Ramblings

A/N:I was thinking of stuff for an upcoming fic of mine, and I got off onto the tangent of just how fucked a normal fighter would be against Team RWBY. Specifically against a Team RWBY that has no qualms about killing. This doesn't really belong to a specific AU, but it's kinda similar to the one my upcoming fic will take place in. Also, for some reason the idea of Velvet leading a bandit clan is hilarious to , as always, check out the poll on my profile to tell me which AUs you want to see more of.

"Boss! I see it!" Naranj squealed, in that irritating voice of his.

The heads of every one of my men snapped up as one, looking at him in his perch in our 'guard tower.' (Actually just a tree that Leblanc had built a platform onto.)

Though the climb up only took a few minutes, Naranj's... enthusiasm made it feel like hours.

I snatched the binoculars from him and took a look.

Sure enough, there was a wagon going down the main path, pulled by a lone horse. There were five passengers, and a huge chest. Four girls in scruffy civillian clothes that could conceivably cover a snug suit of leather armor, and an older man, wearing an expensive outfit clearly unsuited to traveling through the forest. I tried to spot any signs of weaponry, and was rewarded with a glimpse of a pommel sticking out from white-hair's clothes, before she noticed and tucked it back into her shirt. I chuckled at that, the girl was clearly trying to make sure none of the others had seen her gaffe.

So, we had an old man, and four girls wearing clothes that matched their hair, at least one of which was concealing a weapon.

Which meant, if my information was correct, four guards and the village Taxmaster, on their way to the capitol to pay the good king his share.

Granted, it was certainly possible that one of the women was there for...'personal' reasons, the blonde in particular looking like a good candidate.

But it never hurt to be prepared for the worst.

"Hey, hey, boss, is it them?" Naranj stared at me, his eyes wide. "Do ya think? I mean, they've got a chest and if he can afford girls like that-"

I glared at him. "Naranj!"

"Yeah, boss?"

"Shut the hell up." As always, I jumped off the platform, and managed to stick the landing.

It hurt like a bitch every time, but it inspired the men, so I put up with it.

Naranj, of course, climbed down like a sensible person, but I wasn't the leader of a bandit crew because I was sensible.

I cleared my throat, and everyone turned to me. "Alright men-"

There was a cough.

"And Triste."

"Thanks, Velv-."

I glared at her.

"Ugh... thanks, boss."

I nodded at her. "I know it's cutting a bit close to winter for all of you, and you'd rather be back home spending the coin we've made this year, but your patience has finally paid off. My information was correct; the shithole is sending off it's taxes for the last five years to the capitol."

That got them excited. Five years worth of taxes, even from a small village like this, was enough for all of us to take a few years off.

"Now, I can see you're excited, but keep in mind these assholes know this is our forest. They're riding through, sitting pretty, thinking that we've already left for the winter. They're disrespecting us on our turf. I counted four guards, but we can't be sure they don't have reinforcements lying in wait. So, we gotta hit em hard, hit em fast, and take the chest before they know what hit him. Then we can all go our separate ways, spend the rest of the winter however you usually do."

A ragged cheer went up at that.

"Alright, boys, here's the plan. Triste, you take ten men and attack from behind. Keep an eye out for any other guards. Exsangue, take twenty to attack from in front of them. I'll take care of the horse so they can't charge you. Sombre, you and Verdâ take ten each, attack from right and left after Exsangue's group attacks. You all move on his signal, got it?"

Everyone nodded.

"Exsangue, you and Sombre are the strongest, so you two carry the chest. Get back here as fast as you can, and we'll divide the loot."

I sighed internally. "Naranj, you're with me. I need a good spotter."

"Sure thing, boss!"

"Choose your groups quickly, we only get one shot at this, and I'd like to get them before they get into a clearing."

Ten minutes later, I was laying down in another 'lookout tower,' holding onto our lone rifle.

I lined up the shot, nice and slow. According to Naranj and his binocs, the leaders had all indicated they were in position.

Of course, it'd taken a bit longer than expected, so the wagon had made it into a good-sized clearing, but it didn't matter that much. The guards would be dead before they knew what hit them.

At the distance I was at and with the modifications made to the weapon, the shot wouldn't even be heard. Ideally, they'd go to check on the horse, and then Exsangue would attack while they were distracted.

Of course, if these girls were even barely trained, they'd realize what was happening as soon as the horse dropped, but I could always hope.

I had just begun squeezing the trigger when Naranj spoke up, I nearly shot anyway, but the note of urgency in his normally squeaky voice gave me pause.

"Boss! Take a look at the one in white!"

I brought the rifle to bear on her. She looked bored, and was absent-mindedly polishing her rapier, the one in black clearly glaring at her. She said something, and the white one waved her off. It looked like an argument, but Red spoke up and they settled down, White still not putting up her weapon.

"If you made me stop to point out that she's cute, I'm going to push you out of this tree."

"Boss, look at the weapon."

I focused the rifle, and cursed under my breath.

What I'd thought was just a poorly made, too-thick rapier was actually a masterpiece. The blade looked reinforced, and the hilt...

"That's a multi-chambered dust injection port. These aren't just guards;they're mercs. How in the hell did that shithole afford mercs?"

"Boss, what do we do?"

I took a few deep breaths. "We won't be able to warn everyone before anyone gets twitchy and attacks on their own. It's a good plan, whether or not they're mercs. They'll die just like any other human."

Not for the first time, I saw Naranj's eyes flick towards my hat. If he asked, I was going to kill him.

But Naranj shook his head, and I was reminded once again of why I kept him around. He knew when to mind his own business.

I took the shot, and the horse collapsed forward, the wheels of the wagon mangling the body and being mangled in turn, forcing the wagon to a halt and knocking the old man down.

The girls, I noticed with a curse, didn't fall.

Instead, they jumped out, and each faced a different direction, White taking the front, Red taking the back, Yellow taking the left and Black taking the right. Which, unfortunately, kept her out of my view.

I focused in on Red, noting how she kept talking, while the other two I could see seemed to be keeping quiet. Clearly, she was the leader.

I lined up a shot at her, and started to pulled the trigger. The shot missed, though that might've had something to do with her disappearing.

I didn't have time to worry about that, though.

"Boss, look at the front!"

White was out front, staring down Exsangue and his men.

He took a step forward, and she twirled around once, then jammed her sword into the ground.

Ice traveled along the ground, then rose up and enveloped whole Exsangue and his entire force, trapping them in individual icicles, and blocking them from view. I could only hope that the icicles were meant to imprison them, instead of freezing them.

The sudden arc of lightning, jumping between the statues-my men- and shattering them one by one killed that hope.

I swung the rifle around at the sound of Naranj's gasp. Red was cutting through my men, whirling through the lot of them almost too fast for me to see. I watched as she swung her scythe (where the hell did she get that thing?) through Leblanc and into Triste, then threw Triste's still-spasming body into the back of Verdâ, sending him stumbling into a right hook from Yellow. He burst into flame and flew into a few of the men who'd made the mistake of bunching up. Yellow raised her hand, shooting into the crowd and keeping the fire going. Black jumped from behind the wagon and looked around at the scattered remains of my men, shaking her head. The old man seemed to gather his wits, finally standing up.

It'd been over in less than a minute.

I looked over the battlefield frantically. "Naranj, is there anyone still breathing?"

"I don't see... No, boss. No one's left."

I pushed myself up into a crouch, trying to get a better angle and see behind the wagon.

"Boss, look!"

Red was talking to Black, and pointing in our direction.

Of course, she was pointing about thirty meters to our right, so I wasn't too worried.

Black put her hand up to block the sun and stared in the direction Red hand pointed, then started looking around.

I met her eyes through my scope, and knew that she'd seen me.

I took the shot at her, and saw it pass through her, as if she wasn't there.

Red disappeared, and Naranj yelled, pushing me out of the way.

I hit the ground hard, and stared.

The blade of Red's scythe was through Naranj, his hands still outstretched towards me.

I brought the rifle up, and she swung at it, spraying me with blood as she cut the rest of the way through him.

Vaguely, my brain registered Naranj's scream, but my mind was mainly focused on my only weapon, which had been cut cleanly in half.

My eyes met hers, and I heard Naranj's last words.

"Boss, run."

My feet refused to move, and she smiled.

"You're the leader, then? Good, Weiss will want to talk to you."

I stared, frozen in place.

She chuckled. "Sucks to be you, too. She liked that horse."

She put her hand on my shoulder, grabbed a good hold of my tunic, and the world blurred, then we were standing in front of the wagon, and I was fighting the urge to vomit, both from the smell of blood and the speed with which I'd just been moved.

I lost that battle, and was soon on my hands and knees, puking my brains out.

When I stood, Yellow was leaning against the wagon. Old man was trying and failing to hide on top.

White was staring me down, Black had a gun on me, and Red was whispering something into Yellow's ear.

White spoke up. "Are you the leader of this group?"

"Can I drink from my canteen before we start the questions?"

She narrowed her eyes, but Red spoke up.

"Go ahead, but no sudden moves."

As I was washing the taste of bile from my mouth, I kept an eye on my captors. White seemed to be getting angrier by the second, Yellow was not making any attempts to hide her amusement at said anger. Black looked contemplative, but her eyes were alert. Red just stared at me.

I took a deep breath, and turned to Red. "Thank you." I turned back to White. "I believe you had some questions?"

She glared. "Are you the leader of this group?"

I looked around at the bodies of my men, and resisted cracking a joke to push her buttons. While I was pretty sure they weren't going to be letting me go, I didn't want to make my death more painful than it had to be. That'd be the sensible thing to do.

On the other hand, might as well go out smiling. And, after all, I hadn't gotten to be the leader of a bandit crew by being sensible.

So, I gestured at the corpses surrounding me "Well, by process of elimi-"

Black slowly and deliberately cocked her gun, and my mouth went dry.

She knew how to intimidate people, that much was clear. "Yes. I'm the leader."

White sent a smile over her shoulder, and I just couldn't help myself.

"You know, we have several openings, if you guys are looking for work."

Her glare's intensity was thrown a bit off by Yellow giggling, which quit when Red elbowed her.

"I'm sorry, but it seems we're a tad... overqualified. Now, if you would kindly quit with the jokes about your dead friends..."

It was my turn to glare at her, and she smirked back.

"Thank you. Now, why'd you chose to rob us?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Five against fifty-six. I liked the odds."

Her eyes narrowed. "Alright, I'll rephrase that. What did you think we were carrying?"

I narrowed my eye back, and said the first thing that came to mind.

I mean, I was pretty much dead anyway, right?

"What did you think I thought you had?"

She took a step forwards, and Red spoke up. "Weiss, calm down. Yang, talk to her."

Yellow, or rather, 'Yang' stepped forward, sent me a disarming smile, and batted her eyelashes. "Fifty-six, huh? Lotta guys to be living in the woods, this late in the year. How'd you manage to convince that many people to hang around?"

"Oh, you know, natural charisma."

She smiled, and looked me up and down. "I'm sure..." She slowly licked her lips, and I felt a knot form in my throat.

My face heated up, and she smiled wider. "I'm sure a cute little thing like you can be real convincing." She took a step forward, and I instinctively took one back. "So, how'd you know it was us carrying the taxes?" She asked quickly, raising an eyebrow.

"The big chest was a- fuck!"

She smiled, and stuck her tongue out at White. "Knew that'd work."

White huffed. "Yes, you tricked a bandit by flirting with her. Congratulations."

Red spoke up. "The chest tipped you off. How'd you know we weren't just some family, moving on to the next town? Or merchants, or something like that?"

I took a few deep breaths, and pointedly looked away from Yang. "The chest was too fancy, and so was he." I inclined my head towards the old man. "On the other hand, your clothes were too scruffy to be his daughters, or merchants."

Red nodded. "I'd thought he should've been dressed less conspicuously. How'd you know we weren't servants?"

I scowled. "Guys as rich as him don't have servants, they have slaves. And none of you are faunus."

Black noticeably bristled at this, but the old man nodded along. "I told you girls it wouldn't be believable. I should have brought-"

Red held up a hand.

"Now. How'd you know the taxes were coming at all?"

I licked my lips, and tried to steady my breathing. I'd hoped they wouldn't think to ask. I couldn't just give away my source, no matter what they did to me. I'd have to trick them.

I eyed Black. She seemed to be averse to the idea of slaves. And from what I'd heard, the old man had a few...

"I-" I took a deep breath. "If I tell you, will you let me live?"

Red smiled. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you yes, would you?"

"S-so you're going to kill me?" I let fear into my voice, but Red just rolled her eyes.

"You're a bad actor. You're not planning on giving away your guy, I can tell by looking into your eyes. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you; if you tell us who it was, and I believe you, I'll let you live. If I think you're lying to me, I'll kill you."

I took in a quick breath.

She looked at my eyes, and chuckled. "And don't think you would be able to keep us from finding out. We'd get it out of you eventually. And then you'd die, for nothing. Is that really how you want to go out?"

"N- no." I sighed inwardly. "It... it was the old baker's boy."

"Arc?" The old man asked, his eyes widening.

"Yeah." I hated myself, even as I said it, but I couldn't bring myself to lie, knowing the pain they could inflict. "He's got his sisters to look after ever since his parents died, and I offered him a cut and safe travel for anything he marked if he told us what month it'd be coming through."

"That little bastard! I knew he seemed too cheerful when he was paying up." The old man growled.

"Smart choice." Black spoke up. "How'd you plan on giving Arc safe travel?"

I mentally cursed, but arranged my face into a sneer. "I'd think that was pretty obvious. We were just going to let him by without-"

"You're not the only bandits around." Red said, smiling at Black. "And you wouldn't have thought twice about giving us his name if you had planned on screwing him over from the beginning."

White stepped forward. "Fifty men is pretty big for a bandit clan, isn't it? Big enough to push around smaller ones, for sure. So, you mark your wagons, and the rest leave them alone?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"And you were planning to mark his as well?"

"Yeah."

She smirked. "You're going to lead us to your camp. We're switching wagons."

I cursed under my breath.

Red nodded. "Blake, Yang, go with her If she makes any sudden moves, kill her and make your way back. Weiss and I will wait here."

Fifteen minutes later, I was showing the two my personal wagon when I felt the barrel of a gun touch the back of my head.

I forced myself not to react. "Try to get it over with with the first shot, please."

"Shut up. Yang, take the hat."

"My hat?"

The article in question was taken off my head, and my ears slowly unfurled.

"Ooh... can I touch them? Blake never-"

"Yang!"

"Shit, my bad."

At this point, I was willing to go through a bit of human-indulging to live, so I shrugged. "Go ahead."

"Yang, stop." She pulled the gun from my head, and walked around me to meet my eyes. "Look, you can't just let her do something like that, or she'll be begging me."

I shrugged. "You must be a cat faunus. Right?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"Ah, I mean. It's mostly cats who view it as affection."

She glared, but shrugged. "Fine, if it doesn't bother you, go ahead and let her. Now, how'd you manage to escape?"

"Escape? I have no-"

She scoffed. "You're full of shit. You're a faunus, you're months away from our land, and you're at least slightly educated. So, you were a slave. The question is, how'd you manage to evade the Watchers?

"Oh, you know. Natural talent."

Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing else.

She handed Yang her gun, and left to tie my horse to my wagon.

Fortunately, she seemed to be pretty good at dealing with animals, so I didn't have to deal with the blonde playing with my ears for long.

Of course, if that'd been all she was doing, I could've lived with it.

She ran a finger across my ears, then gently pinched one between two fingers, rolling it around. She stepped closer, and whispered into the other ear. "So, do you let all the girls hold your ears, or...?"

I took a calming breath, and fought to control my blush. "Only those who ask nicely. And- ahhhh..."

I trailed off into a moan as she experimentally nipped one.

"And?"

"D- do you always bite strangers ears?"

"Only those who ask nicely. So, you were saying?"

"It doesn-ahh... doesn't normally have sexual connotations."

"Hm." She let out a hot breath onto an ear. "Connotations is kind of a big word for a bandit."

"I—ahhh, son of a bitch..."

"So, if it's not inherently sexual... Does this mean you've got some kind of a fetish?"

"Of... of course not! I-" She redoubled her efforts, and my self control melted away. My eyes closed, and I stopped paying attention to reality for a few minutes.

When she quit rubbing my ears, I whined a bit, and opened my eyes to see a very amused Yang, and a lightly blushing Blake.

"Are you paying attention now?" Blake asked.

I nodded.

She brought her gun up and fired. Three shots rang out, hitting a nearby tree. "Now, we're going to tell the client that we killed you. You are going to go get any savings you have, and go help that kid who gave you the information make a new life for himself somewhere. Understood?"

I nodded.

"Good girl." Yang said, smirking.

Blake and I glared.

"Anyway, if I ever see you near another bandit camp, I'll kill you. Got it? We're letting you live this time because you cooperated-"

"And cause the client's a dickhead."

"And cause the client's a dickhead" Blake agreed, smiling. "Now, get out of here. And, uh... feel free to show some of the others in town how you managed to escape, alright? The faunus need all the help we can get."

I backed away from them until they faded from sight, then ran as fast as I could towards the crew's loot box.

After seeing my crew get wiped out, and having my life spared, I was more than happy to do a few good deeds.

Plus, the Arc kid did have a cute sister.