I guess professional adults weren't allowed to have hobbies because the way Claire was looking at me gave me the impression I'd just walked in on her shedding her human skin or something equally as bizarre. I tried to think of a snappy comment for why I'd barged in on her sanctuary, but I had nothing, and found myself too distracted to think. I'd known she was into bikes, but I guess to this level always struck me as a fantasy. At least on my end. The whole bad boy biker thing was just movie bullshit in my mind, but I guess Claire was the exception, not being male and whatever.

She found her voice first, standing up slowly to greet me. "Sleep well?" She asked slowly, rubbing her hands on a stained towel. I could tell she was attempting to find an excuse for all of this, but words failed her.

"Sure did." I said, rocking on my heels. "So… nice place you got here." Her face turned red, and I couldn't help but laugh. I was glad Claire had hobbies to keep herself sane, but I, being her friend, figured I was allowed to tease her just a bit. "Who's your girlfriend?" I said, pointing towards the calendar with a smile.

Claire began to stammer an excuse, stumbling over to me to snatch the calendar off the wall. I blocked it with my body, shaking my head. "Come on, just tell me! I promise not to laugh."

She groaned, crossing her arms. "What's it matter?"

"I wanna know." I said, watching her sigh and give up.

"Alright fine. Her name is Elza and we went to the same college together for a little bit. She races motorcycles professionally."

"Yeah I got that much from the calendar. She your girlfriend?"

Claire shook her head, looking down at her feet. "No, it's nothing like that. We don't even talk that much anymore. I mean, we used to, but we're both just so busy anymore. Maybe when she retires we'll be closer again or something. I dunno."

I nodded, wondering if there were any implications to what she'd said. I was probably just looking for an excuse to be jealous; jealous about something that wasn't even my own. An odd thought hit the back of my head, and I couldn't help but think about Elza. While I didn't know the woman, and probably never would, I wondered what things would be like if it had been her who was unlucky enough to wander into Raccoon that night instead of Claire. Would I be standing in her garage right now instead? It was possible, but I'd argue I was a hell of a lot happier with Claire than I would be with some professional loser.

Alright, I admit that wasn't nice. Claire was a professional loser too but a different kind. She was cute and endearing. An actual famous person wouldn't be. Famous people were all assholes anyway. Except on TV, where they had to be nice and look friendly and normal so people would still like them. I was smarter than that, though. Claire apparently wasn't, but they went to school together so it didn't count.

"Hey, so, wanna tell me about your uh… bike?" I asked, deciding to change the subject. I had to get that blonde hottie, or idiot rather, out of my head. Elza would probably be a better match for Claire anyway, but she wasn't here, so Claire was mine to scoop up. Until then, I had to get well versed in whatever she liked, and she liked motorcycles so we'd start there. It was the perfect plan.

The only problem was I didn't know a fucking thing about motorcycles.

We'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

I knew Claire liked motorcycles, but I'd never imagined she could waste so much time talking about them. Reading the Wikipedia page on motorcycles and all the sources at the bottom would have taken less time than this, but I admit it wouldn't have been as adorable. She gave me her own personal history with riding, talked about Chris becoming a member of STARS and saving up enough money to buy her the first bike she ever owned. She seemed nostalgic of the time, so I didn't interrupt her.

That part I could handle, but when she sat me down next to her and jumped into a lengthy explanation about the internal workings of her own bike and why it was so much better than the standard I felt my brain turn off. This was going to take a bit of getting used to, but her passion kept me at least somewhat conscious.

Claire's passion did warm my heart. It was a lame thought to really dwell on, but I couldn't help but smile at her as she went on and on. I was glad she cared so much about something other than work. Saving the world was cool and all, but motorcycles were too. There was a simple and undeniable fact, and that was that Claire did make me happy. I'd been happy before, but not like this.

Maybe that's why I let her feed me cheap pizza and tuck me in to bed later that night. Well, not bed so much as couch. We sat up talking for a while about what we planned to do with ourselves. Claire suggested I try to go to school, I suggested I go back to work with her. We both know I was too fucked in the head anymore to go back to work with her, but I wanted to be around her. If I went off to college, I'd lose that luxury, and right now I was pretty damn sure I needed it. It was all a matter of getting Claire to agree.

She cared about me, I knew she did. The look of concern, the embraces, the gentle touches to keep me in reality. Hell, I knew she loved me too, but what I didn't know was if she loved me like I loved her. Before I finally fell asleep once more, I'd taken the opportunity to talk about our love lives. I admitted to her I had no boyfriend (or girlfriend as I was after right now), and she did the same. She told me that, in the past handful of years, she'd been very much single. Apparently the constant threat of your loved ones or yourself dying due to a zombie outbreak was enough to dissuade a person for romantic pursuits. Who knew?

The thoughts of Claire dating or not did little to comfort my mind as I slept. The nightmares were further away, but I was still aware of the damn darkness, always following me. I couldn't live this way forever. I really, really couldn't. Eventually, something woke me up, but the realization that the darkness had not left made me shriek.

Smooth…

The next thing I knew, Claire was back at my side. She'd changed into her pajamas at some point so I knew I'd been out for a while, but how long I couldn't tell. The only thing I knew was I hated this unfamiliar house at night.

"Y-…You didn't tell me you turned the fucking lights out!" I shouted at her, though I never meant to seem like I was mad at her. I was mad at myself, only myself.

She stared at me for a while, pulling me into a hug. I fell limply against her, finding I was whimpering now. I was a mess. A complete fucking goddamn mess. I could hear Claire muttering apologies, but it only served to make me feel worse. She was too good for me. Too fucking good! I began to resent it, or myself, or my life or fucking something. I wasn't sure what.

And then, I kissed her.

It wasn't magical like I wanted it to be, like I'd imagined it was. It was messy and just… sad. I pulled out of her arms far enough to press my lips to her and she just looked at me. I almost felt sick then, watching her watch me.

I felt so much worse when she looked away.

"Claire, look at me." I begged.

She did not.

"Claire!" I tried not to sob.

It was no wonder she didn't like me.

"Goddamn it, Redfield! Just-…Fuck!"

"Don't call me that." She finally replied. It probably was a lot easier for her to stare at the back of the couch than it was to look at my face.

"Then look at me…"

She did so, slowly, but I could tell it was painful for her to do so. I'd fucked up. I'd fucked up so badly. Her voice came as a distant buzz as I tried to block out the words she was saying. Dying under those rocks would have been so much easier than this.

"Moira, you don't like me. There's a word for what you're feeling… or a phrase or… a term or something. Look I don't remember but… the point is you only feel that way because of… what we've been through, okay?"

The fact she was trying so hard to explain it away was killing me. I shook my head, grabbed her shoulders tightly. I held her down. I was so sure of myself as I tried to refute it. She didn't fight me, and that was all I needed.

"Look at me you big fucking idiot! Do you really think I give a shit about biohazardous clean up? You think I gave a fuck about saving the fucking planet from monsters and all that other bullshit when I joined TerraSave?"

Claire said nothing, but I think she was slowly beginning to understand what I was ranting about.

"I didn't, okay? I mean I kinda did but I mostly just…" I eased back now, "But… It was you, okay? I joined over you…" Her face softened. I knew that she knew. She always had to have known but… god maybe she was just ignoring it like I was. It was a lot to take in, I'd known her since I was legally just a kid. She had a reputation to maintain. The idea helped ease the rejection, but I still hated it.

She nodded now, understanding what I said. Once again she hugged me, but this time she kissed the top of my head. Now my heart fluttered (finally!). She took a deep breath, and for an impossibly long moment we sat there before she exhaled slowly.

"Let's go lie down Moira." She whispered, pulling me to my feet.