Do Not Own Twilight.
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"Reminding, rewinding, removing, regretting…
Forgetting…"
-David Gray
Chapter Three
The steady downpour of raindrops felt warm… much warmer than his body could ever hope to be. Edward stood beside his car, just shy of the treaty line, waiting for Bella. He tilted his head up toward the heavens, letting the precious liquid fall down his cheeks – the closest thing to true tears for one such as him.
He had never been one for change, and yet there he stood, filled with more guilt and sorrow than he knew he was capable of.
In the tent, prior to the Newborn battle, he found himself respecting the younger Black. Despite their differences, they shared a moment. One he could not forget. Just as he told him, if they weren't natural enemies, he would have liked him. The sad truth of it all stemmed from Jacob having been -regardless of their altercations- the closest he'd had to a friend since Carlisle turned him. He was careful not associate with those outside of the Cullen clan.
In many ways, he envied Jacob for his humanity, and all the possibilities born with life.
Bella loved Jacob. Edward had accepted that, before she admitted it to herself. After she overheard the news of her best friend's death, she was altered as well. Although she claimed to love him more, he knew it was not so.
Guilt is a strange emotion… one he was not accustomed to. One that grew within like a cancer as time went on.
The cell phone in his pocket vibrated. Even at this distance, he knew who it was.
"I'm sorry," Alice said.
"It's my cross to bear."
"It is."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes."
He sighed, unnecessarily, "Why did you show me happy with her if it wasn't meant to be?"
"It was… maybe in another time, another place… Fates change, Edward. Even you know that to be true," her voice softened, placatingly.
The phone crackled with static from the rain sliding into the crevices. "Can we leave?"
"We can always leave."
"It's a bit late to be cryptic, Alice."
"You haven't decided yet."
Edward touched the skin of his neck, easing the tension there. For him, intense emotions, such as the turbulent ones simmering underneath, were suffocating. "You'll know when I do."
His drenched clothing stuck to his cold body. Hours crawled by, leaving him to drown in the self inflicted depression. Thinking, regretting, and finally, letting go.
Dusk loomed over the painted sky. He stared up, in wonder at all those vibrant colors, all the life still left in a world he had grown to loathe before Bella, and then Jacob, came into his existence.
Death of any being was not something he thrilled at being a part of. He was not like others of his kind. He never wanted the wolves to suffer because of his poor judgment. It was his fault Victoria went on her rampage. He miscalculated her devotion to James. Instead of doing as Jasper demanded and tearing her apart, he let her go... And, he could be honest with himself, it was only to pluck at his own self admiration. I allowed you to exist, leave what I love alone.
That godforsaken ego was his downfall.
Victoria was a crimson-haired demon of wrath and violence, and he might as well have been a boy with a flimsy twig waved in her direction. Her added gift of evasion made it difficult for him to track her mind. Exit strategies, back up plans, revenge, blood, and lies bombarded him in the field. Picking through that while in the middle of hand to hand combat was impossible.
Edward breathed in deep, tasting the air for new scents, and realized company was on their way. The wind shifted as his companion stood beside him, taking his hand in her own.
"It's not entirely your fault," she whispered.
"It is," he said.
"I could never change your mind about the good in you, and this is no different. You will believe what you feel is true."
"Did Alice send you?" Edward asked.
"No. I overheard her talking to Jasper."
"Carlisle?"
She squeezed his hand, "Waiting for you…"
"... to decide," he finished.
"And you have, haven't you."
"I guess I did."
Esme adjusted her coat, lifting the hood to cover her head. "I know."
The rain lightened to a steady trickle. Edward opened his other palm, staring at the tiny pool of accumulated water. "Humans are… complex… I didn't realize just how…"
"You're not human, dear. Not anymore. Not for a long time."
"I loved her."
"I know… and so did he."
Guilt is a strange emotion. And in that split second, with Esme near, he could not take the power of the remorse. His shoulders slumped, his head hung low, "Why do I feel this strongly."
"He was a good, young, and bright soul. There was a reason Bella called him her sun… as to why you feel as much as you do, perhaps he reminded you of what humanity embodies. Perhaps it is the senselessness of it all. Though you once refused to admit it, a part of you thought of him as a friend."
"I'm finding it to have been a larger part that considered him as such."
"Grief and guilt fade with time, Edward."
He lifted his eyes, meeting her maternal gaze, "Maybe."
Esme gave him privacy to make his preparations. She coerced him into promising he would be on his way to their hotel in Seattle soon. After all, they had a long flight to catch. When he was sure she was gone, Edward called the older Alpha of the Quileute wolves...
.
.
"Uley residence."
"It's Edward Cullen."
"What do you want, leech?" the man seethed.
"Our coven is leaving, as told to, and I wanted to request a favor."
The hollow laughter was expected, as well as the anger, "Request away, bloodsucker. It's not like I have to do a fucking thing for you."
"Watch over the Swan family… Bella included."
The older Alpha was stunned silent for half a second. "Why should we?"
"You value life, all life, just as I do."
"Not that I give a shit, but why is she staying?"
"She doesn't… this is not easy. She's a teenager, and I should have known better… No. That's a lie. I did know better, I just did not care enough at the time."
"Too little, too late, tick."
Edward somber mood seeped through the static line, "I prefer the saying, better late than never… she's on the reservation now… at Jacob's grave."
He could hear the man on the other end curse in frustration before relenting, "We'll find her."
"Thank you."
"I'm not doing this for you or for her. I'm doing this for Charlie and Billy. They deserve more from that girl."
"I agree-" Edward said the words to no one. Sam hung up immediately after saying his peace. The cell phone was ruined from water damage. He crushed it in his hand, turning it to fragments. For the first time in a week, he felt a small amount of relief.
There would be no more loss because of him.
He opened the door to his Volvo, revved the engine, and drove away from Forks and La Push, Washington for the last time.
Lyric from Song: Forgetting (by, David Gray)
Side Note:
Thank you for reading.