Gone. Everything was gone.
Remus stood at the front gate and stared up at the crumbling remains of the flat he had once shared with his lover.
He walked forward and gently pushed open the blackened door which, miraculously, managed to stay on its hinges. The door did however send crusted flakes to the ground upon the contact, sending Remus into a fit of coughs as ash filled his nose and mouth.
When he regained himself, he took in the sight of what used to be his home. Furniture was ripped and burnt; photo's were smashed and singed. Nothing was salvageable.
He stumbled over the rubble from where part of the wall had been knocked down, and made his way to the bedroom. The four poster bed was cracked down the middle, exposing large chunks of wood and splinters. Remus figured there could possibly be more than one reason behind the particular favourable destruction of his bed; the intruders,after all, must have known of his and Sirius's relationship to deliberately dismantle their entire house, and from the inscription: "Faggot Half-Breed" written on the prised wall next to the four poster (in what looked suspiciously like blood) all too well confirms that theory.
Then, focusing on the main reason he came to the flat, Remus traced the crack across the headboard of the bed with with his thumb before taking one of the larger chunks of wood and forcibly plunging the sharp end of it into said thumb. A small amount of blood erupted over the wound. Using the injured thumb, he traced the headboard as he did just moments ago, smearing the blood across it.
The blood stain remained only moments before dissolving into the umber wood. Replacing it, was a small, square cupboard, with more space than what was physically possible for a small headboard to hold.
Blood magic.
It acted as a safe, containing some essentials and some objects of sentimental value, in which only Sirius or Remus could open. Remus inspected the contents of the hidden cupboard. Inside was a sack containing around a hundred galleons; a first aid kit (mainly for post full moon treatments); a satchel containing around five books and two photo albums, and the newest edition to the safe/cupboard: a letter and a protectively wrapped up box.
These last two items were recently added by Sirius around two months ago, just before the trust between the two shattered.
'Moony?' Sirius called, biting his bottom lip.
'Yes Padfoot, love?' Remus replied, returning an intrigued but amused smile.
'I'm putting a couple new things in our box.' Sirius did not need to explain further, as Remus knew exactly what box Sirius was referring to. The lycanthrope merely nodded, urging Sirius to continue. 'It's... it's just a box and a letter really, nothing to get worked up about.' He rambled, throwing his limbs in peculiar directions. Remus smiled, Sirius was always flamboyant and skittish when he was nervous.
'I see, Padfoot, though I can not fathom why YOU are getting worked up about it? What's inside the letter or box that is so mysterious?' holding onto the "so" longer than necessary. Sirius bit his lip again.
'Well, Moony that's the thing... I can't tell you what's in the box.' He paused and stared at his feet when Remus shot him a questioning look. 'You know I hate us keeping secrets from each other, Moony... but I need you to promise me that you won't open it until the time is right.' Remus's eyebrow shot up. 'That's right, I'm putting them in here for you to open and you only, Remus, but only when the it's the right time. You'll know when that is. It's for when you're at your lowest, I guess; if you ever get to the point where you feel that there is nothing else worth fighting for anymore.' He stopped there, he was rambling and sounding rather suspicious.
'You make it sound as if this is going to happen soon, Sirius.' Remus's face was screwed up in concentration and contemplation, 'You make it sound as if you know this is going to happen... to me... and even if it did, where would you be?' Sirius's eyes widened, briefly, but then grew gentler and softer.
'We're in the middle of a war, Moony and we don't know what's going to happen. Any day could may well be our last and I want to make sure that if I go, you'll be all right without me.' Remus didn't look reassured, his frown only deepened.
'I don't know if I could cope without you, Pads' The corner of Sirius's mouth twitched upwards in response.
'Promise me, Remus. That you won't open it until the time is right... please?' Remus sighed, what an odd convocation.
'I promise, Padfoot.' He took Sirius's hand in his and squeezed lightly in reassurance.
'Thank you... and Moony,'
'Hm?'
'I-I love you, no matter what happens between us, I'd still love you.' He blushed and looked away embarrassed. Remus dismissed the peculiar body language Sirius was portraying and kissed his forehead, soothingly.
'Ditto, Padfoot.' Sirius looked up suddenly, grey eyes swimming in worry. Remus knew the expression well and sighed in exasperation and pity. It was Sirius's "You-didn't-say-it-back" expression that he wore a lot now. Remus cupped Sirius's face in his hands and looked him squarely in the eyes.
'I love you, Sirius, with all of my heart.' The expression softened, and was replaced by a timid smile. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and snuggled into his chest, lovingly.
Remus shook his head, returning from his recollections and hastily deposited the safes contents into the satchel (after placing an extendible charm on the bag). With one last, saddened look at the place he once called home, the werewolf disapparated to Hogsmeade.
'Ah, Remus. Good to see you, it's been a while.' Rosmerta paused, mentally deciding whether to say something to the broken, young man in front of her. 'You must know, Remus love, that everyone is deeply sorry for your loss. Terrible... especially what Black did, awfully terrible. I don't blame you of course, despite what some people say. None of us even suspected-' She broke off catching his sorrowful but questioning stare.
She patted his hand that was resting on the cool surface of the bar. His hand was disturbingly thin, enhancing the already prominent veins that lay etched upon his scarred flesh. What could have caused such marks? She used to wonder. She had been unaware of Lupin's lycanthropy until the Prophet spilled it all and yet her opinion of the man before her had not changed -besides the fact that maybe she had more respect for him as he was clearly anything but the stereotypical werewolf that society often described his kind as.
From his obliviousness and befuddlement at her words, Rosmerta could tell he hadn't been reading the Prophet, or else he would have understood completely.
She then pushed forward an issue of the Daily Prophet from around a week ago and continued calmly, 'Take it, you might want to read it later.' He nodded once and grasped the newspaper, placing it in his satchel. 'I suppose you want a room?' She asked, 'I have one spare. Right at the top to the left.' He watched him, pity in her eyes, waiting for his answer. He met her gaze and responded verbally for the first time,
'Thank you, Rosmerta. That is kind of you... how much?' He bit his lip nervously. Rosmerta took in the shabbiness of his robes and the patches under his eyes and sighed.
'For you, Remus, I am willing to go to five galleons a night.' He looked grateful, albeit a little affronted.
'Are you sure? That seems awfully low?' The barmaid's eyes widened.
'Nonsense!' He raised an eyebrow at her hastiness in replying. Rosmerta shook her head. 'Nonsense,' she repeated, 'No, you just stay here as long as you need.'
She placed a bronze key into his hand. He nodded once in thanks and attempted a smile (which didn't quite work); pulled five galleons from the inside of his robes, placing it on the counter in front of the barmaid and turned to leave. Rosmerta quickly grabbed his wrist -also too thin for her liking- and spoke softly, 'I really am sorry, Remus.' Sensing his layer of guilt that he continuously carried around; blaming himself for the sins of a heartless murderer, she added, 'You couldn't have known, you know. None of us suspected Sirius and despite what you might hear, not everyone is against you.' He pondered her words for a moment and shook his arm away lightly, without force. He swallowed roughly and spoke, as though all words caused him pain.
'I know... Thank you again Rosmerta, you've always been very kind to us...' His eyes darkened slightly but he, again, tried covering it up with a crooked smile (an attempt which also didn't quite work) and finished, 'Thank you for allowing me to stay.' And with that, he turned and left for his designated room. Rosmerta stared after him for a moment and called out,
'Anytime, Remus.'
'Sirius Black's Black Heart'
Remus read, resting at the desk by the window of his room in the Three Broomsticks. This Prophet was from the 2nd of November but he read it anyway. He let out a shaky breath. The article about Sirius was the only other story to take up the front page besides the news of Voldemort's downfall. He turned to the page that contained the full article and read on.
'Sirius Black, newly recognized Death Eater, was sentenced to life in Azkaban yesterday evening, for the murder of fellow wizard, Peter Pettigrew, as well as the murder of 12 Muggles and general alliance to He Who Must Not Be Named -now presumably deceased (full article on pages1-3).
'Black was sent to Azkaban without trial two days following the downfall of You Know Who. After being found at the sight of the murder of the twelve muggles by Ministry workers, Black was apprehended without struggle and was, quite disturbingly, seen laughing manically as he was taken away by officials.
'"It was a God awful sight to witness; you could see the lunacy and instability in his eyes, it was purely unnerving!" -said a Ministry worker who chose to remain unnamed.
The new found truth of Black's true loyalties to You Know Who are particularly befuddling to comprehend as Pettigrew happened to be one of Black's old Hogwarts friends, along with James and Lily Potter (recently deceased at the hands of You Know Who him self (it is likely Black also shares credit in their death, although it is unknown whether this is true at this stage (refer to pages 1-3)).
'Despite these revelations, another school-yard friend of Black's could lead to the possibility that could explain why Black converted to the dark side.
'Werewolf, Remus Lupin, is known for having relations with Black throughout their Hogwarts years and beyond, though the extent of intimacy their relationship holds is unknown.
'Werewolves are seen as Dark Creatures that can not be trusted near humans and were seen as allies to He Who Must Not Be Named in his prime, following the known alliance of Fenir Greyback (For details on Werewolves and other Dark creatures, turn to page 12). Given this information, we are lead to believe that the werewolf in question (Lupin) may have something to do with the new-found loyalties Sirius Black has now accustomed. Due to this, Lupin is now favourable for questioning.'
Remus let out a cry of disgust. He knew peoples belief's of his kind were prejudiced and unfair, but this was going too far.
'Unfortunately, no one has been in contact with Lupin since before the 31st October and it is unknown his whereabouts.'
Finishing the article, Remus leant back in his chair, this face remaining passive of any emotion. He felt numb and dead. How dare they! Words could not describe the anger he felt. Not only did they release private information about him that people could use to further make his life a living hell, but they actually managed to accuse him of participating in the Dart Arts and aiding to Sirius's betrayal -because of what he is...
It was abhorrent how low people would sink.
He gazed out of the window and to the starry night above him the waxing crescent moon gleaming along with the dazzling stars. He wanted nothing more than to fly away from this; from life...
His life, which had now, since that fateful Hallowe'en night, changed forever.
Remus lived in Rosmerta's inn for a week. He wanted to stay longer, but he knew he was taking advantage of her generosity in regard to the massive discount she gave him for rent. He was not stupid, he knew what she was doing.
Pity.
He packed up his things heavily, not wanting to leave his temporary home. In the week he stayed there, he had only left his room for meals -he knew Rosmerta was keeping an eye on him and therefore did not want her to worry. What the barmaid did not know however, was that whatever meal Remus ate would be thrown up when he returned to his room. It wasn't deliberate, Remus reasoned, it's just this whole ordeal would render anyone with a lack of appetite.
He sighed as he put his books back in his satchel, dully noting that the spine was wearing on his old copy of The adventures of Sherlock Holmes and there was also a firewhiskey stain on The strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
Until last week, Remus had sworn never to consume any type of alcoholic beverage, besides butterbeer (which was mild at best), after watching James and Sirius's drunken shenanigans lead to Sirius thinking he could fly and thus began contemplating a jump out of the window in Gryffindor tower -he always had been a bit of a flight risk- while James decided to give him a push when he hesitated (it was worth noting James probably was not as drunk as he claimed he was). The situation, therefore, ended with Remus quickly casting an Arresto Momentum on his boyfriend moments before Sirius hit the floor and became a puddle of soup with his usually immaculate hair as the topping of the said Sirius soup.
Despite this, given recent events, Remus decided to take up alcoholism as a new career path, thinking that the bitter taste will somehow wash his depressing life away. The rational part of Remus' brain (which sounded suspiciously like Lily) argued that this new coping mechanism was purely... stupid, and that it was completely unlike the usually logical man to become so washed up in this. After hearing this though, the other part of Remus's brain (probably the intoxicated part that had been exposed to Sirius for too long to be considered healthy in the past ten years) told the former where to shove it an proceeded to buy another bottle of beloved firewhiskey.
The last thing for Remus to pack was a worn photo album, which lay on the newly made bed. Remus, delaying his leave as much as he possibly could, grabbed the album; sat down on the bed and started flicking through the pages.
It was a present from Lily at graduation for Remus and Sirius. With the help of the Marauder's and Remus and James' parents, she was easily able to fill the album.
Remus turned to the seventh page, knowing that one of his favourites lay upon the its smooth surface. He traced the edge of the frame, reminiscing. The photo was of the "Marauder's Tree" by the Black lake at Hogwarts in seventh year.
James and Peter were sat between the roots at the bottom, while Lily sat in James's lap. Peter watched with envy at the intimacy the former two had, which he would probably never have himself. James had a look of utter devotion in his eyes as Lily stroked his hair, with equal loving.
True Love.
The only words Remus could describe it as, as he stared into their once happy faces. He let his eyes wonder from the bottom of the tree, to the first branch. In a similar fashion, sat Remus and Sirius. Remus sat with his back against the trunk, reading a book, while Sirius sat, one leg hanging limply from the branch and the other tangled with Remus' as he, like Lily, stroked Remus's hair. As the picture progressed, Sirius's hand gradually made its way down to trace the scars that lay etched upon his young face. It was only then that Remus looked up from his book to grasp Sirius's hand gently and place soft kisses on his wrist. Sirius, in return, then placed a deep kiss on Remus's lips. The latter's eyes fluttered closed as he placed a hand on Sirius's neck.
Remus stared at the photograph, placing a trembling finger upon his dry, chapped lips. He remembered that kiss and what he thought at the time: he had never wanted that moment to end. As Remus stared at their innocent faces, tears glassed his eyes up as he wanted nothing more than to go back to that precise moment and live it over and over again. Before the war; before the betrayal.
Beautiful.
Smiling serenely, he closed the photo album and placed it in his bag and left his room to return the key to the bar.
Looking at the photograph placed Remus in high spirits, although it was short lived as he exited the Three Broomsticks and set forth into the streets of Hogsmeade, now covered in a layer of snow, waiting the looks of disgust that locals would surely give him as he passed.
There we go another really depressing chapter and it doesn't really change for the better I'm afraid... Please review, I hope I'm not too awful...