Author: Giang Tien (little miss saigon)

Date started: 7/20/15

Date posted:

Rating: T just to be safe

Prompts: one too many drinks and a broken ANBU mask. oh, and a philosophical quest on the biblical definition of shit.

Ship: SasuSaku

Summary: Some habits were passed down from the Sannin to their apprentices. Some good, some bad… and some… well, they weren't so bad.

Author's note:okayokay i know i lied

I SAID THIS WOULD BE ROUGE

AHHA SORRY

THE NEXT ONE WILL BE

rouge was supposed to be a clubbing-fic but the idea of inebriated sakura getting sasuke drunk or something like that was jsut too good to resist

also i just reallyreallyreally wanted to write sakura yelling "SHITTY PEOPLE ARE SHIT"

anyway so this is another random idea i had. i mean all of the prompts thus far are of my own imagination, but if you guys wanna like PM me prompts… yeah.

prompts in reviews will be removed and ignored. thanks ya'll!

XXX

The rumours about the three great Sannin and their apprentices were true- Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura had picked up on their various habits.

Naruto had become a flat-out pervert, often accompanying Kakashi to their onsen-peeping-tom expeditions (Sakura refused to heal any collateral damage or lacerations caused to them as a result of these adventures). Sasuke, well… he was just glad he didn't turn out to be a purple eyeshadow-using pedphile. That would've been mildly concerning.

As for Sakura? She'd inherited Tsunade's good looks, her freakishly scary strength (never again would Naruto attempt to peep on her… he still had the scars to prove it), and her short temper. Oh, yeah. And the drinking.

Sakura was having one of those days. The days when the shit just piles up so you want to get stumbling down the hall, pass out and fall on your ass and throw-up in the toilet drunk. There was just so much shit. Shitty shit shit shit. Like, run around, flailing your arms, screaming and spazzing shit. Life just gave her so much shit, she wanted to shit right back at its face and chuck more shit at it.

"Sashkay-kuunn," she moaned breathily, flailing on her stool. "Yoo haveta see 'Kashi's face… it's like… bootiful." Her already unfocused and glazed eyes narrowed, and she spread her arms out and waved them animatedly as well as making vague and random motions. "It's like… I am holdin' dis chihld in my hands and it's like 'oh my frickin' god this child I popped outta myself is beautiful, but not as damn downright sexy as the depraved old man.'"

Her ANBU uniform was completely tattered, showing off bits of skin that should've been illegal. Blood stains permeated almost the entirety of the black cloth, her cracked cat mask hanging haphazardly off her neck. Her hair, now longer and kept in a high ponytail, was in utter disarray.

Sasuke resisted the urge to snort. Naruto was already passed out, head on the bar counter and drool dripping from his mouth. Gross. Kakashi was gone on a mission, so had had absolutely no idea what stemmed that random comment.

During the most ungodly hours of the night, the Konoha bar was relatively quiet. It was supposed to be closed, but as soon as the bartender had seen their tattered ANBU forms, he'd quietly resigned to let them in. Drinking after a particularly tricky assassination mission was usual for Team 7 now that they were past their days of innocence. Hell, they'd probably come around her so much, the bartender probably knew their names and where they lived.

The night had started out normal enough. Sasuke had quietly ordered a sake, Naruto yelled for various shots of vodka because of the regeneration abilities, he had to drink a lot to get drunk...and Sakura? Well, she ordered enough alcohol to put Tsunade's feats to shame.

After consuming fifteen shots, Naruto had drunkenly attempted to strip (not that there was much to strip from his already ruined and ripped uniform…) and kiss the bartender before passing out. Sakura had chugged two bottles of sake without taking a single breath, and now was swaying dangerously on her seat.

Granted, Sasuke was in better condition (medically, and in terms of drunkeness). Sakura had already healed all their injuries before entering Konoha, so that was all well and taken care of, but his uniform wasn't nearly quite as raggy. His clothes were singed and burned, but that was just about it. The stupid missing-nin they had assassinated had a helluva fire jutsu. While Naruto and Sakura went hand-to-hand combat with the Iwagakure nuke-nin, he had waited until the man was exhausted before diving in for the final blow. In which the man had unleashed a final last-resort attack that Sasuke marginally avoided before plunging his tanto into the guy's chest and ripping upwards.

Yeah, that was fun.

So after collecting the body and dumping it at the morgue and reporting to Tsunade, all three of the staggered their merry way to the bar.

Sasuke sipped his sake, carefully eyeing Sakura. His shattered raven ANBU mask lay on the bar counter carelessly. The thing was broken, anyway. He'd have to get a new one.

"I mean, ish not fair," Sakura slurred, draping herself over Sasuke. She slung an arm over his shoulder, smirking devilishly as she leaned in close. He sat completely still, eyes determinedly trained on the wall in front of him. He would not be distracted by her.

Sakura giggled maniacally, her lips brushing his ear. Sasuke stiffened, and could smell the sweet sake that winded through her breath. "Ya know, Sa-su-ke, I was wondering… if I should try and hook up with Sai."

Sasuke almost puked sake out from his nose if not from his intensive Uchiha training of good manners in his childhood.

"Likeeeeeee," she mumbled deliriously, attempting to seductively tracing her finger down his cheek but instead succeeding in poking him on the side of his nose, "he's kinda like you, neeeeee? Butcha don't like me back…." She giggled. "Tsunade-shishou liked that creepy-ass, purple eyeshadow-using pedo… he's like, the purple eyeshadow-using Satan… yeah, and you pretty much sold your soul to him 'fore me and Naru-face busted your ass outta there."

Gritting his teeth and attempting to keep the anger out of his voice (no, he was not jealous)

"You were talking about why you should date Sai," he said, evenly.

"Ooh, yeah." She giggled, dropping her head to rest on his shoulder. She snuggled closer, but for some reason Sasuke didn't mind. It wasn't the kind of snuggling to try to get in his pants, but just a childlike, innocent kind of cuddle. "Well," she started, narrowing her eyes at something, "Naruto is sure you're like, gay."

Sasuke choked on his sake for the nth time. If Sakura kept this up, he'd be dead before she finished her story.

"And…" her expression grew a little more wistful and sad, her tone more serious, "it's not like you'd ever reciprocate my feelings. So I'll have to settle for second best- Sai. Although Pig does have her hands all over him. You were never really there for me or Naruto… I mean, you were the reason Naruto ditched me too. 'To get stronger,' he said. Just like you. But I think that's kinda crazy 'cause I knew I still reallyreallyreallyrealllllyyyy liked you even when you were gone. So I'm just a stoopid drunk chick hung up over the hottest and nicest and smartest and greatest and bestest guy she'd never known 'n stuff."

Sasuke sighed. He wasn't really sure how to feel or react. For starters, it was true he had pretty much rebuffed her every single time she reached out when they were young. And he had totally ditched her and cut his bonds with her and all that crap. Sasuke had abandoned her for more than three years, then expected to be welcomed back with open arms after he waltzed back in her life. His hands loosely fisted, his nails leaving crescent-shaped marks on his palm. He knew that he wouldn't ever forget how he had screwed both Sakura and Naruto over. The guilt would plague him every day of his life, and the fact that Sakura and Naruto had forgiven him so easily didn't help.

He wanted to scream, "But I left all of you, tried to kill you, and hurt you and murder you and everything else that you aren't supposed to do to your precious people!"

"Aaaannndd," she slurred, clearly about to pass out. The extra half-bottle sake she had just chugged wasn't doing her any favors. Swaying on her seat dangerously, her jaw hung a little slackly as she giggled. "SHITTY PEOPLE ARE SHIT!" she declared, holding up one finger sagely, "And along the road of life, I have discovered the biblical definition of shit is Umbridge from Harry Potter. Like, god, what a toady, froggy, fugly pink-loving old-lady beotch. Don't tell Naruto I said that about toads."

Then promptly passed out on Sasuke's shoulder, like they were sitting on his couch and watching a movie with Naruto sprawled all over the floor and her curled up at his side. Except that they had nearly died a few hours before, with blood splattered all over them.

But he didn't mind.

He rested his cheek on her head, her hair soft as silk. Her chest rose and fell easily, her features at peace. The shards of his broken ANBU mask lay forgotten.

He'd always be there to look out for her. If she were drunk, or sleeping, or eating, or training, or anything, he'd always look out for her. And she'd always look out for him.

They were family, after all.