A giant thank you to Amonraphoenix for beta reading this fic for me and for her great ideas and encouragement!

Also a big thank you to my reviewers Mela989898, moonie016, I love Kittens too, too lazy to sign in and Raphael!

A/N Raph had a potty mouth and drops a few F-bombs, just sayin'

Chapter 5

Donatello watched as the blood drained from his brother's face but Raphael remained silent after Donatello's grim diagnosis of Cirrhosis. Donatello did not believe his brother knew what he was talking about, but seemed almost frightened to ask what it was.

"Can you cure it?" Raphael finally whispered. "Or am I dyin'?"

Donatello glared at his brother, suddenly angry by the simple question. "You're not dying, no thanks to you." He accused angrily. Donatello launched himself out of his chair and began to pace in agitation. "Alcohol induced liver disease, Raph." Donatello shook his head in angry disgust. "Liver disease can kill you if not treated in time." He told his brother furiously. "I really thought you had changed." Donatello shook his head again. "How much have you been drinking?"

Raphael continued to glare at him his lips pursing with anger at the accusation.

"Katherine thinks you've changed." Donatello continued when Raphael remained silent. "How many of those pina coladas that you have been pounding back have been full of vodka?"

"Rum." Raphael ground out through clenched teeth.

Donatello blinked in shock his thoughts momentarily derailed by his brother's admission of guilt before he continued. "I've seen you drink at least seven or eight of those things a day!" Donatello barked in angered exasperation.

"Pina coladas are made with rum, not vodka and me an' Mikey have been drinkin' virgin pina coladas." Raphael growled as he slid from the bed standing on shaky legs, his eyes burning brightly with fever and defiance

"What do you think you're doing? Lay back down!" Donatello snapped.

"Screw you, Donny!" Raphael roared furiously. "I don't need to take this shit from you." Raphael shouted as he took a shaky step forward.

Donatello strode over and grabbed his brother firmly by the shoulders. Raphael struggled weakly, his flesh burning beneath Donatello's cooler hands.

"Lay down before you hurt yourself." Donatello ordered in exasperation as Raphael broke his hold on his shoulders, pushing him roughly away.

"Leave me alone. You said I ain't dying so get the hell away from me!" Raphael snarled angrily as he pushed past Donatello and took two more shaky steps towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Donatello asked irritably, his own temper and frustration with his older brother rising.

"To go and fuck your girlfriend." Raphael replied viciously.

Donatello's eyes widened in shock and then moved. He didn't think about what he was doing as he brought back his fist and punched Raphael hard in the jaw. Raphael fell to the ground hitting it heavily as Donatello watched him fall with some small bit of satisfaction.

"Don't you EVER talk about Katherine that way again!" Donatello shouted furiously. "She is my girlfriend now. You screwed up and lost her and now she's mine, not yours, mine! And she is by far happier with me than she ever was with you!" Donatello spat out maliciously as he forced himself to unclench his hands so he wouldn't launch himself at his brother and punch him again- just for good measure- in order to wipe the smug grin off his brother's face. But his words seemed to have this effect anyway as Raphael paled even more and lost his arrogant smile.

"The only reason she's yours, Donny," Raphael snarled. "Is because I fucked up." Raphael ground out angrily, rubbing his tender jaw and making no attempt to drag himself off the floor.

"You punched her in the face! You scarred her for life! She could have lost her eye and been blinded!" Donatello accused, incredulous that his brother seemed to be making light of what he had done to Katherine.

"And before that we were fine." Raphael growled. "She was happy with me."

"Don't you dare try to diminish your actions towards her that night, Raph. And besides, you let your jealously of Leo get the better of you. You didn't trust her." Donatello callously accused.

"Heh. See, Donny that's where we're different. I never doubted her and I never doubted Leo, not really. I doubted myself. I just couldn't figure out what she saw in me, when Leo was so much better. And besides, you're one to talk. You're so worried that you can't satisfy her that you think she has to run to me to get her kicks." Raphael spat out ruthlessly.

Donatello was so stunned that he opened his mouth a few times, no words issuing from his parted lips before he launched himself at his brother slamming him into the ground, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of Raphael's shoulders.

"After all, that's what you think we've been doin', isn't it, Donny?" His brother gasped out as Donatello crushed the air from Raphael's lungs. "So who don't you trust, me or her?" Raphael questioned in a strained voice.

He looked at his brother in the eye. "I trust her." He said to his brother coolly.

"So it's me you don't trust." Raphael stated grimly.

Donatello shifted his eyes away from his brother and let out a huff of air before returning his gaze to his brother again. "I trust you, Raph. I don't think you two are having an affair." He finally managed to grind out as he pushed himself away from his brother, realizing that for some reason Raphael was trying to get under his skin.

"Anymore." His brother growled out. "So I might as well feel guilty for actually doing somethin', rather than feelin' guilty about not doin' nothin'." His brother told him bitterly.

Donatello bit back his angry retort at seeing the hurt and pain he saw rolling around in his brother's eyes and closed his own eyes in remorse. "You remember. You remember the night I accused you of going behind my back and sleeping with Katherine."

Raphael shrugged. "Not really, but I ain't deaf and I overheard you talkin with Mikey, trying to figure out how to fix what you messed up."

"You were in the shower." Donatello protested wondering how his brother had overheard him.

"I turned the shower on, doesn't mean I was in it. I heard you and then I went and talked with Kitten after I asked you and you wouldn't tell me what was going on. I asked her and she told me what had happened, so I backed way the hell off." Raphael ground out angrily as he struggled to his feet, batting away Donatello's helping hand, his amber eyes full of betrayal and anger. "I wouldn't do that to you and I wouldn't do that to her. You think I'd be happy with a little piece of tail from Katherine, while you got the whole deal? Hell no. I love her, which means I want all of her, body, heart and soul." Raphael ground out as the dim yellow light from the lamp cast a sickly yellow glow onto his brother's sweat drenched skin.

Donatello took a deep breath and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart and push down his unnecessary anger. "How much have you been drinking?" He asked his brother again. Trying to steer the conversation back to the more important topic at hand.

"Do you really think I've been drinking, Donny?" Raphael asked with a catch of hurt in his voice.

"Yes I do!" Donatello shot back. "Your liver is failing! Maybe me and Katherine being together is too much for you to handle, so you decided drowning your sorrows in alcohol; I don't know, Raph!" He shouted in frustration.

"I haven't touched a drop of the stuff since..." Raphael's voice stopped as his brother seemed to collect himself before continuing. "Do you really think that I would, even for a second, touch the stuff that was responsible for me losing the woman I love?" Raphael ground out, his voice rising slightly. "I have to go through the rest of my life knowin' that I screwed up the best thing I have ever had! I knew Kitten would move on, hell I know she's better off without me. But I never thought she'd start datin' my younger brother." He said as he clenched his fists together in anger and looked away. "Does it hurt watching you two together, hell yes, but I know I don't deserve her." Raphael turned his head so he was looking at Donatello in the eyes again. "I don't drink, Donny, ever. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Raphael roared with grief, his words catching in his mouth as he double over coughing before he fell to his knees.

Donatello rushed to his brother's side, guilt flowing through him as he realized he had not only punched and attacked his sick brother, but he had also aggravated his brother's condition further. "Raph, just let me help you." He said as Raphael tried pulling away while trying to catch a breath in-between raw, hacking coughs. He managed to get Raphael back to the bed, Raphael's face turning an alarming shade of darker green.

"Come on, Raph, breathe." Donatello urged in panic as he gently began rubbing soft, comforting circles over his brother's carapace.

Raphael finally managed to get his lungs working again as Donatello looked on with worry and taking up his pen light and made his brother open his mouth. Raphael's tongue was a sickly yellowish-white, but Donatello saw that the top layer of his brother's tongue, right in the center, had been stripped away; most likely from the amount of stomach acid his brother had been vomiting up. The coughing fit had probably been the result of irritation to the lungs and throat caused by Raphael yelling for the last several minutes.

"I'm sorry, Raph." Donatello apologized though he didn't know what he was apologizing for; dating Katherine, attacking Raphael, accusing him of sleeping with Katherine, the hurtful things he had said, or accusing him of being an alcoholic drunk; But he was probably apologizing for all of them.

"Old news, Donny." Raphael croaked out as he winced in pain, clutching at his head with one hand and rubbing his throat with the other. "And I'm sorry too." His brother apologized quietly.

Donatello sighed and sat in the chair by his brother's bed after he had settled his brother back down in the bed. "Even if you haven't been drinking the damage may already have been done or it was caused by something else like and infection or trauma. You are suffering renal failure, but there are things you can do that will help your liver get better." Donatello said gently. "Liver disease is manageable. If you haven't had any alcohol then that is a good start, cut back on your salt intake and eat a healthier diet."

"Donny, if I eat any healthier I'll be a rabbit. Kitten doesn't let any of us eat crap." Raphael grumbled drowsily, the exertions of the past few minutes tiring his brother out.

"Maybe Donatello is wrong." Katherine's controlled voice quietly drifted over Donatello's shoulder.

Donatello's head whipped around in shock, surprised that he hadn't heard Katherine enter the room, since the door had been shut.

"Raphael." Katherine exclaimed as she rushed to Raphael's side, kneeling beside the bed. "Your skin." She whispered as she picked up Raphael's hand and held it gently in her own.

Donatello looked at Raphael's hand and looked at the yellowish light of the lamp. He clicked on his penlight, the pure while light illuminating his brother's yellow tinged green face. Donatello turned the penlight off and grimaced at his own blindness in believing the yellow light from the lamp was what had caused the change in his brother's skin colour.

He looked at Katherine who looked back at him steadily, a book still clutched in her hand. "I don't think it's liver disease, Donatello." She said evenly, a hint of anger in her voice.

Donatello couldn't even hazard a guess as to why Katherine was angry, but Donatello felt his own anger, which was still simmering just below the surface, begin to boil at her challenge of his diagnosis.

"Katherine, liver disease is curable." He said patiently as he reined in his temper. He didn't want her thinking that his brother was in a worse situation than he actually was. Liver disease was not a good medical condition to have, but considering the other options it wasn't the worst thing Raphael could have either. His brother would get better, that was the important part.

"Alcohol induced liver disease, Donatello?" She asked incredulously with a sharp edge of rage in her voice.

Donatello swallowed down his horror as he realized that Katherine had overheard his initial accusation and his and Raphael's entire conversation afterwards. He reviewed his and his brother's words and concluded that there were things he wished she hadn't overheard.

She continued, ignoring his sudden shame filled discomfort. "And if the cure for liver disease is to stop drinking and eat healthy then why is he sick now?" She asked insistently.

Donatello closed his eyes hanging his head in shame as he rubbed tired fingers across his flushed face. "I'm sorry Katherine, I didn't...we didn't..." He attempted to stammer out an apology.

"Donatello, there is a nice little idiom; eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves, though to be fair I wasn't eavesdropping, since I could hear you two fighting from all the way down the hall." She ground out angrily. "So I wasn't so much eavesdropping as being unable to avoid hearing an extremely unpleasant conversation where you both said some very inappropriate things." Katherine said steadily.

"Kitten..." Raphael began as she turned bright, pale, leaf green, eyes on Raphael. Raphael snapped his mouth shut on his apology and shrank into his covers as Katherine turned her attention back and forth between them.

"So I am going to pretend that I didn't hear any of that testosterone filled, pissing contest." She harshly bit out the words before letting her focus land upon Donatello, who shifted uncomfortably in his chair under her piercing, pale gaze. "I will instead focus on the question; why is Raphael so sick now?" Katherine asked bitingly.

"I don't know!" Donatello snapped in frustration, his anger flaring at her challenge. "I don't know, okay!" He repeated in a snarl as he leapt to his feet.

Katherine stood slowly, letting go of Raphael's hand. "Then maybe your diagnosis is wrong." Katherine pointed out in a gentle, reasonable voice that for some reason grated on his already frayed nerves.

"I'm not wrong." He snapped. "He has every symptom, maybe the cirrhosis is more advanced..." He began as Katherine cut him off.

"Donatello, why are you so determined that it be alcohol induced liver disease? Raphael isn't a heavy drinker, and from what I understand Raphael would have to have consumed large amounts of alcohol for at least two decades..." Katherine insisted as Donatello cut her off.

"In humans." He pointed out harshly. "We have no idea the effects alcohol has on our systems!" Donatello's anger was back. He was angry at his brother again for putting them through this because of his bad habits.

"Donatello..." Katherine tried again but Donatello found he didn't want to listen, because if his brother didn't have liver disease it meant that he probably had something far worse. And he was telling Katherine the truth, they didn't know what the effects of short or long term alcohol use would have on their systems.

"Raph probably drank for well over ten years." He defended. "He's 29 years old..."

"Donatello..." She began as he cut her off again.

"Katherine you aren't the doctor, I am. Raph will get better." He insisted angrily.

"Actually, I am the only official doctor in this room." Katherine said in a low voice that contained all the warmth of an arctic chill.

Donatello opened his mouth to refute her claim except she had finally finished her doctorate in Archaeology. He snapped his mouth shut. He realized then that he was acting like a petulant child.

He closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath, realizing that he was taking out all of his frustration on Katherine. "I'm sorry, Katherine." He apologized.

"I know you are worried, Donatello, but worrying and snapping at me is not going to help Raphael." Katherine said gently, her eyes softening.

"I know." He said with a curt nod of understanding. Donatello looked over at Raphael and saw that his brother had fallen asleep sometime during their argument.

He sat down heavily in the chair by the bed and stared at his brother's yellowish-green face. Worry ran through him like a cold river filled with seething dread. Donatello swallowed down his worry and his fear and began going through his list of ailments a second time.

Sometime during this seemingly futile exercise he must have nodded off. His eyes slowly opened and he looked at his brother who tossed and turned fitfully in his sleep, moaning softly.

Donatello checked his brother's temperature with his hand and found his fever to be as high if not higher that it was a few hours ago.

Donatello stood and stretched, making his way to the bathroom. He used the toilet and washed his hands. He walked from the bathroom and after taking a look at his brother left his brother's room to go and check on Katherine. He wasn't sure where she had gone. He turned on the hallway light and checked their room first. He found Katherine curled into a ball and sleeping, but woke upon him opening the door.

"He's unchanged." He hastened to reassure her as she sat up, looking at him with wide, worried eyes. She relaxed slightly and nodded, sliding from the bed.

She walked into his open arms and he held her close. "Thank you, for being you." He told her softly. He knew that very few women would put up with what he had been dolling out for the past few days.

She gave an indelicate snort as an answer. "I love you too, Donatello." She said as she pulled back enough so that he could give her a searing kiss that made his body crave her touch. He didn't care how tired he was, or how worried he was, he wanted her right there and then. He wanted to lose himself in her completely for an hour and not think about anything but how many times he could make her scream out his name.

"Katherine!" Raphael's panicked voice screamed from just down the hall. Katherine looked at Donatello in shock as they both darted from the room.

Raphael was standing in the hallway leaning against the door frame of his room. As soon as Raphael spotted Katherine he stumbled towards her. His brother was shaking so badly Donatello was amazed Raphael was able to stand let alone walk.

"Raph!" Donatello yelped in alarm as he reached Raphael's side the same moment Katherine did. His brother ignored him, only having eyes for Katherine.

"You're still here." Raphael whispered as he stepped close to her.

"Of course I..." She began but Raphael began talking, cutting her off.

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." Raphael whispered as if he had never thought to see her again. He reached out and grabbed Katherine's hands in his own. "I can't...I don't...Donny can fix this." Raphael said desperately his eyes wide in panic as he brushed a finger across Katherine's scarred left cheek leaving a streak of blood across the pale, velvety surface.

"Raph, are you hurt, where did the blood come from?" Donatello asked his brother anxiously as he stepped closer, but his brother completely ignored his presence. It was as if Raphael couldn't even hear him.

"Too much blood." Raphael mumbled in horror as he wrapped his arms around Katherine pulling her tightly against his burning plastron. "Donny can stitch it closed and it won't even leave a scar." Raphael insisted desperately his voice shaking with emotion as he valiantly blinked back tears. "I messed up, I know I did. I messed up bad and I know you hate me and are scared of me, but I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I know I don't deserve you." He shook his head from side to side as Katherine looked at Raphael with tear filled eyes brimming with fear and worry. "I swear I won't touch another drop of alcohol ever again, just...just...Please don't leave me! I need you too much." His brother wailed in despair. "Please, please. I can't lose you. I love you more than life itself. You mean everything to me. I can't imagine my life without you by my side." Raphael's voice broke at that moment.

It was then that Donatello realized that his brother was delirious. Raphael thought that he and Katherine were back in the lair the fateful night when Raphael had fought with Leonardo and accidentally punched Katherine, slicing open her cheek with his sai; coming dangerously close to blinding Katherine in one eye.

And now they were witnessing the apology that Raphael had never been able to give to Katherine because of Leonardo's actions in getting Katherine away from the lair as fast as he could to a nearby hospital where she had been admitted and treated.

Katherine had already come to this conclusion, sooner that Donatello had. "Raphael..." Katherine said with a hitch of emotion in her voice as Raphael pulled back just enough to claim her lips in a searing, desperate, passionate, love filled kiss.

Too many emotions flooded through Donatello; anger, fear and jealousy all warred within him in a swirling torrent of emotions that rocked him to the very core of his soul. His skin prickled with a cold that had nothing to do with the temperature as sparks of adrenalin shot through him.

And although all of these feeling and emotions tore through him like a never-ending tidal wave, Donatello remained immobile and frozen, like the lone member of an audience watching a movie where he was unable to change the actions or events of the actors. And so he just stood by and watched as Raphael kissed Donatello's girlfriend.

Katherine's eyes had slid closed as she responded to his brother's kiss, almost as if she was caught up in the moment of his brother's delirium herself. She opened her eyes and gently pulled away, tears threatening to fall as she blinked them back. She reached a hand up and brushed it tenderly across Raphael's forehead. She pulled her hand away and showed her fingers to Donatello. They were bright red. It was then Donatello realized that his brother was sweating blood.

All feelings of jealousy and hurt were replaced with fear and horror at the sight of the blood smeared across Katherine's fingers. "It's not liver disease." He whispered in dread, his voice shaking with emotion.

Raphael blinked and looked down at Katherine, his eyes sharpening with clarity as he lost his look of delirium. Raphael's yellow- green skin paled even further as he continued looking down at her in horror as he shot a fear filled, horrified glance at Donatello.

Raphael opened his arms and stepped back looking at his bloody hands in unrestrained horror as he looked back at Katherine's blood streaked face, hands and shoulders. Raphael looked at her as if the blood were hers and that Raphael had been the one who inflicted her supposed injuries. "What did I do? Raphael whispered in terror. "Oh God, what did I do!" Raphael roared as he stumbled back falling to the ground and scrambling backwards as fast as he could, his carapace hitting against the wall.

Raphael looked at his bloody hands as if they had somehow betrayed him. "I'm a monster." Raphael whispered in self loathing, his breathing becoming quick, gasping and ragged.

His brother was beginning to hyperventilate. Donatello and Katherine both rushed to Raphael's side. His brother made himself as small as he could, his body trembling, his breathing too fast.

"Raph, calm down." Donatello told his brother as he lightly touched his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Raphael shouted as he flinched back from Donatello's touch. "I hurt her again... I hurt her again. Donny, I didn't mean...I don't know what I did...I...I don't remember. I don't understand!" He stammered as tears began to stream down Raphael's face as he shook his head from side to side in anguish filled despair.

"Raphael..." Katherine tried to touch Raphael's shoulder but he flinched as if her gentle touch burned him.

"Haven't I done enough to you!" Raphael yelled at her. Raphael's gaze shot to Donatello." Donny...I hurt you too." Raphael's voice became small and frightened.

Donatello looked down at himself and saw the blood on his hands and shirt from Raphael's sweat.

"Raph..." Donatello said sternly needing for his brother to calm down, but his brother was beyond listening.

"I'm a monster, Leo's right. I'm a monster. I never deserved her. I never deserved forgiveness." Raphael howled looked at his bloodstained hands again as he began rocking back and forth repeating over and over again that he was a monster.

Katherine grabbed Raphael's head and pulled his face towards her so that he would have to look at her in the eyes. She brought Raphael's face close. "You aren't a monster, Raphael, you never were and you never will be." She said firmly not allowing his brother to pull his face away though he did try to break her hold. "You have changed since that day. Monsters don't change, they get worse, that is why they are called monsters. The blood is yours, Raphael, not mine, not Donatello's. You are sweating blood."

But Donatello didn't know if his brother could hear her anymore, his rapid breathing was becoming strained and his quivering had become more violent. Raphael's eyes went blank as he started to shake violently. Katherine let go of Raphael's face as his brother slumped to the floor, white foam pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled up into the back of his head.

"He's seizing!" Donatello shouted in panic as he and Katherine attempted to hold his brother's thrashing body down. The minutes ticked by and still his brother's body was wracked with violent spasms. Every minute that passed the greater the chances of brain damage and death.

Terror and dread filled Donatello, his heart clenching in agony as he prayed desperately for his brother to stop seizing and to live.

His brother's body finally stilled abruptly and Donatello swallowed down the lump in his throat so that he could call out his brother's name. "Raph?" He called to his brother gently. His brother's eyes had slid closed, his body disturbingly still. "Raph!" He tried again desperately as his hand quickly flew and checked his brother's throat for a pulse, praying that his brother was still somehow alive.

He stilled in disbelief as he felt nothing beneath his finger tips. He felt the air squeezed from his lungs as grief and denial filled him. He lay his head on his brother's chest hoping to hear even a faint beat but heard nothing. "Come on, Raph, don't you dare do this to me." Donatello begged quietly as the seconds ticked by. Donatello felt tears well up in his eyes and run down his cheeks in sorrow and grief. He dimly wondered how he was ever going to be able to break the news to his brothers about Raphael's sudden death. Donatello closed his eyes in anguish at the thought that his brother's hadn't even been able to say goodbye, and that his own last moments with his brother had been filled with harsh accusations and anger.

He took a deep shuddering breath about to raise his head off his brother's motionless plastron when he heard something, a faint thump beneath his cheek that was followed closely by another.

His throat closed up in relief as more tears rolled down his already damp cheeks. Donatello slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Katherine's grief filled face.

"He's still alive." He managed to choke out. "But..." Donatello felt his brother's forehead which still burned hotly. "His fever is way too high. With the seizure and the fever he...it may have caused permanent brain damage." He told Katherine as he shook his brother's sweat drenched shoulder, trying to wake him. His brother did not respond, his head rolling limply to the side.

He pulled out his penlight and peeled back his brother's eyelids, looking for a pupil response and finding none. He looked at Katherine whose green eyes were wide with terror, tears shimmering on her wet, blood smeared cheeks.

"He...he's in a coma." He croaked out to her in numb disbelief.

NOOOO! RAPH!

I am soo evil.;)

Thoughts and opinions are always welcome!