Chapter Four: Peepee Problems

Later, 2:46. Dear Diary,

I have NO clue what I'm gonna do! I've been thinking throughout all of the acts, but I have nothing and Saix is up NOW. I'm so screwed. "Hi everyone. I am number VII, and my name is Saix. Today I will be performing for you. I will demonstrate the dance of a thousand moons." Saix began jumping around the stage like a chicken getting more aggressive after each peck and cluck he did. He then entered berserk mode and went fucking monkey nuts. He trashed the room, bitch slapped Xaldin, and destroyed half the stage.

"Take that world!" Saix uttered as he huffed and puffed from a severe shortness of breath. I'm up now.

"Okay" I mutter reassuringly under my breath. I got this. I… have…got this. "Um, hi everyone. I'm Axel. I'm number VIII, and today I will blow your minds with a stunning magic trick." It was then that I got the idea. Marluxia was blabbing the whole show, and I thought now was my chance. "I need a volunteer. Hmmm" I say as I search the crowd.

"ME ME ME!" Demyx yelled.

"How about you! Pinkie!" I said, pointing to Marluxia.

"Umm, no thanks" Marluxia snapped.

"MEEE. PICK MEEE!" Demyx screamed.

"Hmmmm, I dunno. You seem like a pretty capable assistant" I said.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Demyx death growled.

"NO DEMYX. MARLUXIA GET YOUR ASS UP HERE NOW!" I holler.

"Heavens to Betsy, Christ almighty FUCK, I'm coming" Marluxia whined in a flamboyant tone.

"Thank you. Now, watch in amazement as I make him… DISAPPEAR!" Everyone gasps. I open up a corridor of darkness and push his ass into it. I close it. "TADA!" I say aloud. The room was silent. Not a word was said.

"…" "FINALLY!"

"I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET RID OF HIM" people shouted from the crowd. Everyone laughed and smiled. Thank god I'm safe. Demyx went up right after me. He did really good and performed his solos well. The rest was boring. It's finally over.

Later, 3:37. Dear Diary,

I am about to head out to the Subway SuperSandwich store with Roxas and Larxene. If you're wondering why Larxene is coming it's because ever since she gave Roxas that stupid lap dance she's been wanting to hang around us. She's just… freaky. Anywhore, I'll write in my diary when I get there.

Subway, 4:16. Dear Diary,

We've arrived and I've learned that Larxene really isn't that bad. She cool, she cool. Roxas decided to get two mustard and pickle sandwiches… toasted. Ew. Larxene went for a footlong full of meat. Not surprising. And I got buffalo chicken with lettuce, hot sauce, and a bag of Flamin' hot Cheetos on the side. Oh, and at this mega Subway, they have GIGANTIC drinks, so I got a Super Large Deluxe Mega Nega Gulp. It's about the size of Roxas' head, including his hair.

"Are you really gonna drink all of that!?" Roxas asked.

"OF COURSE dude. Why else would I buy it? I paid good money for this damn drink and I'm gonna drink it" I replied.

Later, 4:28. Dear Diary,

We all finished our sandwiches, and somehow Roxas managed to get that garbage down, and now we're gonna go shopping. Good thing I get to take my drink with me.

Even Later, 4:57. Dear Diary,

UUUGGGHH. Larxene dragged us into some really freakin' girly store called: Forever 22 and Vicky's Secret or some bullshit like that. "Roxas! Snap out of it. It's just a bra store" I say to the awe inspired blonde.

"Shut up" he replied back. I just finished my huge drink in the last store, so now I kinda gotta go number one.

"Umm guys" I said as I made them inch towards the bathroom. "I kinda gotta- whoa!" I say as we get pushed over by a maintenance man.

"Store's closed" He said to us. All of the lights in the mall went out including the ones in the store. All the other girls were locked in with us. DAMMIT.

"Well… I have to go number one… and the bathrooms have electronic doors, sinks and toilets that are all off" I say frantically. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PEE!?" I shout.

"It's fine. Just take one of those hats over there and go in the corner" Larxene said.

"NO! I am NOT peeing in front of a bunch of girls" I said.

"Well you're gonna have to pee sometime" she replied. "Or you can pee in your pants in front of ALL of us."

"Larxene. Don't make it worse for him… even though it's kinda funny" Roxas added.

"Shut up Roxas" I mumble. What am I gonna do? THAT'S IT! I got it. "Roxas, didn't Xemnas give you one of those emergency safe phones that only calls home and the police?"

"Yeah…"

"USE IT TO CALL HOME AND TELL THEM TO BUST US OUT SO I CAN PISS"

"Okay…" Roxas said, sounding worried.

"Or you can pee in the hat Like I had suggested" Larxene said.

"NO. 'Cause if I do then everyone's gonna hear the sound of it" I say embarrassed.

"Hey, I called the castle and Xemnas said he'd be here soon" Roxas exclaimed.

"GOOOD." I sighed with relief when I heard that.

"I AM HERE!" Xemnas shouted as he busted through the store gates with a van. "Hop in everyone." We all climbed in the van and ran over a few white girls on our way out. All in all this day was awesome. I got to spend the day with my best friend, and a new friend I never thought could be this much fun. I got to pee in my OWN bathroom, and everything turned out okay. Except for the fact that my pee was blue… might wanna have that checked out.