Warnings: Johnlock slash (Rating could go up), beta'd now, I'm not British, Bullying, Mentions of drug abuse, AU
Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock.
Special Thanks: Anne my lovely Beta, who keeps reassuring me and giving me wonderful advice!
More notes at the end of Chapter.
"Sherlock, we need to talk."
How is it that five little words could make him feel as if his entire world were crashing to the ground and then proceed to freeze over, coating everything in sheets of ice? That shouldn't be possible, but Sherlock feels as the room had suddenly dropped twenty degrees and he involuntarily shivers. 'So, this is it then.' Sherlock stands from where he lay sprawled out across the sofa, to stand in front of John. "I agree. We should settle this estrangement between us."
John blinks, taken aback by Sherlock's willingness to talk about feelings, before he draws in a breath to begin. "Sherlock, I realize-" but before John can finish, Sherlock holds up a hand as if to silence him. "Before you can spout off any idiotic notions, I will state this as frank as I can. These past few months now, I have become aware of a problematic disparity in the way we feel about one another."
John's shoulders slump, "Oh. You've noticed."
"Yes, and I believe that I should mention now, that I know about your feelings for me, and what they entell. I may not currently understand what I have done to deserve these feelings, but with time, I am sure that the emotion will become clear. As you have previously stated, I have not felt that way about anyone before. Although I do not feel the same way as you do, I believe I will be able to ignore them in the future. "
Throughout Sherlock's little speech John's heart steadily sinks to the pit of his stomach. Along with the feeling of despair, comes the all consuming sense of rage. "Ignore them. Ignore them as if they don't matter?! That's brilliant Sherlock! Why didn't I think of that before!?" John laughs humorlessly and bitterly to himself, "And while I'm at it, I'll just hide away in my 'mind palace' and pretend that nobody matters either! Oh wait, you already do that don't you? I don't want to steal your thunder. After all, the Threadless genius needs an audience. I wouldn't want to steal any members from your fan club."
Said genius' facial expression briefly flashes to some unknown expression before angular features harden, cool eyes narrow, and lips take on an angry glower. "I don't know why you should feel so betrayed. You've made your feelings apparent. You obviously don't believe that I could possibly feel anything for anyone. I can only assume that you wish to flaunt your opinion of me further. Fine! Let's laugh at the threadless, heartless man! Let's all prod, and point fingers at the machine. Look how pathetic he is! The only man he has ever "loved" believes him to be an indifferent, uncaring, bastard!" When Sherlock finishes his ranting, he goes over to his violin rips it from its case before drawing the bow across the strings in a sawing motion.
Soon the screeching sounds morph into a slow heart breaking piece John had heard previously. Sherlock's demeanor had completely changed. Before the music had began, His entire form had been set rigidly and withdrawn, but now…now it's as if he is defeated. As if his entire world has collapsed. His proud frame is now drooping slightly, his head is moderately bowed, and his shoulders are slumped downwards. The proud detective stands before John, appearing crumbled and defeated.
When reflecting over the distraught man's words, John had a shocking moment of clarity. 'Wait a moment…"The only man he has ever loved believes him to be an indifferent, uncaring, bastard." But that would mean…' John could hit himself for being so stupid. 'Of. bloody. COURSE!'
"Sherlock, you do realize when I said what I had said, that I was rambling, and didn't really mean what I was saying, don't you?" Sherlock doesn't answer, doesn't turn around, yet, he has stopped playing his violin momentarily. "I was embarrassed and felt as if you didn't care about me at all. I had started spouting random things from the top of my head."
"Don't be absurd, John." Came the monotonous response. " In my profession, I know when people are lying and you are a terrible liar. Either you are lying to me, or you are withholding some of the facts." Sherlock then turns to look at John. His carefully sculpted face, in John's opinion, had never been this withdrawn or dispassionate.
John draws in a shaky breath and breathes out, "You're right. Of course you're right. You've always been able to see through me."
'Now, it comes out.' Sherlock barely conceals a scowl and bites out, "Of course I'm right. Any idiot would be able to see-" Before Sherlock could finish his tirade, John has stepped forward and has closed in on the remaining space between them. A pair of shocked eyes glance down at the smiling army doctor briefly before closing completely, when thin lips meet his own.
The kiss is short lived, only lasting a moment or two, before they break apart and the loyal blogger smiles up at the confused detective. "You're an idiot. How could you possibly believe that I don't absolutely adore you" Sherlock's eyes widen and a pretty blush seeps across his sharp cheekbones. "I-John…." A firm hand comes up and is placed on the side of Sherlock's face and the tip of John's finger gently caresses his full bottom lip.
"Shh...I know. Slowly, alright?" Instead of answering, Sherlock's ivory complexion turns a lovely shade of red as the blush deepens and travels further down his neck. He nods his head obediently at John's request and awkwardly places his hands on John's shoulders. John laughs softly and lifts his head slightly, hands moving to grip the back of Sherlock's neck, before whispering against the bashful sleuth's timid lips, "Just...follow my lead."This kiss starts out slow. Sherlock has yet to figure out what to do with his hands, or lips for that matter, but John, ever reliant John, seems to know what is going through his head and gently moves his lips against Sherlock's shy ones.
Sherlock had always been a quick study and soon he was copying the slow pace John had set. When Sherlock's movements became more confident, John slowly sucked and nibbled on his full lower lip. Sherlock gasps in surprise and John is granted access.
Sherlock surprises John though, by taking over the kiss. He finds himself pushed up against the nearest wall with a lanky detective pressed up against him. The kiss, which started slow and chaste, has now transformed into a hot, and passionate one conveying need and lust. When they break apart for air this time, Sherlock doesn't go far. They are only inches apart, foreheads pressed together, sharing air and small smiles."John, I want to know...I mean, would you want to...that is…come to bed with me?" Sherlock finishes his rambling with a dark red blush and averted eyes.
John's eye, of course, widen when he hears the small stuttered request (some other part of his anatomy, which had already been affected by the heated snogging, also shows an interest in the conversation), but Sherlock continues before John can say anything, "Nothing sexual. I don't think..I'm not sure I'm ready for any of that, but…I would enjoy your company tonight." Sherlock's hands twitch while he waits for a response. When John has failed to reply, after several moments of shocked staring, Sherlock had taken his silence as a denial.
After blushing an even deeper shade of red, Sherlock begins to leave with a mumbled, embarrassed departure which finally makes John act. "No! I mean… Of course I'll come to bed with you. I was just surprised that you would want my company tonight." Sherlock takes his blogger's hand and places it on his chest. "Of course I want you with me. I'd be lost without my blogger."
John's face lights up at the small declaration and then proceeds to draw Sherlock into a sweet kiss. When they separate, John tightens his hold on Sherlock's hand briefly before leading him to Sherlock's room. "Then let's go."
That night, as Sherlock was curled around John sound asleep, John lay staring up at the ceiling with a smile on his face. The blogger lay remembering the course of the day. He gently touched his lips as he remembered inexperienced ones against his own. Although, his brow furrows once he remembers that he had meant to discuss some things with Sherlock. He had said some pretty hurtful things to Sherlock today, and the look he had given John when he had said them bordered on melancholic. This conversation was definitely not over.
Notes: I know I promised Angst, but I couldn't resist this! I had to do this! I'm not going to reveal my plans for the next chapter. I'm going to leave you wondering. I shall possibly give clues. So, be watching ;)
Guest:Please me a name! I want to be able to answer you properly! You have been so flipping wonderful! *hands tissue* It will only get worse, love. They may be falling in love but that won't be the only kind. :/ Enjoy this chapter while it lasts. I'm sorry for making you so upset! *writer hugs her sad guest reviewer* Please cheer up love! I love having your reviews though.
Carriewhowasreading:What means something, love? I'm afraid I'm a bit slow this morning. I'm a bit sick and stuffy :/. Thank you so much for reviewing! :D