AN: Sorry for the late update. You see this chapter is much longer than the ones before. I think it is the longest chapter I ever wrote. I had so many ideas I wanted to write down so it took me some time to finish this chapter. This chapter is inspired by two songs. They were both fitting so good that I combined it.
So from now on my story will take another direction as the show. I will still include the shows story arc( I love the emotional LP-conversations in S5). I will change what I think should have happened. At the beginning of the chapter I explained Lucas feelings in the 3 years since the break-up so this of course includes Lindsay. But of course this is a Leyton-story.
Thank you everyone who reviewed
benecidad82&LPfan4ever: Thanks for your reviews.
lukenpeyton4ever: I didn't like Lucas' behaviour towards Peyton, too. So if you read this chapter you will see the difference.
RJMoonspell4: I know the last few chapters were very close to the show but this will change now. I hope you like the changes.
OTHGirl24: Yeah Lindsay will be around. But it won't be like on the show. I did include your suggestion.
If you have any idea what should be different from the shows' story arc tell me. I am grateful for suggestions.
So enjoy the new chapter. I am grateful for every review I get. Tell me what you like and also what could be better. I am open for criticism. After all I just stated and I need to get better. You guys help me with your feedbacks a lot.
Over my head & She is
By The Fray
Lucas
Lucas was walking to the river-court while dribbling a basketball. Everyone kept reminding him that he should write again. He knew that already and didn't need everyone to remind him that he had writers block. He had not written any good pages since...since he finished his first novel. He didn't know what stopped him. He had always enjoyed writing and he couldn't think of any reason. He was with his family, just started as the head coach of the Ravens and he was happy with Lindsay.
Three years ago he was pretty devastated when Peyton had rejected his proposal. He had thought that he would never be able to love a woman again. All the pain he had been through. He had barely been able to breathe, his heart had been ripped out of his chest.
He shook his head. He didn't want to think about this time. He had been a mess and everyone around him had looked at him with pity. Seeing Nathan and Haley hadn't helped. It had made it worse. He had imagined his life with her, living in his house, preparing their wedding and most importantly seeing her every day, talking to her, looking into her beautiful green eyes that set his soul and heart into flames. Flames of love, bliss and passion.
Three years ago this flame had vanished from his life. He had met Lindsay, his editor. They had been working very hard, through many sleepless nights to make the absolute best out of "The Unkindness of Ravens". Lindsay had reminded him of his life told in the novel,in his carefully chosen words. The words he had chosen to describe the love of his life. Dealing with all those memories was the only thing that helped him get through the day. He didn't want to think about the painful memories in LA. He had thrown himself into work. Working over the lines he had dedicated to her, remembering the times they were happy, remembering their long friendship, his relationship with Brooke and all the other events that had made their bound even stronger over the years. All those memories, written down carefully in his novel, that meant so much to him. Those memories kept him going.
Lindsay had been there. She had worked hard with him to get the best out of his novel, the story of his life. She knew exactly what it meant to him. She had understood why he refused to change some parts for example the shooting. They had become friends very fast and after the book-signing they had started dating. This was two years ago.
A year ago her father had died and since Lucas had lost Keith, his father, their bound had gotten even stronger than before. He knew what she was going through.
The anger towards the person who was responsible that a beloved person had died. He had been very angry at Dan, he even planned to kill him. But in the tragic events when he had almost set his plan into action his mother and unborn sister had nearly died. Dan had committed Keith' murder and Karen and Lily had survived.
And Lindsay had been devastated. She thought about everything that had gone wrong with her father and Lucas helped her get through this time of grieving.
She had helped him, motivated him to look forward again and he had supported her in a situation in which she needed support.
Lindsay had become a constant in his life. Being with her was easy, talking to her, laughing together. She knew when to leave him alone and when to push him to talk. He could count on her to be there.
It was the complete opposite to his relationship with Peyton. It took them years to become a real couple, there had always been that sparkle between them but life was so hard with her. Tragedy seemed to follow her everywhere. He never knew what to say or to do. She had been through so much in her life that he did not want to do her any harm. Plus all this tragedy had made her very careful. She cared deeply about the people she loved but somehow he did not know which role he had in her life. Was he just a friend or more than that? They never seemed to have the right timing. There always seemed to be something between them. But on the other hand she had made him who he was now, even if it had been painful, very painful. His best memories were with her, about her but also the cruel ones. But he was not in her life any more. She had given up their love and these wounds had took very long to heal.
He was glad that he was with Lindsay now. She made him feel good. He had never thought he could be happy again. But he was. She had made him happy.
And then he saw her. A tall, skinny blond woman with curls was standing on the river-court. She was looking down where they once had written all their names. They had promised to come home four years later. But he had never thought that she would indeed come home, not after how they ended things.
Why was she back?Why? She had been gone for three years. She had worked to fulfil her dream in LA. She had rejected his proposal because her career had been more important to her than their relationship. His heart had hoped that she would come back but he had given up hoping. Hoping for her to come home, where she had suffered so much pain, had lost so many beloved people. Brooke was in New York and as far as he knew she barely had any contact with Nathan and Haley. And she surely was not back for him. So why was she back?Why had she returned?Why now?
He had arrived at the river-court and stood there stunned. He did not understand it, no matter how hard he tried.
She walked towards him with a shy smile on her face. He still stood there unable to move not even an inch.
When she saw his insecurity she hesitated and stopped.
There were only two meters apart now. He saw that she was about to say something and then he blurred out the question that had been circling in his head since he had seen her.
'What are you doing here?Why aren't you in LA?'
She stood there stunned as if she had been slapped in the face. She opened her mouth and shut it again before saying a single word.
Was this question so hard to answer?Had his words been so harsh? Why was she hesitating to answer?
She opened her mouth and said:
'I quit my job in LA. That is why I am here. I wanted to go home.'
As she said it he could tell from the sound of her voice that she was being honest. But he got the feeling that she was holding back something.
'I don't get it. Last time you were talking about Tree Hill you said it was a psycho stalker and two dead mums. What changed? You said you wanted to start over. Coming Back does not sound like starting over to me.'
These words just came through his lips. He could not help it. All those hurt feelings he had hidden deep in his brain were overwhelming him now. He could not keep his voice from sounding angry.
She stood there, rigid, unable to move. She answered with a strong voice as if she was not just answering his assumptions but a question she had been asking herself, too.
' I wanted to come back because I missed Tree Hill. I missed my friends, the places we used to spend so much time at and...' she stopped for a moment and continued,' I guess I missed all of it. Even if I have some painful memories here I was also happy. Tree Hill is home.'
When he heard her he got the feeling like she had wanted to say something else, too. He somehow knew what it was but he did not allow himself to think about it.
His mobile rang. He read Lindsay' s name on the display. He turned around so his back was facing Peyton, as if creating an invisible wall and walked a few steps away.
'Hey Luke. It's me. I just wanted you to know I am at the house. Where are you?',
Lindsay asked.
'I am at the river-court. I needed some fresh air.' he said in a low voice.
'Are you OK? You sound different.', she asked concerned.
'I am OK, don't worry. I will be back in an hour. Bye.', he reassured her.
'See you later, Luke. I love you.'
He hung up and turned around to face Peyton again. She looked composed.
'So how are you?' she asked.
'I am fine. Listen I have to go. Are you going to be in town for a while?', he said hoping that she would say yes.
' I am not going anywhere. Brooke is coming back, too. I have to pick her up from the airport anyway. I guess I will see you around then.'
She said and walked passed him. He stayed at his current position but he could swear that she turned around and looked back at him.
--0--
The next morning Lucas was jogging his usual round. Well, not exactly his usual one. He needed to clear his head from all those confusing emotions. So he was awake pretty soon when Lindsay was still sleeping. He was out for an hour instead of his usual 30 minutes. He did not sleep well. There were too many thought that kept his mind busy.
He returned to his house and entered through the back door leading directly to his room.
The bed was empty so he assumed that Lindsay was in the kitchen, making breakfast.
He took a shower and went to the kitchen. When he entered the room he could smell bacon and eggs. Lindsay turned around and smiled.
' Hey you. When did you wake up this morning? You were already gone when I woke up.' she asked and watched him curiously as he sat down at the kitchen table.
' I just woke up earlier and thought I might run a little bit longer because you weren't awake yet and I didn' t want to wake you. Plus I would not miss your breakfast for anything.', he said casually.
' You are so sweet, you know that?', she said attached and added, ' I will have lunch with Haley this afternoon. Do you mind picking me up at Nathan's and Haley's house?'
' Sure. At what time should I be there?', he answered.
' One o'clock would be fine.', she said happy and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.
--0--
Lucas was parking his truck in front of the Scott residence. It was 12.45 so he was a little bit too early but maybe he would get a chance to talk to Nathan while the girls were not there. Nate has been a mess ever since his accident and it was a rough time for Haley,too. Nathan was drinking way too much and it was hard to keep Jamie from finding out how bad it really was.
He walked up the stairs to the front porch and rang the door bell. Five Minutes later Nate opened the door. He didn't looked pleased to see him at all. Well Nathan hadn't looked happy for four months. He was always moaning about how bad his life was.
' Hey bro, how are you?', Lucas asked casually to stop the silence.
'Same as always', Nate said, 'What are you doing here?'
' Lindsay is out for lunch with Haley. I am meant to pick her up. So I thought I might as well come a little bit earlier and have a little chat with my brother.', he explained his appearance.
Nathan signed and let him pass and closed the door behind him.
'What do you want to talk about then? You got that look on your face.', Nathan said.
'What look?' , Lucas asked perplex.
' The I-am-so confused-what- am-I-supposed-to-do look. Last time I saw this look you were...you were coming back from LA three years ago. Has this something to do with a certain green-eyed blond?', he asked directly looking at Lucas who turned his head around to avoid Nathan's gaze.
Just then the doorbell rang. Lucas nodded in his brothers' direction telling him that he would go and open the door.
There she was arm in arm with Brooke. Peyton stood there and met his surprised gaze.
He smiled at the sight of her and she smiled back. He could have stood there forever just looking into her beautiful, sparkling eyes.
She looked so happy while she stood there with her best friend. He had not seen her in a long time and after their conversation last evening he was glad that she indeed intended to stay. She would not want to leave with Brooke in Tree Hill and visiting Nathan and Haley.
A sudden warmth washed over his body as he saw her. Back in Tree Hill, where he was going to see her. He had been trying to ignore the emptiness he had felt since their break up. He had not had the courage to call her. He had been afraid of her reaction. With her return their was a possibility to see her, talk to her. And maybe they could be friends again.
Now it felt like a part of his heart had returned to its right place.
Brooke looked around between the two of them and watched their expressions carefully.
Lucas turned his head toward the brunette and said.
'Hey Brooke. It's great seeing you. You, too Peyton.'
'Yeah it is. I wanted to visit you afterwords but I guess I don't have to. Are Nathan and Haley here? Not that it isn't nice seeing you but I was expecting one of them to open the door.', she said teasingly.
'Nathan is in the living room and Haley should be back any minute. She was having lunch with Lindsay.'
Just at this moment they heard a scream behind them. Haley was running to the front porch and as soon as she arrived she pulled Brooke and Peyton into a hug.
'Hey guys. I haven't expected you to be here greeting us. Aren't you supposed to be in LA ans New York?' , she asked confused.
' We were but we wanted to go home. This is a long story. Don't you want to introduce us to your friend?', Brooke asked, pointing at the pretty brunette standing behind her.
Everyone turned around to look at her. Lindsay had been watching the scene in the background and now took a step towards the reunited group of friends.
She looked at everyone. When she recognised Peyton she was looking anxious between her and Lucas.
Lucas was watching this scene and he saw where Lindsay's gaze went and he felt the tension. Why does it always have to be so awkward? He figured that the best way to ease the tension was to introduce her to Brooke and Peyton.
' Brooke, Peyton. This is Lindsay my girlfriend.'
Surprise spread across Brooke' s and Peyton' s faces. Peyton looked back at Lucas and he could sense mixed feelings there. Not just surprise but also a hurt expression as if she was struggling to keep the tears from falling.
Now he could feel not just Lindsay looking back and forth between him and Peyton but also Haley and Brooke. He felt observed so he said.
' Why do we keep standing in the doorway?We should go inside. It's getting a little bit crowded here.'
' Good idea.' , Haley supported his suggestion ans pushed everyone inside.
While everyone went to the living room he could feel four gazes at his back.
A little bit later everyone sat at the big living room table, talking lightly and laughing.
Brooke and Peyton told their friends about their life in the past few years. Brooke told them about her company and how it was working with her long-absent mother.
Lucas knew that it had to be hard for Brooke to let Victoria, Brooke' mum, in after being abandoned for so long. He recognised by Brooke calling her mother by her name instead of mum that their relationship had not really changed. She talked about her like a partner, not like you usually talked about your parent. He could also see how happy she was about being back in Tree Hill with her friends. It was almost as if she had not been away for years but for weeks. It was like everything turned out the way it was supposed to.
On the contrary there was Peyton. He was curious about her life. He wanted to know what she had been doing in the last three years he had not seen her. He took from her story that she had been mostly working. Yet she sounded sad, almost frustrated. So she had clearly not being happy. He tried to figure out whether she had been seeing anyone but she didn't mention anything about dating, not even some new friends. Every time someone asked her about her personal life in LA she said that she had been way to busy. She sounded defensive and her glance wandered to him. Lindsay watched their interaction anxiously.
' What are your plans then?', Haley asked eyeing Peyton sympathetically.
' I don't know. I am just happy to be back. ', Peyton declared.
' Why don't you start a own label?' , Brooke tossed a smile at her best friend.
' What? Are you crazy Brooke? I just quit my job as assistant to the assistant. What makes you think I could do that?', Peyton answered startled.
' Because you can. Peyton, you published a benefit CD before you graduated and you managed Tric, convinced bands like Fall Out Boy to play. You can do it, believe me. If you can't do it no one can. Oh and don't worry about the money. I believe in you and I will be your investor.', Brooke stated.
Peyton turned her head questioningly towards Lucas. He saw that she wanted to know whether he agreed with Brooke.
Without thinking about it he smiled reassuringly and Peyton took in a deep breath.
' I will think about it. I am not saying I am going to do it. I will think about it so you can stop trying to convince me Brooke.' , she said and Brooke hugged her happily.
Lindsay tried to meet Haley's gaze. She looked worried and Lucas realised that ever since Peyton arrived all he had been thinking about was her and he had not even thought about Lindsay' s feelings. Now that he realised she had a worried expression on her face and searching for reassurance.
He also noticed that Haley had been watching him. She had that what-is-going-on-in-my-best-friends-mind look. She saw Lindsay's searching gaze and gave her a compassionate smile.
Lucas let his watch wander around the room and realised that it was already three o'clock. He remembered that he had to meet Skills in 10 minutes at the gym to prepare the next training session.
' Hey guys I have to go. I have to plan the training for tomorrow with Skills. I have to hurry or I will be late.' he said and added quickly, ' It was great seeing you again. '
Lindsay jumped up from her seat and said:
' I will come with you. I have to call my boss anyway.'
Lindsay looked around and eyed Peyton more than the others. Luke tried to tell he had to hurry by pointing at his watch. She took his hand and they walked towards the door.
He turned around and winked to say goodbye.
Peyton meet his glance and smiled at him with sparkling eyes. He could see that she was considering her own label by the fire he saw there. But there was also doubt whether she could manage this responsibility. He knew that she just had to see that someone believed in her and he would figure out a way to do that.
--0--
Lucas sat in his bedroom thinking about how he could help Peyton decide whether or not to open her own label. He knew she could do it and Brooke would be her investor. So what was holding her back? OK she had only her references from the job she just quitted. Maybe this was what was worrying her. She probably did not make a good impression on paper for someone who planned independence. She needed an office. Somewhere to start. Where was a free office available?
Just then he got a idea. He dialled his mother' s number. She picked up after in about a minute.
' Hey mum, where is my world travelling mother and sister? Last time you were in Greece.' , he said sheepishly.
' We are in Italy. Rome is fantastic. We have seen the Colosseo, the Spanish Steps, San Pietro, Piazza Navona and a lot more. I think we have to be here for a moth to see everything. There is still so much we want to visit. Lily and Andy say hi.'
' Sounds great. Listen can I ask you a favour? ', he asked casually.
' Sure you can ask anything. Are you in trouble Luke? You sound like something is bothering you. ' she answered with a worried edge to her voice.
' Everything is fine. I wanted to ask you if you have any plans for the space next to Tric.', he asked.
' No I don't have any plans. Why?' ,she asked suspiciously.
' Well Peyton is back in town and she is considering opening her own label. I know she wants to and if she has an office space she has no reason not to do it since Brooke agreed to invest in her label. I was thinking she could use the room next to Tric since its empty for years.', he explained.
' Sure she can use it. She can have it rent-free. I am sure Peyton will do great. How come she is back in Tree Hill?', Karen sounded surprised , 'Wait is Brooke not in NY? I am confused.'
'Apparently they both were unhappy and missed Tree Hill so they returned. I meet them at Haley's and the subject came up naturally. Thanks mum. I will tell her. ', he said relieved.
' Sure no problem. Call me if you need anything.' she said and hung up.
Great so this was done. He just had to tell Peyton. He was happy that she would be around. He did not want her to feel out of place. He wanted her to be happy and he knew her own label would enable her to fulfil her dream. She had not made it in LA but now she had had the possibility to do so.
--0--
Lucas was leaning against a table at Tric. He was tipping his foot up and down. Peyton had to arrive any minute now. He could not wait to tell her the news. He was sure that Peyton would have no reason not to reject Brooke' s idea any more once she knew she had an office.
He had called her to come and meet him at Tric and after hesitating at first she had agreed to meet him there. He couldn't wait to see Peyton' s face.
He heard footsteps behind him and turned his head towards the door. Peyton was walking slowly in his direction. The moment she saw him her face lit up clearly. He could see he gorgeous smile even from the distance.
When she was close to him he stood up and greeted her with a smile. She smiled back and his mood just got better by the sight of her.
' So why did you want me to come here? I mean it's nice to be here, no question but this place is completely empty.' , she said smirking.
' For now it might be empty. This is why I called you. Look here.' , he said and opened the room to the space behind the heavy door.
' Yeah. And? What is there? All I see is a lot of old stuff.' , she frowned.
' I thought this could be your office space for your new label.' he saw that she was about to complain and added, ' I already talked to my mum and she said you can have it rent-free. And since Brooke agreed to be your investor I don't think you have any reason to say no.'
He saw that she was touched and encouraged but also that there was still doubt in her eyes. She looked down, thought for a moment and looked up again.
' I can't except this. I mean I just quit my job and I am supposed to start my own label. I don't know if I can do that. What if I mess up? I can't guarantee Brooke or your mum that it will go well and I don't want to disappoint them.' she murmured doubtful.
What? She still is not happy? He did not understand. How can she doubt herself so much? These guys in LA had no idea what a talent Peyton was and now she was withdrawing a chance to do what she had always wanted? Hell he would do anything to have that chance!He could not write his second while everyone was bugging him to write again. Nathan would give anything if he could walk again. And she had the possibility of her dream coming true and did not take the chance? Was she planning to leave again? No this was just not fair. She had just got back. He could not let her go.
' You know what I don't get it. I thought that it what you wanted. Publish music that actually means something to someone. Jeez, you have been talking about it all your life and now that you have that chance you are not taking it? You know Nathan would do anything if he had the chance to play again. I would do anything to write my second book but I can't. You can and you are still saying no? Why? Do you think it does not matter? You are wrong it does. You can reach people through your music. I know you can. Your music can touch people. It touched my heart. When I was sad you always knew a song that made me feel less alone. You always knew how to cheer me up. I wish I could do the same with my writing.' , he shouted and took a deep breath.
He did not understand her. He just could not believe it. All this frustration came out in one long speech and he could not stop until he had said everything.
He looked up and saw that she was staring at him, shocked. He could see that his words had reached her. He could see that she was believing in her ability, in her strength. He saw that fire in her eyes. He could see the old Peyton at this moment. The Peyton that was not afraid to do what was important to her, the Peyton that was ready to fight.
He also saw the gratitude in her eyes.
' Thanks, Luke. That was just what I needed. You really know me. I think I will try it. I will open my own label. I still don't know if it will work but I promise I will try. So you can stop convincing me you already did. And there is something I need to tell you.
Do you remember when you took my sketches over to thud magazine? I didn't thought that my art mattered to anyone and you proved me wrong. And do you remember when you first joined the ravens. Do you remember what you told me when you entered the gym the first time?' , she asked.
What a question? How could he ever forget that night. He had started as a Raven and if not just for that he would still remember because he had seen that sparkle in Peyton' s green eyes for the very first time. He had had doubts whether he should play but Peyton' s drawing had mirrored his feelings and he had known that he was not the only one who felt like he did not belong there. He had wanted her to know and so he quoted the sentence from that night.
' Your art matters. It's what got me here.'
He saw Peyton nodding and she continued:
' Yeah. It's like you touched my soul. I was ready to quit again. Quit chasing my dreams what I really wanted. But you saved me with the words you wrote about me in your novel. So if you' re struggling to write the next one, you should know that your art matters, Luke. It's what got me here.' she said in a half broken voice and by that he knew she meant it.
She was coming back because of his words about her?Really? He could not believe it. So she had given up her life in LA because of his words. His words dedicated to her. He did not know what to do or think any more. All these years he had thought that she did not really cared for him. All those years he had given up his hopes to see her again. And now she was there. She was not only here, in Tree Hill, she was back for good. She wanted to do change something. Chase her dreams she had almost burrowed and his words had made her dug them out again.
When he was back at his house he walked to his bed. His head was filled with memories, Peyton' s words and something else. Inspiration. He felt a sudden urge to go to his laptop.
He started his laptop and waited impatiently to open a new document. His fingers blew over the keyboard and the more word he wrote pictures of a story appeared and manifested. He knew that this was good. He knew that he would not erase these pages. It felt good to write again. The words flooded over the display. He had not felt that inspired since... since his first novel for goods sake.
AN: So what do you think? This chapter got so long. LOL. I don't know if it worked. I usually do not write so long chapters. What do you think?
I tried to write some more dialogues. I have no idea if it worked so tell me. Please R&R.