Disclaimer: If you don't know by now, you're as stupid as this author. Ok, I'm sorry, no one can be as stupid as her.
Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My immortal
"AH MY EARS"
And now, the conclusion
Re-poster's Note: This is strange... CORRECT PUNCTUATION! GOOD VOCABULARY! IT'S A MIRCALE! Actually, it's a note from the person who reposted this (who I'm using to commentate off of). Let's read! I also forgot to mention that you should read some of the commentaries people write here, they're hilarious! Thank you!
Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life No. Keep her dead. She doesn't deserve to have blood.
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz A I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git B TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! C Evony D isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect E SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!
A: There is no way you got 5 good reviews,
B: You will never get 10 good reviews,
C: Who's 'Evony'? Do you mean Ebony? Because if you do: MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Choose a name and stick with it. Jeez, I have got to stop using caps so much , they're hurting my eyes and imaginary ears.
D: Yes. Yes she is,
E: Actually, I agree. Being a Satanist is bad.
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. Ok, you know what's coming: FU*K THEY'RE GONNA HAVE SEX AGAIN! I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) If you take away the whole Satanist thing, yes. Wait, she's a Mary Sue anyway. Being a Satanist doesn't change that. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. That sentence doesn't need any commentary. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. My, my, word does spread quickly in Hogwarts. One moment it's a rumour that she fancies Draco (like the Mary Sue she is) and now it's common knowledge that he kidnapped her and they had sex. Also, I would say the layout of that sentence was incorrect, but that is not necessarily true... Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… *Sigh*
WARNING WARNING WARNING
We started frenching passively passively? and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Ok, that's too much information- Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. Oh shi- We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine You have a- STOP and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) YES IT IS!
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm SUSPENSE. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! Remember what I said before, you know about that sentence not being necessarily true? Yeah... Oh and in case you're in shock that means Draco was in love with Harry.
I was so angry. Wait, is this character development?
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. Is it really?
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. FINALLY! Some real character development! Sure, it's stupid, doesn't make any sense and there are a million other problems with it, but still! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" Ouch... Also, this does go against my 'never kill and everyone deserves to live, because if we kill someone we KILLED someone ourselves' philosophy, but seeing as how that doesn't extend to a fictional character...
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. Ok, everyone was expecting that. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. YAY SNAPE!
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. His mother's dead you inconsiderate slut!
Chapter 8.
AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! You're a Devil Worshiping Slut wannabe. You don't get an opinion.
Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. Draco, it's for the better that you let her go! Settle for some better girls like Bella Swan and Anastasia Steele!
My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes then how could she smile at you? like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. I'm resigned to thinking this is a cannon character. Alright, who gets the short end of the stick this time? Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) I'll just let the stupidity of all that sink in. There you go.
"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice YEAH! GO SNAPE! but I ignored him.
"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. So you were with Vampire? More evidence for the gold digging, slut, wannabe popular, idiot theory!
Everyone gasped. DON DON DON!
I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. Sudden change in narrative but whatever. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) Again, I'll let the stupidity of that sentence sink in. Done? Let's continue!
"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.
"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. That... was a bad chapter. Like, worse than normal bad. Well, at least I get to sleep before working on the next cha-
Chapter 9. DAMNIT! I forgot, the author decided to add another chapter in the combined chapters!
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! WE DON'T CARE!
I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. She's sad she won't get any money and will have to become a hooker because she won't be able to get a job.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! VOLDEMORT CAN FLY WITHOUT A BROOMSTICK YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU FORGET THAT! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice Wow. Voldemort makes Ebony scared. That is amazing! Well done Voldemort! Well done! but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. CAT! Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. Do I really need to mock that sentence! I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" Thou must stay in character, so thou must decide only thou can kill him and no one else can because thou is an arrogant idiot!
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? Wow. I thought it would take 2.3 chapters for her to figure it out but it took less. I am surprised.
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. I don't think Voldemort would give his enemy a weapon...
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" Thou should really do that!
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. ...ok that's pretty hilarious "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. What does having the ability to move things with your mind have to do with any of this? "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. Slight De ja vu here... oh crap.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. No.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. You expelled someone? Jeez is she the heir to Hogwarts now?
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. That doesn't seem possible. Actually thinking about it- MY EYES! I THOUGHT ABOUT IT! MY EYES! HELP!
Next time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal
"HAGRID NOT YOU TO!"