Meanwhile, in whatever state Charles Barkley lives in, the Barkley household was having a good day. Charles' 14 year-old son (Despite how Charles was 52), Hoopz Barkley, had just gotten back from school, and Hoopz's mom was getting ready to make dinner.

Just then, they heard somebody ring their doorbell.

"I'll get it." Charles hollered as he walked up to the door. He opened it and saw a NERV agent.

"You must be Charles Barkley, correct?"

"Well, yeah. I ain't giving out any autographs." Charles responded bluntly.

"I'm not here for autographs." The unnamed NERV agent held out a badge. "I'm from NERV."

"NERV? What does that stand for?"

"Nothing, our logo just looks cool in all capital letters."

Charles was confused by that decision. "Well, anyways, what are you here for?"

"I'm from NERV's original branch in Tokyo 3. We've modified giant 'robots' called Evangelion to play basketball, and we need a fourth and fifth person with exceptional b-ball talent to pilot them."

Despite all the weird things the unnamed NERV agent said, Charles was mostly baffled by how he was asked to play basketball. "Basketball? I'm retired! I'm too old for that!"

"Yes, we are very well aware of that. Only a 14 year old can pilot an Eva."

"Okay, firstly, why can only 14 year olds pilot an Eva?" Charles asked. "Why can't you use trained professionals, or someone with more military experience instead of a freaking 14 year old?"

"Because I'm from a freaking anime!"

"And secondly, if you KNEW I'm too old, why did you even come to my house? Did you know I just so happened to have a 14 year old son?"

The unnamed NERV agent was shocked. "Actually I had no idea. You see, the commander of NERV, Gendo Ikari, ordered we have as much plot-holes in this story as possible. But hey, since you do have a son, could he help us with this?"

"Hey Hoopz!" Charles yelled, and Hoopz quickly ran up to Charles.

"Yeah dad?" Hoopz was wearing worn-out denim jeans, a basketball jersey, and a backwards blue hat.

"Do you wanna go all the way to a post-apocalyptic city in Japan that commonly gets attacked by giant aliens, pilot a giant robot to play basketball that might not actually be a robot seeing as how this guy is saying it, live with two angsty teens, an alcoholic, and a genetically-modified penguin, and risk being enslaved by an alien race if you lose?"

"Sure dad." Hoopz replied casually.

The unnamed NERV agent was dumbfounded. "But how did you know any of that when I didn't even detail it?"

"Hey, what did you say about plot-holes?"

The unnamed NERV agent rolled his eyes. "Well anyways, since you and your son are both okay with this decision, I guess you should pack your bag, Hoopz. Hey, do you happen to have a mother?"

"Well, yeah." Hoopz said. "Why?"

"You see, at NERV, we require that each Eva pilot go to NERV headquarters with their mother."

Hoopz or Charles weren't the least bit suspicious, even though they pointed out every flaw with what he said earlier.

"Sure thing." Charles said. "Hey Hoopz's mom!"

"Yeah?" Hoopz's mom yelled back.

"You're gonna have to travel to a post-apocalyptic city in Japan with Hoopz. We have no idea what will happen to you, but I doubt you're gonna have your soul merged with a giant robot or anything!"

"Okay." Hoopz's mom replied casually.

…

In NERV HQ, Misato had gotten a call from the unnamed NERV agent.

"So you checked EVERYWHERE in the United States, and you only found one child?"

"Unfortunately so. We only have the Sixth Child, but nobody for the Seventh Child." The unnamed NERV agent said.

Misato sighed. "Couldn't you scout another country or something?"

"Sorry, Major Katsuragi. We don't allow good ideas at NERV."

Misato sighed again. "Allright…But I'm not worried. I'm pretty sure our guest character will conveniently show up just in time to carry the plot on after we end this call."

"Yes ma'am. Now if you excuse me, I need to sign off." The unnamed NERV agent said before signing off.

"Where are we going to find the Seventh Child?" Misato asked herself, although she really meant; "When is the guest character going to show up?"

Just then, Misato heard somebody walk into the room she was in. "So you need another pilot, huh?"

Misato turned around and saw a shirtless muscular man with spiky blue hair, wore a badass cape and triangular sunglasses, and was holding a katana.

"So you're the guest character? Who are you?"

"Who am I? Who am I? Well, just who the hell do you think I am? I am the mighty Kamina! The oceans and skies tremble just when they hear my name! I also happen to be an expert gunmen pilot, which I'm sure can't be too different from piloting whatever those things are!"

"Uh-huh." Misato said. "Well, those things are Evangelions, or Evas. And only 14 year olds are able to pilot it."

"Well, that's not how we did things at Team Dai-Gurren! We would kick logic out the window and do the impossible!"

"That doesn't exactly work here. And how did you even get here? Don't you have some sort of story that makes zero sense?"

"You see, it turns out I'm from the distant future. I died in that time period, but let's say I had to convince the big guy upstairs to visit my friends when I needed to help my bro, Simon, when he needed it the most, and somehow after that I ended up here!"

Misato sighed. "Well, let's see if you can even pilot an Eva. Come on, I'm gonna have to take you to the Eva plug."

Misato led Kamina to an Eva plug, which Kamina entered.

"So, why can't I just get in the robot and not a giant pill?" Kamina asked.

"That's a long story." Misato said before the door of the Eva plug closed, and it was shortly entered into a new Evangelion, Eva Unit 05, which was the first Eva made specifically to play b-ball. It didn't look too different from Eva Unti 01, but its color scheme was red and black.

Eva 05 was taken to a simulator where Kamina could move it around freely, but there was one problem.

"You're at a synch rate of 0%." Ritsuko, who somehow appeared just in time for Kamina to pilot Eva 05.

"I told you, only a 14 year old can pilot it!" Misato shouted.

"0%, huh?" Kamina said. "I guess I should put more spiral energy into this thing!"

Just then, Eva 05 and Kamina had a perfect synch ratio.

"What the!? How!?" Ritsuko said dumbfounded.

"Easy! You just need to believe in the you that you believe in!"

…

The next day, Misato had gathered Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Hoopz, and Kamina.

"Okay you five. For most of you, this is a much different experience."

"So wait, I thought only 14 year olds could pilot Evas." Shinji said. "Why is this guy here?"

"Let's just leave on plot holes, Shinji." Misato said. "But anyways, you're going to have to play basketball while piloting the Evas. I know most of you are familiar with piloting Evas, and one of you is familiar with play basketball, but I don't think any of you can do both at the same time."

"Hey, where did my mom go?" Hoopz asked.

"That's beside the point." Misato said. "Anyways, we are going to need to train all of you to play basketball while piloting the Evas. I know Kamina and Hoopz are going to need specific training for piloting Evas, so this might take longer than your usual training."

"Alright, basketball!" Kamina said. "Wait, what's basketball?"

"Kamina, that was so cliché!" Asuka said. "You couldn't have said something more clever?"

"That's enough Asuka!" Misato scolded. "Why can't you be calmer like Rei or Hoopz?"

"Hoopz isn't calm, he's just bland!"

There was an awkward silence after Asuka said that.

"Actually Asuka, you're right. Hoopz doesn't have much of a character. Rei has more personality."

"Ah, come on!" Hoopz complained. "What do you mean she has more of a character?"

"Her personality is having no personality, and even she has an interesting back-story. But enough of this arguing; Shinji, Asuka, Rei, and Kamina will come with me to the basketball court. Hoopz will go with Ritsuko to learn about piloting an Eva."

"But wait, when did we have a court?" Shinji asked.

"Shut up Shinji!"

Shinji gave up, and followed his instructions by going to the basketball court.