Rest Well Son, I'm Here If You Need Me
Day of Mission – Military Aircraft Enroute to Toronto – Mid-flight Six Hours til Landing
For the second time in less than two years he was striding up and down the aisle of the aircraft scaring the wits out of some of his staff. Others were used to his fury. At least this time he was not bellowing at the pilots or staff. He was just very pissed off and they could feel it coming off him in waves.
However, in his mind he was bellowing. Why the hell I'm I always so far away when he is hurt? Why can't these things fly faster? Why hadn't Sutton called with an update? What the hell made Samuel position this as a Priority 1? What did Samuel know that made it a Priority 1?
He had his analyst determine which files Samuel had accessed. He only accessed Mousa and seven of his suspected and known associates. They had not seen a link in any of it that would make this a Priority 1.
Yes, Mousa was the suspected head behind all the attacks on the units in the past three months but that alone would not make it a Priority 1. But he trusted his son. If he called it, then it was so.
His phone rang. About damned time, he continued to stride up and down the aisle as he answered "Braddock."
["Sir. Sutton. The scene has been secured. All evidence collected and bodies that could be identified have been. Not many though, there was basically nothing left of the buildings and most were beyond recognition. Cover story is gas explosion for the buildings and a lone deranged gunman for the safe house incident."]
General Braddock stated "That lone gunmen story will not hold water to well. My staff tech team has already found and deleted dozens of amateur videos from the web. Sometimes I hate the internet, makes our job so much harder to not panic the public. Status on the personnel?"
[Sutton started with the status of the personnel "Priority 1 protocol initiated. All have been secluded and separated. Debrief teams activated. They have begun the interview processes with those that are conscious. I will send you the reports as they become available."
"Winds is conscious and doing well. Corporal Parsons, goes by Cameo, is in ICU. Surgery went well but the bullet caused a fracture of his femur. He will need several more surgeries to place plates and screws. Only time and rehab will tell if this young man's career in JTF2 is over."
Sutton then detailed the injuries of each unit and SRU team member before getting to the one he knew the General was most concerned about.
"Braddock was being moved to recovery as I called you. I waited until I had news of the outcome before contacting you. The doctor indicates that surgery went well. They will move him to ICU shortly."
"The doctor said the knife wound to the arm missed major muscles, tendons and nerves. He also reported the knife wound to the abdomen did not do major damage to organs. It did penetrate the liver but they were able to repair the minor damage. He did require a blood transfusion, lost quite a bit due to both wounds."
"The concussion grenade did some damage. Bruised his lungs a bit but they did not have to intubate. He is on oxygen to assist right now. He cracked three ribs, but none broken. CT scan shows concussion like the rest of the group."
"None of them got away without that. The blast was so hard. As usual he is very colorful, lots of bruising to the chest, back, arms, and face. The doctor says he is in stable condition."
"But Sir, there is one more thing to report regarding Braddock. There is significant bruising around his neck. He was choked very hard. He was with Corporal Xenos, call sign Apollo, and Ed Lane. We will be interviewing them to determine what occurred."]
The General directed "Sutton, no one is to be allowed into Braddock's room until I arrive. He is to be fully sedated as well. We all know his reaction to hospitals. But this is more in relation to the Priority 1 he called. There is to be no contact with him other than vetted medical personnel. Is that understood?"
["Clearly Sir. Going to have to call the MPs I think. Winds and Mason are already clamoring to see him. Sir, am I allowed to give them health status of Braddock at least?" Sutton was hoping that the General would say yes knowing how Mason and Winds would react to complete blackout.]
He hated to do this but William answered "No. It must be a complete blackout from this point forward. We have no idea what information he possess and it could make him a target. The fewer people that know his status the safer he is. Assign Braddock a code name for all future communications. If anything changes notify me. ETA seven hours."
["Willco" Sutton responded.
He hated to do this to the unit men. They had been Sam's salvation when he was in JTF2. Hell he hated to do this to Sam's SRU team too. But it was necessary. Sam had called a Priority 1.]
"Tom" William said with the barest hint of emotion not detectable by those other than his closest friends.
[Tom heard the inflection in William's voice. Damn he is always so far away when that boy is injured. He was alone in his office so he replied "Will, your boy is a tough one. He'll be okay."]
General Braddock was surrounded by staff and he could not say what he wanted to say. He wanted to say keep my boy safe, don't let anyone hurt him more, he has been through too much pain in his life. He wanted too but he couldn't. Briskly he said "Keep to blackout protocol."
["Understood. I'll keep him safe until you arrive. I've got his six. If you need an update just call. I'll know why you are calling" Tom offered.
Sutton knew his friend was hurting and needed to release some tension before he exploded. An idea slipped into his head. They had laughed long and hard about it a few years ago.
He said "Code name established. Sending separately. If anything changes or we get useful info I'll be in touch."]
The General hung up and stopped pacing. He sat for the first time in seven hours. He was exhausted. So many people are going to be pissed at him. But he had no choice, none what so ever. Samuel had called the Priority 1. It required blackout protocols.
His phone pinged. He looked at the message knowing it was the code name for his son. He startled his entire staff when he burst out laughing. Damn Sutton, he liked his sense of humor. The message simply read 'Hell-Froze'.
A bit of the tension he had been holding since Samuel reactivated slipped away. He really should sleep but he called his analyst over. They began to discuss various possible connections or reasons for the Priority 1.
Day of Mission – Two Hours After Surgery – SF Base Hospital ICU Bay 4
Sam was out of practice, he had let go of many of his soldier habits and stealth awake was one of them. But today's incidents kicked in his instinct. He identified the scent of disinfectant mixed with fake pine and it alerted his brain he was in an Army hospital. To him they had a distinct odor. He kept his breathing regular and eyes closed and he tried to assess his situation.
Physically he felt like he had been thrown into a tumble dryer with a load of large rocks and spun around for hours. Absolutely everything hurt. He moved his hand slightly. Even his pinkie hurt. There was a deep burning pain in his right side. His right arm throbbed in pain at each heartbeat. He tried to open his eyes and only succeeded in getting them to open a fraction of a second before they closed. They were too heavy.
He was alive. He hurt too much to be dead. He was fully prepared to give his life for Ben's and that's the last thought he had. But he wasn't dead.
No the pain was too intense to be dead. Unless he was in hell. He thought that is quite possible with how much it hurt and how many people he had killed in his life.
Then he remembered he was no longer just a killer. He had become a murderer. He had killed in cold blood, with malice and hatred flowing through him. He had planned long and in great detail how he would kill the bastard. Then he did. The opportunity arose and he deliberately and with something akin to joy slit the bastard's throat.
He was in terrible pain physically but excruciating pain emotionally. He wanted to die. He couldn't live with himself knowing he had crossed the line.
It was a fine one given his work but it was a line nonetheless. Why couldn't the grenade have killed me? Then no one would ever know what he had become, what he did.
Wait, Ed would know, he was there. He saw him commit murder. Oh god, Ed saw. Is that why he attacked Ed? This hurts too much. Just let me die. Please just let me die. A pain filled moan escaped him as he drifted out of consciousness.
The nurse noted the movements in her patient. That couldn't be. No way could he attain a waking state. She called the doctor and reported it and was told to up the dosage. She complied.
Three Hours After Surgery – SF Base Hospital ICU Bay 4
He became aware of his surroundings slowly. Someone was near him. He tried to move but his limbs felt numb and heavy. He hurt so badly. He heard the beeping. Must be in a hospital.
Sam moaned as he forced opened his eyes half way. He wanted to ask the person where he was and tell them that he hurt. But speech was beyond him right now. He made brief eye contact just before a burning pain in his side crested. He slipped away.
This was not normal the nurse noted. Again she called the doctor. Again he said to up the dosages. As she did so she thought this is enough to down a friggin elephant.
Five Hours After Surgery – SF Base Hospital ICU Bay 4
Pain, he felt pain; so much pain, unbearable pain. It would not go away it was unrelenting. He could not think clearly.
Time did not have meaning all he felt was pain. He wanted so badly to open his eyes but he couldn't make them follow his command. He wanted someone to take the pain away. Please take the pain away. Why didn't they take the pain away? Make it go away, it hurts too much.
The nurse had been watching closely for hours. She was frustrated. She had maxed out on the dosages she could give him. She had kept the doctor apprised. He had changed meds two hours ago but still the soldier was getting no relief.
This poor soldier was definitely in pain and how the hell he kept waking up she didn't know. This was the tenth time in the last three hours. He no longer opened his eyes but she could tell by the way his muscles tensed, the slight movements of his head and eyelids. And of course the pitiful soft moans.
Sam heard a soft feminine voice "Ssshhh I know you are in pain. Try to relax. There is nothing more I can give you right now. Sssshhhh."
He wasn't even aware anyone was near him. Did he imagine it? He moaned.
"Ssshhh I'll be right back" the voice said.
The nurse had enough of being ineffective she was going to find that damned doctor and drag him in here and show him his patient was awake and in pain. What he had prescribed just was not working.
No idea how long it had been, pain distorted time for him, but Sam heard two voices. Then they slipped away as another flood of pain drowned him again.
"I gave him the doses you instructed doctor but he is still waking and he is still in pain. The sedatives are not working like they should be, nor are the pain meds. Just look at his face. You can tell he is in pain. He moans occasionally too" the nurse said clearly concerned and frustrated.
The doctor took the charts and looked them over. He absolutely hated blackout cases. He had no access to medical records because he did not know who the patient was. So he was flying blind with this soldier's medical history.
Obviously these medications were not working. He had prescribed the max dosages and anymore would suppress his breathing. With the bruised lungs he could not risk that. He had tried a different pain med but it too was not working. Changing to something else again would be another blind stab in the dark.
By the looks of this soldier he had been injured multiple times. Many were much more severe than what he was dealing with now. Someone must have figured out the right combo of meds to help him. But he needed the soldier's medical file to find out.
He was told not call unless it was dire, in his mind a soldier in pain was dire so he pulled out the encrypted phone he was given. He dialed the only contact he was allowed to speak to "Sir. Doctor Black. Hell-Froze."
["Go" General Braddock said. He cringed at the thought of a call from the doctor. Sutton had instructed him to call only if things took a turn for the worse.]
"Sir. I need access to Hell-Froze medical history. He is in pain and sedatives not working. He keeps waking. I've tried several things but nothing is working" the doctor related.
[The General did not like hearing Samuel was in pain. "How long has this been happening?"]
The doctor responded "Most of the past three hours but has gotten more intense and frequent in the past hour. I kept upping his dosage but I've maxed out on that. I can't give him more without worrying about suppressing lung function."
[William was pissed "Why the hell didn't you call sooner? No soldier should be allowed to be in pain for that long. Hold."
The fury was evident in his clipped tones as he instructed one of his staff to access the medical records and redact everything except pain management. The Corporal's fingers flew over the keyboard and within five minutes he told the General he sent them to Sutton.
While he had waited he was mostly lashing himself for not making sure the doctor was aware of Samuel's pain meds needs. He recalled now that Patch had figured out the right combination. It was special, just like Samuel. But he took his anger out on the doctor too. He had waited too long to call in his opinion.
In his icy steel command voice the General said "Dr. Black, expect pain management records for Hell-Froze to be delivered to you by Colonel Sutton in five minutes or less. I expect better care than this for my ..." he had to stop himself he almost said son "for my soldiers. If you have further problems you will call instantly or there will be severe repercussions. Do you understand?"]
"Understood Sir" Dr. Black hung up.
He had no idea who he had been talking to, never would. But that man was thoroughly pissed off by the sound of his voice. It was nice to know a Commanding Officer cared about the soldiers. He moved close and leaned over to look at his patient.
The doctor felt bad his patient was still in pain. He could see the furrow in his brow and set of his jaw. His patient was actually clenching his teeth. Every damned muscle was rigid. The soldier was clearly awake and in pain right now. The doctor damn well hated working blackout cases. He was glad they were few and far between.
Sam moaned again. He worked very, very hard putting all his concentration into one thing and one thing only. He had to get his eyes open. He finally managed it and saw a pair of hazel eyes close to his face. He latched on to the eyes and tried to communicate he was in pain.
The doctor's heart seized. The pain and pleading he registered in those blue eyes it was almost overwhelming. "Relief will be here soon soldier. Soon. Hang on."
He sincerely hoped he had some relief for his patient soon. That god damned file better get here quickly.
Seven Hours After Surgery – SF Base Hospital ICU Bay 4
The General stormed down the hall and into ICU bay 4. The doctor had called hours ago to tell him that the new mix of medications had worked. That Hell-Froze was now resting comfortably and fully sedated. But he had to see for himself.
The nurse was startled when someone stormed into the room. She was about to reprimand them and call for security. No one but she and the doctor were allowed into this room.
But she registered two things. One his insignia on his operational uniform indicated he was a General. Two he looked much like her patient. Clearly they were related. But she demanded "Access code."
The General had been aware of no one except Samuel as he had burst into the room. The strong, confident female voice made him turn towards it "Hell-Froze."
Then he turned back to Samuel and went close. Ah damn son you look like you've been through hell.
He ordered harshly as his emotions got the better of him "Out, out now. Knock before entering if you have to administer meds or take vitals."
The nurse registered the concern and worry on the General's face. Definitely related, maybe father or uncle. As she exited the room she said "Understood Sir." She closed the door behind her.
William drew the curtain around the bed shielding it entirely from view. He went to the bedside pulling a chair close. He lightly touched his son's cheek to ensure himself Samuel was really there then sat.
He reached out and gently placed his hand over Samuel's hand. He patted it lightly. He would never get used to seeing his son hurt. He looked at his face. His face looked horrible, so many bruises and a gash over the eye.
His eyes landed on the finger marks on Samuel's throat. A small sound distress escaped the General. Sutton had informed him of Ed's interview and what had happened in the tunnel. He was glad the bastard was dead; he had hurt, maimed and killed so many soldiers, and unknown others. In his own mind it was fitting that Samuel was the one that killed him.
But then he was given the reports from Winds, Spike and Mason too. When he combined what Mason and Ed reported happened in the conference room with the reports given by both Ed and Spike regarding the tunnel and what Winds, Mason and Ed all reported what occurred as they prepared to enter the building that worried him. Clearly Samuel was struggling with something, maybe several things. They would need to talk when he woke up.
The General heard a noisy disturbance down the hall. Sounded like all hell was breaking loose. He sighed. He knew those voices. They were so loud and so angry.
William knew they cared so much. It hurt not to tell them, to keep them in the dark. But he had no option. He would have to face them all eventually. The worst one to face would be Blaze.
He and Blaze had several conversations over the past few years and had actually developed a mutual respect for each other. He'd like to think a friendship but that was hard when the soldier was in your command. But he knew that Blaze thought of Samuel as a son. Hell he was more of a father to Samuel then he had been in the six years Samuel was under Blaze's command.
To keep all knowledge of Samuel's condition from him would be so cruel. If it were him in Blaze's position he would go completely nuts. It was hard enough knowing his condition and not being here, he could imagine the hell Blaze would go through. He would likely strike out at anyone involved in keeping the information from him.
Then he thought about Samuel's SRU team. They would be upset too. Samuel had built another extended family with that team. It would be so hard on them no knowing as well. Damn, so many people would be hurt by this one unavoidable action.
He leaned forward and brought Samuel's hand to his cheek. He whispered "We are going to have a hell of a lot of bridges to rebuild after this Samuel. I sure hope whatever information you have in your head is worth all the pain this is going to cause the people who care about you."
William sat back and released Samuel's hand and pulled out his phone and dialed.
["Sir. What do you need?" Mike Galloway asked.]
General Braddock stated "Priority 1. A safe house set up within the next twenty-four hours. Need one fully equipped to handle medical needs. Make sure it's no outdated piece of shit. The location will need to have the latest tech and total coverage with at least two escape routes. Understood?"
["Priority 1 understood Sir. A few questions Sir. Only the immediate staff or include medical staff? In-country or out? Is package self-ambulatory?" Mike asked.]
"Only immediate staff. Have Corporal Drake confer with the doctor. In-country but extremely isolated. Package sedated, post-surgical by seven hours. I want to move within the next three hours."
[Mike's mind was already reviewing their options as he answered "Understood. Arrangements will be completed within the hour Sir."]
"Thanks Mike" William said and then hung up.
His personal security team was fast, efficient and he could always count on them. Especially Mike Galloway his lead man. Mike had been with him for nearly a decade now and he trusted Mike with his life. The General sat back and relaxed a bit, they would ensure a proper safe house was set up. Which reminded him, he pulled out his phone again.
["Sutton."]
"Tom, we need to investigate who assigned that piece of crap safe house. I'm also ordering a full review of all safe houses. We need to either retrofit or deactivate ones that no longer meet standards. Too many people were put in jeopardy with that out dated one" General Braddock stated.
["Already on it Sir. As to who assigned it. That would be a Corporal Graham. He is new and just chose the closest available one on the list. No malice intent. I have already assigned two men to complete a thorough review of our current assets."
He then asked with a slight bit of humor in his voice "How's Hell-Froze?"]
William laughed "Tom you have a dreadful sense of humor. He's gonna want to ring your neck for that one. But he's resting comfortably right now. Thanks for keeping him safe until I got here."
["Anytime. Have you talked to the committee yet?" Tom questioned.]
"No. It depends on what he has to say. Let's leave it at that for now. I'll talk to you when I can. Communication will be limited from here on out" he relayed.
[Sutton understood blackout protocol and simply answered "Understood Sir."]
The General pushed the chair near the wall and tilted it back and rested his head on the wall. He closed his eyes, resting a bit. His boy was going to be okay. He just needed to find out the Priority 1 details. Then they could figure out the rest.
Samuel was a damned good soldier and could rise very high, very quickly if he wanted. But Samuel didn't want that. All their arguments clearly told him that.
The fact that Samuel had re-upped didn't surprise him. His son was an honorable man always willing to sacrifice his life to save others. He did it to save a boy and he did just that by the accounts in the reports. But in doing so, Samuel took on a life he really didn't want.
William would find a way out for Samuel. He would get him back to the life he wanted. To the life he deserved to have. A life that gave him purpose and put a light in his eyes.
Five Days Later – Safe House (Near Yellow Knife, NT) – 0400 (4 am)
Awareness filtered into his mind in small bits and pieces. Things were jumbled. There was real pine scent but no disinfectant odor. But he heard the beeps of monitors. He felt the IV. He was definitely lying on a hospital bed. But it didn't feel like a hospital.
He ached all over, his side hurt and it hurt a bit to breath. Sam recognized he had oxygen on. He sensed someone in the room with him.
So he listened carefully to determine their location. He picked up the soft steady rhythm of inhale and exhale. Whoever it was they were asleep about three feet to the left of him.
Sam ventured to crack his eyes open. The room was dimly lit; only one small lamp was on to the right of him where his head was presently turned. He looked at the small window. Totally dark outside and he could see billions of stars. He was not in a city that was for sure. Stars did not shine that brightly there due to all the city lights.
He was definitely far from any city. Why? How?
Turning his head inches at a time, his neck was very sore, Sam finally made it fully to the left. He saw someone slumped in a too small for his frame rocking chair. His head was lolled to the side he could not see the face. His pants looked rumpled like he'd worn them several days. He was wearing a tan t-shirt. He was definitely military by the clothes.
His eyes were so heavy and Sam let them close as he drifted out again.
Safe House (Near Yellow Knife, NT) – 0600 (6 am)
William yawned and rolled his neck to get the kinks out as he blinked his eyes. As he leaned back a bit they settled on the wood beamed ceiling above him. This little rocking chair sucked. He had spent nearly all of the last five days in it. He looked to Samuel.
He said sleepily "Son, please wake up. It's been five days now Samuel. Time to wake up. Please come back."
This was the same plea he had made every day for the past three days, only the number of days changed.
The first two days Samuel didn't wake up had concerned him but not too much. Samuel had slept peacefully never once opening his eyes. He knew that Samuel had some significant injuries and his body was likely recuperating. Sleep was good for that.
But the past three days had been horrific and a living hell. He was worried that Samuel's mind had fractured. Drake had conferred with doctor yesterday and conveyed what was happening. The doctor said there was nothing he could do medically to help. There was nothing physical causing this. That made him even more concerned.
In the past three days Samuel would start screaming and thrashing about. When he finally calmed his eyes would be open and were filled with desolation and hopelessness but he was completely unresponsive. They tried everything, loud sounds, shaking him and even resorted to slapping his face once. No reactions. It was like he wasn't even there. He would drift back into unconsciousness within minutes.
It repeated over and over again, sometimes multiple times per hour. Sometimes it would be a few hours in between. It was completely random and very disconcerting.
William was desperate to help his son. He had reviewed the reports multiple times. Based on the reports of Samuel's behavior during the mission he was troubled. That day had been so overwhelming emotional for him.
Samuel must be trapped somewhere in his mind. William wanted so badly to be able to reach his son and drag him back to the here and now.
He reached over and patted Samuel's hand for the umpteenth time. "Sam, time to wake. Whatever it is son, I'll be here to help. I'm not letting go, you are too important to so many people. Come back to us."
Nothing. No response at all. William sighed and rubbed his bleary sleep deprived eyes.
The General stood and stretched then walked to the kitchen. He smelled coffee.
"Sir, There's a fresh pot. Want me to pour a cup?" his lead security detail man said.
The General nodded and sat at the small table and grabbed the two year old magazine and wished for a current paper. But he kept security tight; no one in or out. With Samuel's current condition he wanted no one aware. Luckily they had brought enough supplies to last up to four weeks.
As he set the cup down for the General, Mike said "Sir, perimeter check was clear. All's quiet. How did he do last night?"
"Thanks Mike. Not well had three episodes. The last one was the longest ever and ended around 0300. I fell asleep after." He took a drink.
"Sir, you need more rest. Three to four hours a night is not enough. If you want I can sit with him while you get some rest" Mike offered as he set a bagel and cream cheese down in front of the General.
He admired this man and his son. What the General was going through was probably just as devastating as whatever was happening to Sam.
"No. I'm fine. I need to be there when he wakes" he said and decided to return to the room.
Both chairs were equally uncomfortable but at least in there was Samuel. He grabbed the bagel and nodded thanks as he strode into the room. He was about to lower himself into the tiny rocking chair again when he had an idea. He was grasping at anything lately.
William walked to the bed. They had enjoyed having morning coffee together when he his lungs were recovering. He waved the mug just below Sam's nose "Son, why don't you join me for morning coffee? We haven't done that in a long time. Smells good doesn't it. Come on I know you can do it. Open your eyes and I'll get you a cup."
He waited leaving the coffee under his nose for a good minute or so. He finally removed it and took a drink "Tastes good too. Come on son."
The General stared, no change, no reaction. "Okay but I want you to know I'll be here when you do wake. I'm not going anywhere. You hear son, I'm not letting you fall."
William went to the chair and sat dejectedly. In his head he bellowed 'wake up now, I command you'. If only that would work; it didn't. He had already tried that more times than he could count.
Safe House (Near Yellow Knife, NT) – 2100 (9 pm)
Samuel had been quiet all day. Not a single outcry or thrashing episode. The change although good also concerned William. What the hell was happening to his son?
The General was fiddling with a pawn from the chess set. When he glanced at Samuel and he saw blue eyes open and staring at him. There was no light in the eyes, no mirth, no life, no Samuel.
His heart froze at the nothingness in his son's eyes. The expendable chess piece tumbled to the ground.
William stared a long time. Samuel did not speak nor blink. The General was urgently trying to figure out what to do, how to react. Tentatively he said "Samuel, I'm so glad you are wake."
He wanted to rush to him but thought better of it. He held back. He moderated his tone to be soft, concerned but not overpowering or threatening "How do you feel son? Any pain?"
Sam stared. How should he answer that question? His dad was clearly asking about physical pain. Yeah he hurt, mostly ached except for the deeper pain in his side and he was stiff. Nothing he couldn't handle. But there were more kinds of pain than physical. He was in agonizing pain.
He had been awake since his dad had put the coffee under his nose this morning. But he couldn't bring himself to reenter the real world. Acknowledge that he was still living; if he could call it living. He knew what awaited him when he woke. A life he couldn't bear to live.
Sam hated that he had become a murderer. He had killed in cold blood. He was now also embedded into a world he could not live with either. He was now committed to being a soldier.
What a weird dichotomy a murderer who would keep his word and follow through on the commitment he made. No he wasn't ready to say anything. Sam closed his eyes without answering.
"Samuel, whatever it is we can fix it together. I'm here, you only need reach out" William said softly.
The lifeless eyes opened again and just stared at him. He moved slowly to the bed. William did not want to spook Samuel. He stood close to the bed and slowly reached for Samuel's hand.
He didn't get any reaction when he held it. The empty, dead eyes had followed his movements and looked at the clasped hands. The General reach out his other hand and placed it gently over Samuel's heart.
His voice soft and caring, William said "Son, I can see you are hurting. Talk to me. Please. It will be okay. I promise."
Sam looked at the hand on his heart. If only he knew that his son was a murderer he would not be showing these gestures. He would not have promised. He would disown him.
He realized that he would only ever have two years of belonging. Everyone he loved would desert him. He would be alone again. Always alone. Sam finally got that it was his lot in life to walk the path alone. Everything he ever loved or cherished was ripped away from him in one way or another.
Sam had been naïve to think that this too wouldn't be taken away. Reality always came around and cut him into little pieces. This time it was his own doing. He was a murderer now. He killed an unarmed man. He beat his face bloody then slit his throat with a knife. Then he nearly killed his friend by choking him to death.
It hurt too much. Sam wished he had died on the grenade. Then at least they could have remembered him as an honorable man. But no, nothing was ever easy for him. Sam shifted his gaze from the hand on his heart to his father's eyes.
Sam whispered with absolutely no emotion "I just want to die."
William swiftly wrapped his arms completely around Samuel and pulled him close as his mind reeled. Not again. God not again. Please.
Pain seeped into every crevasse of William's heart. Oh my son, what the hell happened to you? Where did you go? He held tight. There was no resistance but no reciprocation either. Samuel just allowed it.
After a time William pulled back and laid Samuel back on the bed. He choked out "Why?"
Sam's vacant eyes connect with the General's anxious ones. Sam looked away, he couldn't bear to watch the concern turn to disgust and hate as he said "I'm a murderer, I killed in cold blood with malice and a plan. I'm no better than all the men I killed."
William's insides whirled and twirled. He was sure Samuel's mind had twisted things again. In an even tone "Who did you murder son?"
Looking out the window at the night stars he started to shake. The image of Qasim laughing as he shoved the red hot needle into him blotted out the stars. Then the laughing started in his head. The laughing changed to a laughing voice that taunted him 'you're no better than me, you're a murderer'. The shaking turned violent.
William pulled him close again "Samuel it is okay. He is dead. He can't hurt you anymore. He's dead."
"You're wrong. I murdered him. He finally won. He finally broke me completely. I'm just like him now" Sam said dully with the same lifelessness that was in his eyes.
General Braddock raged directly into his son's face as he shook his shoulders "LIKE HELL YOU ARE. YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE THAT SICK BASTARD. I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM IN A HEARTBEAT GIVEN HALF A CHANCE."
All shaking had left him and the laughing had dissipated as Sam stared at the face that was so close to his. "But I am. I killed an unarmed man."
His voice dropped to barely a whisper "I beat him senseless and then just slit his throat with my knife. I was glad he was dead, that I killed him."
Crap Samuel had warped things so badly in his head. William forced himself to be calm as he said "Son you need to read a few things then we will talk."
The General stood and walked to the other room.
Mike had overheard most of it; hard not to given the small size of the cabin. He had the reports in hand and ready for the General. Mike softly said "I would have killed the bastard given half a chance too. Let me know if you need anything Sir."
He looked at Mike and nodded "Samuel needs to work it out in his own mind. These might help. I hope they help."
He sighed deeply. William was about to head back in and thought he needed a gesture for Sam to know he still cared. He turned around and got two cups of coffee. He tucked the reports under one arm and headed back in with a cup in each hand.
Samuel hadn't moved a muscle. His eyes were still dark voids. He held out the coffee "Missed having morning coffee with you son."
Sam looked at the cup then up at his dad then back at the cup. He had told him he was a murderer and he brought him coffee. He looked back up at his dad.
William smiled "It's not half bad coffee, not quite your iced capp. But we could pour it over ice if you want."
Sam took the cup and sipped.
The General dropped five files in his lap. He saw the names Ed Lane, Mike Scarlatti, Daphne Blain, Naseer Bandar and Ben Hunter on them. He looked up at him "Sir?"
"Complete incident reports. I will warn you, some of it is very disturbing. Read. Think. Then we can talk when you are ready. Are you hungry?"
Sam nodded yes as he opened the first report from Naseer Bandar. As he read his dad left the room. When he returned fifteen minutes later he had just finished Bandar's report. It was extensive and disturbing to find out another operative had been killed that day. One who had tried to protect Daphne and Ben.
The General handed him a plate with an omelet "We go by basics here, none of us cook too well. Best I could do for now."
"Thanks." Sam started to eat as he opened Daphne's file. He had gotten to the part about Ben running from the men. Damn that little boy was brave. He looked up to his dad "Ben is a lot like Matt."
The General nodded. That wasn't so dead flat. He heard a tiny, tiny inflection of emotion. He hoped Samuel finished the omelet before he got to the part of what Daphne had to watch on the monitor with Ben and Qasim.
He didn't relish picking up broken plate, again. He had thrown his plate when he read that part. I should have put it on the paper one to safety. He saw Samuel take the last bite and whisked the plate away.
Sam looked up.
William said "Just going to wash this now" and rushed from the room.
There was a crash and shattering sound from the room. Crap forgot about the mug. But at least there was emotion. He waited another five minutes before going back.
He saw Samuel furiously scanning through the reports now. Fantastic he saw RAW ANGER in Samuel's face, he saw emotion. It didn't quite reach is eyes, those were still lifeless but he could still express emotion. If one could be felt then all was not lost. Samuel was not lost. He could pull him back up out of the chasm he had fallen into.
Sam couldn't believe what he was reading. How could they do that to a little boy? To Matt's boy. He was going to kill them. They deserved to die.
Then Sam read Ed's account of the fight. He blinked. He read it again. Sam read it a third time still not quite believing. He touched his arm. He touched his side. He touched his neck.
He leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes to think. He had done it again. His mind had distorted the events. He was suddenly so completely exhausted. Not meaning to, Sam slipped into sleep.
The General watched his son the entire time. He saw when he realized the truth. The simple touches to his wounds spoke volumes. Then he had closed his eyes. He needed to think, to process the information. William waited.
And waited and waited. He finally glanced at his watch, midnight. He looked closely at Samuel. Dawning hit, he saw the regular breathing of sleep. He stood and gathered the files off his son's lap and placed them on the night table.
Then William pulled a blanket over Samuel and he kissed his son's forehead. He lightly brushed his son's hair like Yvonne used to do as he said "Rest well son. I'm here if you need me. You deserve the rest."
As William left the room he turned out the light. He hoped that was what the terrors were about. He hoped Samuel slept tonight without them.
He saw Mike sitting at the kitchen table "Tell the guys to wake me if Samuel has another nightmare. I'm going to grab some shut eye."
Mike responded "Willco. You deserve the rest Sir."