I waited so long to finally write this chapter x) Have some feels. \o/

As always, reviews are very appreciated!

the slow burn

The scent of heaven - or what heaven most likely smelled like - still lingered in the air. With a full tummy and a happy sigh, Lucy Heartfilia dropped down onto her beloved couch, lifting her laptop from the small table in front of her and lovingly placing it into her lap.

She deserved this.

After all, she had just cooked what could only be described as the best Spaghetti al Vino Bianco in existence. A quick glance at the brazen wall clock told her that it was just past 10pm, so she had enough time to indulge in an episode or two.

Or more. It was Saturday, and it wasn't like she had any plans…

The thought of a certain rosy-haired someone came creeping in, menacing questions about what he might be doing right now that was better than her company, and she quickly distracted herself with the touchpad, scrolling along the page to keep her thoughts in line.

It didn't work too well.

Lucy gave an annoyed sigh. She had managed to distract herself all day - had cleaned the flat, had finished reading her copy of The One Plus One, had even rearranged some furniture in her bedroom. But he always managed to sneak his way back into her mind as soon as she became careless and let her thoughts wander.

He probably had gone out on a date after all.

With a huff, she slammed her finger down to left-click on an episode of New Girl. Some light-hearted soap opera would be best. Especially since the finale of Game of Thrones this week had left her a wreck. She wasn't sure she could ever get over the tragedies. This show would be the end of her. If the wait for it didn't kill her first.

The doorbell rang.

This was new.

"What the hell…" Lucy mumbled to herself as she was forced out of her cozy position. "…at this time…"

Whoever it was, she would have to get rid of them. After all, she was already in her pyjama shorts and an old t-shirt with heart prints. Her messy bun completed her look of self-pity. The only thing that was missing was a bucket of ice cream, she realized with a chuckle.

No one would want to stick around with her like this anyway.

Surpressing a yawn, she opened the door.

"Natsu?!"

"Hey, Lucy," he smiled sheepishly.

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

His face fell.

"Should I leave again?"

But something in the way he held himself, in the way his head dropped and his shoulders sank, made her reconsider her initial reaction. Natsu seemed horribly down, even with his usual charme still present on his face.

"Sorry, I was just… so surprised. How rude of me!"

"Ah, it's you, so I'm not surprised."

He grinned, propping himself up on the doorframe. His eyes dropped from her face and fixed themselves on a point far too low for her taste. He was still smiling. Even bigger, now.

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a tiny bit," he mumbled and lifted his hand in front of her face, spreading thumb and index finger to show her just what exactly a 'tiny bit' was.

"So you decided to visit me, of all people?"

"Dunno. I just… wanted to see you, that's all."

Lucy's heart nearly failed her. How could he say such a thing so casually? Or was he that drunk? He seemed fine to her. Buzzed, certainly, but still fine. She could feel heat take over her skin.

"Ah damn, I should just leave. I really don't wanna waltz in and turn your day to shit."

"What's wrong, Natsu?"

Pure concern shone on Lucy's face now, and she stepped aside to let him in. "Let's get you inside, okay? You're not 'turning my day to shit', promise."

"Well…" Longingly, he peeked at the couch he had admired the last time he had picked her up. Suddenly, a grin played around his lips. "If you insist."

Had she not been so worried, Lucy would have laughed as he entered her flat, looking like a boy on Christmas Eve.

"Come on. Do you want some water? Tea? Or…gin?"

"Yeah."

Half an hour later they were sitting on the couch, the half-full bottle of gin on the living room table in front of them. Natsu had blessed the heavens for her food scraps, swallowing the pasta up with the force and speed of a vacuum cleaner. Not even one bit remained on the plate that stood beside the bottle, discarded for the far more intoxicating delicacy.

"I got it for my birthday," Lucy explained as she downed her second shot after clinking glasses with the man next to her. "We actually managed to kill almost half of it last time, with just three people."

"It's good," Natsu declared as the caught the last drop with his lower lip. His eyes flickered to the laptop on her table, right beside the vase full of fresh freesias. It was on standby now, but as he had sat down he had noticed the full screen displaying a freeze image of a show he didn't know.

"I disturbed you, huh?"

"Not like I was doing much," she chuckled, rubbing her chest area as the warmth that was so inherent to alcohol filled her lings with a light, almost pleasant, burn. "Just trying to distract myself."

"Distract?" He raised a curious brow.

Lucy's eyes grew wide when she realized the words that had slipped her. Redness spread all the way to her ears.

"Uh, from - from the Game of Thrones finale!" she claimed lamely. "It killed me."

"Ohh!" To her surprise, Natsu leaned forward. He'd swallowed it, apparently. "You watch it too?"

"You too?!"

"It has dragons," he stated matter-of-factly, and she burst out laughing.

Of course.

When their eyes met, he joined in on her laughter, and they both laughed until their bellies hurt and they weren't even sure of the reason anymore. Natsu filled their two tiny glasses once more, and, giggling, they toasted each other.

When Lucy put hers back down on to the table, she watched him as he did the same. Her eyes fixed themselves on the base of his neck. She had never noticed how much longer his hair had become.

The undercut was still there, but slightly longer too, while the tangled mess on his head had almost turned into a little mane. Something in her stomach tightened when he combed through the locks with his right hand.

Lucy swallowed hard.

In an attempt to overcome her sudden onset of weakness, she cleared her throat, and he looked at her with a curios and so very innocent expression that Lucy wanted to reach over and grab the collar of his dark shirt right now, pulling him flush against her and-

"Your hair is much longer!" she squeaked, voice a few octaves too high.

Both his eyebrows lifted, and he looked like he was questioning her mental state. Not like he had been the one to invade her apartment during the late evening. Drunk.

His earlier expression flashed up in her mind again, and she decided she really had to ask him about it. But not before…

"I bet I could get it into a ponytail." she grinned. The idea had come out of nowhere, but it was absolutely brilliant. The perfect excuse to touch his hair. Lucy, you're such a genius. Her entire body felt hot, and she giggled.

"Oh god, now you're drunk too," he groaned, but his eyes were smiling. "No way am I gonna let you touch my hair!"

But she was already leaning over, a predatory glint in her eyes as she pulled a slim black hair tie off her wrist.

Really, why did girls always have hair ties on their wrists?!

That was his last thought before she grabbed a fistful of his hair, turning him so his upper body was facing away from her. Natsu was about to protest, but then her fingers raked through his hair, and something resembling a low purr erupted from his throat as he let his head drop against his chest.

His immediate reaction seemed to amuse Lucy, because she giggled and continued her ministrations for longer than necessary.

"Oh my god," he moaned.

Lucy was glad he couldn't see her face. His voice was low, husky, and he pushed his head back into the touch of her hands. They were tingling, just like the rest of her body. Her breathing turned shallow.

The tempation was too great. Slowly, she scraped her nails along his scalp gently, all the way to his neck, eliciting a content growl from the boy sitting cross-legged in front of her.

She wondered what sounds he would make if she'd bite him there, dragging her lips along his hot skin.

Enough!

As if she had been burned, Lucy pulled her hands back. He stiffened, displeasedness radiating off his body. So she made herself reach forward again, this time to finally complete the task at hand. Taking the longer strands of hair on top the back of his head into her right hand, she wound her hair tie around it a few times, until it fit perfectly.

"Done," she mumbled, relieved her voice sounded quite normal.

He turned around with a grin, wriggling his eyebrows playfully.

"Does it look good?"

He had asked her the same question when she had put that pink band-aid on his forehead this week, she remembered, but she couldn't bring herself to reply with the same wit as she had then.

Because he looked fantastic.

Oh dear gods, would it ever end?

"I need more alcohol," Lucy simply declared, but then - to save her dignity - added. "Oh pirate captain."

He snorted as he reached for the bottle - which, she realized a little surprised, was only less than a quarter full now - and messily filled both their glasses at once. Drops of the valuable liquid dripped onto the polished surface of her IKEA table.

"Very well, first mate Heartfilia!"

"I'm first mate?"

"Of course," he grinned as he pushed the shot into her hand, not noticing how a bit of it spilled over. At this point, she didn't mind her hands. The alcohol, however, was a different matter. Priorities.

"Then don't waste so much of our rum!"

She pointed to the table, where he had left a small puddle.

"It's gin though."

"It can't be gin if we're pirates. It has to be rum."

"Might have a point. Drink up, me heartie!"

And she did. A comfortable silence settled between them as they sat side by side, smiling contently into nothingness.

But Lucy's thoughts came back to haunt her, not even silenced by her drowsy, alcohol-clouded mind. In fact, it made her all the braver. She wasn't sure if could have summoned enough courage without it.

"Hey, Natsu…"

The seriousness in her tone made him turn his head in her direction, and his eyes darkened in apprehension.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess…" He shifted on his spot, squirming almost, suddenly unable to look her in the eye. She guessed he knew what this was about, and he did not seem like he was dying to hear her question.

She was glad for the alcohol in her veins. It made her brave.

"Why are you here?" she blurted out, and then hesitated to rephrase. "I mean, you seemed… why are you so sad?"

Compassion filled her eyes, but she herself felt sad all of a sudden, as he turned to face her. His lightheartedness was gone. Part of her felt guilty, but another part of her told her that he probably really should talk about whatever was bugging him.

"Did your date go badly?" she tried.

Natsu blinked at her like a cow.

"Date?" he repeated dumbly.

"I… uh, I just thought, 'cause you told me about how you got asked out, and it's Saturday night and you're in the city…"

The ghost of an ironic smile crossed his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Determination suddenly settled in his eyes, which had seemed weirdly uncertain before. As if he was hesitant about something.

"I didn't have a date."

"Oh," she breathed, trying to ignore the relieve washing through her; the cheers in her heart calling out to her, trying to paint a smile on her face.

"It's the anniversary of my father's death."

"Oh shit."

The words had left her before she could think about them, and she clutched her hands to her mouth in terror. "I mean, ohgods, I didn't mean to say that, I…"

She trailed off, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I didn't mean to say that," she whispered again, unable to look him in the eye. Stupid. She was so, so stupid. Talking about dates, when he had been mourning his dad all along. The relief she had felt at his words, as if a date could have been the worst thing to happen. Swearing tactlessly. Never had she felt so despicable.

"Lucy?"

His voice was calm, careful, but she just shook her head, refusing to look him in the eye. She could feel his presence beside her stronger than ever. He waited.

"I'm so stupid," she spoke finally. "Talking about ponytails and pirates and-"

She gaped at his hand on hers and looked up in confusion, finding black, serious eyes staring at her. The words died in her throat.

"You're not stupid," he said vehemently, squeezing her hand. "At all. You didn't even know! Besides, this was - I couldn't have spent my evening better."

Lucy blinked at him in doubt, trying to stop the tears from escaping their confinements.

"I never talked with anyone about this," he admitted, his voice quiet, eyes dropping to the space between them. His hand moved to his scarf. For a second, it caught her attention. A scarf in July. "It was two years ago."

And so Natsu began his story, slowly at first, but more and more steady.

He told her about the weekend he had visited his father, only to have him collapse in the kitchen after dinner. How he had held his hand in the ambulance, how he had begged the nurses to follow him inside, how he had spent the most agonizing hours of his life in the waiting room, only to be greeted by a pair of sad eyes as a single doctor returned. How he had been unale to even speak with anyone for a week, then had tried to pick himself up and go back to his old life but couldn't. How he had quit his job and decided to travel the world.

He told her about the amazing things he had seen, the wonders he had experienced, the friends he had made, the most delicious food he had ever had in that one small alleyway in Bangkok or on the marketplace in Cancún, the hospitality and helpfulness of people he had barely known, of beaches and mountains and wide space, of loneliness and belonging.

Lucy sat quietly, listening in awe.

Though he was always quite talkative, he had never spoken so much, and not about things so close to his heart. The alcohol was to blame mostly, of course, but the sincerity and emotion in his eyes as he spoke was as real and deep as it got, and she found herself carried away into far-off worlds, leaning her head against the couch gently and pulling her legs up to her chest.

When he came to an end, he sighed deeply, and finally lifted his eyes again.

She couldn't hide the emotion in hers. She didn't even try.

"So," he concluded, a carefree smile suddenly back on his face, as if he had told her about his shopping list. "- you're not stupid at all. You're the best. Otherwise, I wouldn't be telling you this, I guess."

He had gotten rather pensive, reaching for the bottle again. There was not much left.

Lucy smiled softly, but tried to hide it as she pushed her face into the pillow while he brought the bottle to his lips and emptied the last drops. They were both drunk, but it was a very nice kind of drunk.

It did not happen often, those late night talks were you could sit together and pour your heart out without restraint. This was more than she could have ever asked for. It didn't matter to her in this moment, what he felt or didn't feel for her. What mattered were her own feelings, which she could suddenly see so clearly sprawled out in front of her as she looked withing her mind, rid by its usual restraints and inhibitions. And what mattered even more was that he was loved.

She wanted him to be loved.

A thought crossed her mind.

"And your mother? How is she…"

"Oh," he laughed, but there was no humour to be found in the sound. "I never knew her."

"Oh. Oh, I'm so - I didn't…" Lucy brought her free hand to her mouth, unsure of what to say. Couldn't she do anything right?

"It's okay."

Silence settled.

"See, I told ya I'd turn your day to shit."

They both chuckled darkly at his words. But then, with a deep intake of breath, Lucy hesitantly smiled at him. Sha straightened herself, gingerly reaching for his hand.

"Actually, I'm glad. That you're here. Just… I don't know. Thanks for letting me be there for you."

He kept silent, but something in his eyes changed. They turned softer, and when he looked at her now, he seemed… vulnerable, almost. As she returned his gaze, Lucy felt like she was staring right into his soul.

A rare occurence, she suddenly was sure.

When he shifted and leaned closer, her heart almost stopped in her chest.

Had he been sitting this close the entire time? Their shoulders brushed when he turned his upper body in her direction, that smouldering look back on his face. His eyes burned her.

Strands of his unruly hair tickled her forehead.

Her heart screamed and her breath hitched and her hand dug into the pillow beside her - and then, just as her eyelids fluttered, he pulled away.

Lucy gasped for breath, quite literally, and let it invade her lungs in a sharp, deep intake of air.

What had just happened?!

He had been about to kiss her.

Moving a hand to her chest, she steadied her breathing and then dared to lift her gaze and look him in the eye.

His expression was indecipherable. While Lucy's mind began a desperate search for answers, her lips had apparently become cement.

Speak, Lucy. Say something.

Because it didn't seem like Natsu was going to do it for her. He turned halfway towards the tv again, brushing his thumb across his lower lip as his brows scrunched.

She could not read him. He was a book written in a foreign language, expressive and beautiful, but not for her to understand.

Then his eyes widened as he found something on her wall - which turned out to be her clock, judging from his reaction.

She wouldn't have known. She was too busy staring at him.

"Oh shit, it's so late? Didn't the last train leave at like 12?! Fuck."

Part of her was relieved by the change of topic.

"Oh, you came by train?"

"Well no, I took the car, but I sure can't drive anymore." He motioned towards the empty bottle on the table. "Don't think I have enough money for a cab either."

"Hey, you can sleep here."

"Nah, I can walk, it's okay."

"No, really, it's no trouble at all! And the couch is really comfy!"

Natsu stared at her, puzzled by her eagerness. She wanted him to stay?

Even after his major screw-up just now? Seriously, he had to get a grip on himself… The things she was doing to him were starting to slip his control.

He didn't want to ruin this. He couldn't.

"Really, you shouldn't be walking anywhere in your state. And it sounds like it would take you a while."

"Yeah… I live almost outside the city. Well, if it's okay for y-"

"It is! I'll even give you my favourite blanket."

"Lucy, you're the best. Really. My saviour!"

She smiled as she stood up. Only now did she realize her knees were wobbling.

"Oh dear," she muttered to herself as she staggered off towards her bedroom, seeing stars. "That was some good gin."

Natsu sank down into the soft cushions of the couch, staring up at the ceiling while the sounds of her rummaging through her bedroom drifted over to him.

Inhaling deeply, he let the scent that lingered everywhere in the flat soothe him. It was a nice smell, like flowers and cherry lipgloss and sunlight. Lucy's smell. His eyelids fluttered.

It did not take her long at all, and when she came back, Lucy was almost entirely obstructed from view by her load. She managed to hand it to him nonetheless, and he surpressed a grin.

It was a very cuddly blanket, fleecy to the touch and kept in nice pastel colours.

"Thank you."

He wasn't thanking her for the blanket. As their eyes met, Lucy smiled softly, trying to blink away some tears. Really, why were there tears in her eyes now? This entire crazy evening had left her an emotional mess.

She thought she might understand now. Why he hadn't kissed her.

"Goodnight, Natsu."

"Goodnight, Lucy."