xxx

"Kakashi!" Sakura screamed among the commotion, running through the crowd of wounded ninja.

Everything was a mess. It was chaos. There had been one last flash of light that had illuminated the sky before everything went dark and the tree fell. Kakashi could hear her calling for him, but he couldn't find her.

"Kakashi! Kakashi!" Sakura screamed again at the top of her lungs, tears streaming down her face as she finally came into view.

"Sakura!"

"Kakashi!" Sakura breathed out as she finally saw him at her side, a few meters away, kneeling on the ground.

She wormed through the people who ran past before she was able to reach him, only to notice blood pouring from his side.

"Kakashi!" Sakura shouted as she dropped to her knees and inspected his wound. "No, no, no!"

"Sakura, where are they?" Kakashi ground out, grabbing her shoulder. "Why can't I feel them?"

More tears blurred her vision as she tried healing him, barely knowing where to start. Her chakra was starting to run dry and he knew the racing of his heart must have matched hers.

"Sakura!" he called, demanding an answer, but Sakura could only manage a sob.

Tsunade approached from the side and Sakura looked up at her, eyes wide and begging.

There were people dying everywhere, people that could still be saved. People who also had loved ones, but they were not hers.

"Shishou," Sakura pleaded.

Tsunade's eyes held the same terror Sakura's did. She looked around her, at the other people who were losing blood and needing help more than Kakashi.

"Please," Sakura breathed out.

Without a word, Tsunade kneeled at her side, glowing palms on Kakashi's side.

xxx

Chapter Five: Are One and the Same

…

Sakura was almost relieved when the pain came back and made her deaf to her surroundings. The tension between the group was becoming unbearable after Kunan had lashed out. They spoke not a single word since. To top it off, it would still be a few hours before they reached Konoha. Kunan's back was becoming rather uncomfortable too. Running at such speeds had him sweating by now, and it was unpleasant to say the least.

Suddenly, Kakashi spun around. "Kunan, behind you!"

Kunan skidded to a stop and turned around, jumping out of the way just in time to avoid a slew of shuriken. Where they embedded into the ground, four masked ninja landed. They wore blank masks, nothing on them to identify their loyalties.

Separated from Shokubai and Kakashi, Kunan prepared to fight. "Hold on tight," he told Sakura before he let go of her thighs in favor of his tanto.

The enemy didn't lose another second to launch their attack. Two of them charged their way, swinging their kunai mercilessly against Kunan's two tanto. Eyes squinting against the pain in her arms, Sakura grabbed Kunan's katana and pulled it free. A fifth enemy appeared on them side, but he was too slow to evade Sakura's swing, thinking he had the advantage of surprise. Behind the enemies Kunan faced, Sakura could see more had swarmed around Kakashi and, particularly, Shokubai.

Sakura yelped when her collar was yanked and she was thrown back onto the ground, at the mercy of another enemy. How many were they?

"Sakura!" Kunan yelled, looking back at her only to earn himself a cut cheek.

Sakura rolled just in time to avoid being impaled by her enemy's sword. Shokubai's pained scream worried her, but Kakashi was much closer. She was no help. Above her, her enemy performed the hand seals for a fireball jutsu.

"Oh no you don't," Sakura growled, hands moving faster than his. She slapped her palms on the ground and raised a wall of it above her to protect her. She'd had enough of burns already.

Before the earth closed around her, the fireball was extinguished. Sakura instantly recognized the technique as Kakashi's water dragon; the technique he had copied from Zabuza. Quickly, she dispelled the earthen wall, jumping to her feet to drive her katana through the enemy's heart, in time with Kakashi who slashed the back of his neck.

"What are you - "

"Sakura," Kakashi barked, turning his back to her.

Sakura didn't need anymore to know what he expected of her. Quickly, she laid her palms on his shoulders and transferred her chakra to him. The situation was dire enough to justify it. Ahead of them, Sakura counted twelve enemies, certain more were still hidden.

Kakashi's hands moved in a blur and it was only a second before electricity sparked from his hands and grew bigger. Sakura winced, wishing she could cover her ears from the buzzing in the air. The enemies hesitated, watching and preparing to counter. Sakura knew they wouldn't be able to. Kakashi proved her right, amplifying his jutsu with her chakra until he was satisfied. Sakura watched in morbid fascination as the bolts lashed around them, crashing into trees and setting some of them on fire. Then, Kakashi let it all loose at once. It spread quickly, filling the area, tearing screams of pain from the enemies it hit.

Behind her, Sakura could feel the heat of the electricity that surrounded them, making her hair stand on end. Kakashi was too careful to let it too close to her, though, or Shokubai and Kunan. Sakura squinted, pressing her forehead into Kakashi's back to avoid the harsh light. Around them, she heard more trees fall. There wouldn't be much of a forest left in these parts if he took anymore of her chakra.

Then, it all stopped. Kakashi dispelled the jutsu. "They ran."

Sakura peeked from Kakashi's side, finding a few bodies around Kunan and Shokubai. One of them, though, was still alive and breathing, though clearly incapacitated for the time being.

"Looks like our little secret's out, Sakura," Kakashi chuckled darkly.

They had rarely used this combo on live opponents, but none had lived to tell the tale. Sakura paid it no mind, hurrying to Shokubai's side. Kneeling them, she inspected his wound. An enemy had punctured his lung with a kunai.

"I don't have enough chakra left to fix it," Sakura said, panting. The surgery had already used up a good part of it, but Kakashi had sucked it near dry. "I can only stabilize you for now."

Sakura reached into her pouch, retrieving a needle and tube. Shokubai's jaw tightened; obviously, he knew what was coming. Sakura stabbed between his ribs with the needle and inserted the tube, allowing air to escape his chest so he could breathe at an acceptable level. Blood in his lung would prevent him from receiving all the oxygen, but he would be treated soon enough in Konoha.

No longer under immediate threat, Kunan faced Kakashi, pointing his taito at him. "What is wrong with you?! Shokubai was closest to you - he was the one you should have helped!"

"Sakura is wounded," Kakashi defended. "She was at greater risk - "

Kakashi grunted when Sakura slapped him, causing her to cry out in pain as well when the pain in her arm flared up once more, the adrenaline subsiding.

"I was handling myself just fine," Sakura spat, wincing.

"You weren't - "

"Yes, she was!" Kunan retorted, dropping his blades to grab Kakashi's collar. A rather ridiculous gesture when Kakashi stood half a foot taller than him. "You blind fool!"

"If you think I'm going to let my students die like you -"

Kakashi didn't get to finish his sentence before Kunan punched his square in the jaw.

"Enough!" Sakura shouted, standing between them. "Shokubai needs immediate care! You should be ashamed of yourselves - fighting like children!"

Kunan and Kakashi glared at each other a second longer, chests heaving, before they finally let it go. Kakashi pulled out a scroll from one of his pockets, summoning his dogs to instruct them to carry the incapacitated enemy home. Then, he helped Sakura on his back, leaving Kunan to carry Shokubai.

As they rushed home, everyone was silent. Kakashi picked a spot to the side where they weren't too close to the rest of the group, avoiding everyone's disapproving frowns. Sakura shut her eyes and buried her face in Kakashi's neck.

"I'm sorry for slapping you," Sakura whispered, ashamed she had lost control so. "It wasn't right."

It wasn't right because they both knew she had down the same once, years ago. She, too, had placed Kakashi's life above all others when it was unreasonable to do so.

"No," Kakashi said quietly. "You were right."

Sakura sighed, pressing her cheek against his, whispering, "Thank you, Kakashi-senpai."

"I promised I would never let anything happen to you," Kakashi whispered, one of his thumbs rubbing circles on her thigh. "I won't break this one."

Sakura hummed, closing her eyes. Kakashi always broke his promises. He liked to promise her the moon, only to have it come crashing down on them when he couldn't bear the weight of all he wanted to shield her from anymore.

"One day you will," Sakura said, leaning forward to look into Kakashi's exposed eye. "It's alright. You don't get to choose. No one can."

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

"There you go, trooper."

Sakura groaned when someone slapped her cheek repeatedly.

"I hear you performed skin grafts on yourself, amongst other things." Sakura finally registered the voice as Tsunade's. Forcing her eyes open, she caught a blurry glimpse of the woman hovering above her. "Only you would get so gory."

Blinking the blurriness away, Sakura eased into a sitting position. "I didn't have a choice."

"The hell you did," Tsunade chastised, waving a flashlight in Sakura's sensitive eyes. "You were in a hospital. There were doctors there, or are you telling me they were all quacks?"

Sakura glued her mouth shut, enduring Tsunade's examination in bitter silence.

"I finished your botched surgery." Tsunade raised her hand in front of Sakura's face, showing four fingers. "No lasting harm, though the next few days might be unpleasant."

"Four," Sakura said, then looked down at her bandaged arms. They were still painful, but it had toned down a few notches. "Is everyone alright?"

"Shokubai had a perforated lung," Tsunade said, hands forming different shapes for Sakura to mimic. "He'll be out in a few days."

Sakura sagged in relief, but Tsunade wouldn't let her rest so easily, demanding she stand up and proceed to prove all of her motor functions were intact.

"Now, about that," Tsunade said from where she leaned against the cot. "I expect a full report on my desk before the end of the day. Kunan and Kakashi have already submitted theirs. I assume yours and Shokubai's will match?"

Obediently, Sakura nodded. Everything Tsunade said held a threat. "Do this paperwork," she would say, meaning, "or I'll punch you five ways to Sunday." Or, she would ask, "Would you be kind enough to fetch my sake?" threatening, "I'll demote you to genin if it's not on my desk in the next five minutes."

"Kakashi recommended your removal from the team," Tsunade added, not cutting Sakura any slack.

"Of course he did," Sakura sighed, climbing back in her bed.

"His squad was unusually rambunctious and disorganized." Tsunade frowned, watching Sakura like a hawk. "Something that never happened until you joined them."

Sakura watched her feet, having nothing to say in her defense. It had been obvious she was the cause of it, though she had done nothing to instigate it.

"Shokubai and Kunan defended you," Tsunade finally said. "They insisted your behavior was exemplary and your skills valuable assets to the mission. They directed the blame towards Kakashi."

Sakura's head shot up. "Why would they?"

"Why would they not?" Tsunade spat. "I should have demoted that pitiful dog on the spot - don't look so hopeful, Sakura." She scoffed, crossing her arms over her ample chest. "Kakashi remains the best candidate for the job. It would be foolish to disband your squad now. The information you collected is vital; only you and I know. That's how it will stay for the time being."

"Oh, that's right," Sakura said, pointing at her clothes. Tsunade fetched them for her and Sakura retrieved the plastic bag she'd stored the explosive powder in. She grabbed another from her pouch, emptying the powder from her jacket pocket in it as best she could. "I found these in Rain. The first in from the customs building, the other from a factory in Ame. You should take them to Kenshi."

Tsunade grabbed the bags, carefully slipping them in her pockets as she nodded.

"It's serious, isn't it?" Sakura whispered, sitting on the mattress with some difficulty. "What's happening?"

"I can only take a guess, Sakura." Tsunade was never one to be comforting, but it meant she wouldn't lie to her. "Your squad can rest for a while. I'll summon you when I've figured our next course of action."

When Sakura didn't answer, Tsunade headed for the door. "Rest. You need it."

Sakura expelled the breath she'd held, dropping on the bed. She grabbed the IVs that hung by the bed and hooked them back to the tubes in her forearm. Perks of being a medic; she did everything herself.

Sakura closed her eyes, sleep not a hard luxury to enjoy right now.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

"Sensei!" Hideki shouted as he bursted into her room, almost crashing into her bed. "We heard you were in the hospital and I came immediately - "

"Hideki-kun," Sakura laughed, placing a palm on his wild blonde hair. He looked like he'd just gotten out of bed, and he very well might have. It wasn't unlike Hideki to rush into everything that wasn't combat related. "Don't be so loud, we're in a hospital."

"Sorry, sensei," he muttered.

Sakura chuckled. He was also the most obedient of the bunch, fostering a little too much affection for her. Hajime and Akemi soon followed him into the room, wide, worried eyes on their sensei.

"Hajime-kun, Akemi-chan," Sakura greeted. Akemi seldom said much, preferring not to waste her breath, while Hajime was much closer to Hideki's temperament. "It's been a little while."

"We missed you!" Hideki said, frowning. He was always also so affectionate and concerned for her, it made Sakura laugh sometimes. "People say you were gone on a super secret mission. Is it true?"

And impressionable, too. It hid how intelligent he really was for a fourteen year old boy. "It is."

"Tell me about it," Hideki whispered, leaning in closer and using his hand to shield them from Hajime and Akemi's view. "I won't tell anyone. Promise."

"I'm afraid I can't," Sakura chuckled, leaning away from him. "How has the chuunin life treated you while I was gone?"

"Terrible," Hajime mumbled, crossing his arms over his slight frame. "We've been rescuing cats that don't want to be rescued."

"The same as being genin," Akemi added, brushing away a long strand of purple hair.

"It sucks," Hideki complained, dropping in the visitor's chair behind him. "I thought we'd get all the cool missions now!"

Sakura's lips twitched in a sad smile. These children didn't know the hardships of war and S-ranked missions. She hoped they never would, though she remembered her own twisted excitement at their age. They were barely toddlers when the war ended; they had only known peace. Was it too much to hope that it would remain so?"

"Don't be so stupid," Sakura chastised. "You'll miss these quiet times when you grow up."

"You should listen to your sensei," Kunan said, leaning on the doorframe. Sakura looked up at him in surprise. "She knows what she's talking about."

"Maybe we'd know better if she told us more about her life before us!" Hideki protested, ever so eager and defiant. "It's not fair. She knows everything about us."

Sakura, too, had thought the same when Kakashi deflected each and every question they had about his past as genins. It was so easy to understand why now. The picture was prettier when she could still pretend they weren't bound to be tainted by the world.

"And it's how it should be," Kunan retorted. He nodded towards the hall. "Now scram, I need to talk to her."

Sakura's students left, grumbling a few complaints of bossy adults and that one day, the tables would be turned. Sakura smiled to herself, leaning back against her pillow.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," Sakura chuckled, raising her bandages arms for him to see as he closed the door. "It's all good, though. I'll be up and kicking ass soon enough."

Kunan nodded, pulling a chair closer to Sakura's bed to sit in it backwards. "I assume Hokage-sama has already informed you that the captain asked you be taken off our squad."

"Yes," Sakura sighed. "It was nice of you to defend me."

"I did no such thing." Kunan frowned, fingers toying with the sides of the chair. "I told things how they were."

Sakura smiled, fumbling with her thin blanket. "It's my presence that destabilized Kakashi-senpai - "

"It was his job to deal with it appropriately," Kunan cut in, his narrowed eyes even harsher than usual. "Whatever it was going on between you two, he didn't handle it the way he should have."

"How do you know that?" Sakura frowned, throwing him an angry glance. "You're not in his shoes."

"You obviously hid your identity from him," Kunan pointed out, leaning forward on the back of the chair, exposing some of his chest as his low-cut shirt fell lower. "Something tells me you had a reason to do that."

"I did." Sakura looked out the window, avoiding Kunan's sharp gaze. "I still deceived him, though."

"I meant what I said, Sakura."

Sakura turned back to look at Kunan, surprised by the hard lines etched into his face. "About what?"

"You don't have to follow Kakashi into this," Kunan clarified as he stood to step closer to her. In his street clothes, Kunan looked like an entirely different person - save for the stony face. He looked younger, more like a normal man. "Whatever he means to you, he's not your responsibility."

"Am I yours, then?" Sakura's brows bunches together in annoyance. "I told you I could decide for myself."

"I've seen the damage men like him wreck on a pretty face like yours," Kunan said, leaning his palms on the mattress besides her. He stared straight into her eyes, challenging her to look away. "Stop chasing after him."

Sakura scoffed, a chuckle rumbling through her chest. "I see."

"See what?"

Sakura leaned closer to Kunan, until their noses almost touched. "What's really motivating you."

"Do you?" Kunan moved only a hair's breath closer to her. "How bold of you."

"You want me to be," Sakura said, voice low and even.

Kunan closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to hers. Sakura pulled away, but Kunan followed, wrapping his fingers around her nape. Sakura exhaled against his lips, letting her eyes slide shut.

"I don't fancy a messiah complex," Sakura said when they broke apart.

"That won't be a problem," Kunan breathed out, his warm breath tickling her lips. "Unlike a martyr complex."

"Why kiss me?" Sakura asked when he stood straight again. "What is it you expect?"

"Nothing," Kunan answered, running the fingers of one hand through Sakura's pink locks. "I wanted to kiss you."

"Why?" Sakura insisted.

Kunan sighed and sat by her, the hand in her hair cradling the back of her head. "I wanted to kiss you," he repeated. "It's that simple. Isn't it strange that you can't accept it as such?"

Sakura stared down at her white blanket, finding some truth to his words.

"I don't even need to know more about you two," Kunan continued. "He's already damaged you."

Kunan's eyes widened momentarily when Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss. He bent forward until Sakura leaned against the raised back of her bed again, moving his lips against hers with more insistence. Sakura let him take over, following his lead.

"Do these doors lock?" he whispered between two clashes of their lips.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Sakura chuckled, though she didn't protest when he slipped a hand in the folds of her hospital gown to feel the skin of her stomach.

"Am I?" Kunan barely offered her a chance to reply, renewing his assault on her mouth.

Sakura looked up at the ceiling when his lips moved down to her neck, suckling and nibbling. Shivering under him when he licked the sweet spot on the side of her neck, Sakura tangled her hands in his hair, a small moan escaping her throat.

"I want to hear that again," he rasped against her ear, and Sakura had to bite her tongue just to keep the satisfaction from him. "You're pretty when you moan."

Sakura remained mute, but her heavier breathing was all the confirmation he needed.

"Do they lock or not?" Kunan didn't wait for her to answer to get up and test it himself. They didn't.

Resourceful as any other ninja was, he dragged the chair, placing its back under the doorknob. He resumed his position on top of her, but Sakura turned her head away, laying her palms flat on his chest.

"Kunan," she said softly.

"I'd rather you don't ask me to leave," he chuckled against her cheek. "Is that what you're about to say?"

"My arms are still in a lot of pain," Sakura said. Though it wasn't a lie, it certainly wasn't stopping her.

"I don't know who you are, Sakura," Kunan whispered, sharp eyes locked with hers. "But you caught my attention. I want your body. I want to know who you are."

"So you'll fuck me on my hospital bed?" Sakura lifted an eyebrow, a playful grin bending the corners of her lips.

"I did say something about wanting your body, didn't I?"

Sakura groaned into his mouth when he kissed her again, immediately fisting her hands in his dark hair. "You did."

"Are you still going to ask me to leave?" he rasped, impatience and lust clouding his onyx eyes. "Don't give me that bullshit about your arms."

"Yes," Sakura breathed out, slipping her hands under his shirt to feel his chest. Although his bulk made the muscles on his body evident, there was a layer of fat on them that Sakura didn't find on Kakashi's hard chest. She pressed her fingers harder against his skin, enjoying the feel of him. "You'll have to be a little more patient. Maybe I'll let you have more next time."

"I'll look forward to it," Kunan said before catching her lips in a final kiss. "Whichever it is you'll be offering next time."

He stood up and, with one last long, smoldering look, left. Sakura sank in her bed, throwing the blanket over her head.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

"Missy miss," the voice called again. "You're back, missy miss."

Sakura groaned. Her body felt like it had been hit by a ton of bricks.

"Missy miss," it said, suddenly stern. "You shouldn't move, missy miss."

Of course, Sakura disobeyed. This thing wasn't the boss of her. Only, when Sakura tried to sit up, she found her limbs bound by chains. Her body hung in the hair, uncomfortably stretched by them.

"What do you want?" Sakura growled, pulling against the metal with all her might, but it was useless.

"Missy miss," the voice chuckled. "I want everything, missy miss."

Sakura couldn't make out more than the silhouette of her captor, a mass of darkness that somehow stood out against the pitch black they were in.

"Missy miss," the voice cried. "I hurt, missy miss."

Sakura cried out in pain when she felt a blade pierce her abdomen and cut clean through her back. It pulled the blade out, ignoring her scream.

"Missy miss," it whispered desperately. "Look what I've done to you, missy miss."

Sakura looked down at her body, gasping when she saw the scars that covered it. "What is this?!"

"Missy miss," it answered coldly. "It's every single wound I've ever inflicted you, missy miss."

Sakura couldn't fight the tears that leaked from her eyes, nor the sobs that rocked her body.

"Missy miss," it continued. "You know every single one of them inside and out, missy miss."

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Sakura protested, fighting against her restraints. "I never had these before!"

Her companion lashed out in anger, this time lodging a blade between her ribs.

"Missy miss," it sneered. "You wear these like badges of honor, missy miss."

"What are you talking about!" Sakura cried out, powerless against the agony he inflicted on her.

"Missy miss," it snarled. "Why don't you flee? Nothing is holding you back, missy miss."

"The chains - " Sakura looked up only to find they weren't there.

"Missy miss," it laughed. "You did this to yourself, missy miss."

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

Sakura started awake. Someone was here. Before she could reach for her kunai, he was out the door.

"Kakashi-senpai?" Sakura called, but he didn't answer. "Kakashi-senpai!"

Sakura sank back into her bed. Her arms were burning again.

Had she just imagined someone in her room just now, or had Kakashi really been here? Either way, she was too exhausted to find out.

He's already damaged you.

Kunan's words echoed in her mind and Sakura forced her eyes shut. She wanted to believe it wasn't true, truly.

But the memories flooding Sakura's head told a different story, one she couldn't deny. His constant hot and cold reactions to her had left her into tears more than once. It was hard to find the truth between the reasoning behind his refusals and the raw lust he clearly demonstrated before he'd tell her no. He'd finally given in, at the inn at the border of Ame.

Had she been right to push until he fell over the edge?

But it would have been foolishness to think they could ignore their attraction. It had been there almost as far as Sakura remembered. She wasn't an adult yet that Kakashi already displayed all the signs of lust, though he kept it aptly under lock and key for the longest time. Sakura had since long accepted this side of them. Kakashi never had.

"It's not my fault," Sakura whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat when tears gathered in her eyes.

He'd always wanted her the same way she did. He was the liar.

Sakura wasn't seventeen and they already shared their nightmares. Sakura's had come first; they started with Pein. From that night, they too often shared a bed. For a while, Sakura believed Kakashi was just being proper. Until his own nightmares returned after the war and she witnessed what his own hell looked liked. She would hold him the way he held her at night to comfort her, never wanting to let him go again.

He fought it, at first, of course. Until he gave into that, too, and the secrets came pouring. Every detail he never wanted to tell them, he told her. At times, Sakura wished he hadn't. Her own scars were enough to bear, but he carried her weight without complaint so she carried his when he fell.

Perhaps it was then that she came apart.

With every new secret, she discovered his strength. Learned from it and was shaped by it. Kakashi had come back from so much already. He was Konoha's greatest ninja - greatest man - and he was hers alone now, Sakura convinced herself. He let her believe it.

And she had been his own thorned toy, too, for a long time.

When she bled, he bled. When he bled, she bled.

But when he joined ANBU, he let her bleed alone. He cut deeper than he had before and somehow Sakura could only pull the blade deeper.

Was it time to let go?

"Kakashi-senpai," Sakura whispered to herself, hating the way her voice broke.

It was a pointless question. Sakura knew she could never give him up.

...xxx...xxx...xxx...