Ceremonials

Chapter 10: Spectrum

It took a long time to get things right. After all, it wasn't like they were slowly finding their way back to each other. They had nothing to return to. They had to start over completely and make different mistakes. The mistakes they had been too afraid to make the first time. It was bound to be difficult. But both their hearts were in it this time around and that helped a lot.

Warren moved back in, filling all the empty spaces in the house and inside of Layla. At first, they moved around their home like ghosts. They spoke softly and walked without making a sound. They behaved like strangers, because they were. Even when they made love, they did it quietly. Even when they made love, it felt strange.

'How can you love me when you don't know me?' Warren asked in an unprecedented show of faith. In one fell swoop, he acknowledged that she loved him (something he had rarely done before, simply because he didn't believe it) and that they had never really gotten to know each other.

'I love the parts of you I've seen,' Layla explained. 'And I want to discover and love the rest.'

(***)

One week later.

Their lovemaking was the first thing to change in a huge way. Layla was so accustomed to Warren's gentleness during sex – except for that one time above The Paper Lantern – which was why it came as a bit of a shock when he proposed trying something different. Something rough. He told her that if anything he did made her feel uncomfortable, she should tell him so and the experiment would be over immediately.

'Okay,' she agreed. Warren looked at her closely.

'Are you sure?'

'I'm sure.'

Mere minutes later, his teeth raked across her throat. That was new. Teeth. He had never used teeth before. Next, he held her wrists above her head, pinned against the mattress. That was new too. Also: surprisingly exciting.

'Alright?' he inquired, breathing heavily. Layla nodded. That was when Warren's thrusts grew stronger. He utilised more of his strength. Not all of it, but more than usual. His hips came just shy of bruising her.

'Yes!' Layla gasped, trying to meet and match his strokes. They grinned at each other. Some of the recent awkwardness between them evaporated.

'Is that the way you like it?' Layla asked when they were lying on the bed exhausted.

'Sometimes,' Warren admitted.

'I like it too.'

(***)

Two weeks later.

They had their first fight as a couple. Layla saw that during their argument all Warren wanted to do was walk away, but he stayed. He trembled and his hands glowed, but he didn't retreat. He shouted right back at her. He flinched every time she accused him of something that was true, but he gave as good as he got. Afterwards, they made love on the kitchen floor.

'See, we can fight and still be alright,' Layla pointed out. Warren swept his hand down her body.

'I want to meet your father,' she whispered. His hand stopped. Layla glanced at him. He was breathing evenly, but not calmly. More like he wanted to be calm, like he was trying to calm himself down. Eventually, he got up and got dressed.

'Don't do what you used to do. Don't shut me out,' Layla warned. Warren shook his head.

'I'm not. Let me think about this. I can't do everything at once,' he said. So, she did. She waited. She knew that his father was a sore subject. Warren thought that loving him was a weakness. Oh, he'd never said it, of course, but it was obvious. So, she waited, hoping that Warren would reopen the subject when he was ready.

(***)

Three weeks later.

They were in the garden. Warren was building a gazebo and Layla was watching and occasionally handing him a tool. Sweat was running down her back, despite the lack of exertion. Warren's shirt was plastered to his torso.

'Drinks?' Layla suggested, already on her way inside.

'Yeah,' Warren mumbled. Aware of the warm earth beneath her bare feet with every step she took, Layla ran into the house. She paused in front of the fridge, briefly closing her eyes, enjoying the coolness. Warren came in behind her.

'What do you want? Beer, lemonade, water?' Layla asked.

'You're asking me for the hardest thing,' he replied.

'Um, what?'

'I don't want you to meet my father.'

Well, thank God he's not having an existential crisis over beverages, Layla thought. Her brain always supplied a little levity in times of stress. Sometimes it was helpful. Sometimes it was annoying.

'I know that you don't like him,' she began. Warren chuckled.

'I don't like my father because he's me,' he explained. 'He's the parts of me I have kept from you. My father is not a nice man.'

Layla didn't say anything. She fully expected Warren to elaborate. It wasn't like before when she waited forever and nothing came. Warren wiped the moisture of his forehead with the back of his hand and continued.

'My father is bitter and angry and paranoid. He doesn't trust anyone; he thinks that everyone is his enemy. He's me without love. He's me without you.'

Layla thought about that and decided that Warren was full of shit.

'That's simply not true. I met that man. You were him, Warren. I saw that side of you when we were together. I'm not the one who transformed you. My love didn't change you. You did that. You chose not to be guy anymore,' she told him.

'I guess…'

'No! You were scared and suspicious, but you overcame that. Don't pretend I did that for you,' Layla protested. Warren held up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender.

'Okay, okay,' he laughed, sweeping her up into his arms. Layla laughed too. How could she not? It was rare to see Warren so exuberant, so overwhelmingly happy. He swung her around and around. It's a good thing that we have a big kitchen, Layla thought. They were both out of breath when he set her down on the kitchen table. He brushed her sticky hair out of her eyes and cupped her face in his hands.

'Will you at least allow me to say that I couldn't have done it without you? That I did it because of you?' he pleaded, looking amused, yet serious. Layla shrugged.

'The court will allow it,' she granted. He smiled and kissed her. She opened her mouth to accommodate him. He leaned into her until she was lying with her back on the table. With his body against hers, Warren paused.

'I love you so much,' he suddenly said. He sounded confident, like he finally accepted that she felt the same and she didn't need to echo the sentiment to reassure him. Layla rose up to kiss him before joking.

'Ditto. I love me too. So much.'

Warren snorted and covered her lips with his. This is it, Layla realised. This man right here, fearlessly loving me: this is the rest of my life, she thought.