xxx

"Kakashi-senpai!" Sakura screeched as she ran to his side, eyes taking in his battered body for injuries.

Injuries which were not hard to find. The deep gash across his chest still gushed blood, making her wonder if he was even still alive. The medic in her took over immediately, her hands flying to the wound, glowing green as she did her best to stop the bleeding.

"Kakashi-senpai!" Sakura cried out as tears welled up in her green eyes. "Talk to me! Please!"

No response.

Letting loose a guttural scream she didn't recognize as her own, she focused on the gaping hole that threatened her senpai's life, refusing to let him slip to the other side just yet. Tsunade's hands joined her own quickly enough, planting hope to bloom in Sakura's heart. With the two of them, maybe they could still save him.

Inch by inch, the skin was meshed back together, the bleeding long stopped. Lesser medics had treated his minor injuries while Konoha's best worked on the largest; a strategy that augmented his chances of survival by reducing the overall stress inflicted on his body.

"Kakashi-senpai..." Sakura begged, looking up at his closed eyes. "Please, wake up!"

Was it too late already?

As Tsunade finally closed the wound, Sakura stepped behind Kakashi, cupping his head in her bloodied hands to force him to face her. "Sensei..." Her fingertips brushed against his throat and felt the irregular beat of his heart, so weak she truly believed he was dying before her. "You can't."

Biting her lip, she tapped his cheek lightly, watching closely for the moment his eyes would open. He always came back alive. Always.

"You can't, you can't, you can't, you just can't!" Sakura whispered hysterically as her head hovered above his, tears spilling onto his cheeks.

"Kakashi-sensei..." She murmured when he still didn't respond, the world around her spinning, her breathing so erratic she might faint any second.

Sakura pressed her cheek against his as her knees buckled, loud sobs wracking her body. He wasn't coming back this time. This was it, he was dead. Even he was gone.

"Sa... kura?"

Her eyes shot open as she heard his voice, wondering for a second if her mind was playing tricks on her.

"Can't breathe..." Kakashi wheezed.

"You're alive?" Sakura mumbled as she got to her feet, lifting her head to examine him.

The dark eye she knew so well was open and staring back into her own. Her heart skipped a beat as her mouth fell open, words vanishing somewhere between her throat and her lips.

xxx

Chapter Thirteen: Now I Strip Myself Bare

…

Sakura lowered Kakashi onto his cot, nearly crumbling besides him. Hajime and Akemi were behind her, though, so she couldn't. Not yet. Kakashi winced, the wound in his chest still painful. All the blood on his face had come from where his skin had split open on the side of his forehead, but it took no more than her chakra to mesh the flesh back together for it to be fixed. From what she could tell, Kakashi had been impaled by an enemy's sword before he'd taken him down. The wound wasn't a clean cut. The enemy had tried to pull the sword out, only to slice further in another direction.

"Hajime," Sakura called, fighting the urge to pass out. "Come here."

Hajime obeyed diligently, wiping at his eyes. "Yes, Sakura-sensei?"

"Help me with his wound," Sakura said, her palms glowing green above Kakashi's chest already. "You remember how to do this, right?"

Hajime nodded quickly and his palms joined hers above Kakashi's chest.

"Akemi." Sakura frowned, focused on visualising the way her chakra repaired Kakashi's lung. "Fetch us water and food."

Akemi obeyed as promptly Hajime had. With her, Hajime worked in silence. She allowed him to do the brunt of the work. His medical ninjutsu had greatly improved over the past year and he was already a fine medic. He didn't need her help to finish tending to Kakashi's wound.

Before long, Akemi was back. Sakura sat besides Kakashi on his bed and motioned for her students to sit on the floor. Sakura took one of the water bottles and helped Kakashi to drink from it.

"Eat," Sakura ordered when Hajime and Akemi only picked at their rations. "You need your strength."

Sakura, too, had no appetite, but she still shoved the food down her throat. Her chakra wouldn't restore itself without food and she would need it again tomorrow. Kakashi didn't fight when she force fed him.

"Sakura-sensei," Akemi called, her voice so small Sakura couldn't bear to look at her.

"Not now," Sakura scolded, wiping away at the blood on Kakashi's face with a wet rag. "Go sleep. It's not over yet. We need to be back on the field in a few hours."

Sakura was glad they rarely defied her orders. Kakashi certainly hadn't it so easy back in his teaching days. Akemi and Hajime lied down in the cots across from Kakashi's and didn't say another word, shutting their eyes too tightly. Sakura could only hope exhaustion would claim them soon.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi whispered, reaching up to touch the tips of his fingers to her cheek. "I tried."

"I know."

Sakura lied down beside him and closed her eyes. Kakashi didn't speak again and Sakura was thankful for it. Without silence, Sakura couldn't wipe her mind blank, and he couldn't, either, she knew. So they remained silent, patiently waiting for slumber to take over.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

The sun had risen far too early. Its light had woken them all and they now had no choice but to trudge on ahead and complete their work. This time, Kakashi and her team didn't leave her side. There was no use to it. Not when they were chasing Suna's army all the way back to their village after the second assault was over. Suna, too, had been exhausted. Worst of all, they were broken. Their shinobi didn't fight with the same desperation. They gave up.

Konoha marched on ahead, exterminating any Suna ninja they found that refused to be taken prisoner. There were many left behind, too wounded to make it back home. Perhaps, once the war was over, they could nurse them back to health, if they were still alive.

Once Sakura led Konoha's army into the village, Suna dropped their weapons. None of them could stand to see their beloved village destroyed. Sakura understood all too well. She remembered when they had fought Pein. How devastating it was to see Konoha fall before her very eyes, one building at a time, one jutsu at a time. Then, all at once.

In the center of the village, before the Kazekage's tower, Jishin was brought to her, pushed onto his knees.

"It's over," Sakura told him, her voice bland. "Konoha has defeated your army."

Jishin's eyes were staring at the ground, at the sand that covered it. He, too, was broken.

"Do you surrender?"

Jishin only nodded. Sakura looked around them. They were surrounded by the remnants of Suna's army. A fraction of it. All wearing the same tired, bland faces.

"Where is your Hokage?" Jishin asked, lifting his chin to look at Sakura. "I expected her here, not you."

"I act in her stead." Sakura's voice didn't waver or hint to the tears she fought back. Tsunade had passed away during the night, as had been expected. "That is all you need to know."

"What's my fate, then?" he asked.

It was pitiful to see him in a heap on the floor as he was. Sakura's hands fisted at her sides. It was his actions that had led them down the path to this war. His fault that she had lost yet more of what little she had left. His fault that his people now had nothing left.

"Do you think you deserve to die?" Sakura said evenly. "Kazekage-sama?"

If she was so inclined, Sakura could end his life with one flick of her wrist. A kunai to his throat. Nobody would stop her.

She wanted to.

"I don't know," Jishin finally said, his shoulders sagging further. "I only wanted to provide for my village, but I don't know what the right path was."

Sakura stepped forward and retrieved a kunai from the holster on her thigh. The guard behind Jishin grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled his head back, exposing his throat for her. Sakura looked around them again, clutching the kunai tighter in her hand. Suna's shinobi were watching her, waiting for her to strike.

Distantly, Sakura remembered being a child, on a mission to Mist. She had turned away when Zabuza was dying, but Kakashi had instructed them to watch. To watch the death of a great ninja. To not turn from the end of a harsh life. Zabuza had earned his rest. Kakashi couldn't disrespect him by not acknowledging his death.

Around her, the Suna ninja didn't turn away. They watched the same way Kakashi had watched Zabuza die. Jishin's end was not shameful to their eyes.

"I accept your surrender." Sakura dropped her kunai and turned away from Jishin, walking back towards Kakashi. Once at his side, she faced Jishin again. "Konoha will move out and return home before the sun sets."

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

The trip back to their camp had been grueling for all of them. They were exhausted. Some had regained a rush of vitality after the official declaration of Konoha's victory, too young to know better. Or too greedy to do better. Kakashi and Sakura were not among those, not anymore. Instead, they hid in his tent. Their comrades knew not to bother them.

Kakashi sat on his cot, burying his face in his hands. Sakura stood at his feet, arms hanging limp at her side.

"Kakashi," she called softly, kneeling before him.

Carefully, she pulled his hands away from his face. His eye stared back at hers and she recognized the exhaustion in them. She, too, was too tired. For a long time already, she had been fighting the exhaustion.

Kakashi pulled at the collar of her shirt, exposing her collarbone, where his chidori had left a gaping hole, not so long ago. He shut his eye and his fingers trembled against her skin. Sakura laid her cheek on his thigh. He didn't need to talk for her to know what he saw. He'd told her many times, already.

Sakura didn't need Kakashi to tell her he wished he had finished his job on the battlefield, too.

"Thank you," Sakura whispered, squeezing his knee with what little strength she had left. "Thank you."

Kakashi's thighs shook under her. Sakura reached up to pull Kakashi's forehead protector away from his sharingan. Kakashi opened his eyes to look down at her, somewhat confused, but he formulated no questions. The corners of Sakura's tightened in a small, sad smile as she stared into his red eye, watching it spin lazily.

"I love you, Kakashi."

Kakashi replaced his headband as it was, hiding his sharingan from her sight.

"I've loved you for so long."

Sakura was too exhausted to lie anymore. There was no covering this up as lust, no acting normal out of fear of ruining what they had. Sakura shed all her doubts with ease, but she could see Kakashi clinging to them the same he way he did the past. He didn't want to be here.

"I wish I didn't have to watch you suffer like this," Sakura whispered into his pant leg, tears soaking into it. "I wish I could take it all away, all that keeps you up at night."

Above her, Kakashi pulled the other side of his forehead protector down to cover his other eye. His chest raised and fell in quick jerks, but he was silent.

"You did what you could, Kakashi." Sakura meant it; Kakashi always worked harder than any of them. Somehow, it was never enough. What could go wrong went wrong and he was left to hold onto the pieces and his regrets. "You always have."

Sakura chuckled. Kakashi was deaf to her words. Even when she tried to help him, she was on her knees, at his feet, needing him just as much. She could never be the rock he had always been to her.

"I need to rest," Kakashi said, his voice cracking against his will. "You should go take care of you students."

Sakura nodded. "Yes, Kakashi-sensei."

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

Back home, in Konoha, all that Sakura wanted to do was head home and crash into her bed. To disappear from existence for the next few days, at the very least. Perhaps a few weeks. Greater duties awaited her, though, and she submitted herself to them without vocalising a complaint. As soon as she had stepped foot in the village, the elders had taken her away to Tsunade's office for a private meeting.

"Tsunade-sama recommended you as a successor," Homura said, not giving Sakura a second to gather her bearings. "I presume she informed you of this."

Sakura nodded, standing still before them.

"Of course, we recommended she pick Hatake instead," Koharu cut in. "Yet, she advised against it."

"I must agree with Shishou," Sakura said, nodding stiffly. "He is not willing to take the position."

"Are you?" Homura countered, frowning.

"I will fulfill Shishou's last wish," Sakura whispered, bowing respectfully. "It would be disrespectful to refuse."

Homura and Koharu glanced at each before they nodded.

"You have shown great growth in the last decade," Koharu said, stepping forward to lay a hand on Sakura's shoulder when she stood upright. "You will follow in Tsunade-sama's footsteps admirably."

Homura nodded. "Though, I'm surprised she waited so long to recommend you. You must have shown a new side of yourself throughout your last missions to change her mind."

Sakura's lips stretched in a small smile. She had thought Tsunade would reprimand her for disobeying orders and willingly failing a mission. If not for that one offense, then for questioning her reasoning and trying to convince her to hand over Ame. Her little speech had had quite the opposite effect, she realized.

"Well," Homura said, bringing her out of her thoughts. "We will have the funeral first. Tomorrow. The ceremony for your naming as Hokage will be held three days later, after the given mourning time."

"So soon?" Sakura let out, unable to keep a frown from her face. "Shouldn't you wait and - "

"This is a grave time for Konoha," Koharu interrupted. "Konoha will need all the guidance and courage of its Hokage to recover."

Sakura schooled her features back into neutrality and nodded. Although brief and successful, a new war had destabilised Konoha's citizens. The peace of the last decade and mellowed them, let them believe it would last.

"Go, now," Homura said, gesturing towards the door. "Let yourself rest and mourn with the others."

Sakura nodded and followed their directions. She didn't know where she would go, but it mattered little. They were many lost souls like her on the streets today.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

Sakura's ears were deaf to the names Homura listed. The casualties of war. Sakura was grateful that they had been few on their side, but it changed nothing to the pain that ate at her heart and insides. Hideki and Ino were among those names. Like most Leaf shinobi stationed in Suna, she had been executed to pressure Konoha into backing down. Though the funeral was for every fallen Leaf shinobi, it centered around their deceased Hokage.

At her side, Kunan placed a heavy palm on her shoulder. Sakura offered him a forced smile.

Shokubai, too, was being honoured today. This time, his heart had refused to start beating again. For him, Sakura felt little sadness. Their conversation in the hospital had been enough to show her that death would be merciful to him. Wishing he'd clung to life longer was only selfish, in the end. They weren't close. Sakura simply didn't want to let go of a life; no medic wanted to. Ahead of her, Sakura could guess the name of the man that stood with a deep scowl on his face. It was hard not to recognize the familiarity - the brown hair, the bulky build and the grumpy eyes. Takeru, Shokubai's son. Perhaps his father would find some peace in this.

In front of Sakura, Hajime's back shook as he cried. Akemi's shoulders didn't take long to tremble, too. Sakura reached for them, squeezing their shoulders as she brought them closer to her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Sakura whispered in Hajime's hair. "I should have been there to protect him."

"Kakashi-sensei couldn't save him either," Hajime choked out as he wiped at his eyes. "It's not your fault."

"I'll find him," Akemi said through gritted teeth, the rage in her blue eyes a strange sight to Sakura. "I'll find him and I'll kill him."

Sakura laid her hand on top of Akemi's hair, caressing it gingerly. "No, you won't."

"Why?" she spat, glancing up at Sakura.

"How many lives did you take?" Sakura asked, staring straight into Akemi's eyes. Under Sakura's scrutiny, they softened, giving place to new tears. "There's no one to blame or seek revenge from. We are shinobi. This is the life we chose."

As the sun set in the horizon, above the Hokage's stone faces, the funeral ended. One by one, the shinobi left, until they were only a few small groups left. The families and loved ones of the dead. They, too, left, one by one as the moon started rising. When they were the last ones left, Sakura had ordered Akemi and Hajime to go home and sleep. They could come visit Hideki another day. Kunan had left with them at Sakura's request, but Kakashi had stayed.

"I'll stay, just a little longer," Sakura told him as she kneeled by the cenotaph. There were so many new names engraved in it, but she had no difficulty finding theirs. "You can go home."

Kakashi hesitated, but he left, too.

Sakura didn't move for a long time, only staring at the stone and replaying old memories in her mind. Memories of meeting Team 7, their big missions together, their separation… There were still a few good ones left after that, though they seemed to grow fewer and fewer as the years passed.

"You must be so ashamed of me," Sakura whispered as tears streaked down her cheeks. "All of you."

Sakura couldn't help the sobs that rocked her body. Foolishly, she'd hoped it would be easier. That it would be quiet and peaceful.

"I miss you, Naruto, Sasuke," Sakura said brokenly, stroking the kanji of their names in the list. "I miss you so much."

Her fingers slipped down the stone to Hayate's name. "You too, Hayate. I loved you, I really did. I wished we'd had more time together. Maybe things would have been better."

"I'm sorry I let you down," Sakura whispered as she brushed her knuckles against Hideki's freshly engraved name. "I failed you, I really did."

"You too, Ino," Sakura said, sliding her fingers down to her friend's name. "I should have brought you back with us when I had the chance."

"And Shishou." Sakura exhaled shakily, unable to blink fast enough to keep up with the tears that flowed from her eyes. "I'm sorry to disobey you. I'm a terrible apprentice, aren't I?"

Sakura pulled her hand away from the cenotaph and reached into her pocket. The sobs came harder and Sakura couldn't help but bend forward in shame. She hated herself for it all. She hated herself for doing this. Either way, she would hate herself. Every part of her had cracked and crumbled and she couldn't put the pieces back together again.

Inhaling sharply, Sakura pulled her hand out of her pocket and glanced down at the syringe.

"I'm sorry," Sakura cried. "I'm sorry."

She didn't want to do this, but there was no other choice. She couldn't put one foot ahead of the other anymore. She didn't want to see the hurt on Akemi and Hajime's faces again. Or Kunan's disappointment. Kakashi's pain. She couldn't fight any of it any longer, not when she was unable to take away any of theirs.

Sakura popped the cap off the syringe and pulled her sleeve over her elbow. More tears and sobs came and Sakura had to dry her eyes to be able to find a vein to insert the needle into. Once it was done, the tears blurred her view again. She pushed on the syringe, wincing at the feeling of the liquid dripping into her bloodstream.

When it was empty, Sakura replaced the cap on the syringe and shoved it into pocket again. It wouldn't be so long, now. In a minute or two, she would fall asleep, and she wouldn't feel herself dying.

Sakura looked up at the sky. The stars were many and bright tonight. It would be a nice sight to fall asleep to. Sakura wished the tears and sobs to stop, but they didn't. She couldn't keep quiet. Gradually, Sakura's limbs became heavier, until they were numb and she fell on her side.

Sakura closed her eyes. Only a little while longer.

Sakura opened her eyes again when she felt her body move. She was sluggish already, unable to move. Kakashi was above her, tearing his mask down as he spoke words she couldn't hear. She'd hoped he would leave her alone as he had asked. He might have if she hadn't chosen the cenotaph.

Sakura couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, so she closed them, giving in to the exhaustion.

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

"Sakura."

Sakura recoiled when something bumped against her forehead. Eyebrows bunched together in annoyance, she opened her eyes. Sasuke's hand blocked her sight.

"You're falling asleep," Sasuke said, pulling his hand away. "I thought you were hungry."

Sakura frowned and looked before her, surprised to find a bowl of ramen. A quick look around told her she was sitting at Ichiraku's.

"Are you feeling alright, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked from her side, concerned. "You look a bit pale."

Sakura reached for him and Naruto raised his arms in defense. Laughing, Sakura pulled him into her arms. "I'm fine, Naruto."

"Are you sure?" Sasuke said. Sakura turned around to embrace him, too. "What's up with you, now?"

"I missed you two, that's all," Sakura chuckled as she let him go. She picked up the chopsticks by the side of her bowl. "Let's dig in."

"Was I supposed to wait for you to say that?" Naruto said, turning to face her with noodles hanging from his mouth already.

"You're gross, Naruto," Sakura scolded. Just as she leaned in to take her first bite, Sakura caught Sasuke doing the same on her other side. "Sasuke-kun! You should have some manners, at least!"

"Relax, Sakura," Sasuke chuckled, kicking his heel into her shin playfully. "It's our day off."

"I guess," Sakura grumbled, nonetheless eating her ramen in a civilized manner.

"Sakura looks really pretty today, doesn't she, eh, Sasuke?" Naruto said, reaching behind her to tug on Sasuke's shoulder. "Don't you think?"

"You're really pretty today, Sakura," Sasuke said, more annoyed than charming with the way he rolled with his eyes.

Sakura smiled from ear to ear regardless. "That's nice of you."

"It is your wedding day," Sasuke said, shrugging. "You should be pretty today."

"There you are, Forehead!"

Sakura swirled on her stool to find Ino behind her, glaring at her so fiercely Sakura almost jumped out her skin.

"You've avoided it long enough," Ino growled, grabbing her arm between her claws. "Now come on, or you'll be late!"

Sakura waved to Sasuke and Naruto as Ino dragged down the road. "I'll see you later!"

"See you tonight, Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheered, waving both his arms in the air. "You'll be even prettier!"

Sasuke only smiled, smug as he had always been.

Turning to Ino, Sakura scrambled to get to her feet and follow her pace. "Where are we going?"

"Did you hit your head or something?" Ino growled, already exasperated. "I've got to get you in your kimono already. You know it takes hours to fit that thing right!"

"Oh." Sakura had never even given the choice of kimono a thought. "Okay."

Before long, Ino had shoved Sakura the room where her kimono was, inside a small inn on the outskirts of the village.

"How's your baby?" Sakura asked as Ino helped her into the first layer of her kimono.

"Eiji's as fussy as ever," Ino sighed. "He won't let me sleep at night."

Sakura chuckled, watching Ino work quietly. "Doesn't your husband help with him?"

"Oh, he does," Ino said. "He's just a lot of work. There! All done!"

Sakura glanced at herself in the mirror before her, surprised to find herself suddenly dressed. The kimono fit her perfectly; Ino had done a good job. Outside the window, Sakura could see the sun beginning to set.

"Come on," Ino said, taking her hand and leading her outside. "Time to get married!"

Sakura was shocked into silence when Ino pushed Sakura at the beginning of a white carpet, laid out on the grass to mark her path. Sakura followed it in silence, the long material of her kimono dragging noisily behind her. There many faces sitting in the rows of chairs at her sides, but Sakura recognized few of them

The face she did recognize, though, was Hayate's. He was at the end of the carpet, on a small altar, waiting for her. Sakura hurried her step, her heart hammering in her ears.

"You're in a hurry," Tsunade chuckled as she grabbed Sakura's hand. "Be careful, or you'll trip. You wouldn't want to look like an idiot at your own wedding, would you?"

"Shishou," Sakura breathed out, slowing to follow Tsunade's pace. "I'm so glad you came."

"I might hate the boys' guts," Tsunade chuckled, helping her up the stairs, "but I wouldn't miss my apprentice's wedding for anything in the world."

Sakura contained her laughter, not wishing to be inappropriate. Tsunade let go of her hand and Sakura finally faced Hayate.

"You're stunning," Hayate whispered, "Kankan-chan."

Sakura reached for her his hands, taking them in hers as she smiled. "You look so handsome, too."

"Why did you pick me to do this?" Sakura turned to find Hideki bringing their rings and, this time, she couldn't help but laugh. "This is a girl's job. You should have asked Akemi-chan."

"Someone's missing," Sakura said, lifting her head to look for him. "Where is he?"

"Who?" Hayate asked. "We're all here."

"No, you're not." Sakura frowned. "Where's Kakashi-sensei?"

...xxx...xxx...xxx…