They brought the food back outside. Severus knew she was watching him eat every bite that he brought to his mouth, but for the first time in months he didn't mind. If it was how she showed her love, so be it. He hadn't realized that just being open with her about his past, about those things she knew about but didn't really know about, would free him like this.
Being vulnerable was something he had a great amount of experience with from his childhood, and it was not an emotion he'd enjoyed since. But he could be, with her – for her really. For himself.
Ginny put down her empty plate and sat back, looking very satisfied.
"I was starving," she said, eyeing his own empty plate with a little smug smile.
"As was I," he said, setting it down next to hers.
"I know you don't want me to mother you, Severus, but – "
"It's okay, Ginny. I think I find your worry to be very … endearing," he said slowly. "I do appreciate that you haven't started acting like Molly would have done."
"I'm only her daughter, not her clone," she said softly. "And I know better than to try to bully you into eating."
"You've had a couple of tricks up your sleeve, if I should be so bold to accuse you of it," he said, eyeing the jar of honey sitting on the ground next to them.
"I can't help it if I happen to be craving your favorite foods," she said, attempting to look innocent but failing miserably. "Okay, you caught me. But I really was craving raspberries the other day."
"I still am," he said, eyeing her breasts longingly.
"My eyes are up here," she said, giggling and touching his shoulders.
"Of that, I am aware," he sighed before looking back up at her face.
"Later, I promise," she said, leaning in to him once more.
The moon had risen high into the horizon, lighting up the sky with a bright glow that could have rivaled the sun. He looked down at her, caressing her arm and curve of her shoulder as he considered his next words carefully.
"I'm sorry that I never spoke of those things before," he said, settling his hand on her back. "I never wanted to speak of unpleasant things about myself to you at first, because you were so fragile, even after we finally …"
"I know I was," she said. "I've always wanted to know more about you, but I wanted to respect your privacy as well. It's an odd place to be caught between."
"I won't do it again," he said. "At least, I promise that I will try not to. I'll have to get into practice."
"Thank you. And I promise the same," she said in agreement. She stretched her back, giving him a minute to stroke the length of her spine through the thin, gauzy fabric that covered it. Here on the island, she'd taken to wearing light, sleeveless dresses when she wasn't in a bathing suit. He decided he would miss the easy access he had to touch her skin. She might need to be instructed to wear one at home, at least for a few hours on the weekends, when they were alone and the fires of their rooms had been stroked especially strong.
A happy sound of contentment rose from her throat as his hand slipped underneath to meet the bare skin of her back, before languidly retreating. She looked up at him and pouted.
"Later," he whispered.
She took his hand in both of hers, tracing the band of his gold wedding ring.
"Are you afraid of fatherhood?" she asked sometime later.
"Yes."
"Why?"
He looked away, trying to pull all the answers together that he could, sifting through all the fears that had been swarming around his head for the last half year like a noisy bees.
"I guess I could condense it down into three reasons, unless you want to listen to me speak until she's eighteen," he tried to joke.
"Since I love your voice, Severus, either one is fine with me."
He shook his head and smiled at her with longing. "Concise version tonight, longer version tomorrow if you still want to know absolutely everything." He slid his hand from her back to lightly cup her breast in order to prove his point.
"Agreed," she said, gasping when his fingers tweaked her nipple. "You'll have to stop that if you expect me to listen."
He smirked and let his hand return to the soft skin of her upper back. "First, I'm afraid I'll be horrible at the basic mechanics of it. I've never been around children smaller than eleven, so I have absolutely no experience with nappies and other what nots."
"I am the baby of my family, and my only experience is with my nephews, and that's been infrequently. We'll figure it out together," she said, quite convincingly. "I promise."
"I suppose we will have to," he said. "Secondly, having said all that, I've never liked children who couldn't talk back to me with a measure of intelligence, and most of the ones who can are idiots."
"I couldn't agree with that statement more," she said, laughing. "But this child will be ours, and half of her will have your smart mind."
"And the other half will be yours, my dear." He paused, mentally tripping over the last reason every time he attempted to speak it out loud.
"You're afraid you'll be like your father, aren't you?"
He nodded, that damnable burn in his eyes back in full force. Again, he decided not to fight it, and let the tears roll down his face like rain.
"Severus, listen to me," she said, turning his face with her hands to meet hers. "You aren't like him."
"Am I not?" he asked softly, his voice cracking a little under his tears. When was the last time he had cried this much in one day?
"No," she said. "Not one bit."
"Ginny, I spank you and control your actions on a daily basis. And I like it. I know it's not the same, but somewhere in my mind … I can't shake the feeling that it could be."
"If I ever said stop, would you?"
"Without question," he said immediately.
She leaned in closely to him. "That's the difference, Severus. Who has the power in that part of our relationship, you or me?"
He swallowed. "You do, my love. You always have."
She nodded slowly. "Do you see the difference, even just a little? I submit to you and do as you instruct because I want to. It pleases me to please you, and I like to give control to you because … because I trust you with it. I trust you. Since you came back into my life, you've never given me a reason not to."
"And the spankings?" he said.
"If you had any idea the pleasure I get from them, you'd let me do it to you," she said shyly, trying to duck her head under his arm.
"That'll never happen," he said, moving his arm so that she couldn't hide beneath it. "I guess I did realize that the first time you came, during."
He could see her face turn a lovely shade of mind, even in the moonlight. "Please answer me a question, Sir," she said, biting her lip. "What was it that you said when you saw me in those stocking and garter belt that day, bare everywhere else?"
All the blood in his body felt like it surged to his groin with the memory of her bare, pale skin, so soft under his hands that day and every day since. "Beautiful," he admitted. "It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, Mrs. Snape."
"Is it still?"
He nodded. "I think it always will be. That was the day I really began to think that you might love me, too."
"It was the day I realized it, myself. It was why I started crying, at least partly," she admitted. She stood up, and walked to the edge of the veranda, looking out at the sea. He watched her fingers go to the knot at her neck, working her bright hair free from its confines. It flowed like silk down to her waist. He groaned at the sight.
"Do you love me, Severus?"
"With everything in me, Ginny. I would lay down my life for you."
"Do you love our child?"
He stood and walked behind her, setting his hands on her belly. He fought the burn in the eyes and failed yet again when he felt the kick inside pulse against his hands.
"I think she may be the best thing I've ever created," he said, the words coming out in an uncontrolled rush of emotion.
"You'll never be like him, then." She placed her hands over his and squeezed. "You are a thousand times the man that he was. You just have to believe it."
He buried his face in her neck, so moved was he by her unwavering faith and trust in him. And for the first time since he found out he was going to be a father, he believed that she was right. He no longer felt like Tobias Snape's unwanted son, though it was who he was as sure as his eyes were still black. He felt … gods, he realized he felt hope. And forgiveness. And love.
Oh, hell.
"Since when did I start feeling like a Weasley, Mrs. Snape?" he said, clearing his throat to make room for the laughter.
"We do have that effect on people, Sir," she said, laughing as well. "Just ask Harry and Hermione."