was watching someone else doing it, Harry's hands moved until the edge of the blade was resting against the fragile skin of his wrist.
Albus hooted and made a fuss, shaking Harry out of his daze. His hands started trembling and he threw the blade inside the nightstand drawer and backed away quickly. A hand went to his mouth, and he ran to the bathroom. His knees crashed to the ground in front of the toilet, and he started retching.
Meanwhile, Severus was downstairs on the couch, confused and hurt as to why his ward would lie to him. He had thought they agreed no more lying. Severus guessed that that obviously hadn't meant as much to Harry as it had to him. A bit of his old bitterness reared its ugly head, before he was able to fully extinguish his anger. To say he felt betrayed, well perhaps that word is a bit strong, but he certainly was not pleased with what had just occurred.
"Master Snape?" Snippy was standing in the middle of the room, a letter hanging from her hands. Severus took a deep breath and pushed his anger aside so as not to take it out on his house elf.
"Yes, Snippy?" Snippy looked concerned, but didn't ask. Instead, she held out the letter, and looked towards the stairs where Harry had quickly escaped earlier. In a fit of spite, that Severus knew he would feel guilty over later, he didn't acknowledge the house elf's concern and looked at the envelope in his hands. The script was vaguely familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place the gentle handwriting.
He opened the letter, and couldn't help his eyebrows rising in surprise.
Professor Snape,
I happily accept your invitation. I will stay with Harry while you are in court and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble.
Don't be too upset with him, Sir. You know he always cares for others more than he does himself.
Luna Lovegood
PS The Wrackspurts are making quite the fuss this summer. Be careful.
Severus let his hand fall into his lap, and shook his head. That young woman really was quite….extraordinary.
Let's see how long it takes me to get the next one out. Thanksgiving break is coming up ;)
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