Part 10: A Mother's Pain

Eyes and words are so icy
Oh but she burns like rum on a fire,
Hard and fast and angry as she can be,
I walk my days on a wire

- Hozier

Andy heard the click of heels coming towards her and lifted her head. Miranda had decided to come after all. Andy hadn't even been sitting there for more than a few minutes but she'd come.

"Andrea." Miranda murmured. Her eyes were cold and hard.

"Miranda."

Neither of them said a word for a long moment. Andy searched Miranda's face desperately, looking for some hint of longing or remorse in Miranda's features. She found none.

"God Miranda." Andy breathed, "Was it really that easy?"

"What, are you—Was what easy?" she frowned, lips pursed.

"Forgetting about me." She breathed holding a tight rein on the tears that begged to be released.

Miranda glared at her before looking away. She swallowed hard. "You don't know what you are talking about."

'Does she feel guilty?' Andy wondered. Was that guilt in Miranda's eyes? That was unlikely—but why did Andy feel bad for calling her out, if it wasn't because she could sense Miranda's discomfort?

"No, you're right, I don't know." Andy retorted. "So tell me Miranda. Tell me why you didn't come back."

'Tell me why you didn't come back to me…' is what Andy really wanted to say. Andy bit her lip trying to stave off tears she really couldn't afford at the moment.

"Andrea." Miranda whispered. "I told you the last time, we can't…"

It suddenly struck Andy that Miranda looked tired. Andy could see the darkness bellow her eyes more starkly contrasted than ever before. She wasn't reacting with anger. Andy knew it was likely because she was so tired. Damn it, she was supposed to be angry at Miranda, not worried about her health.

"And I told you that it's not that we can't, it's that you feel that we shouldn't. Did you forget that too? Was it too inconvenient for you? Was I too inconvenient?" Andy snarled.

Anger… oh yes, Andy was angry now. She could feel it like a hot coal inside her chest, heating and forging her words before she let them out, like weapons, ready to rend apart tender flesh.

Miranda looked away and sighed heavily. "Believe me when I say Andrea, it would be in your best interest for you to just forget about me."

'Oh God, please don't say that.' Andy thought desperately. She watched Miranda pass a hand over her eyes. She couldn't look at Andy directly and it was driving her mad. What was it that Miranda felt for her? Did she really care?

"I can't." Andy almost whimpered. "I can't forget about you. Don't you see Miranda?"

"Oh Andrea, don't be ridiculous—"

"Ridiculous!?" Andrea interrupted, "Is that what you think? God Miranda, how can you even say that! Did I mean nothing to you?"

"Stop it Andrea. You're behaving like a child." Miranda whispered viciously.

"I'm childish? I am? Oh that's just rich! Coming from you!" Andy snarled.

"What?" Miranda asked quietly but her tone was soaked in cold fury.

"Running away from your problems is very childish Miranda. You can hardly bare to look at me! You refuse to talk to me, much less see me for months and you call me childish!" Andy sneered, feeling all the bitterness and sadness well up in her like an infected wound being cleaned by pouring alcohol on it. She was burning.

"You stupid girl." Miranda snarled. Her eyes flashed with anger. "You don't know what you are talking about!"

"You keep saying that Miranda and I keep waiting for an explanation."

Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose and huffed through her nose. She licked her lips and swallowed hard. Her eyes were cast down, lost in thought.

She went to sit on the bench Andy had been sitting on. This time it was Miranda who seemed exhausted.

"Sit." Miranda ordered. Andy did as Miranda bid, waiting.

"What is it that you want to know?"

"Why did you decide not to come back?" she asked, trying to sound a bit calmer. She was still fuming. Miranda glanced around the hall way, clearly sorting out her own thoughts before speaking.

"I have a family, Andrea." She murmured, now calm, almost resigned, "I have a high profile career. Andrea, when you've fought tooth and nail to get to where you are, risking it is the last thing you would want."

"Bullshit." Andy snapped.

"What?" Miranda gasped. "W-what are you—" She was going to try and deny it, Andy could see that. But Andy was nothing if not adept at smelling bullshit and this was a finely veiled attempt at putting her off the scent. Miranda was lying…or at least, not being completely honest and Andy wanted to find out why.

"I said, bullshit. There is something more. Something you're not telling me."

"Andrea, for goodness sake don't be rid—"

"I am not being ridiculous Miranda so don't even try to—" Andy nearly flew into a rage again, but she felt the baby kick and took a few deep breaths instead. She put a steadying hand on her middle. She had to stop being so angry. It wasn't good for the baby.

After a moment when she felt a bit more relaxed she said in a cold voice, "I'm not being ridiculous. Even if this—us— did somehow become public knowledge, you and I both know you would be able to fight off the people trying to discredit you or oust you. If I know anything about being a woman in power, it's that we always, always have safety nets." Andy saw that Miranda was listening intently to what she was saying but was obviously none-too pleased to hear the truth in Andy's words.

"You aren't worried about losing your career. As for your family, the girls aren't babies and if they are the modern young ladies I know you've raised them to be, they wouldn't have that many objections. Now, Stephen—"

Andy saw Miranda flinch a bit. What was that about? She paused, searching Miranda's face a moment longer before continuing, "Stephen on the other hand is a different matter entirely…you've said it before, you don't love him."

Miranda who had remained silent until then finally said, "Are you quite finished digging through my motives like some kind of amateur detective? Because if you are, this conversation is over." She stood and began to walk back down the hallway.

Andy watched her leaving for a second, incredulous. She was running away again. It was terribly out of character for her.

What on earth could make Miranda Priestly run away, not once but twice?

"Oh no it's not."

Andy quickly caught up to her and gripped her forearm before pressing her into the nearest wall.

Andy's face was barely a breath away from Miranda's.

Miranda didn't try to push her away. She stayed pressed against the wall, letting Andy hold her there. Andy searched Miranda's face and eyes, hoping to find more clues as to what could possibly be making Miranda push her away so desperately? Andy only saw outrage and surprise in those captivating eyes of hers.

"Andrea, just what do you think you are doing?" she whispered furiously.

"Trying to stop you from running away again." Andy said. Miranda gasped softly.

Andy leaned in slowly, giving Miranda the chance to turn away, to tell her no, but she did neither. She closed her eyes and Andy felt her tremble.

Andy kissed her, pressing her lips against Miranda's hesitantly. Then her whole body burst into flames. She lingered on Miranda's bottom lip. She felt Miranda begin to kiss her back just as gently.

Andy couldn't get enough. She wanted to kiss Miranda for hours but she knew that they had to stop. Someone would see, someone would come find them. She pulled back, feeling the ache keenly as she did so.

"Oh." Miranda gasped as Andy pulled away.

Miranda was shivering, her breathing was fast and uneven. Her blush had spread all over her neck and shoulders. Her eyes were shut and she was holding onto Andy's shoulders tightly.

Andy groaned and buried her face in the curve of Miranda's throat.

"God, Miranda."

Miranda sighed in her ear. Andy gasped and moved downward, kissing her throat, and Miranda dug her nails into Andy's shoulders as she made soft noises, trying not to be loud.

And then, Miranda's hands began to push her away, and she whimpered, "No, not here… we can't…" She said. "Someone will see…"

That made Andy stop short. She pulled away, panting and desperate for more. Miranda's eyes were open and glazed.

Her lipstick was smeared in such a way to let anyone who saw it know what she had been doing only moments ago. Andy was sure she must look something similar. They needed to fix their appearances before they could return to the hall.

Dinner would start soon and their mutual absence would be noticed.

Andy led her down the corridor to the women's bathroom. Miranda caught sight of their appearance in the mirror and she raised her eyebrows and hmph'd at her reflection. Andy agreed with Miranda's assessment. They were a bit of a mess.

Andy pulled out some Kleenex and her own compact, makeup brush and lipstick from her clutch and began cleaning up the mess they'd made. Miranda on the other hand did not have anything in her clutch to clean the lipstick off. Andy sighed and handed her some tissue and continued reapplying her foundation and then swiftly put on a fresh coat a lipstick.

She fiddled with her hair quickly, pushing back a few rebellious strands. She watched Miranda do the same in the mirror beside her and in a few minutes they looked almost exactly as they had before they had kissed.

"Why were you late?" Andy asked suddenly curious. Miranda Priestly was never late.

"Cassidy had a fever." Miranda replied too quickly.

"Oh really?" Andy asked. "How high was it? Did you go to the doctor to get antibiotics? Is a throat infection? Ears? Has she been drinking enough water?"

Miranda was a mother. If her daughter was sick, she would know the answer to most if not all these questions. Andy watched Miranda blanch as Andy listed the questions. Andy had caught her in her own web.

"I left her with the nanny." Miranda replied evasively.

"You're lying again Miranda."

Miranda gapped at her, outrage creasing her forehead and she opened her mouth to growl out some sharp retort but Andy interrupted.

"Oh don't look at me like that. I've been a mother too remember?" Andy smiled bitterly. "If one of your daughters had been sick, this late at night, I doubt that you would have left her side. Nannies need to go home too after all." She said. "No. I don't think Cassidy is sick. I think, something else happened. Something that involves Stephen."

Miranda flinched at the name.

"I'm right aren't I?"

Miranda looked away from Andy, her jaw tightly clenched, and her expression, tensed for an attack.

"You don't have to lie to me Miranda." Andy murmured, saddened that Miranda felt the need to in the first place. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

"Stop Andrea." Miranda whispered, "If you truly care about me, you will stop this now."

"I can't." Andy replied. "I can't stop. I know you're in pain and it just tears me apart to see it and not at least try to help you. But you have to trust me Miranda."

"It's not worth the risk." She murmured shaking her head.

"Are you sure about that?" Andy asked. "I'm a big girl Miranda. I can take care of myself."

"It's not you I'm wor—" Miranda ground her teeth together, and looked away. "That's beside the point."

"Who are you worried about Miranda?" She asked. She knew Miranda was not worried about herself, or her career. No, this was something much more complicated.

Andy watched Miranda trying to compose herself, trying to hide again but this time there was nowhere to run.

Miranda leaned against the counter, sighed and shut her eyes. Andy reached out and wrapped her arms around Miranda's waist, holding her in a hug.

Miranda jerked away and hissed, as though she were in pain.

Andy pulled away immediately. "Miranda, what—"

"It's nothing. I bumped into the corner of the desk earlier today. It left a bruise. I'm fine."

It was a weak excuse. One that sounded very fake. Miranda wasn't looking her in the eye. Andy frowned. Why would Miranda lie? Unless she had something to hide.

Then Andy started remembering things.

Miranda, arguing on the phone with Stephen. Miranda never mentioning Stephen in conversation unless Andy brought it up. Miranda always wearing long sleeves. Miranda being seemingly over-protective of her daughters.

Andy's eyes widened and suddenly the pieces of the puzzle clicked together. She thought her heart might stop as all the realisations crashed down on her like a crushing wave of horror.

Why hadn't she seen it sooner? The signs were all there…it was so obvious in retrospect. Andy had thought she'd had it bad with Henry cheating on her…this was a million times worse than that. Miranda had never answered her when Andy'd asked why she'd agreed to do the portrait if she was so uncomfortable. Now it made sense. Miranda had taken her offer to be painted as an excuse to get away from Stephen a few hours a week.

"Did...did Stephen hurt you?" She asked.

Miranda's head shot up and her eyes widened. Her expression told Andy everything she needed to know. Then Miranda's eyes narrowed.

"Where did you get that idea?" Miranda growled.

"Am I wrong?" Andy murmured. 'Oh God Miranda. I know I'm not wrong.' She thought, seeing Miranda's anger growing by the second.

"Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement? Of course he didn't hurt me. How many times must I repeat myself? I told you. I hit myself on the corner of the desk." She practically hissed the last words.

"Every time someone mentions your husband's name you flinch."

"That's not true."

"Let me see the bruise." Andy demanded. "If a desk caused it, it should be small."

"You're being absurd." Miranda snarled.

"Prove it to me, Miranda. Prove me wrong." Andy was hoping against hope that Miranda would make sure she saw that she was wrong. "Show me the bruise."

"We have to get back." Miranda said, trying to find an excuse to get away.

"It will only take a minute to unzip your dress." Andy argued. "Please Miranda. Let me—"

Miranda looked at her for a long moment.

Andy reached over, slowly, and gripped the side zipper on Miranda's dress and pulled it down. Miranda didn't stop her.

Andy was about to pull back the fabric when Miranda's hand gripped hers.

Andy looked up to see Miranda looking panicked.

"Don't do this. Please." She murmured, her grey blue eyes begging Andy not to.

"I have to." Andy whispered.

She pulled the material away from Miranda's skin and saw the large purple bruises on her waist and hip. They were shaped like large hands and finger marks. Andy gasped and Miranda shut her eyes.

"Oh Miranda." Andy felt tears sting her eyes. She was furious with Stephen. She wanted to murder him. Tear his skin off his bones bit by bit until he begged for mercy. How dare he do this to Miranda? How could Miranda have lived with him for so long? Why had she?

"Don't you dare pity me." Miranda hissed seeing the sadness in Andy's expression.

"Miranda, I—" Andy was struck speechless for a moment before she said, "I don't pity you. I just wish I could have protected you."

"You can't." Miranda said, "Have you forgotten who my husband is? Stephen Clarke. He owns the majority of Elias-Clarke. He has friends in very high up positions...More than I do." Miranda admitted in a pained whisper, "He could destroy me... And my girls…he could hurt my girls Andrea."

Andy took Miranda's hands in her own. She looked Miranda dead in the eye and said, "I'm going to help you Miranda. I will find a way to get you away from Stephen if it's the last thing I do."

"Andrea… don't make such foolish promises." Miranda pulled her hands away and zipped her dress up. Andy saw the ghost of old pain swimming in her grey-blue eyes and wanted to pull Miranda to her in a hug, but didn't dare for fear of hurting her.

"Maybe I am a fool." Andy said. "But I am still going to do my damned best to make Stephen regrets the day he ever laid a hand on you." Andy put all her conviction into her voice and eyes, trying to make Miranda see, she would do everything in her power to help.

"Right," Miranda sneered. "You're still so terribly naïve Andrea. At eight months pregnant with a company that just suffered a management upheaval, you think you can help me." She scoffed bitterly.

"M-Miranda I—" Andy stuttered. "At least we have to try to get you away from him and then we can go from there."

Miranda turned away from Andy and leaned her hands against the counter. She looked up in the mirror at Andy.

"You think I haven't tried?" Miranda snarled. "You think I didn't do everything in my power to get myself and my girls away from him as soon as this started?"

Andy gapped at her. Of course, she knew Miranda would have fought back, she was too much of a fighter to take this kind of abuse lying down.

"What happens if you try and fail, hmm?" Miranda asked, "Who do you think will pay the price? My girls and I will. So just do us all a favour and forget about this, forget about me. I've managed to protect myself and my girls so far."

" 'So far?' " Andy grimaced at the words. "What happens when one day, he gets carried away? What will happen when one night an 'accident' happens and you die Miranda?"

Miranda stood silently scowling at Andy murderously.

"The girl's father is out of the picture." Andy continued mercilessly, "Stephen would get parental rights over them. Who would protect your girls then?"

"Goddamnit Andrea. Stop." Miranda growled.

Andy sighed and came to lean against the counter beside Miranda. "I'm not saying that I'll confront Stephen head on, I'm not that stupid."

Miranda glanced at her as if to say, 'Oh really? I'm not so sure about that.'

Andy glared at her mildly one eyebrow raised.

"I can and will find a way to help you Miranda. But you have to let me." Andy murmured, "Don't ask me to stand by and watch you suffer. I couldn't do it."

'I care about you too much.' Andy thought dejectedly.

Andy wanted to murder Stephen just thinking about Miranda in any kind of pain. If she thought she could get away with it, she'd hire a hitman to kill Stephen and be very happily rid of him. But life wasn't quite that simple.

She'd have to be stealthier about it. She'd have to destroy the high horse Stephen was sitting on. She knew who she was going to have to ask a favour from. Andy pursed her lips just thinking about it.

"I—" Miranda seemed to be shocked by Andy's determination.

"Please let me at least try." Andy begged. She wanted more than anything to take Miranda and her daughters far away from Stephen and hide them until she could destroy him, but she knew that would be impossible. She watched Miranda dither and chew her lip before turning back around to face Andy again.

Miranda passed a hand over her eyes, as if to shut out the world for a few moments. Then she sighed, "Alright. I may have hell to pay for this, but yes, alright."

"Thank you." Andy breathed. Miranda nodded and glanced at her watch. Andy knew some people must have noticed that Miranda was no longer in the hall, certainly her assistants would have.

Andy saw the time. It was 9:23pm. She sighed. Her feet ached, her head ached, her back ached, she was emotionally drained and she wanted nothing more than to go home and take a warm bath. Yes, that sounded like an excellent idea.

"I'm not going to the dinner." Andy told Miranda. She lifted one eyebrow questioningly. "I'm tired. And, I have the perfect excuse to get out of having to go to this dinner." She patted her baby bump and smirked ironically. Miranda managed a small smile.

"I never did get the chance to ask you, is it a boy or a girl?" Miranda questioned, eyeing her curiously.

"A girl." Andy murmured, an affectionate smile now finding its way onto her mouth.

"Congratulations."

"Thanks." Andy smiled at Miranda again, hesitantly.

Both of them knew their absence must have been noticed by now. Andy reached up slowly and letting Miranda see what she intended to, she traced the backs of her fingers against Miranda's jaw, tenderly. Miranda gasped quietly but didn't pull away. Her skin was so soft. Andy had forgotten just how soft…She could feel Miranda's breathing quicken again. In that moment Andy desperately wanted to kiss her again. She let her hand fall back to her side.

"I have to go." She managed. "They'll have noticed that I'm not there. There will be questions."

"Use me as an excuse if you like. Blame my 'condition'. It works for me often."

Miranda chuckled. Andy smirked. Then she thought about when she would see Miranda next and realised there was an easy way of meeting up again.

"Come back to my studio." Andy said seemingly out of nowhere, "Finish the portrait with me."

"What?" Miranda gasped, "But we—"

"Finish what you started Miranda." Andy interrupted her. "And if you don't want 'this'," She gestured between them, "To happen after that, it won't. I will help you regardless."

Miranda eyed her, and then nodded once sharply.

"You have to go to dinner. Have Emily set up an appointment with Olivia for some time next week."

"Yes." She replied, and licked her lips. She swallowed hard. "I'll see you next week Andrea."

She swept past Andy not waiting for any reply and headed back out to face the crowd who would have definitely noticed their disappearance. Andy wasn't worried. Miranda would find some excuse or other to explain everything.

Andy leaned on the counter for a moment, inhaling the lingering smell of Miranda's perfume.

She sighed heavily. 'Dear God…she's the strongest woman I know... and yet this kind thing happened to her.' Andy thought still recovering from the shock of her discovery. Miranda had agreed to let her try to help her out of this situation. Hopefully, that meant she trusted Andy…more or less. Enough to let her try at least. And that meant a lot to Andy. She knew what it must be costing Miranda emotionally to allow her in like this.

The baby kicked and Andy sighed again. "Time to go home." She murmured to her daughter.

As Andy sat in the car on the way home, she wondered how Miranda would fair, going home tonight…to Stephen. She could only hope he didn't hurt her again. She would have to move quickly to help her. Andy wondered what she would have done in Miranda's position…with two young girls to consider…Andy couldn't say that she knew how she would have acted. But it would likely have been something similar to what Miranda was doing. Coping, looking for a way out. Protecting her children as much as she could while bearing with everything else. At least, Andy hoped she would have been strong enough to do that.

She pulled out her cellphone and texted Kate Franklin.

'Kate, call a meeting with Henry and his lawyer. I need to talk to him. There has been a new development and it needs to be discussed.' She hit send. That would make Kate worry, but Andy really couldn't bring herself to care.

It was late and Andy did not expect a reply tonight.

Andy supressed a groan. She was going to have to explain a few things to Henry if she was going to get him to do her the favours she needed from him. And she would have to concede a few things in the divorce agreement no doubt. The next meeting was bound to be unpleasant.

But she would do it. For Miranda's sake. For her girls.

As a mother, she could only imagine the pain Miranda had lived through.

-TBC-