Choir practice was almost over when Caroline sneaked into back of the hall and quietly sat down. The sounds coming from the mouths of her students were amazing. The competition was at the weekend and Kate had arranged extra rehearsals all week but Caroline doubted that they could improve on what she had just heard.
When they had finished, the silence was deafening and the children stood still and straight watching Kate as she walked from the piano to the front of the stage.
"OMG that was astounding, something else. Well done everyone. It is clear that you have been practicing and taking on board all the things that you have been told. I think we will be ready to take on the competition this weekend."
There was a murmur amongst the choir and lots of smiles and excited faces.
"Let's not rest on our laurels though. The reaction we will get will be mixed. There will be people who will want to see us fail and people who will be scared to come up against us. Let's prove them all wrong. Now, I want you to all rest your voices, get plenty of sleep and I'll see you all after school tomorrow. Thank you guys."
The choir slowly filtered out of the hall and Caroline smiled at them and offered words of encouragement and congratulations. When the hall was empty, she walked down towards where Kate was packing up her sheet music, her footsteps familiar to Kate who smiled quietly to herself and carried on what she was doing.
"I am very proud of you. You have done so much with the children."
Without turning round, Kate answered her.
"Why thank you very much Dr Elliott. I think that the children will hold their own this weekend and I am suddenly excited for the competition. You're still able to come with us aren't you? I suppose it doesn't matter if you have other plans but I would really like it if you were there."
Caroline moved her weight onto her other foot, folded her arms and looked at Kate.
"Of course I am still coming. I wouldn't miss this for the world. Besides, it would perhaps be a good thing if I was away this weekend what with the news my mother had from me this morning. God, I thought she was going to faint at one point."
Caroline covered her mouth and laughed and Kate joined in, trying to imagine Celia's face.
"You can tell me about the plans over dinner. Are you ready to go? I have cleared up all my paperwork so I can go whenever you are ready."
It was unusual for Caroline to want to leave work at 4.30pm, especially on a Monday, but she had cancelled meetings to make sure that she could leave at a reasonable time.
"Is your mum going to look in on Lawrence and feed him tonight?"
"Well, I told her that I wouldn't be in for tea and I asked her if she would. And she never said she wouldn't. Besides, she is only next door and Lawrence won't starve. There is a well worn route from his bedroom to the fridge."
Kate laughed and she gave Caroline a sultry smile.
"Give me 5 minutes. Why don't I meet you back at mine?"
Caroline touched Kate's hand, unable to contain her excitement at being able to spend time alone with her.
"OK. I'll see you later."
Kate watched her magnificent form sashay down the hall and realised how lucky she was. Caroline was intelligent, good looking and incredibly sexy. And she was going to be waiting for her at her house when she got home from work.
As Kate walked through the double doors into the corridor, she was surprised to see Sophie stood outside leaning against the wall.
"That was all very cosy, the exchange between you and Dr Elliott."
Kate pursed her lips.
"There was no exchange Sophie. Dr Elliott had merely dropped by to see how the choir were getting on. She didn't come to see me. I'm not sure what is going on inside your silly little head but it is not what you think. Our relationship is purely professional. I don't like to mix business and pleasure."
"Oh, so there is some pleasure between the two of us. Are you saying that the Dr is one of us then, that she drinks from the furry cup."
"You are so crude, do you know that? No, that is not what I am saying. Dr Elliott's sexual preferences have nothing to do with me or anyone else for that matter. You do know she is married with 2 children don't you?"
Sophie flicked her hair back off her face.
"That doesn't mean a thing nowadays. You were married weren't you and that didn't stop you."
Kate started to walk away.
"I am not having this conversation with you Sophie. If you are so interested, why don't you ask Dr Elliott mmmm? I am sure she will be more than willing to have a chat with you when she discusses your probation period."
Sophie blushed and looked down at the floor.
"You think you are so clever don't you? Well, I hope you are clever enough not to get caught because if you do, no, when you do, I will be waiting for you and you will be made to leave this school so fast your feet won't even touch the ground."
Kate's heart started to beat fast and she felt nervous and sweaty. She carried on walking, silently praying that Sophie wouldn't follow her. After a cursory glance over her shoulder as she went through the door into the car park, she was more than relieved to see that Sophie was nowhere in sight. She really was trouble and Kate would have to speak to Caroline about how best to handle her. They couldn't keep this to themselves much longer and have the relationship they wanted. Caroline was right: she needed to have a chat with Gavin before this went any further.
"Are you sure everything's alright Kate? You've hardly said 2 words since we got here. I feel like everything I have just said has fallen on deaf ears. Either that or you are finding me incredibly boring tonight."
Caroline was perched on the end of the kitchen table waiting for the kettle to boil and Kate was sat with a newspaper in front of her. She wasn't reading the words, merely staring at the text and she got up and walked slowly round the table to Caroline.
"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something. I ran into Sophie after you left this evening."
Caroline unfolded her arms and swivelled around so that she was half facing Kate. She leaned back on the table, supporting her weight on her hands.
"She won't let this go Caroline, you and me. She is sure that something is going on between us and she won't rest until she has determined what it is. I am not sure what she will do if she does find out but it scares me. Do you think we should do anything?"
Caroline stood up and reached out to take hold of Kate's hands. She pulled her towards her and gently stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers.
"I have been thinking about this a lot over the weekend. And I have decided that I should tell Gavin. I am sure that it won't make any difference, you know, me being gay, but I ought to discuss it with him and see what his take is on it. He may decide that it has nothing to do with how I run the school but on the other hand he may decide that he has a duty of care and a responsibility to inform the parents or at the very least the staff members and the rest of the governing body."
Kate looked at Caroline, her brow furrowed and her mouth set in a thin line.
"Don't look so worried. They can't dismiss me because of my sexual preferences. It's all about performance tables and exam results. And believe me, they would be on the BBC news before anyone had chance to tie a rainbow ribbon around a tree if they chose the wrong path. No, this will all be resolved before the end of the week, mark my words."
"But how can you be so sure?"
"I can't be 100 percent sure, I really can't. But I don't want to worry about it tonight. Tonight is about you and me."
And Caroline silenced Kate with a kiss, her hands moving up her arms until they were on her shoulders. She reined her in, and suddenly spun her round so that her bum was resting on the table and Caroline was pressing up against her. She parted her legs with her knee and moved even closer, standing between them and embracing Kate, all the while kissing her and tasting her with her tongue.
Kate moaned softly and slipped her hands under Caroline's blouse, finding the clasp on her bra and expertly unfastening it with one hand. With the other, she waited for the weight of her breasts to fall out of the bra and caught them, stroking one of her nipples with her thumb.
Caroline steadied herself and reached down to unbutton Kate's own blouse, taking her time and caressing first her stomach and then her breasts as she revealed more of her body. She lifted her bra up and bent forwards to take one of Kate's nipples in her mouth, circling her tongue around it and blowing gently.
Kate pushed herself up off the table and let her blouse fall off her shoulders. She reached around her back and unfastened her bra and then nestled into Caroline, their naked skin touching, their breasts rubbing up against each other. She gazed into Caroline's face and bit her bottom lip.
"Come on, we will be more comfortable upstairs."
Caroline closed the front door quietly behind her and kicked off her shoes in the hallway. She tiptoed towards the kitchen and was surprised to see a light on in the living room. She peered in and smiled at the sight of her mother asleep on the sofa.
"Mum. Mum."
She gently shook her and stood back, gazing down at her. All her frustration and anger with her mum had disappeared and she couldn't help loving the woman in front of her, her body curled up under a lightweight blanket, her mouth open, snoring gently.
"Mum. I'm home. It's bed time."
She opened her eyes.
"Oh, it's you."
"Who did you expect?"
She sat up and stretched.
"Well I certainly wasn't expecting the queen of Sheba. Did you have fun?"
Caroline smiled.
"Yes, we had a lovely time thank you."
"You do know that people are laughing about you behind your back don't you?"
"Where did that come from? Oh mum, I thought that we had got past this. That you were over this and you had accepted things. Besides, no one is laughing. No one knows apart from the boys, John and you."
Celia stood up and roughly folded the blanket, throwing it down on the foot stool.
"No Caroline, I have not accepted the situation. You are kidding yourself you know. You are forty flaming five, married with 2 children. You are not a lesbian. And I can't imagine that John will disagree with me either not that me and that useless dozy bugger ever agree on much."
"I haven't discussed it with John yet. Lawrence, well, he erm he sort of blurted it out on the telephone. Anyway, I think you'd better leave now mum. I am not going to stand here and argue with you. Thank you for looking after Lawrence. I'll see you tomorrow."
She leaned to kiss Celia who turned her head so that Caroline ended up kissing the air at the side of her ear. She watched her walk through the doorway and sank onto the sofa, running her fingers through her hair. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. When she heard Celia close the back door, she sat forward, leaning her elbows on her thighs and staring into the fireplace. This was going to be harder than she had anticipated.
Beverley led Gavin into the office and Caroline stood up and smiled at him.
"Gavin! Thank you for coming at such short notice. Beverley, can we have a pot of tea when you have a minute. Or would you prefer coffee Gavin?"
Gavin unbuttoned his jacket and, lifting his trousers slightly across his thighs, he sat down in the chair apposite Caroline.
"Tea would be fine, thank you Caroline."
Caroline nodded at Beverley who left the office and sat down again behind her desk. She put out her arms in front of her, placing the palms face down and took a deep breath before lightly licking her bottom lip and looking up at Gavin.
"I'm going to come straight out with what I have brought you here for Gavin because there is little point in me sugar coating what I have to say. I am gay, a lesbian. I have been since forever and have denied myself of the fact since I was about 19. No one knows outside of my family, well except one very close friend. I have only told my boys and John knows but I haven't really spoken to him face to face yet. Oh, and my mother."
She paused and brought her hands together, interlocking her fingers and bringing them up under her chin. Staring straight at Gavin, she waited expectantly for a response. Trying hard to fill the silence, she continued.
"I thought that I ought to tell you about this before you heard about it from another source. There was the unfortunate incident with Miss Brightman the other week and as a consequence I am sure that she will want to exact her revenge on me. So I wanted to exercise my duty of care to my school and be the first to bring this to your attention."
Gavin shifted in his chair and uncrossed and recrossed his legs. He reached out for his tea and took a mouthful before speaking.
"Thank you for coming to me with this and for your honesty. I feel very privileged, really I do. Now, as you are probably aware, there are laws that do not allow discrimination against people because of their sexual orientation so please be rest assured that we won't be sacking you because of this revelation."
Caroline's shoulders visibly sank and she relaxed somewhat in her chair.
"However, I cannot guarantee that when this comes out, and believe you me it will, that you will not suffer discrimination from pupils and fellow staff although I would like to think that the latter would be more understanding and tolerant. So I guess you need to know what next? Is that right?"
"Yes, yes, I erm well well, yes I do. There is something else that I need to tell you though. That other person who knows, that special person, she is one of the teachers at Sulgrave, Kate McKenzie. Do we need to tell the Governing body for example? Or hold a parents meeting?"
Gavin placed his hands in his lap and looked sympathetically at Caroline.
"Oh, right. Well, that changes things. Not dramatically but you do need to be very careful. If you show Kate any preferences, any favours in promotion or pay rises then that can be misconstrued by people. But as long as there are no conflicts of interest then no we don't need to tell everyone. Unless of course you want to. There are no legal obligations to inform anyone because at the end of the day, it will not affect your performance as a head teacher, a very good head teacher. There won't be any need for a coming out party if that is what you are worried about."
"Thank you Gavin. That is very kind of you to say so. I really don't think that my relationship with Kate will affect how either of us work. I certainly won't be making any decisions about her career without consulting you and the rest of the board and going through the proper channels. I was actually, erm, yes I was kind of worried that I would be expected to tell everyone. So, I don't even have to tell the parents?"
"No you don't. Why would it make any difference to the ethics and values of the school? You will need to be prepared though for those bigoted parents who might pull their children out of school or will want me to send a lynch mob after you but I can handle them. We can handle them together."
For the first time in the meeting, Caroline smiled.
"Oh, I feel so relieved. I really don't think I am ready for all that yet, you know, telling everyone. I don't even think that I am ready to handle those parents who will think I have grown two heads overnight but I will deal with them when I have to."
There was silence for a few moments while they both adjusted to what had just happened.
"I was thinking that I might do something to highlight the LGBT community. You know, make the children aware that they will have fellow students who are struggling with their sexuality. I thought it would be good to highlight LGBT history month in February. And perhaps we could expand on the standard PHSE curriculum. What do you think?"
"I think that is a very good idea. You have obviously given this a lot of thought which isn't surprising considering your constant care and attention to the welfare of your students. I would of course have to run that past the rest of the Governors although I am sure that they won't have a problem with it. I fully support any ideas that you have. And that doesn't of course mean that we have to tell them why we want to do it. Can I ask you something Caroline?"
She suddenly started to get nervous.
"Err, yes, yes of course you can Gavin."
"What did your mother say?"
Caroline burst out laughing.
"Well, here's the thing."
And she started to regale him of the whole situation at home.
When Caroline pulled into the drive later on that evening, she wasn't really surprised to see John's car haphazardly parked in front of the house. She had expected John to call at the house before she left for work or at the very least, ring her at work.
She picked up her phone and text Kate.
"John here for his showdown. Ring you later. Lots to tell you about Gavin xx"
Caroline picked up her bag from the passenger seat and jumped out of the car. Pointing the key fob in the general direction of the door, she double locked it and put her keys in her bag, fumbling about for her house keys. Just as she was cursing under her breath for not being able to find them, the front door swung open and John stood on the top step.
"John."
"Caroline."
"What do you want?"
"Do you really need to ask Caroline? Our son rings me in tears to tell me you have a girlfriend and you have to ask what I want."
Caroline looked quickly around her.
"Can we discuss this inside? I will not discuss my private life on the doorstep like some washer woman."
She strutted up the steps towards the front door and pushed past John, throwing the house keys which she had eventually managed to find on the hall table.
"So it's true then? You have a girlfriend? A proper girlfriend and not just a friend who happens to be a girl. Or a girl who happens to be your friend?"
John was following Caroline down the hall and into the kitchen. Only when Caroline had picked up a glass, filled it to the top with red wine and took a long drink did she turn around to face him.
"Yes John. Yes I have a girlfriend. Not that it is any of your business but I am seeing someone who just happens to be a woman. The boys know and so does my mother and now it appears that you know too."
She walked over to one of the armchairs in the corner of the kitchen and sat down, crossing her legs and holding her glass of wine on her knee. John was still stood in the doorway, his mouth slightly open, a gormless look on his face.
"I know this has come as a shock to you John and I know you will want to put all the blame on me and that is fine. Whatever. This is not as a result of you going off and shagging that, that, Judith, but it certainly didn't help. Well actually it did help because it made me sit back and look at myself and I realised a few things. Your opinion on this doesn't matter so whatever rubbish comes out of your mouth is totally irrelevant and won't change things."
John finally spoke.
"But we are married. And we had sex together. And we had the boys."
Caroline ran her hand over her head and messaged the back of her neck.
"Yes, I know what we are, what we did. Let me tell you something shall I? I was very happy with you until you decided, and God knows why, you decided to go off with someone else. A younger woman who has very little prospects in life and no doubt everything in the right place. I love the boys and I wouldn't change a thing. But that is not who I am, who I was. I will always be a mother and I will always love being a mother but the other thing, being a wife to you, to any man, it's not me. I did all this for my mother, for you, because I liked you."
John put his hands in his pockets and slowly mooched over to where Caroline had left the bottle of wine. He picked it up.
"May I?"
Caroline nodded.
"So if you have always been a lesbian Caroline, did you spend all our married life looking at other women and wondering what it would be like to have sex with them?"
"Oh God John, I don't know. Maybe. All I know is that I loved being married to you and I liked our life together, and I like being a parent with you. This is difficult for me to explain. Shit, I haven't even properly come to terms with it. I just know that this is who I am."
"So what does this mean for us?"
Caroline stood up and put her glass on the counter.
"I can't believe you are asking this John. It still means that we are over. You were the one who ruined this, not me. If it were down to me, I would probably still be pretending that everything was fine and dandy when in fact it bloody well isn't."
John topped up his glass of wine and stared at the bottle which was now empty. He put it down and continued looking at it as if he were trying to work out where all the wine had gone.
"What about the house, the boys?"
"What about them? The boys will carry on living with me, here, in this house. Where you live is quite frankly none of my business and if I am being honest, I don't really care. I intend to divorce you John so you might want to think about getting a lawyer."
John rubbed his chin which was in need of a good shave.
"I don't want a divorce Caroline. I want to come back, to live here with you and boys and for everything to be like it used to be."
Caroline put her glass in the dishwasher and wiped the counter tops. She threw the dishcloth in the sink and squared up to John.
"That is never going to happen. Now I would like you to leave. I have work to do. Goodnight John."
And without even waiting for him to leave, Caroline switched off the main light and went to her office, quietly closing the door.