xxx

"Sakura-chan!"

Kakashi didn't turn his head the way Sakura did when a young man called her name, instead just looking from the corner of his eye. Sakura often attracted attention, though Konoha's male population had learned quickly enough not to approach her while she was with him. Not that he was the problem, of course.

"Do I know you?" Sakura growled, fingers tightened around her glass of umeshu as she twirled on her stool.

Kakashi watched in amusement. He knew the boy. Hayate. He'd been Kakashi's subordinate on a mission, a few weeks ago. Hayate had asked multiple questions about Sakura, which Kakashi had mostly avoided but the boy was relentless.

"No, you don't," Hayate said, shaking his head with an impressive composure for the danger he stood before. "I'm Yoshita Hayate. Call me Hayate-kun, though."

"Happy to meet you, Hayate-kun, but my glass demands my attention," Sakura replied, rolling her eyes as she spun back to face the counter.

When Hayate spun her seat to make her face him, her eyes were wide open in shock. Kakashi almost choked on his drink, between a snort and a laugh.

"Don't ignore me just yet, Kankan-chan!" Sakura's jaw dropped at the nickname about her temper. "Sooner or later, and I promise you, you'll be my wife."

Hayate was so serious, down to the way he smiled and his eyes looked straight into hers. Well, he sure was courageous. Still, Kakashi smiled to himself when he saw the shock fade from Sakura's eyes, melting into anger.

"What the hell is your problem?" Sakura roared as she punched his shoulder, dislocating it with ease.

Hayate groaned in pain and held his shoulder, but he still didn't give up. "You haven't gone on a date with me yet, Kankan-chan. That's my problem."

"Are you out of your mind or what?!" she shouted, pushing herself off her stool to stand in front of him. Without giving him a second to reply, she threw another punch, though he was able to dodge it.

"I am, I am," he sighed, shaking his head and exaggerating a pout. "I've heard of you for so long and now I finally see you." Without any fear, he locked his gaze with hers again, opening himself to any incoming hits. "It's not the pink hair, the anger or your talents as a medic that everyone should be gossiping about. It's the loneliness behind those pretty eyes of yours. I know there's still embers there begging to be sparked ablaze again," he said, low enough so the words would only be shared between her and him, but Kakashi didn't miss them

For a second, Sakura had been speechless. If anything, Kakashi had to give some credit to Hayate. No one had silenced her that way since she was sixteen, at the most, not since him.

And so, she ignored it all and punched him square in the jaw. "Go away, you freak!"

As she sat back on her stool, he could see poor Hayate trembling in pain.

"You know I'm serious," he chuckled behind her. "Give me a chance."

Sakura's hands were trembling around her glass when Kakashi patted her back. "Maybe you should. Two punches and he's still standing. You can always turn him in a punching bag if it goes wrong, Sakura. He looks like he enjoys it."

xxx

Chapter Nine: I Can't Play no More

…

"Missy miss," the voice called. "Why are you here, missy miss?"

For once, Sakura felt peaceful. It was like she was floating on water, lulled by the small waves. The water was warm against her skin when it seeped through her clothes.

"Missy miss," it said. "You are not where you think, missy miss."

"Leave me alone," Sakura sighed. "I know where I am."

"Missy miss," it insisted. "You are fooling yourself, missy miss."

"It doesn't matter," Sakura spat, anger overwhelming her. "I feel good here."

"Missy miss," it said again. "Don't you hear them anymore, missy miss?"

"Hear what?" Sakura asked, focusing on the feel on the water instead of its voice.

"Missy miss," it chuckled. "The voices. They scream at you, missy miss."

"There's no one here but you," Sakura defended, frowning. "No one is screaming."

"Missy miss," it said. "You shouldn't block them out, missy miss."

Sakura realized her hands were glued to her ears, pressing on them painfully. She pulled them away, only to shove them back against her ears when she was assaulted by the screeching voices that surrounded her.

"Missy miss," it said. "You will drown if you don't listen to them, missy miss."

"I don't want to," Sakura choked out, already feeling herself sink.

"Missy miss," it continued. "You don't have a choice. They haven't stopped because you have, missy miss."

When the water submerged her, Sakura screamed, reaching for the surface but it already too far. The water burned its way into her lungs. Sakura screamed again, flailing, but there was nothing she could do. She was drowning.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

Sakura gasped for air as she woke up. Heart racing, she shoved the blanket off her body, thinking she might burn alive if she didn't get some fresh air. When she rolled onto her stomach and crawled out of bed, Sakura gasped again. Her arms gave out under her and she fell to the floor with the grace of a gorilla.

Kakashi helped her up and she pushed him away.

"What are you doing in my bedroom?" Sakura panted, unsure whether or not he was really standing before her. "How long have you been there?"

"Not long," Kakashi said, but she knew he was lying. "You didn't answer the door."

"So you break into my house?" Sakura accused, throwing her alarm clocking at him. He dodged it and it crashed into the wall, breaking into pieces. "Are you mad?"

"Only for the hundredth time," Kakashi said, frowning. "You've never called me mad over it before, I'm hurt."

"You're awful, Kakashi," Sakura grumbled as she stood, searching in her drawers for a good shirt to cover her naked torso.

"No more senpai?" Kakashi asked, following her down the stairs into the kitchen. "When did that happen?"

"Now," Sakura huffed. "I'm not going to rely on you anymore. I'm done with that."

All this talk to avoid what he really wanted to say. They hadn't seen each other in the past month; Sakura avoided him and Kunan hogged most of her time. Things were fine this way.

"You've been able to stand up on your own for a long time, now," Kakashi said, his voice quieter. Sakura didn't bother to ask him if he wanted tea; she just prepared it. He sat on one of the stools that lined her counter. "It took you a long time to understand it."

"And you need a cane," Sakura scoffed, taking the cups out of the cupboard. "You're getting old."

"Sakura." Kakashi was serious, but Sakura didn't want to hear any of it. Apparently, he thought it appropriate to have important conversations while she wore only underwear and a tank top. "I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

Kakashi took a moment to answer. "Is there a chance you could be pregnant?"

"No," Sakura answered honestly, shaking her head. "None. Is that why you're here? Are you kidding me?"

"No contraception is perfect, Sakura," Kakashi chastised, leaning on the counter. "What would you do with my baby?"

That was an interesting question to say the least. Sakura had never given it any thought, though, as it was entirely useless.

"Why are you even asking this now, anyway? If I was pregnant, you'd know already," Sakura said, patience running thin. "I can't have children, Kakashi."

"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning.

"When Sasori put a sword through my stomach, I couldn't fix everything without running out of chakra too quickly," Sakura started, running her fingers over her scar. "The ability to have children was not vital for my survival. I thought you knew."

Everybody knew. It had been the talk of the village after Hayate had asked for her hand, since he was the heir of a prominent clan of the village. It had been expected of him to further the family line.

"I didn't," Kakashi answered.

Sakura sighed. He was impossible.

"Did you want them?" Kakashi asked after a few minutes of silence, letting his tea go cold in front of him.

"Children?" Sakura asked, pulled out of her thoughts. She took her first sip from her cup. "No, not really. I couldn't give them a decent life. They would hold me back too much. My team is enough."

Silence again.

"Did you see us that way, too? Is that why you never had children of your own?" Sakura wondered out loud, leaning against the fridge.

"No," Kakashi replied quickly, shaking his head. "I never had any kind of paternal instincts, as some call it."

Sakura thought of the many times he had put himself in harm's way in order to save them, his dedication to grooming them into the best ninja they could be. The affection he had always had for them, without ever really showing it.

"Did you love us?" she asked, voice small. "As children?"

"You were everything to me, after I got used to you," Kakashi nodded, eye somber as he looked down into his mug. "All three of you."

Sakura understood what he meant. After spending more than a year with her team of genin, they had grown on her, something she hadn't expected. She guessed it must have been what new mothers experienced with their newborn. No matter the frustration, lack of sleep and worry, love for it was unconditional.

Only, she was pulled in two opposite directions at once. Kakashi was worth just as much to her. If he was to go, what would the pain do to her love for her team? Would it override it?

"I missed you, Kakashi," Sakura said quietly as she made her way to him.

She stood in front of him, between his legs. He didn't move right away, still slouching forward on the stool he sat on, arms on his thighs. Then, his fingers brushed her own thighs, almost shy, before they wrapped around them and rode up slowly, to her hips.

Sakura closed her eyes as his thumbs rubbed lazy circles on the hem of her panties.

"I missed you," she repeated.

"I missed you too," Kakashi finally said.

Sakura sighed and sat on the stool next to his, laying one arm on the counter and the other on her thigh. "Can we stop fighting?"

"I'd like that." Kakashi smiled, just barely, under his mask.

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

"Sakura-sensei!"

Sakura spun on her heels as her name was called, immediately recognizing the voice.

"Hajime-kun!" Sakura called her, watching the short black-haired boy run towards her, a broad smile on her lips.

He was only thirteen, a year younger than his teammates as she had been in team seven, and he already reached her shoulders. Akemi easily only reached her chest while Hideki was at her chin. The joys of being a short teacher. Children were almost as tall as you.

"How've been surviving without me for the past two months, kids?" Sakura teased as she ruffled his hair in the same manner Kakashi had done to her.

"We haven't really had any missions..." Hajime mumbled, crossing his arms and leaning on one foot. "Just genin-level stuff like finding cats and whatnot, like Hideki told you at the hospital."

"Be happy about it, Hajime-kun," Sakura started preaching, but her student quickly cut her off.

"I know! I know!" he groaned, swinging back and forth on his heels, eyes rolling up. "No missions means peace! I just wish there was something for me to do so I could become a better ninja."

Sakura smiled, nostalgia swelling in her chest. "When I was only a few years older than you, I had to go to war."

"The Fourth War?" he questioned in admiration, his emerald eyes wide. She had never revealed this tidbit of information about herself to her students just yet. His eyes were the exact same shade as hers, which had always weirded her out to some extent. "We all assumed you did, since you had to be old enough already by then."

"Yes, the Fourth," she said, nodding as she remembered the atrocities that made her friends into the grandest heroes their world would ever know. "I was lucky. I've only ever seen one war. My sensei, Kakashi, has had to go through two. He's known the worst sides of it. The Third war was not as pretty as the Fourth."

As she placed a hand on Hajime's shoulder, her heart clenched at the thought of what Kakashi

must have had to endure as barely just a child the/ age of Hajime. What her own students might go through soon. "Don't strive to be a hero, will you?"

"But they were so - ow!"

Sakura gripped his shoulder. She didn't want to hear about the two great heroes of the Fourth War.

"Where are Hideki and Akemi?"

"Uh... I don't know. I'm not supposed to meet with them until this afternoon for training," Hajime replied, slightly puzzled at the change of subject.

"It's good to hear you've been keeping up with the training. I'll come see you this afternoon, then." Sakura praised, letting go of him. "Where were you off to like that?"

"Lee-sensei told me that if I ran around the village a hundred times, I would be eternally youthful," Hajime gushed, slapping his hands together as he grinned. "So I was gonna try it and see if it worked in forty years."

Sakura contained her laugh. She would feel too guilty if she laughed at him in his face like this. The boy was just so oblivious and gullible sometimes. Too cute for his own good, on top of that. If he had a mean bone in his body, he hid it expertly.

"It's always worth a try, right?" Sakura smirked, shrugging her shoulders.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed, staring up at her with hopeful eyes.

"Alright, goofball, off you go then," Sakura smiled, waving her hand at him as she turned around.

"I'll see you kids later."

"Later, Sakura-sensei!" she heard him shout back as he ran back the way he came.

…xxx...xxx...xxx...

Sakura groaned as she walked in the open plains of the training grounds her team had the habit of meeting at. A few more hours of sleep really wouldn't have hurt, Sakura lamented internally as she looked up at the sun, shielding her eyes with her arm.

The first person to come into view was Kakashi, which made no sense at all, but she immediately understood when she saw Hajime buried up to his chin in at the Copy Nin's feet. Time to kick some copy cat's ass.

Hideki was flailing, trying to help his comrade, but the wiser Akemi held him back.

Without warning, Sakura rushed to them and aimed a kick to Kakashi's chest, which he dodged easily, having sensed her coming probably.

"Ah, Sakura, how nice to see you here," Kakashi greeted cheerfully, sitting on his heels. "I was teaching your student to respect his elders."

Sakura pulled Hajime out of the ground without much effort.

"Sakura-sensei!" he wailed, limp in her hold. "I thought he was gonna kill me!"

"I told you already, Hajime-kun," Sakura comforted sweetly as she dropped him before turning her narrowed eyes to Kakashi. "He's too much of a pussy to do anything if it means he'll have to answer to me."

Kakashi stood with his usual slouch, hands in his pockets and eye smile in place. His trademark image. "I'm sure I can remember you being the one mewling not so long ago..."

If it wasn't for the sake of keeping her composure in front of her students, her jaw would have hit the floor.

"Kakashi," Sakura warned, glaring at him and hating how casual he was.

"Oh, did I get that wrong? You did look a lot like a bitch, from a certain angle," Kakashi mused, rubbing his chin.

A smirk grew on Sakura's lips. There was no ill intent in his words, he was simply teasing her, trying to strike a nerve. Poking fun at their momentary moments of weakness. From the corner of her eyes, she could see her three students watching them with curiosity, but not having a clue what to make of the situation.

"Don't say such... such weird things about Sakura-sensei, you weirdo!" Hideki finally said, raising his fist, though his defense of his teacher was laughable when he was faced with the one and only Copy Nin.

"Or what?" Kakashi asked with his hands on his hips, leaning forward near a full ninety degrees to meet Hideki's gaze. "You'll hurt me?"

Without a hint of fear, Hideki attacked, only to be neutralized in the blink of an eye. Before Kakashi could react, Sakura's heel had connected with Kakashi's shoulder and sent him rolling a few feet.

"You don't get to lay a hand on them," Sakura growled. "Get some of your own if you want to torture kids again."

Even if the situation was in no way threatening, Sakura felt protective of her team and Kakashi was without a doubt toying with that.

"How about a bell test?" Kakashi proposed, smirking while he dusted himself off.

"What? Now?" Sakura blurted out, dropping the defensive stance.

"Yes, now," Kakashi said as he stood, rolling his shoulder and approaching her. "But with a twist."

"What kind of a twist?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow in interest.

"Your students are the bells," Kakashi let out as he lunged for Hajime, who froze in fear.

"Oh no, you don't!" Sakura roared as she punched the ground, raising the earth in front of Hajime before Kakashi could reach him. "You stay around me, kids!"

Her students obeyed with impressive speed. Kakashi really had been a fearsome character, when she was twelve, she remembered. Her eyes skimmed the area, but Kakashi was nowhere to be found.

"Jump!" Sakura ordered as she cracked her knuckles.

When the kids were safe in the air, she plunged her hand in the ground as if it was water, managing to get a good grip on Kakashi's arm. Just as the children landed, she hauled him out of the ground.

"Wrong one," she heard Kakashi say a few feet behind her.

The Kakashi she held disappeared in smoke. A clone. "Fuck!"

She leapt over the kids just in time to reach Kakashi, but the move was sloppy enough that he was able to pin her to the ground before she could do anything.

"It's not so easy to protect all three of them, hmm?" Kakashi teased - another clone. The real one was running for her students.

"Hajime-kun, your specialty!" Sakura roared, rage overwhelming her as she shoved Kakashi off of her.

Nobody would touch these children.

"Y-Yes, Sakura-sensei!" the boy shouted as he threw strips of paper on the ground at the clone's feet.

The explosion wasn't impressive, but the smoke that resulted from it granted Sakura enough time to kick the clone out of existence and reach her team. On top of making his own explosives, Hajime was able to give certain properties to the smoke. The one he had used created an impressive foul smell, which was a great coincidence.

Not too far away, Sakura could hear Kakashi retching. An extremely sensitive nose was not always a good thing.

Sakura pounced and landed on him easily, stabbing his arm with one of her many poisoned senbons. Kakashi groaned, knowing this meant defeat for him.

"Don't fuck with my students, Kakashi," Sakura threatened, heart pounding in her ears and breath coming in pants.

"I didn't realize you were such a good teacher, Sakura," Kakashi complimented, completely still under her as the relaxant spread through his body.

"You should know me better," Sakura ground out, pulled out of her fury by Kakashi's friendly banter.

Reminding herself that he posed no real threat to her students, she forced herself to relax, still sitting in his lap while he remained still under her. Still, his eye watched her intently, registering every bit of emotion her body demonstrated.

The smoke dissipated quickly enough.

"Sakura-sensei won! Yes!" Hideki shouted with pride, jumping where he stood.

Hajime stood straight, eyes brimming with tears and admiration. Even Akemi seemed impressed, her mouth gaping open slightly.

"Didn't they ever see you fight before?" Kakashi asked, squirming under her as the tiny amount of poison she had used was broken down by his body already.

"No," Sakura answered with a smile. "I don't usually have anyone here for their training, and times have been very quiet."

Even if Kakashi didn't say a word, she could tell he shared her relief. He had given her only a taste of what it felt like to fight for such young lives and her heart was about to burst out of her chest. Imagining everything that must have been going through Kakashi's mind while he was fighting Zabuza in Mist was nauseating.

"You'll have to, one day," Kakashi reminded her, voice somber.

"I know," Sakura whispered as her eyes followed her substitute children, her whole chest clenching with devastating worry.

The trio celebrated a distance from them, still too wary of Kakashi to get any closer without their sensei's permission.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

"Happy birthday, sensei!"

Sakura smiled, ruffling Hajime and Hideki's hair. Akemi stood safe between them. "That's nice of you, to come see your old sensei for her birthday."

"You're not old," Hideki defended, frowning.

"Is she?" Hajime let out, pensive. "How old are you, sensei?"

"Old enough to start lying about it," Sakura chuckled.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Sakura?" Kunan chuckled, standing behind her. "Have you lied to me?"

"Of course not," Sakura said innocently, running her fingers up his neck.

"Blergh, I'm getting out of here," Hideki complained, turning away from them. "So gross."

"You're so childish," Akemi muttered, following him.

"He's kinda right," Hajime mumbled, heading towards the platters of food, too.

"Another piece of cake?" Sakura asked, looking down at the small plate he ate. She grinned, poking his stomach. "That's your fifth. No wonder you're fat."

"I don't see you complaining about it in bed," Kunan whispered huskily, then nibbled on her jaw. Of course, Kunan was a far cry from being overweight, but Sakura liked teasing him about it. "Quite the opposite."

"Oh, you," Sakura snorted, freeing herself from his hold when he became too affectionate. "Now, now, calm down. I'll go get myself some food, I'm hungry."

Kunan followed her to the table, smirk plastered on his arrogant face. It was good to see everyone again. Sakura's eyes scanned her kitchen quickly. Most people were in the yard, but Yamato had taken a liking to her new couch, it seemed. The day was beautiful, so she didn't know why he stayed inside.

"I'll go catch up with Yamato," Sakura said, piling a few desserts on her plate. Kunan eyed them, arching his eyebrow. Sakura scoffed. She hadn't had breakfast twice - he did. "Why don't you go outside and entertain everyone a little?"

"I didn't realize I was a clown," Kunan scoffed.

"You're dating me," Sakura said, rolling her eyes. "They all want to see what a freak you must be."

"Fair enough."

Sakura smiled to herself as she watched him walk away. Plate full enough to her liking, Sakura made her way to Yamato, sitting besides him.

"Happy birthday, Sakura-chan," he said, smiling at her.

"Thanks." Sakura poked her cake with her fork, staring down at it. "What are you doing here, all by yourself?"

"Ah, I've never been a people person," Yamato chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "It was quiet here."

"It is." Sakura took a bite of the cake. Of course, any food that came from the Akimichi was good.

"Listen, Sakura…"

Sakura would have sighed if she wasn't swallowing a mouthful. Quiet was too much to ask for.

"I know this isn't my business, but…" Yamato sighed, running a hand through his hair. "What's going on between you and Kakashi?"

Sakura frowned. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Neither of you have talked to me for quite a while, not since he joined ANBU," Yamato said, oblivious to the fact she had joined as well. "But Kakashi… I know he wasn't doing well, but…"

"But what?" Sakura pressed, no more patience for the subject.

"You know - after the war - you became really important to him," Yamato started, beating around the bush as he always did. "It scared me - many of us. I don't even want to know, whatever it was."

"Yamato - "

"No, really," Yamato insisted, shaking his head. "Whatever it was, you kept him grounded, I think. More than I could. Than anyone else could."

Sakura frowned. It had been the other way around - it always had been. Kakashi had been her rock, holding her up whenever she threatened to fall. Sakura had never been able to be that to him. Kakashi always made sure he fell out of her grasp, when he asked her to look the other way just for a second.

"I know that there was Hayate before," Yamato continued, "I know he hard a time then, too. I know I can't ask you to do this, but…"

"But what?" Sakura growled. "Get to the point."

"Reconsider. This," Yamato motioned towards where Kunan had left, "this thing. Kakashi. I think you know what there really is between you, by now - "

"Shut up." Sakura dropped her plate on the coffee table with a clank. "All of this bullshit. I don't want to go through it again. If you've got a speech to give, give it to Kakashi. See if you can get through to him, because I can't."

"Sakura - "

"No, don't open your fucking mouth again." Sakura stood up, dusting herself. "If you didn't notice, I have guests. I'd rather not to be rude to them."

Yamato shut his mouth, watching her as she left to go join Kunan outside. The sadness and pleading in Yamato's eyes, she could do without. The speeches, the complicated everything, politics, all of it.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

"Don't go," Sakura grumbled, half asleep still. "Too comfy."

"Kakashi's at the door," Kunan said, wrestling free from her. "Get dressed."

"He's seen me naked a thousand times already," Sakura mumbled into her pillow.

When her foggy brain caught up with what she'd just said, Sakura bit her tongue. Kunan paid it no mind, though, and opened the door for Kakashi. Apparently, he, too, cared little about being near naked in front of Kakashi.

"It's the middle of the night," Sakura groaned. "What do you want?"

"Hokage-sama summoned us," Kakashi said. Sakura stiffened. She knew that tone. He threw her ANBU uniform on the bed. "Dress and meet me outside. Now."

Sakura scrambled out of bed, grabbing her underwear from the floor. Kakashi didn't wait for them; he was already on his way.

"Do you think - "

Kunan locked the door behind her, nodding. "Yes."

Sakura shuddered.

Before long, Squad Mutt was standing in Tsunade's office. Seeing all of them in their ANBU uniform only reminded Sakura of what was really happening around them. The past month had been too quiet; it was bound to end.

"Suna has invaded Ame," Tsunade said, arms crossed over her chest too tightly. "We've just received the report."

Sakura breathed in slowly, arms remaining stiff at her side.

"Suna hasn't contacted us yet." Tsunade inhaled the same way Sakura did, leaning against her desk. "We won't wait for it. Your next mission is ready."

They all waited in silence. None of them wanted to know what was coming.

"Assassinate the Kazekage."

"Shishou," Sakura called, leaning forward in her haste. "Is that really necessary?"

"Don't question my orders!" Tsunade barked. Sakura's spine went rigid and she stood the way she had been taught to. "Most of the shinobi force stationed in Ame was slaughtered. It's too late for diplomatics."

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama," Kakashi cut in. Tsunade didn't interrupt him. "You know where this will lead. Perhaps you should consider giving Suna what they want."

"Age has made you soft, Kakashi," Tsunade chuckled. "There is no reasoning with the Kazekage if he believes this was the only way to obtain Ame. You will kill him before he poisons Suna any further."

"Age has made you senile." Kakashi stood as proud, unaffected by Tsunade's glare. "Suna has initiated negotiations for Ame several time in the past; you never conceded."

"This justifies murder?" Tsunade barked. "They had others means. I won't accept this."

"As you wish, Hokage-sama."

"Leave, now," Tsunade ordered. "Come back when you've accomplished your mission."

Kakashi spun on his heels and headed for the door. Kunan and Shokubai immediately followed. Sakura swallowed, hesitating. Tsunade walked to her and put her hand on the cheek of Sakura's mask.

"I did what you asked of me," Tsunade whispered. "Don't make me regret it. Come back."

"Yes, shishou."

...xxx...xxx...xxx...